A Chance for Redemption

"It wasn't your first choice of career, was it?" asked Barry to my side.

"I suppose you're right there," I admitted.

"What did you actually want to do before you fell into sales?"

I took a deep breath. "I was always interested in design. How they worked and were put together," I said. "At one time, I seriously looked into automotive engineering as a major but the courses were too hard."

Barry looked at me while raising his eyebrow. "Too hard, huh? That sounds like a pansy excuse if I ever heard one."

I glared at him. "It was, damnit! I wasn't cut out for it. You weren't there, what do you know?"

His expression softened as he once again gave me a knowing look.

"Don't do that," I muttered, knowing he had me dead to rights.

"Could it not be that you just weren't committed and you took the easy way out back in college?" asked Barry, again looking at me like a father would his errant son.

"It was difficult," I argued.

"Not too difficult if you would have spent the time wisely," he shot back. "You could have studied. You could have showed up to your midterms."

"Okay, are you done with the lecture?" I asked bitterly. "It's ancient history now. What's done is done."

Once I realized how silly the words sounded coming out of my mouth, I turned to look at Barry. He was just grinning at me.

"Buckle up, Derek," he said while snapping his fingers.

Like the first time, everything changed after a blink of an eye. Just like it was only yesterday, I was once again in my freshman dorm room that was little bigger than a closet. The smell of cheap pot was in the air, dank and lingering unlike the good stuff I could afford once I had money. My tiny twin bed was unmade, and my desk was covered with a mix of soda and beer cans. The mirror that was behind my desk revealed the truth—I no longer had that manly stubble or short-cropped haircut. My dark brown locks were wild, and my face spotted a pimple or two but I still recognized my more youthful and innocent-looking self.

Also on my desk was a copy of the college newspaper confirming today's date.

I really was back in college and I was nineteen again.

"Yo, Derek, you mind if I turn the channel?" asked my perennially stoned roommate, Blake. "I'm getting sick of watchingFlavor of Love."

I turned toward the television set before I answered, not astonished to see that old rapper with the big clock around his neck. In that moment, all the memories of my college years came flooding back. Freshman year was only the beginning. Few people could say they really enjoyed those four years more than I did. I had great friends, enough girls to go around, and enough money from selling my blood plasma twice a week to always afford beer.

"Derek, you deaf or something?" asked Blake again, throwing an empty can in my direction.

"Oh, yeah, go for it," I replied awkwardly before I could daydream off again. Blake changed the channel from the awful reality dating show to put on a hockey game.

"The Pens are looking real good this year, man," said Blake a few minutes into the game. "I think they can go all the way."

"You better hope the Capitols don't spoil it," I replied, trying to remember the particulars of a sport I stopped following once Blake and I stopped living together.

He blew air between his lips and wove his hand. "Not a chance with these chokers. The Pens as a team are so tight that the Caps don't have a chance."

I smiled at hearing lingo I hadn't heard in ages. Back in college, everything that was relatively cool was "tight" and any sports team that lost were "chokers." Things were so much easier back in those days, when all I had to do was keep up with who was tight and who wasn't.

I didn't have long to follow the game before my memory reminded me what I needed to be doing. You see at this point in my freshman year, I was still going after the automotive engineering major like I originally planned. Tomorrow was the date of my engine theory midterm, and I was struggling with it greatly. It wasn't that I didn't understand it, but rather it just took a lot of time before I could break the concepts down into manageable bites that I could digest.

The first go-around, I decided that I didn't like taking all these hard courses, and I skipped the midterm which ultimately led to me dropping the class. The removal of so much stress was the key factor behind me dropping another automotive class right before the final. I couldn't continue the major unless I took the classes over again, which I failed to do after two more semesters so I stopped going for it. I figured that I just wasn't cut out for it if it didn't come easily for me. At the time, I thought I was mature for recognizing that I wasn't a good fit for this career and looking for something else.

It was only after I got a little older that I realized I was just being lazy and looking for the easy way out.

I realized that I'd been sent back to this moment for a reason. Skipping this midterm was the decision that started me down my current, unfulfilling career path. Keeping that in mind, I actually threw myself into my studying in a way that would have made any parent proud.

That material was challenging, especially given how long it had been since I'd been over these concepts, but it wasn't impossible, and I had all night to get through about eight chapters. I wouldn't be exactly well-rested going into the midterm tomorrow, but I would be prepared.

About midway through the game, Blake suddenly got off his bed and began to get changed. Gone were his college hoodie and sweatpants, soon to be replaced by a pair of baggy jeans and a collared button-up shirt.

"Going out?" I asked, sparing a glance before going back to the chapter dedicated to coolant.

"Oh, fuck yeah," replied Blake as he spritzed some cologne on his chest. "Sigma is throwing a little soiree tonight, and I'm definitely going to get my drink on."

"Tonight?" I asked. "It's a Wednesday. Why tonight?"

Blake snorted. "Because why not? They always throw little bashes like this during the week. It's a great way to relax a little after classes."

"Or not show up to tomorrow's classes," I said with a chuckle.

He waved his hand again. "So what? We're only in college once, man! You've got to live a little!"

"If you say so," I said, turning back to my textbook.

Blake set his cologne back on the shelf and jumped onto my desk, his ass landing right on top of my textbook. "So you in? Word is there's going to be plenty of Delta girls there. Should be plenty of hotties looking to have a little fun." Blake raised an eyebrow. "I just might need a wingman."

"You might be flying solo tonight," I said, leaning back in my chair. "I have to do well on this midterm tomorrow or I'll never have a shot at getting full credit for this course."

"Dude, fuck that," said Blake as he hopped back off the desk. He started to pull my textbook away. "Don't you want to get laid tonight?"

I yanked the textbook back. "I'd rather study. This is important."

Blake shook his head. "Suit yourself. Don't wait up for me, all right?"

He went back over to his side of the room to continue getting ready in silence. I knew him well enough to recognize when he was giving me the cold shoulder and this was definitely it. There was a small amount of tension between us as he put some gel in his hair, but he stopped by the door when he grabbed his keys.

"Later, man," he said, flashing a peace sign to me. "If you change your mind, you know where I'll be."

"Have fun," I called out as he stepped out the door.

I probably would have been more jealous if he wasn't going to a frat party where his (or mine) chances of hooking up would be slim to none. Most of the hotter girls would go for the guys in the actual frat, leaving slim to no pickings for anyone else. I wasn't too bummed out about it. Plus I remembered that this was my chance—thanks to Barry—to redeem myself. I wasn't going to screw it up.

For the next few hours, I tried to soak up everything I could from that textbook. I was helped by the fact that I actually was a good studier when I had no distractions. I wasn't helped by the picture messages that came through around midnight showing Blake doing jello shots off a very tan and busty girl. A moment of weakness came on very strong at that point, and I tried to rationalize it that I'd studied enough by that point. What harm could a few drinks be?

But then I started thinking about how my life turned out. I thought about how much I hated selling cars, and I also thought about what would happen if I made the wrong choices. Not only would I see Barry pissed at me, but very likely I'd end up right back in the hospital to die alone. Fear is a powerful motivator, and it forced me to stay glued to my desk for the whole night before crawling into bed around two in the morning.

The alarm blared to life around seven and I got out of bed not feeling too bad. I forgot just how easy it was to get up with little sleep at this age, something that would all but disappear once I turned thirty. The midterm was right at eight which meant I was walking out the door at seven-forty to get there on time.

Right as I was leaving, Blake was walking home. I'd seen it enough times to recognize someone doing the walk of shame, and he definitely didn't disappoint. He reeked of booze and his eyes were bloodshot but Blake still managed to mutter a quiet greeting before he slipped past me. I turned to watch him go back down the hall into our room, stumbling along the way.

I'm still not sure if it was the foresight of actually being thirty years old in a nineteen-year-old body but I had an epiphany right then and there. Sure drinking and partying was fun, but the appeal of all it seemed to lose all of its luster. Did I really want to waste my future on that? Was it really worth my soul in the end?

I gave my answer by turning toward the direction of the lecture hall and making it there five minutes early. There were about fifteen other kids there already, along with the professor, and I picked a seat about a third of the way back. It was located not far from a dark-haired classmate who made me do a double take upon seeing her. I could have picked her out of a line-up of a hundred other similarly-looking beauties but seeing her like this once again was a real eye-opener. She noticed my lack of poise and turned her attention my way, smiling those pearly whites at me like she had a thousand times before.

I smiled back (more out of shock than from any true happiness) and slid my bookbag under my chair. The room was full in no time at all and the professor began to pass out the midterm.

"You have one hour to complete the exam, and remember, folks, eyes on your own papers," he said as he placed it on my desk. I took a look at the first question and smiled. In my opinion, you could always judge how a test would go by that first question. If you had no idea how to answer it, the rest of the test was going to go poorly for you. But if that first question went well, you had a damn good shot of cleaning up the whole thing.

Since that first question was right up my wheelhouse, I knew I was going to be just fine.

I never got a chance to finish the rest of the test. The next time I blinked, I was back in my own hospital room while Barry tended to a small set of roses by the window.

"I'm back already?" I asked, looking at my real body as it laid peacefully on the bed.

"Doesn't take very long to make the right decision after all, does it?" he asked, only sparing a brief glance at me before returning to his plant. The most notable thing about him now was that he'd changed clothes. The three-piece suit was gone, replaced by a faded pair of blue jeans, worn sneakers, and a loose-fitting hoodie.

"Why'd you change?" I asked, gesturing to the clothes when I couldn't contain my curiosity.

Barry grinned. "You know, Blake may not have had many things right. But his sense of style was comfortable at least. You won't believe how tight that vest was on my chest."

"I'd imagine adding the wings underneath all of that complicated matters a bit," I said more sarcastically than I'd intended.

Barry didn't pick up on it but gave a relieved chuckle. "Like you wouldn't believe!"

"So I figured I'd at least get to take the test and see the grade of the midterm," I said, walking closer to Barry and the roses. He was watering it slowly right now but there was no cup of water with which to do it with. Instead, the water flowed easily out of his fingers like some kind of cheap magic trick. At this point, I knew better than to ask how he did it. I probably didn't want the answer anyway.

"Not necessary," he replied as the water turned off and he moved his hand away. "It should go without saying that you aced the midterm. You didn't drop the class either, and you kept the same work ethic when it came to your other classes."

I nodded slowly as I tried to comprehend his answer. "I don't feel any different though. The first time around, I could see the results by looking at my father's watch. That's how I knew it happened. I don't see the results from this."

Barry started to laugh and pointed to the rose. "Read the card on that plant and tell me what you think after."

I grimaced before looking back at the plant, noticing a small note card pushed into the soil as well as a card right beside it. The note within the plant said it was addressed to me and my family. The card on the table had a note that gave me chills.

"From your friends and colleagues at Ford. Get better soon, Derek! We miss you!"

"Ford?" I repeated. "Likethe Ford? The automaker?"

Barry nodded. "The one and only. That's all the proof that you need. Acing one midterm led to a whole career change for you. You managed to graduate with your automotive engineering degree, and you landed a job at Ford of all places. Not in sales but as part of the design department."

"Holy shit," I whispered, dropping the card.

Barry started to laugh. "You are quite right on that. It is indeed some 'holy shit' if I do say so myself. Although now that you're on the design team, perhaps you can have them make some better vehicles." He made a disgusted face. "I've always preferred Honda myself."

I started to laugh for the simple reason that a supposedly immortal angel was giving me his preference on carmakers. It was so ridiculous that I couldn't help but enjoy the moment for what it was.

A second chance.

"You know something, Derek, every plant was once a little seed that was nurtured to become what they were meant to be," said Barry as he brushed his fingers over one of the rose petals. "When we choose to develop our innate abilities, we allow that seed to grow. In this time frame, you became the man you were supposed to be because you nurtured those abilities instead of shutting them off. And because this is what was meant for you, this one tiny decision affected the other facets of your life as well." Barry pointed to the get-well card but in that moment, his point was fully made.

"Wow," I repeated, truly in awe at the gift he'd given me. "I don't even know what to say. You've already done so much for me that I don't know how you could possibly top this."

Barry grinned at me like he knew something I didn't. "Why don't you tell me about something now?"

"Like what?" I replied. "For what you've done for me, I'd tell you anything now."

"Good," he answered. "Tell me about the girl at the midterm. The brunette that sat near you."

All the good feelings I had vanished just as quickly as they appeared. It was replaced by the icy rock of regret and it sat high in my stomach making me feel uneasy.

"Anything but that," I whispered as I put my hand across my body.

Barry wasn't going to be so easily swayed. "Why don't you go check your cell phone over there? I think you have a voicemail."

I gave him an uncomfortable look before my heavy feet crossed the room. I picked up my phone with sweaty palms as I saw the voicemail warning and opened it with trepidation.

"Derek, it's Nicole again. I'm not sure why you're ignoring me right now but you can't do this forever. Please, I'm begging you. Let's just talk? Meet me for coffee or something. I'll buy and pay for parking, I don't care. Just please say something to me. It would really mean the world to Nathan."

I closed my eyes as I digested her words. They stung even more fiercely than they had the night of my accident when I couldn't so easily dismiss them.

"Tell me about her, Derek," asked Barry again. "Who is she?"

"Shouldn't you be the one telling me," I said, fighting back my anger. "You're the angel after all."

Barry raised an eyebrow as he crossed his arms. "This again? It's no matter, Derek. I have an eternity to wait for your answer. Your time is much more limited than mine."

I scoffed and rolled my eyes, plopping down on the bed like a petulant teenager. It made my real body shudder for a moment but I reached my hand out to steady it. Like earlier with the nurse, my hand went right through it.

"Fine," I said angrily. "Like you don't already know, she's my ex."

"Ex what?" asked Barry. "Girlfriend? Wife?"

"Girlfriend," I answered. "Although at one time . . ." I shook my head instead of answering. Those thoughts always did me no good.

"Sounds like an important person then," said Barry. "Is that how you met in class?"

I shook my head again. "I didn't have the courage to introduce myself to her until junior year even though she was in my freshman engine theory class. I didn't go to the largest college so I'd see her around even though we didn't have the same majors. We started to date my junior year but she signed up for a semester abroad in France." I kicked at the post at my bed.

"What happened then?" probed Barry.

"We broke up, okay?" I retorted. "Stop asking me questions you already know the answer to."

Barry gave me a knowing look before he approached the bed. He didn't sit beside me, but instead he remained standing looking at me like the fractious teenager I was behaving like. "It seems to me that she was pretty interested in you at the midterm. The smile she gave you was one that shouted 'come talk to me.' Why didn't you?"

"Did you see her?" I asked. "Nicole was gorgeous. Is gorgeous, I mean," I said, although it had been a few years since I last saw her. Even now at thirty, she still looked just as good as she did back then.

Nicole was the kind of girl who's attractiveness sneaks up on you. No one would deny that she wasn't attractive in her own right but she was never overt about it. While other girls would show off their cleavage or get their hair done in flashy waves and use colorful makeup, Nicole was always beautiful in a quiet sort of way. She didn't dress to attract attention, and her features could stand on their own without makeup.

Her hair was the kind of brown that looked like gold when the right light hit it. As long as I'd known her, she wore her hair long, usually falling just past the shoulder in length. She had thin eyebrows and a tiny bump in the middle of her nose that looked adorable when she was upset. Her lips were ruby red and her teeth were always perfectly white. Her face was oval-shaped and inviting, but her best features were her honey-brown eyes. I couldn't count how many times I'd gotten lost in them.

"She was the love of your life, wasn't she?" asked Barry quietly. "The one?"

I gulped and nodded, finding words too heavy for the moment. I tried to shake her out of my mind. Remembering these little details was too painful.

"What does it matter anyway?" I asked bitterly. "There's not one mistake that I can go back to fix with Nicole. There were too many to fix."

Barry started to laugh and smacked me upside the head. I was too astonished to react or else I would have thought to punch him in return. Instead, I glared at him as my mouth fell open. "What the fuck was that for?"