A Change of Perspective Ch. 05

His voice is gruff and James takes half a step back. "I'm sorry, I didn't realise Simon had guests. It's okay, I can go..." He looks desperately uncomfortable.

"Dad, be nice. And James, sit down. Do you want a drink? There's beer, wine, whisky..." I think of drinking wine with him in Slovenia and hope my blush isn't showing. James asks for a beer and I leave the room.

When I return they're both sat down, their demeanours quite different. Dad's in his chair with his feet back up on the footstool, whisky tumbler to hand and looking supremely relaxed. By contrast, James is perched on the edge of the cushion at one end of the sofa, fidgeting slightly. He's mid-sentence.

"- in London for about three weeks now. It's going well, I think."

I hand him his beer and curl up at my end of the sofa, content just to look at him. "What is?"

"Your dad said he thought I was supposed to be in Canada. I was explaining that work relocated me here at the beginning of this month." He takes a swallow of beer. "I'm going to be in London for the foreseeable future. I wanted to tell you."

I don't know how to reply to that. London's a huge place - we could both live here for years without bumping into each other. Was the relocation his choice? Does he want to be here? Has he left someone behind in Edmonton? Perhaps he's telling me that although we're in the same city, we're not going to be in touch.

While the questions whir around my brain, Dad has no such concerns. "You couldn't telephone?"

James squirms. "I, uh... well, I owed it to Simon to do it face to face. I needed to apologise to him for something I said to him last year." He looks at me, clearly not sure how much to say.

Dad grunts and changes the subject. "And your new job? You're an engineer, is that right?"

"Yes sir, a civil engineer - a senior consultant. I manage the projects rather than pouring the concrete, although I get to go out on site pretty regularly."

"What's so special about you that Britain has to import engineers? Don't they have their own?"

"Dad! James, I'm sorry. Dad, leave him alone."

Dad glares at me. "Simon, this boy broke your heart. I've been worried about you all winter, and yet you tell me nothing. If it weren't for your little smart-arse friend, I'd still know nothing. So let me do the asking and you do the being quiet. If your Mr Hamilton doesn't like it, he knows where the door is."

My face flames and I sit back, taken aback at his bluntness. He met Gil when I took him home at Christmas, but I hadn't known that they talked about me. What on earth has Gil told him? For a moment I feel real anger at the invasion of my privacy.

I glance at James, who's looking just as embarrassed as I am. Our eyes meet briefly and he gives me a faint smile. He turns to my dad. "I'll answer any questions you have, sir. I'm in London now because my company are worried that the new office wants to keep doing its own thing. I'm the one who's supposed to be keeping them in line."

"Hm. And how do you go from bartender to office manager in six months? Did someone pull strings for you?"

"Uh, no. I worked for the same company before I went travelling. I've been through the same interview process as the other candidates - I've got no especial advantage. They'll get rid of me soon enough if they don't think I'm doing a good job."

The interrogation continues. "And what would you do then? Go back to being a bum?"

James squares his shoulders, polite but standing up for himself. "I was travelling, but I wasn't a bum. I had savings but I worked nearly everywhere I went - the only place I didn't was France, because there weren't enough jobs to go round. I did farm-work, bartending, some office work... I even taught, at a language school in Hungary."

He glances at me again, and it occurs to me that he's only answering Dad's questions for my benefit. If I meant nothing to him, he would surely have made his excuses and left by now. The thought's reassuring, even if I'd much rather that this conversation wasn't happening.

I stand up. "Dad. Seriously, that's enough. I invited James into my home as a guest, not your victim. I know you're looking out for me, but please stop. James, can I get you another beer?"

He hands me his empty bottle. "Sure, thanks."

"Dad? D'you want a top-up?"

He stands up too. "I'll come with you."

In the kitchen we look at each other, until Dad suddenly smiles. "I like your boy. He's not frightened of me, is he?" He's speaking in Dutch and I realise it's out of courtesy - James will surely guess we're discussing him, but he won't know what's being said.

The about-turn stuns me, but I reply in kind. "Um, no, I don't think so. But if you like him, why were you so rude to him?"

Dad sighs. "Maybe one day if you have children you'll understand."

I'm still angry with him. "The chances of me having children seem pretty remote, wouldn't you say? Seeing as I'm not going to have a wife any time soon."

"The last I heard, a wife wasn't obligatory." He smiles, and I wonder again why it took me so long to tell him what he'd long suspected. "Simon, all your mother and I ever wanted for you and your sisters is to love, and to be loved. I couldn't care less whether that's with a girl or a boy or a little green alien - if you're happy, I'm happy. Could this James make you happy?"

"I don't know. I hope so. I think so." The thought makes me giddy.

Dad pulls me into a bear hug. "Then that's really all that matters, isn't it? It broke my heart to see you so sad last year - and don't tell me you got over him, because I saw the way you were looking at him just now. And the way he was looking at you. So forgive me if I want to ask him a few questions."

My eyes prickle with tears. "I know, but go easy on him, will you? I don't want you to scare him off."

He laughs and lets me go. "If he's scared by an old man like me then he's not worth much, is he? Besides, I told you, I like him. Better than the little smart-arse, anyway."

That rankles. "What's wrong with Gil?"

Dad waves his arm dismissively. "Don't get excited, I know he's your best friend. And he's a good friend to you - don't think I don't see that." He turns away and pours his whisky, switching back to English. "You want to spend all night hiding in here?"

Thoroughly exasperated by now, I collect two more bottles of beer from the fridge and we return to the living room. James is looking a little more relaxed, although he accepts the beer gratefully. Thankfully the questioning seems to have come to an end and the conversation flows more normally.

After an hour or so, Dad gets to his feet. "Well, I'm turning in. James, it was good to meet you. I hope this new job works out for you."

James stands up and holds out his hand. "Thank you, sir. It was a pleasure to meet you too."

Dad shakes, his eyes twinkling. "Call me Jaap." He turns to me. "I'll see you in the morning - try not to keep an old man awake, won't you?"

I'm past rising to the bait. "Sure, Dad. Sleep well. Love you."

"You too, son." He disappears, and a moment later we hear him heading upstairs.

James sits down abruptly, as if his knees have given way. "Jeez, that wasn't fun. Did you set him up deliberately?"

"No! I'm really sorry."

He's laughing. "It's okay, I guess my parents would have been just the same. They're just looking out for us." There's an awkward pause. "I should probably get going..."

My stomach drops. "Stay a little longer, if you like? It's good to see you."

James hesitates. "You're sure?"

"Yes. Stay."

He smiles. "I'd like that."

I fetch more beer, trying to keep my own idiot grin off my face. When we're both reinstalled on the sofa, James turns sideways to face me. "Si... About what your dad said..." He fiddles with the bottle's label. "Did I really break your heart?"

I nod silently. I've been drinking steadily all evening and that helps, but it's still an embarrassing admission. "Pretty pathetic, huh? It's not like we'd been together for years or something."

"No."

I'm looking at my hands rather than him, my face hot. "I bet you were much more rational about it. Besides, new job, new opportunities... it sounds like you've got things sorted."

He's very quiet. "Not really, no. Not yet, anyway." He puts the bottle down. "I really am sorry. If I could do it again I -"

"It's okay, you don't have to keep apologising. You didn't do anything terrible, you just said what needed to be said. It's water under the bridge now. You're over it, I'm over it..." My throat closes up and I have to stop. Dad's right, I'm not over him. I want him just as badly as I did in that bar in Slovenia. Right now I don't care if he broke my heart or not - he could smash it into pieces and I'd still want him.

My sight's blurry with tears and it's a second before I realise that he's holding my hands in his, leaning towards me.

"I'm not over it, Si. I've been so unhappy... I think I broke my own heart, too. I mean, I didn't even know that was possible, but I managed it. I read online that you were dating Gil and I didn't want to interfere - it was my own fault that I was in Canada and you were free, so I told myself it was fair. I wouldn't have bothered you again except I got posted here and it was too much that we were in the same city..." He looks up at me. "I want us to try again, Si. I want to make it up to you. Please say yes."

"James..." That's as far as I can get before I'm leaning into him too and then we're kissing, both of us laughing and crying and kissing all at the same time until we can't breathe anymore. James wraps his arms around me and we slide down onto the sofa, ending up with me lying half on top of him. We lie quietly for a long time, holding each other, neither of us moving. I'm vaguely aware that I'm erect, but I don't feel any particular urge to do anything about it. I'm content just to be here like this.

After a while James nuzzles into my neck. "I've missed you so much. I can't believe I was so stupid... We could have been together all this time." His breath tickles, making me shiver. He lifts his head. "Are you cold, baby?"

God, I've missed him calling me that. "Not yet, but we will be soon. The heating will have gone off by now."

He laughs quietly. "Oh no, how can we stay warm? Save me, Si - I'm too young to freeze to death." He wraps his arms around me, his hips pushing up against mine.

"Well, there is one thing that might just work." My hand skims up his thigh, towards the bulge of his erection. "It won't be as hot as Slovenia, but..."

He grins and reaches for my belt buckle. "Want to bet?"