A Gift in Disguise Ch. 01

You were also highly aroused by sexual contacts between women. In fact, your response to scene 10 with the two women was very intensive. If you had deeply unhealthy attitudes about same-sex contact, you would not have experienced the arousal you did. By the way, most heterosexual men are aroused by watching two or more women engaged in sexual contact."

She referred to her notes before continuing.

"Not that there was ever any concern about this, but you were completely repulsed by the sexual scenes involving children or teenagers who could be mistaken to be children. I apologize for having to show you those scenes, Tom, but it was necessary to identify what stimulates you sexually. I sometimes deal with sex offenders in my practice, and the courts have provided some evidence photos to let me measure registered offenders' arousal to children.

You are highly aroused by women wearing stockings and skirts. You might be surprised to know that you were sometimes more aroused by women who were clothed than women who were naked. That is not particularly remarkable except to note that your arousal factors are very consistent with those of other men. Sometimes the mystery of what is beneath the woman's clothing can be more arousing than blatant exposure.

You were highly aroused by women much older than you. Some of my Freudian peers would read more into that than warranted. It is more likely that you find the confidence of mature women to be sexually alluring. The older woman - younger man relationship has not been well-researched and reported simply because the culture too often treats those relationships as deviant rather than healthy. My own opinion is that if two people are sexually attracted to each other, their age difference should not be a factor.

What that means to you, Tom, is that you should not be shy about suggesting a sexual relationship with an older woman to whom you are attracted. If she's not interested, you will know it without being humiliated or ridiculed. Likewise, do not think too much if a mature woman seems to be sending signals that she's interested in you. Don't let your mind build a barrier that isn't and shouldn't be there. Go with what your intuition tells you."

When she looked directly at me, it wasn't my intuition reacting.

"Tom, you showed very high states of arousal when the images on the screen were women with visible underarm, leg, and pubic hair. Your reaction was age-independent. You may or may not have noticed, but the same participants appeared both shaven and unshaven but in different scenes. You consistently had a more intense sexual response to some of the unshaven women. Do you have any thoughts about what that means, Tom?"

"Kinda sick, huh?"

"Sick?" she responded with genuine surprise. "No, not at all. It just means that you can be highly aroused by women with some body hair. Based on your responses to the same models shaven and unshaven, I would be very comfortable saying that if you're already sexually attracted to a particular woman, that attraction to her may be increased when you find her body hair to be attractive. It's a preference, even a mild aphrodisiac, nothing more. Just like some people prefer small breasts to large or blondes to brunettes. There is nothing unhealthy or abnormal about your preference. And once again, it's mainly the American culture that has created a preference for shaven women. In Europe, particularly in the Mediterranean region but also in my home country, natural women are the norm, and shaven women the oddity. In Japan underarm and pubic hair is often unshaven except, of course, among women seeking to be seen as 'Westernized and modern.'

In one of our first meetings, Tom, I talked about the culture's effect on American's sexual behavior. Most of the western world has begun to 'market' shaven women as the standard. Western women have been led, I should really say misled, to believe that western men and women prefer their sex partners shaven. They have been told that sex, particularly oral sex, is better if their partner's pubic hair is removed. Removing pubic hair from both men and women has become a growth business in America.

The reality, Tom, is that the few scientific comparisons that have been done tend to reveal that sexual pleasure, both homosexual and heterosexual, can be enhanced by the presence of visible body hair. That, of course, is only among people who haven't been commercially brainwashed into believing that if they pay for expensive cosmetic hair removal processes, their sexual pleasure will skyrocket.

So no, Tom, having your sexual arousal strengthened by the presence of a partner's body hair is definitely not sick."

She returned her attention to the charts on the desk and resumed her analysis.

"You are also much more responsive to women who are vocally responsive during intercourse. That is an expected result. Their vocal expressions of satisfaction with the performance of their sexual partner are the kind of positive reinforcement you are seeking. Most people find their partner's vocalizations to be satisfying unless they are in a location where the sounds of sexual pleasure may attract unwanted attention.

You experienced reduced arousal when models were giving and receiving oral and anal sex. A few times when we were talking in the office, you used the word 'dirty' when describing some of your encounters. It is likely that early in your childhood, your parents, probably your mother, planted a thought in your mind that sexual contact was dirty. That was no doubt unintentional, but if that's what happened, and I do believe it was, then that would certainly explain a great deal about your negative reactions to oral and anal sex. By the way, that's not a suggestion that you need to change or even that you should try. That you prefer one or more styles of sexual contact over others is your own preference, nothing more, and other people's judgments about your preferences are quite irrelevant.

While many women find it highly arousing to have their clit and labia licked gently by their partner's tongue, the fact is that a gentle finger touch and caress can be just as effective and arousing. It's more a matter of the technique than the instrument. You learned that yourself with Linda.

Finally, Tom, you responded very quickly and strongly to confident assertive women who sometimes took the lead in making sexual overtures. That is not at all surprising, given what you told me about your experiences with Linda in high school and Sharon at her family's lake cabin. You told me about a few other women whom you had been unable to penetrate. In each case you described their behavior in ways suggesting they projected indifference at best to your efforts. In one of the cases, you said the woman ridiculed you.

Tom, I know that I've hit you with a lot of information, and some of it made you uncomfortable. But now that you've heard all this, what do you think?"

What did I think? Geez, I was hoping she would tell me what it meant. And she's asking me to interpret all that?

She didn't speak. The silence was roaring in my ears. Finally, I decided to just say something, anything.

"I'm physically able to have intercourse, but sometimes my brain stops me?"

"That is an excellent self-diagnosis. All I need to do is elaborate a bit on exactly what you said.

Quite literally, Tom, I believe you're thinking too much. Sexual intercourse, regardless of what form it takes and with whom, has physiological and behavioral components. They interact with each other. If one is going full speed ahead while the other is somewhere else, it is unlikely the outcome for you will be satisfying. For example, when you were at the lake cabin with Sharon, your physiological and emotional responses were synchronized with each other. Both of you were willing participants, eager to fuck. Your erection was sustained and you were eager, Sharon was ready and also eager, but suddenly her husband and son returned. Your mind's perception of danger overrode its ability to continue your sexual arousal. You quickly lost your focus on sex. If they had not returned, I am absolutely confident you would have completed intercourse with Sharon.

There's more to this, Tom. During childhood an aversion to healthy sexual development and activity was instilled in your mind. To some extent, you have already overcome that. You masturbate. You mutually masturbated with Linda in high school on several occasions until you both achieved orgasm. You were both satisfied with that physical relationship. You adjusted well to her rejection of full intercourse with you, and you continued a very healthy and pleasurable masturbatory relationship with her. In fact, I would suggest that once Linda made it clear that she would not let you fuck her, you both compensated by finding ways to achieve even greater satisfaction through mutual masturbation. Though you did not have intercourse, you had a healthy and quite satisfying sexual relationship with her.

What I'm saying, Tom, is that you have already begun the steps necessary to overcome what you may believe to be an insurmountable challenge. To put it another way, you've already overcome the most difficult challenges.

My advice to you is to simply be yourself. Don't be afraid to make sexual overtures toward women. Don't worry -- you won't overdo it. You won't come on too strong. You are fully able to understand when a woman does not want to have intercourse with you. You demonstrated that conclusively with Linda, and you adjusted remarkably better than most men would.

But you also need to understand that sometimes a woman's 'no' may really be 'not now' rather than 'no, never.' Believe me, you'll know a 'no, never' when you hear it. There won't be any doubt. In fact, you've already heard it in some of the women who rejected your advances. That you didn't force yourself on them is a sign that you know the boundaries of acceptable sexual conduct.

As your confidence increases and you become more appropriately aggressive, you will also become more skilled at reading women's signs of interest and disinterest toward you. Like any other skill, you will occasionally be incorrect. Trust me, the results won't be disastrous, just mildly embarrassing if that.

Have I overwhelmed you, Tom?" she asked with a warm smile. Again, her eyes locked onto mine. I was transfixed.

"Tom?"

"Hmm? Oh, no, it's just that you're telling me to do something I may not be comfortable doing."

"Well, yes, Tom, I understand, but nothing in life worth attaining comes without taking a certain amount of risk. Again, remember that having tentative sexual overtures rejected by a woman is not the same as having her accuse you of rape. Your overture needs to be clear enough that she knows youíre interested but subtle enough to let her gracefully accept or decline. If you handle it that way, both of you will feel far more comfortable. And remember, 'no' with a particular woman today may not mean 'no' forever from the same woman."

I paused to think about what she had said. Lorraine did not push me for more comments. Finally, though, I thought it best to say something.

"So, Lorraine, you explained my two charts. What was the third chart below mine?"

"It's a comparison chart. It compares your responses with those of a different person."

I nodded as if I understood why that mattered which, of course, I didn't.

"Tom, with your understanding of how I compared your two charts, how would you interpret the third chart?"

I looked at them for a minute, maybe two, before I replied.

"Well, the first thing I noticed is that the line swings on the third chart were about as wide as my second chart and not as wide as my first. Maybe the guy in the third chart hadn't had sex or masturbated?"

"Very good, Tom. The term for the 'line swings' is 'amplitude', but you're exactly right. The person in the third chart had been abstaining from sexual release. Go on."

"There were only a couple scenes where it looked like my responses were really different from his in the third chart. Other than that, they're pretty much the same, I guess."

"All right, Tom, is there anything else you'd like to add about the charts?"

I just shook my head.

"Tom, your observations are correct. Let me be a bit more precise.

Only in scene 4 and in scene 9 did the subject in the third chart significantly deviate from your reactions. Although your observations were correct, one of your conclusions was not. You concluded the subject in the third chart was a man. It was not. It was a woman."

I just shrugged, again not understanding why that mattered.

"Let me remind you of what scenes 4 and 9 were, Tom. Scene 4 was the scene showing two gay males kissing each other and engaging in frottage. You were negatively stimulated by that, whereas the woman in the third chart was moderately stimulated positively. She is not averse to engaging in same-sex contact herself, whereas you are. By the way, heterosexual women are often less averse than men to engaging in same-sex contact.

Scene 9 showed an older man in his 40's engaging in kissing, touching, arousal, mutual masturbation, and eventual intercourse with a woman about 20 years younger than he. You were rather highly aroused by that, however the woman in the third chart was decidedly not. That's because she is an older woman who prefers a sexual relationship with a much younger man. Since she is aroused more by younger men than men her own age or older, she was less stimulated by the older man.

In contrast, jump ahead to scene 15 where your charts and the woman's chart showed the same very high arousal. That scene was of a woman in her late forties having intercourse with a man in his early twenties. Both you and the chart 3 subject were approaching peak arousal when the scene ended.

And, of course, in scene 10 both you and the woman in the bottom chart are very highly stimulated by sexual contact between two women."

She paused, evidently waiting for me to comment. When I didn't, she asked, "So, Tom, knowing what the charts show and presuming they accurately measure your and the woman's sexual responses, what would you conclude now?"

I was beginning to get a headache. My lack of sex, Lorraine's painfully detailed clinical explanations, her enticing perfume and appearance, her questions of me rather than giving me concrete answers ... all these seemed to be increasing my frustration again.

"You know, Tom, above and beyond our interviews in the office here, I've done some independent research on you. I went to your university and looked at some of your swim team photos."

I wondered what possible relevance that could have.

"It will probably surprise you a little to learn that you have some tendencies toward sexual exhibitionism."

"You mean I might be a flasher?"

"No, nothing quite that publicly overt. At least, I doubt it. No, what leads me to that conclusion is a close examination of the group photos with you and your other team members. They were the traditional competition swimsuit, but yours was always just slightly smaller and more revealing."

I had never given it any thought, so what she was suggesting seemed outrageous. She evidently read my facial expression.

"Let me repeat, Tom, you're not a pervert. It is more likely that your choice of swimsuit was subconscious marketing, advertising your product if you like. I seriously doubt you gave it any thought or even knew you were doing it. Incidentally, I doubt that anyone in the audience would have consciously noticed, either. On a subconscious level, it is very likely that your message came through loud and clear to some of the women in the stands. In fact, I'm absolutely sure of it."

"I didn't know," was all I could say.

"No, of course not. You were focused on the competition. If your focus had changed, if you were aware of the effects of your body and attire on any of the women, it is possible you would have been unable to suppress an erection. Many of the women attending were probably the mothers and sisters and girl friends of your teammates and competitors. I suspect that very subconsciously you were trying to display your body to them in a sexual way. And I want to emphasize that was perfectly appropriate. My point is that you are not afraid to display your sexuality in appropriate ways in the right circumstances. It should not surprise you to learn that is a good thing.

You have a splendid body, one that many women would find sexually desirable. I think your choice of swimsuit was a healthy way for you to get women to notice you. I certainly did. In fact, Tom, since you have been so honest with me, I should be with you. After looking at your swimsuit photos, I went home and masturbated more than once while I fantasized about different sexual situations with you."

Just as when she had told me she sometimes used a dildo when she masturbated, she had to have noticed the surprised look on my face.

"I meant that to be a sincere compliment, Tom. You were being truthful when you noted that on three occasions you had masturbated while fantasizing about having sex with me. I took it as a personal compliment from you. Even a woman in my profession needs an ego boost now and again to remind us we can still turn a sexy young man's head."

She went on.

"I suspect, Tom, that none of the women with whom you've had sexual contact, even unsatisfactory contact, have ridiculed you for the size of your penis. In fact, based on the information recorded by the plethysmograph in our sessions here, I can give you an unqualified assurance that the size of your erection would please most women who believe that to be important. I can also tell you that your erections are sustained rather than brief. Of course, I don't know from the results so far how long it would take you to become aroused again after ejaculation, but I suspect your recovery time would be relatively short given your excellent physical health and stamina.

But Tom, it's also very important that you understand and accept this: Many women, again maybe most, do not achieve maximum sexual pleasure and orgasm through vaginal penetration alone. I'm sure you've watched some commercial videos which showed an actor and actress engaged in what the director would like the audience to believe is spontaneous intercourse. In fact, the actors are posed in such a way that the only physical contact between them is the man's erect cock sliding in and out of the woman's vagina. That pose is chosen for the best camera angle to show the penetration. Of course, the woman is usually expressing herself audibly and visually to portray her own satisfaction. In reality, the actor's cock probably needs frequent external lubrication, because the actress is almost certainly not feeling much sexual stimulation. They are actors. There is little or no real sexual satisfaction for the woman at all and very little for the man. That's why you'll often see a woman in a porno flick stimulating her clit herself while the male actor fucks her. She needs the clitoral stimulation to act out her role most realistically. She simply tightens her Kegels around him when the director wants him to cum. She often fakes her own orgasm for the film.

Think back to your times with Linda in high school. She achieved orgasm almost every time you masturbated her. In all probability, it was your hand stimulating her clit that aroused her the most, and it is very likely that when you finger-fucked her, you continued to gently but effectively stimulate her clit, perhaps with the palm of your hand. Clitoral stimulation is usually far more arousing than only vaginal penetration, at least it is for me. In short, you did not need to penetrate Linda to sexually satisfy her. Your manual technique, whatever it was, was more than enough to satisfy her. You will find that is true with more women than you might think.