A Heart Divided Ch. 05

We returned to the room and packed, preparing for our very early departure the next morning. In bed, we kissed and cuddled and held each other close. Neither of us seemed to be ready for sex, and neither of us seemed concerned about that. Setting our alarms, we enjoyed one last night of freedom.

*******

It didn't help that it was bitterly cold when we got back the next evening, a Friday. March was punishing the area with temperatures below freezing, which made us miss Key West all the more. Gina had convinced me to let her stay over one more night, since Spring Break still had a weekend left, and she would be alone in her apartment until Sunday afternoon. We tried to cheer each other up as our bodies adjusted to the cold and our minds adjusted to our old environment.

As I turned on to my road, the streetlamps coming on as the sun set, I came to a dead stop 50 yards from my house. Lynn's car was in the driveway.

I told Gina what I was seeing, and her face went pale.

"Your roommates are gone? For sure?"

"In Mexico until Sunday morning."

"Mind if I..."

"Please."

I turned around in someone's driveway and headed the other direction. At Gina's apartment, I carried her bag up the stairs, then went back for my own stuff. Shit. I realized I had closed the trunk with my keys inside. The doors were locked. I went up and told Gina I might need to call a locksmith- my extra keys were at home. She looked out the window and said, "I got it." Reaching into her purse, she pulled out my extra set of keys and popped the trunk with a push of a button.

I stared at her in amazement. She had grabbed my spare keys from my dresser and I had never noticed. Car, office, house keys- she must have had them for weeks. The bags in the trunk, condoms in my office...She was a smart girl. She smiled as she watched me put the pieces together. I laughed all the way down the stairs, got my bags and keys, and went up to Gina's place. She was on the phone ordering pizza.

"I know we're both tired, but I'm hungry and I'm guessing we have a lot to talk about tonight. And I might want to fuck you, in case it's my last chance."

"Gina, there's no way it's your last chance. But feel free to act like it is."

She threw at me whatever was in her hand at the moment- a tube of lip balm, I think.

We talked, we ate, we even cried a little. I promised her that Lynn and I would need a lot of time to talk things through before I would ever consider going back to her. Given the choice, at that point, it was Gina all the way. But Gina stressed that we didn't know for sure that we had a future together, and I had to remember that. By that point we were lying together on a recliner in her bedroom, not naked but not entirely dressed. She was curled up on my lap and everything felt so right.

"Gina, I know I want a future together for us. And so I can't just ignore that."

Gina leaned into me and started crying. "I feel sick, Gareth. I'm so sorry. I should never have done this to you."

I held her as she cried and tried to assure her that all she'd done was make me happy.

"You say that now, but it's going to get worse, I know it is. I don't know how this ends happy for any of us- you, me, her." She got off my lap and crawled under her covers. I followed her, and we lay in the bed facing each other.

"Yeah, but you think that about those movies, too, don't you. And they always work out in the end."

"Those movies are bullshit, Gareth. Life isn't like that. In real life, pain and death and loss and...and...and darkness win. Happiness and light are just little islands in an ocean of sadness. We just try to hang on until the next bright spot, but sooner or later you can't make it to the next happy time."

I didn't understand what she was talking about. I tried to calm and shush her like one soothes a crying baby. She let me hold her for a few minutes while her hysterics wore off, then she just groaned and rolled away from me. On her small double bed, there wasn't a lot of space between us. I rolled towards her and spooned behind her. I put my arm over her as she sobbed herself to sleep.

*******

The next morning, Gina and I went out to breakfast at a diner because there was no food in her house. Our conversation was stunted, brooding. We both knew there was a cloud over our relationship, and it seemed the storm was about to break.

As we finished eating, Gina looked out the window said, "You should probably go home now- no sense putting it off. And my roommates will be home this afternoon."

"Gina, you know the most likely scenario here is that I go home to either a big argument that ends it all or else a quiet conversation as we sign the divorce papers that she probably has with her."

"I don't know that, Gareth. Lynn's still a part of you- sometimes you even call me by her name."

I was surprised by that- surprised that I did it, surprised I hadn't noticed, and surprised that Gina had never mentioned it before. "That's just habits, Gina. That's not where my heart is."

"Your heart is divided, Gareth. You don't know that yet, because Lynn hasn't been around, but now that she's back in your life, you'll see. It's not going to be as easy or clear cut as you think."

Paying our check, I thought about what she said, wanting to disagree but fearing she might understand something I didn't. Why hadn't I moved towards divorce sooner? Why hadn't I changed anything in the house? Why hadn't I contacted Lynn as soon as Gina and I got together? If I was done with Lynn, what would I have had to lose by calling her and upsetting her?

I took Gina back to her place and packed up my bags.

"Are you going to tell her?" Gina asked, leaning against me as we hugged goodbye.

"Tell her...about us?" Gina nodded and looked down. "Not yet. If there's going to be a divorce, I can't look like the unfaithful spouse that drove my wife out of the house. The lawyer I talked to warned about that; he said I should make every effort to 'keep my nose clean.'"

"Well, I've dirtied it up quite a bit, haven't I," she said morosely.

"You haven't done anything I didn't want you to do. And as long as Lynn doesn't find any secret condom stash you've hidden around the house, we should be OK."

Her eyes got wide for a second. "Check in the kitchen drawer under the silverware tray. And in the bathroom medicine cabinet- top shelf. Oh, and between the couch cushions...and in the pocket of your robe. I think that's it."

I looked at her and she blushed. Kissing her on the forehead, I told her, "You're a treasure, Gina. One of a kind."

Gina laughed sadly and said, "I'm a mess, Gareth. You should have stayed away from me."

"Nonsense, babe. You've made me so happy, and you're going to keep doing that, don't worry." I was only trying to keep her from freaking out. I felt just as scared and lost as she did, and I had no idea how to take care of myself, much less the both of us. After a lingering embrace, Gina pulled away and told me to let her know something- anything- as soon as I could. I promised to do so and went out to my car.

The whole drive over, I rehearsed arguments in my head. I planned responses to the things Lynn would say. I thought through how to navigate the next few months without giving up Gina. I felt like I was ready for almost any possibility as I turned the corner onto my street. The only thing I was not prepared for was that Lynn's car wouldn't be there.

I took my bags into the house and up to my room. I couldn't even tell that she had been home- everything seemed just as I had left it. I looked around the bedroom and the kitchen for a note of any kind, but I found nothing. I wondered if she had gone out for groceries, finding the fridge nearly empty because of my absence that week. I called Gina and told her what was- or rather wasn't- going on.

I waited around the house, unpacking my bags. As I pulled clothes out, each item sparked a memory of Key West. I remembered Gina taking that shirt off me. I remembered holding her on the beach while she put her hands in the back pockets of those jeans. I remembered wearing that jacket when we went out to dinner, and I had put it around her shoulders on the chilly walk home. I somewhat reluctantly ran a load of laundry, foolishly fearing that the memories would get washed away. I called Gina again, at lunchtime, to tell her I was thinking about her and that I enjoyed our week away. I told her I wanted more times like that- times to be together and free.

It had been 2 hours and still no sign of Lynn. I gave up my "buying groceries" theory and started to wonder if I had even seen her car at all. A dirty cup in the sink was the only hard evidence that she had been there, and even that wasn't totally convincing. I grabbed my keys and went out for groceries, deciding that I had to go on as if Lynn had never been there, until she showed up and indicated otherwise.

Lynn didn't come back that day, or even that week. But her visit hung over my head like a curse waiting to land. And it confirmed my decision to keep Gina away from the house as much as possible. Gina was reserved and somber for a few days, but once we got back into our routine of running together and going on an occasional date, her old self seemed to return.

We met for sex one time before we went out of town for the marathon. Two weeks after Spring Break, early on a Friday night, Gina called me.

"My roommates are going to a concert- they'll be gone until after midnight. Come to my place!"

I was in my car before she finished explaining.

Being in Gina's apartment brought back memories of college relationships- the apartments all looked so similar. Our love-making was slow and desperate. After the sex marathon that we had during Spring Break, going two weeks apart again was difficult. It wasn't just missing the sex, though. It was missing being together all the time. As we rolled around, taking turns on top, we clung to one another as if we were afraid we would never be together again. I think the reminder that Lynn could return at any time made us even more aware of the tenuous nature of our relationship.

Having to leave for the night after making love was also unusual for us, and it felt sad. The only way I could describe it was to say that sex felt cheaper when we couldn't stay together afterwards. It felt like we had only gotten together to achieve some mutual release. I knew that wasn't entirely the case, and I even knew that sometimes in a relationship that's exactly what you need and it's how you show love- by giving your body for the other person. But I still felt wrong leaving. I hated that I had to. I even suggested finding a hotel for the weekend, but Gina put her hand on my cheek as I pulled up my pants and said, "Next week, babe. Next week."

*******

The next Saturday was the race. Gina had long ago booked a simple hotel room with a queen sized bed. It was about a mile from the starting line, which meant we didn't have to worry about parking or even warming up. We got there Friday afternoon and were booked until Monday morning. We had an early dinner- a carb-heavy Italian meal from a restaurant around the corner from the hotel. We got back to our room around 6 and packed up our things for the race- energy gel, sweatbands, water. Gina insisted we get a good night's sleep, and since we had to be at the starting line at 5am, I didn't argue.

"So would 8 o'clock be an early enough bed time?" I suggested, looking at the clock telling me it was almost 7.

"That would be great, as long as we could actually fall asleep that early," she said, putting her running outfit on the back of a chair.

"Theeennnn, maybe we should try to think of a way to wear ourselves out during the next hour."

Gina turned towards me and smiled. She walked towards me with her arms extended for a hug. "I'm sure we'll think of something," she said with a mock sigh. Neither of us moved for a few minutes, enjoying the feel of being in each other's arms again. As we stood there in our street clothes, we started swaying a little, back and forth. I'm not sure who even started it. But it reminded me of dancing at the ball a few weeks earlier, and I started humming one of the tunes we had tried to dance to.

Our swaying became more intentional, and I pulled back so that I could hold her in a dance position. Gina giggled as I started us waltzing around the limited floor space of our hotel room. I hummed and sang the parts of the song I remembered, and when I got lost, Gina just giggled even more. After a few minutes of dancing about as awkwardly as we had when we first heard the song, I pulled her close to me and started humming a slow, romantic tune.

As I gave her a few little kisses, Gina pressed the side of her head to my shoulder and said dreamily, "You know, you don't need to seduce me."

"I wouldn't know the first thing about seducing, love. I'd call this foreplay."

"Well be warned- if you keep this up, you might just rock me to sleep instead of fucking me to sleep."

Still holding her close to me and swaying slowly around the room, I said,"That wouldn't be so bad, would it?"

"Maybe not, except that I might wake up later and shag your brains out and then neither of us would get that good night's sleep we need."

I tried to sound serious, responding, "I guess we have no choice, then. We have to have sex now, whether we like it or not."

Gina tried to hide a smile while playing along. "I guess so. I'll make the necessary preparations." She slumped her shoulders and trudged towards the bed.

Tired of the game, I ran up behind her and tackled her onto the bed. Gina screamed and laughed as I started to tickle her. She swatted my hands away and tried to retaliate. We tumbled around and started pulling off shirts, still laughing and jumping at each other. We froze and went silent when a thumping on the wall indicated that we may have been a little too loud for our neighbors. We locked eyes and Gina put her hand over her mouth to stifle a laugh.

We were both panting from the tumble, and I moved in for a tender kiss to slow down the pace. We were both topless, and I caressed all around her breast with my right hand, slipping my left hand into her jeans and cupping her ass. Gina rubbed up and down my arms and guided us onto our sides on the bed.

"Where did you put the condoms this time?" I asked. "Under the phone?"

"One's been in your back pocket since before dinner," she whispered, smiling as I shook my head and reached back. She was good at this. I tossed the packet onto the nightstand.

We finished removing our clothes and pulled the blanket over us. We pulled close and continued kissing, enjoying one of the longer make-out sessions we had done in a while. My fingers curled into her hair and she rubbed hard up and down my back. We rolled around and found different positions to be comfortable in while we shared a kiss that never wanted to end.

At one point, when I was on top of her, Gina's hand started smacking the nightstand, feeling around for the condom. She had to break our kiss to see it, and we put it on together. I pushed into her slowly, only advancing the tiniest bit in between kisses. Once I was halfway in, I lost patience and started pushing steadily into her. Gina's eyes went wide and she hissed in a long breath. When I bottomed out, she wasted no time in starting moving around.

I watched Gina's face almost the whole time. She usually closed her eyes or looked around when we made love. I just enjoyed watching her unfiltered expressions- how she reacted to a particular thrust or shift, the way she wrinkled her brow or raised her eyebrows at a certain touch, the way her lips parted and drew quick breaths or deep ones. At some point that evening, as I was thrusting slowly into her, trying to draw out the experience as long as I could, Gina opened her eyes and saw me watching her.

Blushing, she said, "I hate when you do that."

"Do what?"

"Watch me."

"Gina, you've got my cock pushed up inside of you, I've got a hand on your ass, and you don't have on a stitch of clothing. And you're blushing because I'm looking at your face?"

I little confused, she held her ground, "Yeah! I don't know what my face is doing...it's embarrassing. You should be closing your eyes and...doing whatever."

"I'd much rather open them and look at you."

She rolled her eyes, which was odd too watch from that angle, with her head being pushed forward by my thrusting.

"Gina, you're radiant. Just beautiful. I can't get enough of seeing you. I want you in my life, I want you with me every day." Gina's eyes were closed and her face was turned towards the side. For some reason, saying those words sparked something in me. I pictured a life together, a family together, Gina and I raising children together, growing old together...

It was too much. I had been going slow to prolong our evening, but I was suddenly overtaken with emotion and desire, which spilled over into a sexual need to push inside her. I drove deep and started cumming. Gina was surprised, but she helped me along, squeezing my shaft and mumbling in my ear, "Cum for me baby, that's it...I feel you cumming...So hot..."

Panting as I came down, I felt apologetic. "Gina, I'm sorry, I didn't see that coming." She snickered at the unintentional pun. "I think I might be good to go again later- you've got me so turned on tonight, I just can't help it."

She half-smiled and said, "I hope so, because I'm not going to sleep like this. You've got me just starting to get worked up."

Still on top of her, I thought for a second about what might help get me ready quicker, and suggested, "Shower?"

Gina turned her eyes up in thought very briefly, then patted my chest and said, "Let's go!"

*******

Showering with Gina had all the effect I had hoped for. Rubbing our soapy bodies together, along with her hand and mouth taking turns on my cock, had me ready for round two sooner than I had expected. We turned off the shower and dried off as we made our way back to the bed.

"You had better let me finish first this time," Gina warned playfully as she pushed me onto my back.

"Set the alarm, first," I chuckled, in hopes that we would end up sleeping in each other's arms after this.

Gina opened her mouth to respond, but then got a naughty look on her face. She crawled across my body to get to the alarm clock on the nightstand, 'conveniently' ending up with her knees on either side of my head, next to my ears.

"It's always so hard to figure out these hotel alarm clocks. It might take me a few minutes," she said. Taking the hint, I moved my hands to her ass and guided her slit right over my mouth. I started licking up and down her fresh-smelling lips, and I felt the bed shift as Gina lay her arms and head down on the pillow.

"Mmmmm... Yessssss..."

My own arousal forgotten for the time being, I took my time slowly drawing my tongue along her outer lips, occasionally circling around the hood of her clit before going back to the folds around her entrance. Whenever I would reach her clit, Gina would moan and push down onto my face. After a few minutes of teasing her folds and taking her lips in between mine, I shifted my hands around so that I could pull back her petals and get my tongue in deeper.

I moaned at the sharper, tangy taste as I found her entrance, scooping with my tongue to catch as much as I could. I ran the tip of my tongue all around the rim of her tunnel, pushing inside just a bit. Gina's thighs tensed for a second, then relaxed. I waited until she started moving her hips around, signaling a desire for more, before I moved up to her clit again. I put a finger inside her and slowly moved in and out, stirring her. I felt the ridges of her tunnel with my fingertip as I gently moved as far in as I could. She groaned at the sensation of my finger pressing gently against her walls.