A Letter to Isabel

The other effect of the knot in my gut was that it cut down my appetite significantly. I started losing weight without even trying. You even commented about my weight loss at one time and I told you I was on a diet. The result of my exercise program and unintended weight loss prompted me to eat better so that I would feel good as well as look better. As time went on, I found that I could fit back into my old clothes and that encourage me to continue my exercise and eating regime programs. You even commented once when we were about to go to bed that I was looking good and you could see my abs again.

While you were at home, I silently analyzed everything you said and did. At no time did you ever indicate that you were dissatisfied with me or our marriage. You continued to be a good homemaker, companion and lover. As far as I could determine, you never played around at home when I was a trip. I was grateful for that one aspect of your extracurricular life.

When your next trip was approaching, I advised SIS of your schedule, destination and flight numbers. They told me to sit tight and they would report back to me shortly after your trip concluded.

Before you packed for your week away, I took inventory of your lingerie and dress clothes. Immediately after you left, I re-examined your drawers and closet. On this trip, you took your sexy black negligee, thigh-high hoes, panties and push-up bra. Also missing from your closet was your black wrap-around cocktail dress and your dress black high-heeled shoes. I remember thinking that I gave you the black lingerie for your last birthday -- when you turned 47 and expressed doubts about your attractiveness.

Besides exercising and running a lot, while you were away, I worked long, hard hours. I was in charge of organizing a proposal for a major engineering project in South America. This was, by far, the biggest out-of-country program my company ever undertook. To secure the contract and then accomplish the objectives on schedule and at or under cost would make us a major engineering company in the world market. As you know, I made several trips to South America over the last few months. Not only did I conduct surveys and site inspections but I got to know many of the government officials that were responsible for completion of this program. Many of them were important political operatives whose future careers in government hinged on the successful completion of this project. Probably the most important aspect of my in-country negotiations concerned the illegal aspects of the construction project that are meant to benefit the government officials at all levels. These concerned the in-county labor force and sources of materials that "they" hinted they wanted to sell at inflated prices so that kickbacks were available -- to me as well as them. Since my company must be known for its absolute integrity and cannot be any part of illegal activities, I negotiated long and hard for fair prices for materials and fair wages for the workers. I turned down many "benefits" that I was told would be available to me including money, the use of an in-country contractors' yacht, another contractor's private airplane -- and even women. Some of the machinations that were explained to me as well as some that I learned about privately were very complex. As you know, we won that contract several months ago and we are in the process of setting up an in-country program.

On Saturday, I welcomed you back home. You seemed genuinely happy to back although you said you were too worn out to have sex that evening. Nevertheless, you cuddled affectionately.

The dichotomy of your actions perplexed me. On one hand you were having a continuous, on-going, sexual affair during your company program reviews and on the other, you seemed happy to be safe at home in my arms. I was not to understand the Jekyll and Hyde motives that drove you until later.

On Monday morning, SIS called to tell me they had a preliminary report for me and I was to come to their offices as soon as possible. I was in the SIS office by midday on Monday and I again sat down with both Mr. Smith and Ms. Jones. They had a package for me. He explained that what he had for me was very explicit. Further, it would very likely be hurtful and, at the same time, make me very angry.

The SIS package, Mr. Smith explained, contained a CD of you and the Asshole having sex in the Asshole's hotel room on nine occasions over the period of a week. The recorded couplings included video coverage you in a variety of positions. Additionally, video recordings were made of your time together outside the hotel. This usually covered your "dates" during which you dined at restaurants and went dancing a various bars and lounges in the local area. It also covered times when you were just sightseeing. Besides the video coverage, the package included a number of photographs of your most intimate moments of you and the Asshole when you were in his hotel room. These same transcripts were presented on the videos as subtitles. Everything was time-stamped.

Mr. Smith and Ms. Jones were both sympathetic. They understood how devastating this information was to me. Mr. Smith added, as a personal recommendation, that if I hoped to save my marriage, it would be best if I did not look at the video or the photographs. After all, I knew what they contained. You should know, Isabel, that I have never looked at the videos or the photographs. I have, however, included them in this package that I am leaving for you.

I have read the transcripts, however. There were some very interesting passages about how you felt about me and our marriage. Thank you for not allowing the Asshole to verbally disparage me. However, I feel that both of you disparaged me by your actions. I can't believe that you did not feel at all guilty about your liaisons with the Asshole. Apparently, however, you didn't. You considered your actions part of a different life, a different person. I will never understand that.

I might have been inclined to forgive you and go forward with our marriage if your actions had not be so calculated and so sustained. I could have gotten over a one-time tryst. But I cannot get over subterfuge that has lasted eight months or, perhaps, much longer.

You should know exactly how I feel. I am so, so hurt. I still cannot believe that my wife, my best friend has shown me such lack of respect. I am humiliated by the fact that you prefer illicit sex over the loving environment provided by our marriage. You have made me doubt my manhood. Apparently, I am not man enough for you (although, intellectually, I am confident in knowing that I am a man's man).

You should know that I am going to South America for the foreseeable future. I set up the operation down there. And then I talked the company into letting me head it up as an in-county vice president in charge of construction. The vice president title conveyed to the politicians and other wheels of the government that my company took their job seriously. It also gives me an in-road to the political and social fabric of the country as well as the US embassy and diplomatic environment.

I was able to pick my own team to accompany me. I needed a financial officer to track every penny. I needed a chief of operations to directly oversee work at the various locations of construction. Further, I needed a chief of material to handle, schedule and track all of the physical materials used for construction whether locally purchased or imported through the company. I wanted a company representative to handle labor issues. And, I wanted a quality control expert to make certain the project was completed to the specifications (or above) that was stipulated in the contracts.

Lastly, I needed an executive secretary for a number of reasons. First of all, I didn't speak Spanish. Next, I needed someone to arrange my schedule and keep my time prioritized. Someone to make local and international travel plans, buy tickets, take notes of meetings and many other similar duties.

You should know that I have asked Maria Arango to come with us. As you may recall, Maria'speaks fluent Spanish. Her husband, Miguel, was killed in an accident while working for the company. Although she was well taken care of through the company accident insurance policy, she wanted something to do to occupy her time after her only daughter started high school. She was hired by the company and has been an executive secretary for the vice president of operations for five years now. With her daughter is college, she has little to hold her in the states so she has consented to be part of my in-country team.

If you don't remember Maria, you might recall the company picnic a last year. You commented on her as she was getting out of the pool in her bikini. You said that she was built like a brick shithouse. She still is. I hope to use Maria as a translator and escort at official functions where I'm certain she will be readily accepted.

Don't misunderstand. My association with Maria will be strictly business. I am not interested in a personal relationship with her or any woman at this time. You can understand why.

At the end of this letter you will find the contact information for my lawyer. He is going to handle our divorce according to instructions I have given to him. You should know that I am giving you the house. It is paid for. All you have to do is pay the utilities and the property taxes. I suspect that you will find it too big for yourself alone. Other than that, I have divided our assets equally. I don't expect alimony will be an issue since you have a well-paying job.

I have provided a trust for our children with more than enough money for tuition and living expenses. Accounts have been set up to make payments on their cars and auto insurance, cover their life insurance requirements, provide for medical insurance and even pay for their cell phones until they graduate. If they are smart enough to go to graduate school, I will cover those expenses too.

You should know too that I have sued your company for supporting an adulterous relationship. They provided transportation and rooms for you and your lover for over eight months. Of course, they didn't want the company name dragged publicly through the mud. Also, they didn't want the spouses of the representatives attending the monthly meetings to believe that they were all playing around while on a business trip. So, they readily agreed to settle out of court for a very generous amount -- in the high six figures.

As part of the settlement, I made them agree not to fire you or change your salary for at least two years. I suspect, however, that the character of your job will change markedly. You may not be traveling as much as you have been in the past, if at all.

However, that is not the case for the Asshole. He will not have a job much longer. And he may not have a wife much longer either. She is being informed in person by Ms. Jones of her husband's marriage transgressions. Fortunately, her family is wealthy so she will not be experiencing the hard times that the Asshole will.

I will be returning the States occasionally over the next several years for business reasons and to see my children and grandchildren. I will try not to miss important events in their lives. We will probably see each other at these events. For my part, I intend to be friendly and polite toward you. However, if you should bring the Asshole to any of these events, I will literally beat the shit out of him. So, don't.

I am divorcing you on the grounds of irreconcilable differences. If you contest any of the provisions I have outlined in this letter or others that my lawyer will specify, I will change the reason for divorce to adultery and prove it with photographs and videos.

I think it is a tragedy that we did not make it to our 25th wedding anniversary. I'm not even certain we really made it to our 24th anniversary.

You broke my heart.

Try to have a good life. I know I will. As of now, I have stopped feeling sorry for myself.

Your Loving Husband, James