A Lifetime Kink Ch. 02

The dream was gone. All she recalled was that somebody was there -- not quite her deceased boyfriend, and not quite her son, Lee, but an amalgam of the two -- a kindred spirit that made up the two.

At first her wet fingers did the work, as she nursed herself slowly before taking a shallow plunge. The silence of the night soon made way for the telltale sounds of slick feminine sex and she began to breathe faster.

And soon, whether her eyes were open or closed, all she could see was her son on top of her, wrapped up in her thighs, their sexes unified in the erotic journey toward ultimate release.

'Take the condom off,' she recalled the dream quietly, and imagined him pulling out, slick with his mother's juices, to peel off that thin latex casing, only to dive right back in.

Next door, her son's cock was harder than she could have imagined, even though she had seen it with her own eyes. He was now obsessed with the images she had left him with. All he needed to do was to remove her clothes, to free those beautiful tits, and the rest of her.

The rest came naturally -- visions of their bodies sliding together in the taboo commitment of consensual incest, where all the feelings he ever wanted to share with her transcended from dream and up into reality.

And now that he knew how close they had come once upon a time, that made the wrongness and the intensity of those self-pleasuring sensations all the more sweet. He could come so hard and so much for her that night, and as far as he was aware, she would likely never imagine.

7

Friday afternoon that week spelled an early end to Stevie's week. Though tired and looking forward to a well-deserved rest, she hit the swimming pool at the gym with a bounce to her step, hoping that a good splash would invigorate her.

She wore her usual black one piece, a number that although conservative in design did nothing to hide her hourglass figure, strong legs, nor her emboldened breasts. The pool wasn't busy. She had the freedom to do her usual laid back laps without too many try-hards tearing up the deep end.

After half an hour her mind started to wander, releasing the stresses of work and replacing them with whatever her body desired. Wine, pizza, a nice bath, some pleasant company -- the latter, all but her son, had fucked off with her ex husband.

But Lee was enough, even despite recent tensions. Lee, who held down his own end and enjoyed living with his mother, seemed to have no intention of rushing off and leaving an empty nest. That would leave her looking to start a new one after all, and she didn't want to have to do that.

Stevie wasn't necessarily too old for another child now, but she might be in six years time, and then she would be one tired old mother by the time that child reached Lee's age. She shuddered that thought loose and concentrated on simpler urges, which quickly led to the thought of sex.

It had been so long since she had enjoyed really good sex. Not even the kinky kind, but just really intense, loving, toe-curling sex -- and the kind that made her boil and drip just thinking of.

Regular sex would be so good, but just one bout of serious lovemaking would go such a long way, and that was so hard to find that her imagination no doubt set the bar even higher.

She loved to have her tits pawed, but above all, she loved to have her nipples kissed and licked and sucked. She loved to have the little golden nipple ring in her left tit tugged on especially. It made her tingle and cringe in the most delicious way.

But when it came to oral, having her pussy well and truly licked to the point of dripping and twitching, almost steaming in anticipation of a long thick cock, her thoughts collected and a face formed out of the confusion.

Done with her laps, Stevie made her way over to the showers and climbed out over the side. Rinsing off under the warm shower, she retreated with her bag back to the cubicles, where she locked herself away and battled not to touch herself again to those thoughts of her sweet handsome son.

Controlling her ragged breathing she then tentatively peeled out of her wet swimsuit. As soon as her pussy was exposed to the air, she shuddered with a delicious chill -- a cool draft tantalising her aching slit -- and from there the slope became too slippery not to fall.

Her hands were all over herself, something about being hot and wet all over. Her pussy alone was so wet that as she pawed at herself she squished and dripped profusely, her knees trembling madly.

SNAP OUT OF IT!

Reality snapped back into focus. How the hell it happened or how it got to this point, Stevie couldn't possibly comprehend, but by god she was naked, hot and cold at once, and shaking madly with the onset of intense anxiety.

'Can you come pick me up?' she begged her son over the phone twenty minutes later. She was sat behind the wheel of her car outside the gym. Her eyes were streaming and she could barely keep the phone to her ear, such was the weight of lifting her hand. 'I've had a panic attack. I'm too scared to drive!'

8

'I've not been completely honest,' she whispered ruefully. They were sat on the living room sofa, Stevie wrapped up in her fluffiest white housecoat. 'I told you it wouldn't all come out at once, but I never thought I'd end up feeling like a liar for it...'

'What are you talking about?' Lee asked, his face contorting with worry.

'I told you that it was Ray's idea, what he wanted, putting his ideas in my head. I told you I was a monster. I was stupid to believe anything else.'

Lee didn't understand. Or he didn't want to. But once again Stevie's truth was ready to come, or at least another piece of it. God only knew how long it would be before nothing was left hidden.

'I'm not sure you want to be talking about this, the way you've felt lately,' he insisted.

'I don't know where it was that I started to see you in the way that I did,' Stevie began regardless. She would not meet his eyes. Instead she stared as blankly at the TV screen as it stared at her. 'A few things that I rationalised to bring it all into perspective though -- I remember when you grew towards the end of puberty you started to resemble your dad. That made me yearn for him again, which I knew was wrong. Still, he was my love and you're his legacy.'

'What way?' Lee asked, going back to her first point. She didn't answer him. She carried on regardless.

'It was never far from my mind either that you had started to develop sexually when Ray and I became a thing and started being sexual with each other. I did notice that you started to distance yourself from me soon after. We did talk about it a couple of times but I was never satisfied with why.

'Then you started to be sexual with girls. I felt a lot of things then. I guess a mother does,' Stevie said a little more emotively, 'but what I felt the most was heartbreak and envy. I was finally feeling for you what I imagined you had been feeling for me when I became married to Ray, and I hated it!'

Lee's mouth dropped open, wordless, hot and dry. No truer words were spoken, but he never would have imagined hearing his mother -- who knew of his sexual feelings towards her? -- confessing that she felt the same for him.

Was it possible that she knew?

Was she really saying this?

'I can't justify the feelings and thoughts I had. They were always there. There was Ray and then there was you, and he knew there was something there. He was obsessed enough to see it clearly. I see it now. Then he became possessed with pushing me onto you; actually trying to use me to force down my own boundaries. But still I wouldn't.'

'It wasn't your fault,' Lee insisted. Angry that his mother wouldn't let him in, he took her face in both hands and turned it to his, forcing her to look him in the eyes. 'Mother, do you hear me? It wasn't your fault,' he raised his voice into a plea. He was growing distressed seeing her like this again.

'Just the once, don't try to justify or rationalise what I'm saying,' she replied evenly. 'I need to hear myself say it, to hear the truth without any of that. Can you do that?'

'Why?' he asked, and that time he really was pleading. The inner child was coming to the fore again and she couldn't bear it.

'So I can just hear the truth with my own voice,' she explained, raising a hand to pinch the bridge of her nose. 'Just hear it with me...'

Lee was scared, maybe even as much as his conflicted mother. So much was he scared that it left him muted, helpless to do anything but to hear her words. So she went on, seeking the light at the end of that hopeless tunnel of regret and confusion.

'Lee, even without Ray in the picture, and I'd hoped especially without Ray in the picture, I was going to do it, and in my mind I was certain that you wanted it,' she said with a quiver in her voice.

'Jesus,' was the word on his lips, but no sound came. Tears, contrarily, came to his mother's eyes, as she battled on through the labour pains of unborn truth.

'In my mind I could tell myself that and be certain. I knew what went on in this house. I knew everything. I thought, at least, that I knew everything, but I suppose I was already crazy considering that I wanted you to have sex with me. That's just absurd!'

No it's not, he said loudly in mind.

'Ray didn't even know that about me. Nobody knew. And now I'm telling you. Go what must you think of me?' Stevie asked, now searching her son for an answer.

An emotional anomaly, something felt by no human being, maybe with the exception of deep religious experiences or death -- Lee felt the utmost terror and loneliness in not knowing what it was he felt, though his mother felt it too, and was in fact no stranger to it.

'I think... I think I just want to hold you,' he finally stuttered, lifting his trembling arms to hold around her. And he feared that she would reject him now, of all the times that she could. His mother was not always the easiest to understand, but unlike most women he knew, she did not speak in silences and hints when trouble was afoot.

'Will you let me?' he asked to be certain. He wouldn't have known how to handle being rejected over the smallest token of love. But he wouldn't be.

'Come here, love,' Stevie welcomed weakly. He was nothing but a blur to her tear-streaked eyes, until he was all around her, pulling her close and then melting into her.

'You're no monster,' he reassured her as they relaxed into each other.

9

Under the water she held her breath, little bubbles escaping from her nostrils. With eyes wide open she stared at the bathroom ceiling as the spotlights and the patterns they made waved like liquid fire.

Under the weather again, she supposed she should hate herself, and wondered what he really thought. Lee, her loyal little pup who had grown into a man untouched by her life's desire, who knew all and still couldn't hate her.

Do I want him to hate me, or do I need him to? She asked herself with no clear outcome. But as if to answer her question, delivered unto him by some ghostly messenger, he told her that, no, she shouldn't hate herself.

'You can't hate yourself,' he said from the side of her bed as she lay there wrapped up in her duvet.

'How can you not hate me?' she asked back, but was not prepared for the answer.

'There were times that I have, but that was when I was younger and more naive. I hated you for putting him first over me. He was more a child than I was at times. I hated you for only caring about what was wrong with me when you were so drunk you couldn't talk or stand straight,' he had her know.

'You didn't know some of the shit I had to deal with by myself when I was a teenager, but all I had to do was to adapt to survive. You still cared and you still loved me. I took for granted all the things you still did for me, which was the only thing Ray taught me as a father figure; to take you for granted!'

A single sob exited his mother's mouth from within the rolled up bedcover. 'Why are you so mature for your age?' she asked.

'Had to be,' was all he had left to say. He didn't know what else to say or to do, so he left her alone where she lay until she had strength left with which to hate herself. Maybe then she would grow sick of it and come to a better resolution.

10

He didn't know where she found the energy, being that her mounting habit of wallowing in misery appeared so clearly exhausting. Of course, the longer she wallowed in that murky ditch, the harder it was to climb up out of it. Worrying about her was the only think keeping Lee from ruminating so much about the things that had transpired within those four walls all this time.

Increasingly isolated, it became impossible for him not to think about everything up until now...

Once upon a time he was the target of his stepfather's twisted agenda, and his narcissistic ego -- and more than his mother would ever know. He knew that if he told her, she would never forgive herself. But the fact was that he was always Ray's competition, and Ray was more a psychological bully than the hands-on type.

Mind games didn't come with physical marks!

He still blamed Ray for everything, not that these trying times had followed him suit into the unknown. Lee was no beta male, far from it. But throughout his formative years that bastard had piled on the insecurities in order to build himself up.

It was entirely possible that towards the end Ray wanted Lee's mother to go to him, seeing as how he couldn't have everything he wanted. Ray, whose only talents were drinking and fucking and making others feel bad about themselves, might even have used that against the both of them, or to hammer in the final nail of the family coffin.

What if he had gotten his way, if that was the truth? Mentally broken and unable to make Stevie come to her senses, Lee would have left home a motherless bastard, destined to self-destruct in failure and alienation.

But the truth according to his mother was that, even if it was what Ray wanted, she had been possessed to prey sexually upon her own son of her own accord. She wanted him that way, because that was the sexual creature she was deep inside.

He was not a child anymore. He was finally to be an adult that day. It really could have happened and he still didn't know how it didn't, in light of her confession. Imagine what if...

What would have become of them, had their relationship become sexual?

Any knee-jerking outsider would likely call it abuse, and the odds were undeniably in favour of that go-to accusation since Stevie herself said in so many words that it would have been nothing short of exploitation.

Incest was incest.

Oh but the internet hashtagged that love was love.

Homosexuality was once not only frowned upon. It was illegal and it was evil. Now a white guy had no privilege if he WASN'T gay. The world, for all its rules and social norms, was a fucked up place with a fucked up way of looking at things.

Who was to say that his mother's fantasy was sick and twisted, if he were a consenting adult with total independence of thought? But was he? Not always...

How many boys fantasised of being seduced by their teachers, or any other of their adult crushes when they developed through puberty? Girls were no different. It was human nature for the curious soul to want to be shown the way, rather than to fumble in the dark any more than they already did alone.

Some sons wanted their mothers and some daughters wanted their dads, or at least that's where it all began. The awakening of sexuality in all people began in effect with the presence of the already sexually developed elder. Fantasy was the first step into reality for every individual.

What set that reality apart from the fantasy lay in the fate of innocence. Much like a person's dignity, innocence -- and specifically virginity -- was for the individual to sacrifice, not for the predator to take.

That was fact -- chokingly restricted by law, by principle, and by family value, all which left billions of teenagers around the world sneaking around to get it any way that they could.

To give one's innocence was to offer oneself to life. To retain one's innocence was to remain not unspoiled but unappreciated. Still, the loss of Lee's virginity to Hannah Steers during sixth form was a strange experience and not satisfying or fulfilling in any spiritual way. It was simply a rites of passage.

Both of them were inexperienced and nervous. They didn't even like each other that much beyond looks and the fact that they had mutual friends. It was nothing more than a dare. Was he man enough? Was she woman enough? The answer to both was a glaringly obvious No!

They were simply driven by their acknowledgement for each other's sexual maturity and willingness to try with each other. Still they became a pair for a little while, but it didn't last long and they were strangers long before the split.

Had he learned to love from the woman who taught him how to live, Lee was in no doubt that he would have known a lot more today, but he was also glad that it didn't happen. It meant that she did not experience the clueless boy that he was; which ultimately would have murdered that fantasy in cold blood.

Still, his love and desire for her transformed into a love and desire for the archetypal cougar, the sexually active middle-aged woman, as he pushed her away; and that was no bad thing at all.

But no harm done, his mother was no predator and she did not physically steal his innocence, or suffocate him instead through emotional incest.

But now that he knew that it could have happened and that Stevie, his own mother, was planning for it to happen, his fantasies had risen from the embers of teenage life like the resurrected phoenix, fuelled by the potent hormones of his blessed youth and virility.

Now she had revealed that hidden and torturous truth, and she hated herself. But he was becoming quickly the opposite. Ray was gone, out of the way, and hopefully forever. Anything beyond life with him was far from impossible, including the possibility that his mother still wanted to have him that way.

Just as she had summoned incredible strength to expose that side of herself, and in the hopes of freeing herself from her own personal prison, maybe Lee needed to be able to show that same strength in helping her. Maybe it was the next natural step in freeing her altogether of her judgement curse; of shame and guilt.

What he wanted to say really would take such strength, if not what it would take to rescue them both from the potential fallout!

To be continued...