A Love for Jesse

Chapter Seven

JESSICA -- My new life

Finally, I finished the long drive across the state and was ready to go to work. The company, West Slope Oil, was a full-scale trial between several oil companies and the federal government... sort of a pilot project. I was amazed at the respect I was shown; it turned out the environmental aspects were given the highest priorities and everyone really stepped forward to help me out.

They put me up in a hotel for two weeks while I looked for a place to stay. The offer was that they would pay half of my housing for the first year, knowing that even though I was going to be making some good money, I still had some student loans to pay off. I looked at apartments and condominiums, but I didn't feel comfortable with the crowded parking lots and the buildings so close together.

After searching for two weeks, I was having breakfast at a great little mom and pop kind of place, ham steaks, three eggs, a mountain of hash browns, homemade biscuits, you get the idea. I got to chatting with the waitress and she mentioned her parents were trying to sell their small ranch just before De Beque, about thirty-five miles back up I-70 towards Denver. She said they were having problems finding anyone interested and that they would consider a lease to buy.

I went out to look at the property and to talk with her parents. I fell in love with the place immediately. It was about eighty acres strung out along a creek that entered into the Colorado River from the north. The road was a dead-end that died at the ranch house. There were a couple of barns, three corrals, and a nicely maintained, but small log cabin. It was about fifty years old but was really clean. There was one big room that was the living room, dining room and kitchen. At the back of the house was a bathroom in the middle with a bedroom on each side, each of which had a door into the bathroom.

The couple was retiring and had bought a small house in Grand Junction. They had raised horses for most of their lives and still had a half dozen left along with ten miniature horses they had been breeding and selling as pets. They almost begged me to take the place and to take care of the horses. They said if I would take care of the animals, they would split with me 50-50 any money made. One barn was full of hay and they had several kids from the local 4-H that would come out and help with the animals.

It was heaven for me! The company gave me a four-wheel drive truck, since I would be spending a lot of time in the backcountry. I moved in a couple of weeks later and felt a wonderful satisfaction as I sat on the front porch of an evening with a mug of tea and looked out at my little slice of heaven. I was happy for the first time in my life ... but still lonely. I did call Cal and told him about the place I'd found. He thought he knew the place but he wasn't sure. It was nice to talk to him and it helped the loneliness some.

The job was working out great! The company was using a new process of extracting oil from the shale, "in-situ." Instead of a physical extraction and processing of the shale, the shale was heated underground and the oil then extracted. To make the extraction process effective, the shale around the area to be worked had to be frozen. If we could show the combined heating/freezing technologies worked, we could put oil on the market for $30 a barrel!

My job was to make sure that in freezing the surrounding ground water that no pollution occurred. It was a strong technical challenge and expertise had to be developed on the fly. I was pleased that I was accepted as an equal member of the team and everyone accepted my credentials and my expertise.

I had been raised in the social climate of the West Slope of Colorado and I knew what the men were like. I had learned the hard way to let them know that I wouldn't take any crap from them. Of course, men made advances but every time I was tempted, I remembered Cal and what he had done for me. I hadn't seen him since I moved to Grand Junction several months ago. He had asked me to call his parents and meet them but I kept putting it off.

Finally, I ran out of excuses and called them and they invited me to their ranch in Rifle for a Sunday dinner. I drove to their ranch, about thirty miles to Rifle from De Beque and then a dozen or so miles north on Government Road. They had about three hundred acres in the valley and a couple thousand more in the hills to the east of the valley. It was a huge operation, and the house was an amazing, really old, three-story brick house.

They were extremely nice and their daughter Jan was there with her husband and their new baby. They let me hold the baby and as it squirmed around in my unfamiliar grasp, I knew what I had been missing in my life and what I wanted more than anything in the world.

Cal's older brother Jacob was also there; I guess he was the ranch manager. He was somewhat older than Cal and Jan and had three kids around ten to thirteen or so.

Everyone was curious about me and I didn't know what Caleb had told them, other than I was his "friend." I didn't say too much, just kept nodding and talking only when asked a question. I had a great time -- they were such a wonderful and close family. They kidded each other a lot, and kept teasing me, but it was all done with real laughter, the kind that can't be faked.

They seemed to accept me as part of the family, but I think they were just wonderful western folks. They did invite me to come for the big Fourth of July party they had every year. They weren't sure if Cal would be there.

I felt closer to Jan than anyone else; we seemed to hit it off. The men were going river rafting the next week: down the Green to the Colorado, going around the huge cliff at the junction and on down to Dinosaur National Monument. They said they did another trip in the fall, just before school started and everyone that could went -- by that time the waters were lower and slower... and safer!

I invited Jan to come out to my place while they were gone and she made the drive. While the baby was taking a nap, she looked through my closet. It was okay with me - I knew all women were curious about that stuff.

Of course, I had bought a bunch of new clothes but Jan got after me... all I had bought were jeans, short sleeve flannel shirts and engineer type boots. After that she kind of adopted me; she kept taking me shopping and making me buy more feminine clothes that would fit in my budget. She also made me get something other than plain functional underwear, took me to a beauty parlor and made me get my haircut short for the summer in a more casual style, and in general made me over.

I didn't mind; I had never had a sister and enjoyed being with her. She taught me a lot about what being a woman meant. She asked me somewhat forthrightly what I thought of Caleb. I blushed and froze up... and started crying. Everything came back to me in a crushing flash - what I had tried to do and why. Jan put her arm around me and let me cry it out. In the end I told her all of it. I had never talked to a woman about my life and it was such a relief to get it all out.

I told her about my childhood, my experiences with boys and later men, particularly with Gerry and what he had done. I blushed again when I told her what Cal had done for me. I confessed my feelings about him, realizing they were deeper than I had let myself think. I admitted to Jan that I was scared of what I felt. Jan just hugged me and didn't say anything.

A couple of weeks later we had lunch in Grand Junction. It was a lot of fun; I was learning how to relax with other people. Then, out of the blue, my life changed.

"Jesse, you do remember about the Fourth of July barbeque at the ranch next Saturday, right?

Actually, I had forgot about it! Cal had called a week earlier and asked me to come. He said it was looking like he wouldn't be able to make it but he wasn't giving up hope.

"Anyway, Cal called me last night and said he was going to make it after all. He finishes his residency this week. He has to go back after the holiday to wrap some stuff up and then he will move out here! An old friend of our dad's has a family practice but wants to retire. Cal will work with him for a year and then take the practice over. The whole family is really excited to have him back with us."

"What do you think about it, Jesse?"

"What did I think about it?" I asked myself.

Chapter Eight

CAL

Jan kept me abreast of what Jesse was doing -- it seems they had become best buddies. I was happy about that. I also heard from my parents and from my older brother Jake about her visits to the ranch. I was curious to see her little horse ranch in De Beque.

Winter quickly turned to summer as it does in Colorado. We had eight inches of snow at the end of May and three days later it was in the mid-eighties!

I didn't think I would be able to make the big family get-to-gather for the Fourth of July but suddenly it worked out. I would have a full week at home. It had been months since I had seen Jesse and I was excited about seeing her again. I wouldn't be able to take all of my stuff but I got some boxes and filled up the back of the truck and took off on a warm evening heading west.

As I got near the rest area where I found Jessica that fateful night, I felt a strong impulse to pull in. I don't know what I was expecting so I poured a cup of coffee from my ever-full thermos and sat on the hood, remembering that too cold night, slowly sipping the coffee. After I finished the coffee, I walked over to a pine tree and broke off a handful of needles, crushing them between my fingers. Holding them to my nose and inhaling the sweet, pungent aroma, remembering the sharp scent in the air that cold windless night... I knew I was in love with Jesse. More than in love, I knew that Jesse completed me.

Strangely the thought came to my mind that we were like two pieces of a jigsaw story: individually we didn't mean anything but together we had a story to tell. That image comforted me on the long drive up and over the mountains, to the dry hot mesas of western Colorado.

I was excited but tired as I drove down the long driveway at the ranch. Pulling into the yard in front of the house, I stopped and looked at the sun setting over the mesas to the west. The sky seemed on fire with golds and reds and oranges smeared together in a panoply covering the sky; a magnificent display of the wonder of life... and love. It was a sight I never forgot and one I always associated with the deep love I developed for Jesse.

It was great to be with the folks again, and Jake and his family. I was thrust into the limelight, feeling like the prodigal son. The love of family is a special kind of love and it felt good. But it seemed as if something was missing, a piece of the puzzle of life not there; and by its absence I was reminded how much I wanted and needed it.

Jan and her husband and her fast-growing baby came over for dinner. It was great to see her -- because of the age differences (Jake was ten years older than me but I was only about eighteen months older than Jan), I had always felt the closest to her. After dinner she walked me out to the corral. There was a colt with its mother there, the colt couldn't have been more than a month old. It would dance up to us, curious, interested. The slightest movement and it would bound away. A few minutes later it would come nosing up again, curiosity overcoming fear for a moment.

This was repeated a number of times and then Jan put her hand on my shoulder, nodded at the colt, and gently said, "Cal look at that colt. That's Jesse. Watch it move... see its love, its fear. If you love Jesse, and I think you do, remember this. You need gentleness and patience to win her over. Even then, there will be times she shies away. Just wait for her; she will come back."

"But, Jan," I stuttered a bit, "But, Jan, how will I know what she feels about me?"

"Well, Cal, how do you feel about her?"

Simply, I said, "Jan, I love her. Do you remember that song about a never-ending love? How does that go?"

"I've got a never-ending love for you

From now on that's all I want to do.

From the first time we met I knew,

I'd have a never-ending love for you."

"That's how I feel about her!"

"Well, when she talked to me, she said that she had, "A Forever Kind of Love" for you! You guys better get your stories straight!"

I had to laugh at that. And maybe, just maybe, Jan was right.

I slept great, as I always do when I come home. Unfortunately, being home revived old habits and I woke well before dawn. I walked down to the corral and saddled a spirited roan that I always liked to ride. I eased into the saddle and after pissin' and moanin' a bit with little hip hop jumps, the roan, Sundance, took off for the eastern horizon.

It felt good to breathe the crisp morning air. Later it would be hot, but in the pre-dawn hour at the 6,500-foot elevation of the ranch, it was crisp! The sun slowly edged over the mesa in front of us. Just by its promise it warmed me up. The roan settled down into a steady pace and I finally felt I was back in a place I belonged.

I started thinking about Jesse's ranch. After hearing Jan's description, I was very curious: how was she doing with the horses. More important, how was she dealing with being alone all the time! I knew she would be here for the Fourth celebration in a few hours, and suddenly pulling Sundance up, I reined around and together we raced for home. The way his mane lay back in his race for home I wondered if he too was looking forward to seeing her!

I got back just in time for breakfast. I'd been used to the puny food I prepared at home or worse, the pathetic food at the hospital, and was awed at the array of hearty breakfast foods waiting for me along with the "bottomless" cups of coffee that were a tradition of the ranch. The give and take at the table was fun... I had missed this more than I knew. For a minute I dreamed that all I wanted out of life was to have a table of my own like this someday; wife, kids, grandkids all sitting around in a large loving family.

Some of the hands were going to do the grilling and the womenfolk seemed to have everything else under control so when Jan suggested I call Jessica and offer to pick her up I jumped at the chance. I grabbed the phone and dialed the number Jan had given me.

"Hello?"

"Jesse, this is Cal. Jan asked me to see if you wanted me to pick you up for the big barbeque?"

"Cal? Cal... is that really you? How are you?"

"I'm sorry, Jesse. How are you getting along? Is it okay if I pick you up?

"Sure, Cal... that would be... great."

"Hey! Can I come early and take a look at your horse ranch?"

"Cal! It's no such thing! It's just a little place compared to yours. I... I really like it though. I've been happy!" she said a little wistfully.

I picked up on that and remembered what Jan had said.

"Okay, I'm leaving now but I want the grand tour before we come back here, okay?"

"Okay, Cal. I'll be ready."

I jumped in the truck and hurried along the Colorado River, turning off to Jesse's small ranch. I was surprised at how neatly organized everything was. As I stopped, the horses ran to the edge of the corral, looking at me with such longing I wished I had brought some apples or carrots.

Jesse came running out with a small bag, smiling and trying to explain: "Jan said to plan on staying overnight, that there might be dancing later! I got one of my 4-H kids coming in tonight and in the morning to take care of everything. Do you like my place? Do we have to leave now? Do you have time to look around? How are you, Cal?"

Laughing, I responded, "Whoa! We don't have to hurry and I'd like you to show me around. I'm fine. I like your place. Yes, there is dancing later! We have a great band coming up from Delta! It's great you can stay over. Now, did I miss anything?"

Jesse blushed and didn't say anything; she just took my arm and started showing me around.

I really liked the place. I didn't say anything to Jessica but I could see in my mind a wing coming off each side of the house. The master bedroom on the left of course, to take advantage of the view. On the right I could see a children's wing... my God, what am I thinking of?

The rest of the property was also better than I expected. The barn was fairly new and seemed sturdy. The corrals were stoutly made. There was plenty of grazing along the creek and room for expansion further up along the creek. Jesse was clearly proud of the place and what she had done with it so far.

Finally, we jumped in the truck and headed for the family ranch. It seemed a disorganized madhouse but as we looked around, we could see that it was just organized chaos. Jan came running up and gave both of us a big hug and an even bigger smile.

"So, big brother, how did you like her ranch?"

I smiled at both of them, and honestly said, "It's great. It looks like a wonderful place to live." Nodding to Jesse, I continued, "Jesse has done a great job with it."

A little wistfully, I added, "It only needs a family to make it perfect!"

Jesse turned red at this.

The day was perfect. The steaks and ribs were just right along with all the accouterments the womenfolk had been working on for a couple of days. Sometimes Jesse was with me; sometimes she wandered off with Jan or one of the kids. She seemed like a girl at her first circus: running around constantly to make sure she didn't miss anything.

After dinner we all moved to the biggest of the barns. It was always fixed up on the Fourth for the big dance, and neighbors from all over the valley showed up. The dance was always the highlight of this holiday weekend -- everyone had great fun.

Jesse came in dressed in tight jeans, a flashy cowgirl shirt with a leather vest and new cowboy boots. She looked lovely. When the band started playing, I walked over to her, bowed, and asked, "Milady, may I have the pleasure of this first dance?"

Jesse seemed embarrassed and asked," Cal, could I wait a little? No one is on the floor now. Ask me the first slow dance? Okay?"

I smiled at her and answered, "Sure, Milady!"

After four or five songs, the band started playing, "Tennessee Waltz." I looked around for Jesse but I didn't see her. Suddenly, a heavy weight almost knocked me over. It turned out to be Barbara, my steady girl from high school. A lot of people thought we would wind up getting married but she went to school in Colorado Springs and I went to medical school in Denver and we lost touch with each other. I'd actually almost forgotten about her.

She threw her arms around my neck and gave me a passionate kiss. I guess she hadn't forgotten about me! Before I could say anything, she started dancing the slow song with me, molding her body to mine much more than I was comfortable with. Looking around the only one I saw was Jacob. I gave him a sharp nod and he picked up on it right away. He walked over and tapped on my shoulder and cut in.

I gave Barbara a helpless shrug and mouthed, "We'll dance later."

I hurried off looking for Jesse but I couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I asked Tom, one of our long-time hands and he nodded.

"Yeah, I think she left with Jeff. He's one of the new hands -- I don't think you know him. He thinks he's somewhat of a ladies' man! Say, isn't that the girl Jan said you were sweet on?"

I grunted some reply and walked back by the stables. As I thought about it, I got kinda pissed! She was so shy with me but with this flash cowboy she just takes off. The more I thought about it the unhappier I became. I stalked back to the tub of long-necks in front of the barn and grabbed a couple of bottles and went to the front of the house and sat down. As I was nursing the second bottle, Jan walked up looking worried.