A Midnight Feeding - Nana and Me

Everyone in the small Bible belt town of Milan, Oklahoma thought Mary was putting on a brave face by not shedding many tears at the funeral of both her son and her husband. The actual truth though was a bit more complicated than all that with the reality being she was relieved to be out from under both her over bearing husband and her mean spirited son.

The two of them had been out drinking one night a week ago, getting hammered as usual, when her Joseph lost control of his old pickup truck out on route 10. He ended up crashing into a telephone pole, killing them both.

While she warned Nathan, her son, plenty of times about drinking and driving, she dared not warn her husband though as nobody could tell old Joseph, as he was known around town, anything. Nope, old Joseph, sixty one and as stubborn and ill-mannered as a mule, was an ex-marine and a self-proclaimed expert on nearly everything. Much to Mary's sorrow though, the one thing he was not good at was being a decent husband or a good father.

Now at the ripe old age, it seemed old to her anyways, of fifty one, Mary was alone in this world except for her adoring grandson, Nathan Jr., aka Nate, or little Natey as she affectionately called him at times when they were alone and enjoying a quiet moment.

Now she would—finally- get to spend some quality time with her now eighteen year old grandson. Prior to both her husband and son's untimely demises, over the years, they pretty much prevented Mary from spending any quality time with him.

Her son, damn him, was particularly hard on Nathan Jr., proclaiming, "That boy is pussified enough already without you making things worse Mom by treating him all sweet and nice. The world is anything but sweet and nice and he needs to learn that."

In her own marriage, Joseph had prevented her from showing anything but the barest of kindness to her son growing up, because Joseph feared his kind hearted wife would turn their son into a "mama's boy".

She was only sixteen when she made the mistake of marrying the hard bitten, hard drinking marine, twelve years her senior. A mere nine months later, in an extremely hard delivery, she gave birth to Nathan. She would, sadly, be unable to safely have any more children after this first rough delivery.

Her marriage to Joseph, after a brief honeymoon period where he treated her relatively well, quickly became, on the best of days, tedious, and on the worst, downright ugly.

His overbearing attitude on child rearing was a real bone of contention between them as Joseph loved three things more than anything: the marines, the bible, and strict discipline. While the strict discipline stretched to all parts of life it was, in particular, apt in summing up his view on raising children.

Raised in the Bible belt by ultra-conservative parents who instilled those same strict values in her, Mary never seriously considered divorce. She was simply expected to tough it out and hope for the best and that is exactly what she did up until the day both her husband and son died.

Nathan was nineteen when he knocked up his girlfriend, Alison, an older, fun loving twenty three year old blond, ex- high school cheerleader, and at his father's insistence, he did the right thing by marrying her.

Her son's marriage, much like her own, was nothing to brag about. This was thanks mainly, like in her own marriage, her son's hard driven and hard drinking ways. He worked construction and made good money allowing his wife, Alison, to spoil little Nathan Jr., at least until he started to get older and Nathan's drinking, and gambling, started to take a toll on the family finances.

After a particularly brutal fight, which turned physical when Nathan slapped the living shit out of his wife a good three or four times, Alison packed up her bags and moved out. Little Nate was only six years old at the time.

When she tried to take little Nathan Jr. with her, his father flew into such a rage, threatening to kill her and her damn son, and then, of course, himself, Alison caved and left without her son.

Six months later, and two failed attempts to reconcile her marriage, Alison moved to California, intending on sending for her son when she got settled.

A series of bad boyfriends and dead end jobs never gave Alison the needed comfort in bringing her child to California. Adding to her angst, was her now ex-husband swearing if she tried to gain custody of her son he would take Nathan Jr. and simply disappear.

Knowing her ex-husband was not one to make idle threats, Alison caved, settling for a long distance phone call and letter exchanging relationship with Nathan Jr. as he entered his formative teen years.

Mary actually, once or twice, tried to talk sense into her son by telling him Nathan Jr. might be better off with his mom but both times ended in failure. When Joseph got wind of her "needless meddling" he told her in no uncertain terms to "butt out" of their son's business. After that she suffered in relative silence at the situation.

Now with both Joseph and Nathan gone, Mary feared Nate was going to run off to California to live with his mother, but such fears proved to be groundless after Nate suggested she sell her house and move in with him.

Thinking a fresh start would be good, and it wasn't like the house she lived in with Nathan contained anything but the barest of happy memories, Mary readily agreed.

Mary, wanting a fresh start beyond just having a new place to live, underwent a complete transformation. She went on a strict diet, took up yoga and started hitting the gym religiously, allowing her to be in the best shape of her life. Spread out nicely on her five foot seven frame, Mary's weight was down to a fit and trim one hundred and thirty six pounds. Then, in a rash decision, she got a stylish new haircut.

Actually, up until this point in his young life, Nate usually preferred women with longer hair but his Nana, with her light brown hair combed short and neat over to one side, while showing not a hint of gray, thanks to the magic of having her hair freshly colored at a local hair salon, made it work as he found her new hairstyle, along with her attitude in life, quite appealing.

Better yet, the lines on her face seemed less evident, her smile a bit livelier, and maybe, most obvious of all, her whole demeanor just appeared to undergo a positive transformation in Nate's eyes. Best of all it was new attitude, light, carefree, and playful, which Nate now found himself irresistibly drawn to.

But it wasn't the new haircut or new attitude which impressed Nate the most about this new and improved version of his grandmother: it was her more shapely body.

It was obvious by the way she dressed now around the house her new carefree attitude extended to her sense of fashion. Maybe proud of the way she was hitting the gym five times a week, along with her strict diet, Mary appeared to want to show off her new and improved body by doing several things such as: wearing both tighter jeans and tighter tops, along with maybe a few more buttons left undone on her blouses, all left no doubt in Nate's eyes his grandmother possessed a nice, fit body for a woman her age.

While it might have been embarrassing to admit, the truth was damning: whenever they were in the same room together, Nate had a difficult time keeping his eyes off of his nana's body—in particular her chest. For some reason her tits now seemed both bigger and fuller than before—much to his secret delight as he was a deluxe, first class tit hound.

The reason Mary's tits seemed both bigger and fuller than before was simple: she used the money from the sale of her house to have a breast lift performed, giving new life to her nice thirty eight inch, D- cup breasts.

Roughly two months after moving in with Nate it was a Saturday night in late January and her fifty second birthday. After celebrating with a nice dinner at a fancy Italian restaurant nearby, he drove them home.

Mary, thanks to a couple glasses of red wine and the absolutely intoxicating way her young grandson was treating her, was feeling as light as a feather as she settled down on the sofa in the two story, three bedroom house's cozy downstairs living room.

Mary was wearing a snug pair of jeans and a new, close-fitting white with black horizontal stripes top with the whole ensemble managing to be both sexy and classy all at once. Nate, for his part, was also dressed casually nice in a pair of tan khakis and a light blue button up dress shirt.

"More wine, Nana?" he asked hopefully after she sat down on the sofa. He liked how his Nana got a bit friendly and flirtatious when she had a little too much wine. Tonight, being her birthday, he figured just might be a good night to push things to the limit, so to speak, and see how she might act if she got "sloppy" drunk.

"Hmm, maybe one more glass, hon," Mary answered. "That will put me at my limit of three for the night but first I'm going to go upstairs and change into something a bit more comfortable."

A few minutes later she came back downstairs wearing, much to his disappointment, a pair of old sweatpants and a heavy plain sweatshirt.

After bringing her the fresh glass of red wine he handed it to her with a smile saying, "You know tonight is your birthday, Nana so there shouldn't be any talk of limits . . . especially in regards to alcohol. I mean aren't people allowed to get, you know, sloppy drunk, on their birthdays?"

"We'll see," she said with a coy smile as she wondered if her usually reserved grandson was actually trying to get her drunk on purpose. Maybe it was those furtive sips of wine she not only let him take, but encouraged him to take during their dinner at the restaurant that had him acting so bold.

After sitting quietly for a few minutes while they made general small talk, Mary excused herself to use the bathroom. Nate, as soon as she had disappeared inside the bathroom, used the chance to make a mad dash to his bedroom where he retrieved his Nana's birthday gift.

After the rotten way his grandfather, and his dad, for that matter had treated her all those long years, Nate decided he was going to go all out on her birthday to make his nana feel special.

When Mary got back Nate was sitting on the sofa with a wide grin. Next to him, where she had been sitting, were a dozen red roses and a large teddy bear.

"Oh God roses, honey. You shouldn't have. They are beautiful," she told him while feeling so utterly thrilled he did.

"Beautiful . . . like you, Nana," he told her as he hit her with his best charming smile.

"Hmm, such flattery I am not used to . . . but I could get used to it," she told him as she leaned in, giving him a warm hug. "Real used to it, sweetie," she whispered in his ear before letting him go.

They spent the next few minutes making idle chit chat on the sofa as Mary sipped on her wine getting pleasantly wasted before he asked a serious question.

"So Nana how was your birthday? I mean did you get everything you wanted?"

After a long pause she answered, "Hmm, almost everything."

"Only almost. What more could I give you?"

She sighed, unsure if she should even broach the subject.

Sensing she had something important to ask him, Nate pressed her to tell him. "C'mon on Nana. Ask me. I am in a giving mood and besides it's your birthday and that means I can't deny you anything." Grinning broadly he added, "I think it's an official rule or something."

"Well since you are so desperate for me to ask . . ." She took one final gulp of her wine, nearly finishing it off before taking a deep breath. "I know I have no real right to ask this but my worry is simple and sometimes keeps me awake at night. I'm just afraid you are going to go running off to California to be with your mom and I was hoping you could somehow promise me you wouldn't do that. At least not right away. I know it's a promise I don't have the right to ask of you but--"

Leaning in, he quickly grasped both of her hands in his firmly. "I promise . . . so see, you have absolutely nothing to worry about."

"That is easy for you to say now but I just have the feeling someday, maybe sooner than later, she is going to reach out to you and try to lure you out there and the truth is . . . I mean, c'mon you and your mom have, and will always have that special mother and son bond that as your grandmother only I could never hope to compete with."

Nate smiled at her warmly. The truth was his mom had already reached out to him, more than once since his father died, inviting him to move out to California to be with her. He politely demurred, telling her, "Maybe later when I get some money together."

Of course, he did not tell any of this to his Nana Mary, nor would he now, for sure, considering her insecure feelings.

Squeezing her hands, Nate dropped his voice to a low whisper as he told her, "My bond with my mom is not that strong Nana . . . I mean how could it be? She has been gone for years and is a thousand miles away, give or take."

"I know all that but I also know what I witnessed over the years . . . I mean when she was here when you were younger you two were so close . . . at least when your father wasn't around to stop her from being, you know, physically close to you."

"Nana that was a long time ago."

"I understand what I witnessed, first hand, as to you bonding with your mother and know such bonds last a lifetime."

"What did you witness," he asked curiously.

"I . . ." Mary shook her head before hanging it sadly. "It will make you uncomfortable and me sad talking about it."

"Tell me," he insisted. "Please."

She sighed before giving in. "You were real young then, only a baby, maybe seven or eight months old. I had gotten into a bad fight with your grandfather, bad enough where I actually left him. I moved in with you guys. I was sleeping on the sofa at night. Your old sofa, before this one, it was right here in the exact spot." She paused to point. "Over there where the easy chair is now was a comfortable loveseat."

"Anyways that first night I didn't sleep well, and was woken up when I heard your mother enter the living room where I was sleeping. I think I mumbled something to her and she told me to go back to sleep. I heard you crying softly and then she sat down. I could just make out her dark figure as there was a bit of light shining in from the kitchen. Your mom always left the small light on over the sink. I was almost slipping back to sleep when I heard you cooing softly, contently that is and then I heard the soft sound of suckling. I peeked out from under my blanket and watched, my heart growing jealous as she sat on the loveseat breastfeeding you. I remember the old grandfather clock, the stupid thing is still there over in the corner I see, began to toll then. I counted the chimes . . . there was twelve of them. Anyways, I was there maybe a week and every night around the same time the same thing . . . she would breastfeed you sitting there not five feet away from me on the loveseat and every night I felt the same . . . jealousy."

Mary feel silent then for a quiet moment before reaching out to him. "Those types of bonding moments between a mother and son are embedded deep honey and like I said before . . . I could never compete with something like that since I never, obviously got to breast feed you or even hardly cuddle with you at all."

Nate wasn't sure what to say as his grandmother's story-- it obviously had great emotional meaning to her-- ended.

After a long moment of silence, Mary let out a heavy sigh before starting to get up. "I should go off to bed now, hon."

Reaching out, he snagged her by the arm. "No, Nana. Stay. I don't want you to go to bed upset."

"Yeah, but I am tired, hon." She paused before adding, "All that wine, plus it's getting late you know. It's got to be getting close to midnight by now."

"So sleep here on the sofa. I'll . . . I'll stay next to you." Going for broke, he added, "You could fall asleep while cuddling me, Nana. I'll let you and besides . . . like you said earlier, you never got to cuddle me enough when I was younger and since dad or grandpa it not here to tell you we can't cuddle we should take advantage of it."

"As nice as your suggestion is to fall asleep while cuddling my precious little Natey, the fact is you are not my precious little Natey . . . anymore. Nope, instead, you are all grown up, eighteen years old, and what eighteen year old boy wants to be cuddled by his nana."

Nate smiled at her. "Maybe I am in a mood to . . . you know . . . channel my inner child tonight and let you cuddle me all you want Nana." Deciding to empathize the point he acted as if the issue was settled when he hopped up from the sofa and began to hurry out of the room.

"Hey where are you going?" she said as he started to leave the room.

"Just to the hallway closet to get your favorite heavy quilt for us to cuddle under Nana. I mean cuddling is always better on a cold night under a warm blanket right?"

Mary sighed as she nodded her head in agreement. It was nice how sweet Nate was trying to be with her. She thought about his suggestion to fall asleep there on the sofa while cuddling him and it seemed markedly better than the alternative of sleeping alone in her own bed.

Five minutes later they were snuggled under the heavy quilt. As promised, Nate was allowing her to cuddle him as he pressed his warm body up against hers.

She wasn't comfortable though. Between the heavy quilt and her sweatpants and sweatshirt, and with him pressed up against her, she was simply too warm.

"Honey . . . as much as I'm enjoying cuddling my adorable grandson your nana is simply not comfortable."

"Why not?"

"I guess I'm just too warm. Maybe I should just go upstairs huh and sleep in my own bed. It's not your fault."

Nate dressed in his usual sleeping attire of a tee shirt and gym shorts told her, "Actually I'm not surprised since I'm a little warm myself so I can imagine you must be real warm considering your wearing that stupid heavy sweatshirt and ugly sweatpants but I don't think you sleeping upstairs is a good answer to the problem . . . unless you are just using this as an excuse because since I'm older now I am no longer worth cuddling?"

"That is nonsense, sweetie. I am enjoying cuddling you. Really, I'm just too hot is all. So anyways, what is a good answer then if it's not me going off upstairs to sleep in my own bed?"

"It's definitely not that Nana . . . you sleeping in your own bed so maybe . . . maybe you are just overdressed. I mean since we are under the quilt do you really need to be wearing that heavy sweatshirt and sweat pants anymore?"

"I . . . I suppose not but . . . but I can't imagine you really not being grossed out or something if your nana was to strip down to her underwear so I'm going have to take a pass on that idea."

"Nana," he protested loudly, "why would I be grossed out? No way."

"Look hon, I simply don't wanna embarrass myself in front of you OK?"

"Embarrass yourself how? You got a great body, Nana. Yeah, I have noticed all the weight you lost. Your weekly trips to the gym have not been wasted on my eyes, Nana. Besides, it's pretty much dark in the living room so . . . what's the big deal?"

While not completely dark, they had left a small lamp on in the far corner of the living room, it was still comfortably dim in the living room.

Mary, secretly thrilled by his comments, responded coyly. "Well great is probably an exaggeration but I have been working out and lost a bit of weight and you are right . . . it is pretty much dark in here so maybe that is not a half bad idea."

"I think it's a great idea and would prove you really do still wanna cuddle with your young and needy grandson."

"Young and needy huh? I think I like that description of you," she said with a sigh as she stood up. Against her better judgement maybe, she decided to follow his advice.