A New Mental Image

I am told that I first met Claire on a play date when we were both ten months old. My folks had just moved into a new house in the suburbs and they discovered that the family next door had an infant the same age as me. It was only natural that the new mothers would seek each other out and eventually baby sit for each other since both of them had part time jobs. I don't remember it but I guess Claire and I spent a whole lot of time together as infants. You know how those early childhood memories are. You have little flashes of happy events or drama but you don't have really solid remembrances until around age of three or four.

However, I do distinctly remember baths with Claire. Our mothers would toss the two of us into a tub and then with one of them on the toilet seat and the other kneeling on the floor, they would wash us and then gossip while letting us play with bath toys. I remember Claire's skinny little bod, long blond hair and l think I remember standing up in the tub one day and asking "How does she pee if she doesn't have a penis?" I guess that's when the separate baths started but I do remember that it was still common practice to have us sleep in the same bed when our parents were saving on baby sitters. I remember whispering in the dark and telling ghost stories and then holding her little hand because we had scared ourselves silly.

Claire and I were both a little introverted and shy. Oh we had other friends but my closest friend was always Claire. There was a bond that was forged between us that I didn't think ever could be broken. Physically we even looked a lot alike. We are both natural blonds and had similar slim builds and blue eyes. I guess there was often joking speculation that perhaps our folks had been a little chummy.

I remember my preschool and early Elementary time as carefree and relatively trauma free. There was lots of outdoor play and I guess an emphasis on running. That's probably why I have had a lifelong interest in that for exercise. I even had a moderately successful career on the high school track team. Bullying reared its ugly head in the fourth grade. My dad handled it brilliantly by enrolling me in a martial arts class during summer break. I took to it like a duck to water and when Johnny Henderson tried to shake me down for my lunch money the next September, he found himself pined down on the asphalt playground, arms behind his back and blood pouring from his nose. Needless to say Johnny and his buds left Claire and I alone and after I defended some other friends, them as well. I kept up with the training all through High School and it has served me well to this day. Actually, Johnny became quite the football player and in later life became a friend to both Claire and myself.

Puberty is a stressful and exciting time for a kid. Somehow Claire and I navigated all the emotional ups and downs of adolescence through middle and high school and emerged as a bonded couple at the other end.

On the athletics side we both got involved in the Track program and while neither of us became stars we did well enough to letter in the sport and rely on running as a lifetime principal exercise. We also did very well in academics, I in the sciences and Claire in Liberal Arts. We got involved with enough clubs and extra curricular activities to give ourselves well rounded resumes. As graduation approached we were rewarded with scholarship offers from a wide variety of schools. We picked UW Madison because they had a fine Law School for Claire and an excellent Medical School for me.

When it became obvious to our parents that we were more than just platonic friends, both of us were taken aside for the "talk". Our parents were happy that we were a couple but concerned about premature grandchildren. We of course assured our elders that while we admitted to a little teen age "hanky" there would be no "panky" until we were at least 18 and of an age to responsibly handle all the attendant issues. Not withstanding all of our assurances, Claire's mother eventually took her quietly to the gynecologist and started her on birth control pills to "regulate her periods."

Our 18th birthdays, our first official "panky" act and departure for college all happened within weeks of one another. We eagerly attacked UW with the same organization and planning that we did High School. At 55,000 students we didn't share any classes but we did live in the same dorm for the first three years on campus. I had a single on 7 and she lived in a double on 6. It was a little cramped in a single bed for our tension relievers but at least we had all the privacy we needed. Actually, we got kind of used to sleeping spooned together. Her little 5'1" 96 pound body curled nicely inside my 6'2" 180 pound embrace. My hands on her firm little B's, "little Tom" as we called him in his warm and snuggly home, three to four orgasms and sleep like a baby.

College itself didn't present any great difficulty to either of us. Claire burned up the pre law curriculum and I did the same in pre Med with a Chemistry emphasis. Our school days were segmented into sex, class time, study time, exercise, food and more sex. We did a modest amount of socializing with classmates on weekends, did the obligatory football and basketball games and hoisted a few on State Street but basically our personal world was a party of two.

Our parents fretted about how insular we were. They felt that we were putting way too much attention into just one relationship instead of cultivating a wider group of friends. Most of what they had to say just went in one ear and out the other, our bond was too intense. Once we got to Madison it was too late for them to interfere. We created our own little love world and only later would we realize how dangerous that was.

Claire was a shoo in for UW Law and she tentatively accepted admission pending where I got admitted for my newly chosen career in Medicine. As it turned out I did quite well on the MCATs and had a number of schools to choose from. I of course picked Madison and luckily they also wanted me.

The summer before Grad school was a tough one on our love life. We both had several part time jobs and it was wild trying to match up some together time. Luckily we both had Sundays off and so we maximized our love time then. Aside from some snacking and biological breaks we pretty much just made slow, sensuous love and soaked up each others essence all day long. I know I loved just running my hands all over Claire's fantastic body in a slow sensuous light massage. Her pubic hair was just as fair as the hair on her head and was quite thin. Despite that, it was that summer that we started the practice of severely trimming it back and finally removing it completely.

We both got off on and often reminisced about those baths together when we were toddlers. Claire, as a shaven mature woman, had an absolutely perfect tight clamshell pussy. Her inner lips were tight little bands protecting her clit and vagina and her outer lips were perfect guardians of the foregoing. She loved my tongue work as I explored her treasures and finally isolating her clit. At first when I tongued her she was ultra sensitive and would freak out if I got carried away with her love button. Gradually she learned to tolerate more clit attention and loved it when I would take the little toy between my lips and suck it in and out. If I got it just right I could make her chain orgasm nine or ten times until she would grab my ears and pull me off.

Other than the big event of trimming her pussy we made the parents happy by announcing our engagement. It came as no shock to anyone since we had been joined at the hip and other places almost since infancy. Neither of us was strongly driven to set a date other than "after we get out of school." Since we were living together already and sex wasn't an issue, there was just no reason to hurry into marriage.

Law School was academically easy for Claire but she had issues and a bad case of the nerves when it came to speaking in front of a class. Most of the profs could be arrogant pricks and they loved to embarrass students. Eventually she got over the public speaking issues but I knew she suffered from stage fright when she prepared for class. She had been used to glowing compliments about her wonderful neat scholarship, not obnoxiously challenged to defend her conclusions. Welcome to the UW casebook method of instruction. Eventually she conquered her demons to the point that she was selected for the Law Review staff, a huge honor.

Med School was demanding but one got the feeling that they wanted you to succeed and were willing to help you to achieve your goals. I loved it but the hours of study and clinical work left little time for a personal life and Claire and I had to make serious adjustments once again to our sex life. The first two years of Med School is some pretty intensive classroom and lab work and while challenging it was not really any more difficult than the undergrad program. The fun stuff and the long hours start with the clinical rotations. Third year's program is all mandatory but during the forth you can start to branch into the fields of medicine that really interest you. For some reason I was drawn to Surgery and in particular, Surgical Oncology. During my 3rd year rotation I had assisted in several surgeries in which tumors had been removed potentially saving the lives of the patients. I had also witnessed the followup meetings with the Radiation and Medical Oncologists and became so impressed with the fantastic team approach to saving lives that I selected this field to pursue the lions share of 4th year. The fact that several of the six week rotations were out of Madison did not seem to me to be a problem until it was.

At the end of Claire's third year in Law School she graduated with high honors and with her Law Review credentials was offered a clerkship with one of the Wisconsin Supreme Court Justices. These are plum jobs and make getting a lucrative law firm job a snap. I whole heartedly supported her accepting the position and besides, I had one more year of Med School.

In July I started my first rotation in Oncology and damed if it wasn't at Sloan Kettering in New York. I would be gone for 6 solid weeks and Claire didn't take it well. She was busy with her clerkship but nights were lonely. We had been a sexually active couple forever and abrupt chastity was a shock to our systems. I was busy on a random 24/7 basis but managed to jerk one off in the shower every so often. Claire had more regular hours and too many idle hours spent dwelling on her depression. She had tried to set up a SKYPE or just a phone schedule with me but my off schedule never seemed to coincide with her free evenings. We were left with text messages and email.

My rotation at Sloan Kettering was absolutely fantastic from a professional point of view. I did very well in my evaluation and I was now convinced that Oncology was going to be my first choice for Residency. I had established contacts with a number of Fellows and Surgeons from Sloan, and MD Anderson in Houston. That could prove to be beneficial in the future. I was on a high on the drive home. I had gotten off two days early and was going to surprise Claire.

I pulled up in front of our apartment after my 16 hour drive at 1:00 AM on a Saturday morning. Leaving my suitcases in the trunk I parked in the visitors parking because some asshole was in my assigned spot next to Claire's car. I was tired, pissed off but eager to see Claire as I entered the building and made my way down the hall to our apartment. I opened the door and was immediately overwhelmed by the distinctive smell of sex, specifically pussy. The Living room was littered with a mix of drink glasses, beer bottles and clothes. At least two men had contributed pants, shirts, suit coats and shoes. I quickly noted a feminine looking blouse, skirt, slip, and a black bra and panty set that I recognized as looking like the one I had purchased for Claire's last birthday. As I took in this scene I unconsciously started moving to the bedroom to get the rest of this nightmare over.

What I saw as I looked into the room would be fused into my memory. My angelic fiancé, my soul partner for almost 25 years was on all fours on our bed. Hanging onto her hips as he fucked her from behind was a studious looking guy wearing Harry Potter glasses. Another slightly more athletic guy was feeding a respectfully long cock into Claire's mouth as he pulled and twisted her proud nipples.

I suppose I could have kicked the rear guy in the balls and messed up the front guy before he could pull his cock out of her mouth but a feeling of cold, but calm anger took over. Instead of physical action I instead pulled out my phone and snapped several pictures which caught the action and as the flash went off repeatedly, the startled and then scared expressions on all of their faces.

Claire started to say the old bullshit phrase "Its not what it seems" but I cut her off and snarled, "Be out of the apartment tomorrow afternoon. I will clear out my shit and be out of your life so you can fuck your buddies without me getting in your way."

With that I turned on my heels and rushed out of the apartment. By the time I hit the parking lot my phone started going off but I just switched it off and headed for the motels out on the Beltline.

I can't say it was a pleasant night but a good share of a fifth of Beam and my 16 hour drive put me to sleep. The next morning I woke up fairly clear headed and on motel stationary made a to do list for the post Claire era. I resolved to finish out Med School and get on with my chosen Residency without waiver. I was not going to allow that worthless slut to ruin my life. I was even glad that this had happened now rather than after we were married.

I got to the apartment at 1:00 and surprisingly Claire wasn't there. I quickly went through the unit and filled plastic garbage bags with clothes and incidentals. I had 6 boxes of text books, one of electronics and another of bathroom stuff. I pointedly left all pictures of our life together and filled my car to the roof with my shit. Claire had left me a letter on the kitchen table and without reading it I stuffed it in one of the boxes and left.

I lucked out and by late Saturday afternoon I had rented a small furnished efficiency within walking distance of the school. By 5 I was moved in, by 7 I had sheets on the bed, my study desk set up and was logged into my new Internet service. Basically, I had moved through the day like a zombie, very efficiently unpacking and settling my stuff and not concentrating on the enormity of the event that had happened.

It wasn't until stomach growled that I realized I hadn't eaten since last night. By 8 I had hit the local Kwik Trip and had a two frozen pizzas and a12 pack. Typical Bachelor fare on a Saturday night when he has just found out his life long girlfriend was a fucking cum slut.

Over a slice I got out her letter and with a cold heart read it.

My Dearest Thomas

Before I get into the heart of this letter please let me state the obvious. I never ever intended for you to see the spectacle that you walked in on. I am mortified that you saw a side of me that I have always hidden from you.

I have loved you all my life and I will never ever stop until I draw my last breath. We are part of one another joined at the soul. We have physically joined in love countless times since we were in our teens. We have respected one another and our love making reflected that respect. You have been kind and gentle with me and any normal woman would worship at your feet.

The involuntary celibacy of our separation during your clinical assignment at Sloan forced me to deal with my inner demons. We have always been physically close and hardly a day has ever gone by without a soft caress, kiss and yes beautiful intercourse. Without your presence my need for physical attention went wild. You have to know that until your absence I was never physically unfaithful to you. However, from time to time I would indulge in terrible fantasy flights that you could not even imagine. Under the surface I am and always have been the worst degenerate cum slut that you can imagine. What you saw yesterday was a relatively vanilla blowing off of steam with two old Law School buddies. I have done much worse in the past month with both men and women and yet my inner slut has not been satisfied.

I am filthy, unclean and can never be with you again. I am so sorry. So very sorry. You deserve so much better than the miserable slut that I have become. I am so proud of you and I know that you are going to be a great doctor. Perhaps sometime in the future we can meet for coffee or something and update each other on our careers. Your ring is enclosed with this letter. I will take care of notifying the parents. Again, I am so so sorry.

All my love always.

Claire

I cried for Claire and then for me. I then proceeded to again drink myself to sleep.

The next day, month and school year blended together and suddenly it was June and Graduation. I graduated very close to the top of my class and was rewarded with a Residency Contract with the best Oncology program in the country at MD Anderson in Houston. My folks were unhappy with the distance from home but were impressed with the prestige of the offer and the fact that it actually paid American Dollars and I could finally start paying off some of my college debt. However, my loans were not any where nearly as bad as some of my friends because I had had a full ride undergrad scholarship and a number of partial assistance grants in Medical School.

Graduation day was sort of bittersweet without you know who in attendance but my parents knew better than to discuss it. True to her word Claire had contacted all the parents, relatives and close friends and took the full burden of the breakup on herself. The operative phrase that she used was "During Tom's absence on a clinical rotation I committed the unpardonable sin of being unfaithful to my long term love. We have parted ways and at this time, reconciliation is unfortunately, not an option."

After the ceremony I packed up my car and went home with mom and dad for a couple of days and then set out on a long solo exploration of North America until ending up in Houston for the July 1 start of Residency. I was to spend the next six years at MD Anderson working through my Internship, Residency and two Fellowships. In June of that sixth year and just months from my 30th birthday, my resume was out and the offers began pouring in. I was tempted to take the offer from the Carbone Center in Madison which is where I got my start. However, the best offer came from my present home here in Houston at the Cancer Center that is consistently recognized as the best in the entire country. I was proud of the fact that the top Oncology practice in Houston had offered me a multi six figure contract. I would be joining a number of partners with whom I had compatibly worked for the last six years. After discussing all the offers with my wife, we put an offer in on a 4 bd 2 1/2 Bath in a near by neighborhood and signed the offer. The final graduation ceremony that I participated in was also attended by my two year old son Thomas Jr and my wife and her baby bump caused by my soon to be born daughter who was yet to be named.

Flashback 6 years.

My career at Anderson was quite interesting. The first year was considered an Internship and I had devoted myself 100% to nothing but the work 16 to 18 hours a day. I had no time for anything resembling a personal relationship with a woman, but I will admit to having several "friends with benefits" events with colleagues. I guess I became a challenge for the single women in parallel programs because cancer techs, nurses and a myriad of support staff made a concerted effort to connect with me. I withstood the attention and became pretty much a cold fish. After all, what would you expect after the woman you had loved and trusted all your live started fucking other men. Then one day after my first year I got an interesting email from Claire. It read