A New Perspective Ch. 01

I've tasted my own semen during a few solo sessions to satisfy my curiosity, and during cunnilingus following a love-making session with my wife as I love to please her. It is interesting that before I ejaculate, the thought of swallowing my semen is so powerful and deliciously salacious that I can't wait to have it, yet after climax, my desire evaporates. I'm not repulsed by it. Like being fully satisfied at a meal, I'm just no longer hungry or interested.

My wife is somewhat aware of this appetite, though she has little idea how much I would enjoy it if she only pushed me a bit on this peculiar desire. I've been too embarrassed to pursue it. And, as she doesn't really like the taste and texture of semen in her mouth much, I suspect she doesn't want me to like it either.

Do I actually 'like' the taste of my semen? No, though I'm not repulsed by it. However, I liked the idea of experiencing having it ejaculated into my mouth.

The initial flood of semen hit the back of my throat, causing me to cough, and withdraw. The second eruption hit my face so I quickly covered the cock again to receive the rest of the ejaculate.

He continued his arc through orgasm, the initial spasms intense with the semen reaching the back of my throat, but then growing less urgent and farther apart. When he was finished, and no longer thrusting involuntarily, saliva and semen combined into a slippery slurry as I swirled my tongue around the crown.

There was a sizable volume of semen in my mouth as I continued fellating the softening cock. I then swallowed leaving my mouth coated with a potent, pungent taste. Swallowing was the only appropriate finish to the salacious act.

As he pulled away, I could feel semen dripping from my chin which I wiped off, along with the rest of my face and mouth. I then stood up to find a corner of the room to recover from the experience.

I felt guilty but euphoric as I replayed the experience in my mind. As I hadn't had my own orgasm, I was still in a state of heightened arousal.

I ached for my own release but thought I should be getting back to the party before my absence became conspicuous. I found the door and snuck my way back upstairs to look for my wife.

Finding her in the kitchen, she gave me a quick kiss, only to look at me strangely and ask "what have you been eating?", with a chuckle.

"I, uh, must have been some of the olives they put out. Some had some garlic stuffing or something" I stuttered. She looked at me somewhat quizzically but dropped it to return to her conversation.

I had no idea whose cock I just enjoyed, but it occurred to me that its owner might be able to identify me. He knows that I am dressed in some way as a woman, with nice long pigtails.

Though it was a sizable party, it wouldn't be hard to figure out so I suggested to my wife that I'd like to go home soon. While she's used to me wanting to leave parties early, she wasn't ready to leave as she was catching up with some old friends. So, I hung around behind her for a while, hoping to avoid interacting much with other people.

It was then that I saw him, dressed as a cowboy and walking up the back stairs. Of course, I couldn't be sure, but he looked me up and down, and then smiled knowingly. I felt my face begin to flush and looked at the floor to avoid further contact. Fortunately, I didn't know him, though I had seen him around before.

As my wife was still deep in conversation with her friend, I again began to cautiously wander, looking around to avoid meeting my new friend. I headed back to the snacks and grabbed another glass of wine, hoping to wash down some of the convicting smell on my breath.

It was there that he came up to me. He smiled and introduced himself as Steve, shaking my hand. I reluctantly returned "Chris", the flush rapidly returning to my face.

"Cute costume - I really like it."

"Thanks" was all I managed to somehow choke out while looking around for some escape.

"The pigtails are a particularly nice touch. And, came in handy," he chuckled. He then added, "it looks like you spilled something on your top" while pointing to a glob just sitting there on my blouse. Looking down, I saw a sizable drop of semen deposited there.

"Oh my god!" I groaned with horror and quickly swiped the glob off with my finger, brushing the wet spot with urgency and relief that my blouse was white. It made the semen and residual spot difficult to see.

As I continued to try to wipe off any trace, I looked over at my wife to see if she noticed and saw her glance at me briefly, so I returned to Steve who then said, "Well, I hope you enjoyed the rest you didn't miss", with a twinkle in his eye.

"That was really your first time?", he asked. "That's hard to believe."

"And I can't believe we're having this conversation, but yes", was my only reply, with a fair amount of annoyance in my voice while nervously checking my blouse for any further evidence.

I again looked around for an escape and to see if anyone was looking at us.

"Well, did it live up to your expectations?"

I nodded while returning my gaze to the floor and added, "yeah," unable to deny the obvious.

"Want to do it again?", he asked.

"What? Can we not have this conversation?", I said with a sense of panic in my voice.

"I do have to say you seemed to enjoy it," he laughed gently, "and so did I, so I thought you might be interested in giving it a go again sometime."

Leaning in, "and you are really good at it, too. I've never had a guy suck me off before, but it was a good blowjob. Really good."

Handing me a business card, he added, "let's have coffee sometime soon, but I think you should check your makeup and things now."

My eyes went wide with that comment and I rushed to the nearest bathroom - mortified at the possibilities. Closing the door, I rushed to look in the mirror and saw that my lipstick was somewhat smeared. My cheeks were flushed and the freckles my wife had applied were a bit smeared as well.

I couldn't believe I had been so careless! I was able to fix the smeared lipstick with my finger. The freckles were another matter but I did my best to get things back into shape. I didn't look quite the same as when we arrived, but my makeup was mostly in order and it would only be my wife who could possibly notice anything. I did another round of checks.

I looked at my very white stockings and noticed both knees were somewhat dirty from kneeling. I quickly brushed them both off, and could only marvel at my carelessness.

Let's see, I had smeared my lipstick and freckles, had semen on my blouse and breath, along with dirty knees. I could imagine my wife assessing all and asking 'what have you been doing, honey?'. Wow. Poor decision on my part.

Before leaving the bathroom, I reflected on the whole sordid, but thrilling experience. I had sucked a cock to completion and liked it. A lot. I was curious no more, and though feeling guilty I already wanted to do it again.

I returned to my wife, a bit more at ease as I was sure there was no more evidence of the deed on my blouse or face and a glass of wine had muted my breath.

Shortly thereafter, she was also tired of the party and we left for home.

It was a quiet drive back, both of us a bit tired because it was late, but also because large crowds are just fatiguing. My wife seemed particularly pensive. We arrived home and went to ready ourselves for bed.

"My friend Charlene told me she liked your panties. We're you flashing people?" she asked.

"I wasn't flashing, but she lifted my skirt to see. I was mortified," I admitted.

"We'll, you probably actually liked it", she laughed lightly.

"A bit, yeah," I admitted.

"Let me see which panties you're wearing," she asked, not having seen me get dressed, and lifted my skirt to peek.

"Oh my god - you wore those?" "You're a brave man! Or should I say girl?", she asked with a wry smile.

"I guess I should have worn something safer," I said sheepishly.

She then looked at my panties again, this time noting "wow, that's a big wet spot. What's up with that?", she asked.

Though I know my wife well, I couldn't tell her demeanor in the question.

"Sorry. I'll change."

"It's ok", she said. "I know it was particularly fun for you to show a bit more of yourself - and nobody need be the wiser."

"I will say you looked pretty cute tonight. Some of my girlfriends said so, and I can imagine even some of the guys thought so, too."

"Speaking of which, who was that guy you were talking to? He seemed very 'friendly' while you were talking, and you seemed nervous or uncomfortable. Somebody you know? Or, was he hitting on you," she asked with some seriousness.

Oh shit, was my initial thought, my cheeks immediately flushing. "Just some guy I met at the party. And, yeah, he was maybe overly friendly", I replied haltingly.

"Did he give you his card? What was that about?"

Shit, shit shit, I thought.

"Yeah. He wants to meet up for coffee sometime."

"Well, given what you just said, do you want to?" she asked. "What do you suppose he wants?"

My cheeks again flushed.

"He probably just wants to be friends."

She looked at me a bit more intently and then said, "let's talk for a bit", and patting the bed, instructed, "have a seat."

I sat down, still in my dress as I hadn't yet changed.

"Chris, can I ask you a couple of questions?"

"This is just an observation, but you seemed very happy in your costume tonight. You clearly enjoyed presenting as a woman, even if it was just for fun. And, you looked good in costume, too. It's a part of you I think I understand a bit more now. You're my husband and a man, but you have a significant feminine side which I think I can appreciate. But, I also think there may be more to it than that."

"You were missing for about half an hour at the party. Of course, it's a huge house and there were a lot of people there, but I went around the main floor a couple of times looking for you."

"I chatted with the hosts for a bit and they also hadn't seen you in that time, but asked if I had checked downstairs".

"I said I didn't know there was any party downstairs. They mentioned it was the 'play' area."

"I asked them what they meant and they explained about the dark room. That caught me off guard and they said they thought we knew. In any case, I let it drop and resumed mingling. It was shortly thereafter that you found me."

"It was then that I noticed your cheeks were kind of flush, and your makeup, and particularly lipstick were a bit messed up.

"I didn't put this all together initially. But then I glanced over at you talking to that guy, and noticed you were fidgety and looking at the ground, something you do when having an uncomfortable conversation. I know you pretty well after all these years."

"I saw him point to something on your blouse, and you became particularly animated and seemingly nervous. That was confusing to me, at least, at first."

"I was now paying closer attention. When I glanced over again, I noticed that both your knees were a bit dirty, despite wearing new stockings when we left. So, were you kneeling on the ground at some point?"

I froze like a deer in headlights.

"In any case, now I see your panties are wet from being aroused and I have a picture in mind."

"Chris, I love you to death do us part, but I think you have something to tell me."

I could feel my cheeks flushing further, as my heart pounded. I could barely breathe. I had no response while she just looked at me to gauge my reaction.

My lack of response, however, was more telling than any story I might fabricate. There was nothing I could think to say which would plausibly allow me to deny what she might be thinking.

Looking at the ground, and with tears starting to form, I said "I can't."

"That's what I thought," and she got up to leave. I saw tears forming in her eyes, too.

"I'm going to sleep in the other bedroom. I need some space," she said, her effort at holding things together obvious.

While I was somewhat relieved to stop the conversation because I didn't know what to say, I was also horrified that I may have just jeopardized my marriage.

No matter how it may have looked to my wife, I loved her more than anything and still desired her fully. I had no idea how I might repair the damage I had selfishly caused this evening from a few moments of indiscretion to satisfy a curiosity.

It wasn't her fault, and it wasn't fair of me to put her in this spot, to cause her pain. She shouldn't be questioning the validity of our marriage, or the strength of our vows just because I scratched an itch. 'Curiosity killed the cat,' seemed fitting.

I went to bed, but sleep was elusive. Between reliving the whole experience and how I had so deeply hurt my wife, I tossed and turned all night.

Though I was a fatigued wreck, I got up early in the morning and went to make some coffee. I was going to need it.

My wife arrived shortly thereafter. Not surprisingly, she looked pretty tired and her eyes were puffy. I doubt she slept any more than I did.

I poured her a cup of coffee, and we both retreated to the back porch in silence. She was pensive, looking out the window. It was still dark out as the days are shorter this time of year and the sun wasn't set to rise for another hour or so.

We sipped our coffee quietly, waiting for the caffeine to bring some energy to help us both face the day. While we're normally both 'morning' people, today would be different, and difficult for both of us.

I finally broke the silence. "Leslie, I am so, so sorry."

"Sorry for what?", she asked looking directly at me, and added, "though I'm pretty sure I know." She didn't sound particularly angry, but neither was she gentle and loving in tone. It was all direct and matter-of-fact.

"I expect you to own up to whatever 'it' is."

"You're right. I owe you that and more," I replied sincerely.

"I really do love you so very much. What I'm about to confess will likely shock and upset you, though I think you know already."

"I haven't lost any desire for you. I still want you as much as I ever have. I love being married to you."

"I'm struggling to find the words. But, you were right about last night. I did enjoy being dressed up. Panties are kind of like the inside of me if you will. They're there, but unseen, at least usually," I added, hoping to lighten things a bit. "The skirt, blouse, and stockings are on the outside. Everyone could see a part of me that I otherwise keep hidden. It was kind of liberating, to be honest. I felt pretty and enjoyed being a bit 'girly' for the night."

"At the party, I went into the dark room. I bumped into the guy you saw me talking to in there. I found the room while I was touring the house looking at the woodwork and things and came across it in the basement. Though I didn't know about the room beforehand, the rules of the room were taped on the wall so I knew what I was getting into.

I shouldn't have gone in, but I did. It was pitch black, so I couldn't see anything."

"Another thing you likely know or have guessed is that I have been 'curious' about certain experiences. You know how I love to go down on you and love it when you go down on me. Well, I wondered what it would be like if our roles were reversed," I confessed, the words coming haltingly. "What's it like for you when you go down on me?"

"Chris, I'm sure it's hard for you to say it, but I'm tired and pretty certain I already know what happened. Just tell me plainly."

I nodded and somehow found the words, "I sucked his cock in the dark room."

She sighed. After what seemed like a few minutes, she then said "to completion." It wasn't a question, but a statement.

"Yes."

After another lengthy pause, "it was semen on your blouse and breath."

"Yes."

Yet another pause.

"Did you enjoy it?"

My turn to pause. "Yes."

"Did he return the favor?"

"No. And, I didn't want him to, either," I quickly replied.

"Did you do anything else?"

"No."

She again paused for a long while, and then asked a bit more gently, "do you want to do it again?"

This time I considered my answer carefully, and offered, "yes and no".

"Would I like to do it again? Yeah."

"But I won't because of what it would do to you. To us. I'm so, so sorry!"

Caught up in her thoughts for an uncomfortable period, she then turned to look directly at me and said, "Well, that's what I thought happened. The evidence was pretty convincing. Denying it would have been even more problematic for us."

"I wouldn't have believed that my husband would do such a thing before last night, yet here we are."

"Then again, I've seen some signs. I've denied them in the past, but they're pretty obvious now."

"I'm not gay," I interjected.

"No, I don't think so either," she said. "But I don't think we can assume you're completely straight, either."

"I suppose not," I reflected. But, I don't find men attractive in the least," I added.

"Apparently you find a cock attractive," she retorted.

After a moment, she added more softly, "which, from my perspective, I kind of get. I do, too."

"I also somewhat get the role reversal, and what it might be like to experience the other side of things. I've often wondered what it's like to have a cock. To be the giver, the taker," she continued.

"And, I think I might understand something else as well."

"Traditionally, it's the woman who's pursued. Not always, but we make ourselves 'pretty' so we are desired."

"And, we are the ones who give our bodies to the man, so to speak, to be penetrated, to be taken. To satisfy the man."

"You wanted to experience being a woman last night both on the outside and on the inside."

"While I don't like that you did it - it was a betrayal. You brought another man into this house both figuratively and literally. But, I think I at least understand it a bit. I thought about it all night long."

"A couple of things occurred to me."

"One, since you liked it - apparently a lot - means you'll want to do it again. You've already admitted as much. We'll have to discuss that. I'm not saying no yet. I need to think about that a lot more. But I'm also not saying yes, either. And I may never."

"Two, you might also want to experience penetrative sex, as that most closely approximates the traditionally feminine role."

"Do you?"

"I hadn't really thought about it much," I replied, but with little conviction in my voice.

"I doubt that very much, Chris. Remember, we're being honest here."

"Ok. I am curious about it, but I honestly can't imagine letting a guy actually put his cock in me."

"You just let a guy put his cock in your mouth, Chris."

"That was different."

"Really?

I'm going to be a bit crude here to explain how I see it."

"There are plenty of people, women and men, who like both oral and anal sex. Some give, some receive."

"We're the women here, Chris. Women generally receive," she said and with rising agitation continued, "Women are designed to get penetrated. And they usually like it!"

Of course, her logic was spot on, but I was caught off guard by the rapid rise in her anger, and matter-of-fact resignation to the idea that I was now more feminine in role than masculine. Or, that I would naturally now want to have a guy fuck me.

She sighed and resumed looking out the window. The sun was just starting to come up for the day.

"Everything is just so...I don't know," she sighed, the fatigue heavy in her voice.

"I need more coffee," she said as she rose to go to the kitchen for a refill.

She looked out the kitchen window, still a bit pensive, and offered, "we'll get through this. It'll take some time, but I'm not going to throw away an otherwise wonderful marriage, even though this really hurts, Chris. It's a big deal."