A New Start Doesn't Fix Everything

"How..." Kurt grumbled. "How the fuck did we steal anything from you?"

"Oh Christ, don't be so thick. We talked endlessly about starting our family. You meet her, and force me out"

"Fuck!" Kurt bellowed at the sky. His voice echoing of the hills stretching up behind the property. "We never pushed you away. You fucked off and left us. We didn't know where you went, or if you were coming back. Fuck, Bligh. You wouldn't even answer your phone."

"Yeah, I was trying to get as far away from your cheating arse as I could."

He shook his head violently. "I never cheated on you. We tried to include you. That's what we wanted."

"That's it right there, Kurt. Don't you see..."

"What the fuck?" he cried.

"Just then, what you said... Listen to what you said. Your words were... 'WE TRIED TO INCLUDE YOU...'"

"Yeah, well we did," he said, confused.

"You wanted to include me... If I was your wife, and the person you loved so dearly, shouldn't it have been us including her?"

His face dropped, his mouth gaped open. When I looked at Alle, she was the same.

"Don't you see, Kurt? Alle had already replaced me in your heart. You were the couple, I was going to be the added extra. The third wheel."

His hands fell to his sides as he tried to collect some words. Alle found her voice.

"Bligh, Kurt didn't mean it the way he said it."

"Oh yes he did, and you know it."

Silence... I broke it when I said. "I get it, you guys fell in love. I saw it. I was there. It was love at first sight. You were both the same. All I want is some honesty. Can we start with that?"

They both nodded silently.

"All the talk about becoming some weird three-way thing was just both of you trying to appease your guilt."

"No!" Alle shrieked through her sniffles.

"Yes," I snapped caustically. "It was the only way you could be together. I think you convinced yourselves it was a good thing. You could be together, and I would be there to help finance this frigging place. And you could keep your consciences clear.

"At least now we can move on. You have your happy little family, your home. I'm over it, we can let go."

I strode off leaving them in my wake. As I walked through the house, I noticed Kurt and my wedding photo hanging above their fireplace. I stopped dead in my tracks and lifted it down. "What are you doing, Bligh?" Alle, gasped in shock.

"This is mine. I paid for it. I want it back, it's not hanging in here."

She turned back to the door and yelled, "Kurt!"

He walked in and saw what I was doing. "Bligh, come on. That's being petty."

"Maybe, but it's mine. I paid for it, I want it."

He shook his head, sighed sadly and muttered, "All you had to do is ask."

"It doesn't belong in this shit hole."

"Yeah, and how the hell are you going to take it on your bike?"

He was right, it was way too big. "All I know is it's not staying here. I'll throw it in the bin before I'll leave it here."

"Put it in the truck, and I'll drop it off for you tomorrow," he said.

"You can follow me home now. I'm not leaving it here."

"Yeah, okay. Why can't I do it tomorrow?"

"Because I don't trust you. This is the only copy, and I don't want it duplicated."

"Jesus, you malicious bitch," Alle growled. "I can't believe how vindictive you've become. That belongs to Kurt, as well."

"Alle, shut up, okay. Just button it," Kurt said sternly. "If she wants it, she can have it." Turning back to me, he said calmly, "We're still married; you know that, right?"

That shocked me. "Why didn't you file for divorce?"

"Because, believe it or not, that's not what I wanted. I understand I went about this the wrong way. I fucked up badly. I'm sorry I hurt you. I still love you, Bligh. I love you every bit as much as I love Alle. You were my world and I have been waiting for you to come home."

"Get rid of the slimy bitch and I'll think about it." I saw Alle blanch, her face pallid and lifeless. I pulled on my leathers, wriggling and writhing to get them snug. Boots, helmet, and I fired her up.

I watched in the mirrors as Kurt pulled Alle into a hug. By the time I was on the road back to town, he caught me.

He pulled his pickup into the parking space behind me. I was busy getting out of my leathers, when he said, "Do you need a hand?"

"Nah, all good. Just lean it against the wall and you can go."

"Bligh, I'm sorry for the way things worked out. I don't know how to fix this."

"It's done. I'll fill out the divorce paperwork and file as soon as I can. Then you will have something you can hang on the wall."

"Shit, you're so bitter."

"What the hell did you expect? You cast me aside like I was worthless."

"That's not what happened. You've twisted everything around. I never wanted that. I didn't know what to do. Yeah, you're right. I did fall for Alle, but I never fell out of love with you. I loved you both. I'm sorry I pushed you to the back. You're right. After you said it today, I realised I fucked up. It was thoughtless and stupid."

"It's done now. I'll be gone in a few months and you can go back to the way things were."

"No, I can't do it, Bligh. This time I'm going to fight for you. I want you back."

"Not happening, Kurt. I'm not living as somebody's third wheel."

"But it doesn't have to be that way. We want it to be equal, the three of us together. It could be amazing."

"Yeah, for you. Be hard though, aye? Who will I fuck tonight?"

He drove off, and I carried the photo and my riding gear up to my apartment.

The moment I sat down, it all came flooding out. Once the dam was broken, the cascade unstoppable.

I curled up on my bed and let the tears soak my blanket. The knock on the door dragged me back to reality. "Who is it?"

"Bligh, it's me. Alle called me and told me what happened. Let me in, babe."

"No, not today. Come back tomorrow."

"No way, bitch. Let me in, I'll just start pounding on the door."

I got up and let her in. She just grabbed me, her arms wrapping around me, drawing my head against her neck.

We ended up cuddled together on the bed in a tight ball.

Night came, and I didn't even notice. "Do you want something to eat?" Julie asked.

"Yeah, but I'm not up to cooking."

"Pizza it is then." She grinned. "Pineapple, right?"

"Yes please, chicken."

We sat cross legged on the bed, ate pizza, drank a bottle of wine and curled up and went to sleep.

The morning, as it always did, brought life into focus. When I got up, Julie had already started breakfast: cereal and coffee on the tiny balcony.

"Why was the photo so important?" she asked.

"I dunno, I can't explain it. I knew it was spiteful, but she stole my husband. She wasn't hanging that in their home. Shit, I paid for it. The damn things mine, anyway."

She leaned over and kissed me. "Hey, I only asked."

"Yeah, sorry. I didn't mean to snap."

We worked through our cereal, and coffee. "What are your plans for the rest of the day?" Julie asked.

"Nothing really. Might take the bike for a run through to Springs Junction."

"Oh. A couple of the girls and I were going into Christchurch. Thought you might like to come with..."

"Nah, I'm not going to be much company. I'm not up for talking."

She stared at me strangely. "Do you have a spare helmet?"

"No, just mine. Why?"

"Maybe I could go with you?"

"Nah, it's not that I don't appreciate the offer. I think a ride by myself is what I need. I have to figure some things out."

She mocked a sad gloomy pout, and asked through pretend tears, "Can I stay tonight?"

I nodded. "That would be sweet. Thank you for coming around last night."

"Bligh, I know it's not what you want to hear at the moment, but I like you. I think you are the most amazing woman. You don't have to do this alone, I am here for you."

"Will you do me a favour?"

"Of course," she replied quickly.

"Don't tell Alle about last night. I don't want that skank knowing how much it hurt me."

She hugged me tight. "Babe, I wouldn't have been here if she didn't call and tell me. She knew how upset you were. Her words to me were, 'She's going to lose it when she gets home.' She was trying to hold it in. Please go and be with her."

"Yeah, she's a clever bitch. She wants you to think she's nice. She's just a bitch."

"No she's not. She fucked up. We all know it, but her heart's as big as an ox's. I made you a promise, and I'll keep it. What happens between you and me stays that way. Okay?"

"Sweet, thanks."

The week drifted by quickly. Work was busy, and a couple of nights, Julie gathered the girls together and we went out and raved the night away.

During the week, I went down to the courthouse to find out how I organised the divorce. Five hundred bucks, and an hour filling in the application got the process started. The clerk told me, "If you can prove you split on the date you wrote down, and your husband confirms you were apart for five years, then you can pretty much be done in a month."

"Can I get him to come down here and sign all the papers. I don't want to see him?"

"Yes ma'am, you don't have to be here. Just make sure he brings identification."

A phone call was better than taking them out to him.

"Hey, Bligh." His voice sounded happy, cheerful.

"Can you get down to the courthouse tomorrow?"

"Ah, yeah, I guess. Why, what's the issue?"

"I've filed the divorce paperwork. They need you to bring a statement, stating I abandoned you and we've been separated five years. If you do that. It can all be over and done with in a month."

"Jesus Christ, Bligh. What's the fucking rush?"

"Why wait?"

"Sorry, I'm busy. We've got a lot on at the moment."

"You just said you could be there."

"I made a mistake. Can't do it."

"Fuck, you arsehole. I'll drop the forms in your letterbox. All you have to do is sign, and fill out a statement. Then, put the signed docs back in your letterbox, and I'll pick them up."

"Why don't you come out for dinner, and I'll do it then?"

I disconnected the call. I didn't need his signature. I could file myself, all it took was more effort, and time. I gad my passport, I could prove when I left the country, and when I returned.

Every night I went back to my apartment and that stupid photo stared back at me. It pissed me off, that he was being a dick. I decided I could give him a little pain.

I organised a party for the Saturday night, after my divorce papers arrived in the mail.

I gathered the nurses from work and Julie. She helped me get everything we needed. Lucky it was a nice night. We had food and drinks on the beach. We had a bonfire burning, spitting sparks into the night sky. The music blasting, drinks, and awesome food. We danced under the stars, and I took photo after photo. I posted all of them on social media.

Later in the night, I got Julie to film me. I held up my divorce. "Thanks for helping me celebrate my divorce." I squealed loudly to the gathered girls. I guess it surprised them. I walked over to the fire, and all the chatter had died down. Taking a log out of the fire, I set fire to the divorce application. "Good bye to the biggest mistake of my life." I yelled.

Julie grabbed me. "Was that necessary, Bligh? I mean, Jeez girl."

"I'm not finished yet. I went and picked up my wedding photo and brought it to the edge of the fire.

I passed my phone to Celina, one of the nurses. "Film this for me will you?"

She shrugged and did as I asked.

"Bligh, please don't do it," Julie pleaded. A couple of the others joined her. "You've already made your point, Bligh."

As Celina filmed me, I tossed the canvas print into the fire.

"Goodbye to the most toxic selfish people I have ever met. Goodbye arseholes."

The photo burst into flames. Slowly the dancing started again. It took a while for the mood to lift. I hoped like hell they saw it.

For the first time, Julie said no when I asked her if she wanted to stay the night. 'Fuck her,' I said to myself.

Monday at lunch time, I was enjoying my lunch when Alle turned up. "Wow, you have turned into a nasty vindictive bitch. Why the hell did you do it?"

"Why... Because Kurt was being difficult. All he had to do was go down to the courthouse and sign the damn documents. How difficult was that?"

She munched on her pie as she glared at me. "He didn't want to because he still held out some hope. He never wanted to lose you. All the time you were away, he held onto a dream that one day you'd return and the wounds would heal."

"Bullshit. He was just making things difficult for me."

"Bligh, be angry at me if you want. It was all my fault. It was me who planted the seed in his head about all of us living together. You're right, I loved him right from the start, but no more than I loved you. If you want to blame somebody, blame me. Don't take it all out on Kurt."

"Alle, listen to me. We are done. The divorce is going through regardless of whether he signs or not. Burning that damn photo was a metaphor. Him and me... It's finished. Now I'm moving on with my life."

"You know, Julie is really angry at you."

"Yeah, I figured that one out for myself."

"You need to go and talk to her."

"No I don't, fuck her. If she can't support me, then I don't want anything to do with her."

"She's our friend, as well. She knows you're hurting, but burning that photo was malicious."

"If you don't like it Alle, fuck off and leave me alone."

She stood quickly, tears again flowing freely from her red eyes. "I think I will. I loved you, Bligh, with all my heart, I adored you. Now I wonder why. Goodbye..."

Life was a bit lonely after that. Julie, decided she didn't like me. Some of my friends felt the same way. My mother was angry with me. She saw the social media clip. The only person who didn't seem to be angry with me was Leanne. She knocked on my apartment door one evening, and before I could say anything, she hugged me. "God I'm sorry, Bligh. I hate my son for what he did to you. I never thought he would be capable of such shitty behaviour."

I cried, she cried. We drank tea, and she said, "I know that wasn't the real you burning that photo. Really, I don't blame you. I might have done something similar if it had been me."

After she left, I started to reassess my future. Up until that point. I didn't have a plan. Now I started to think about the future.

All I knew was, I couldn't wait to get out of fucking Kaikoura.

My life did get a boost when I was asked if I would like to teach yoga in the evenings at the gym. Hell yes. It filled in time, and I made some extra money.

The yoga went so well I had to put on an extra class. Then I was asked to run a class at the old folks home.

It was during one of the classes I looked up to see Julie, at the back. As the class wound up, I walked down to talk to her.

"Hey, what are you doing here?"

"My arse is getting flabby."

Looking around behind her, I replied, "Yeah, it is."

She laughed, pushed me on the shoulder. "Hey, you can cut that out."

We stood staring at each other for a while before she said. "Bligh, I'm sorry. I think I overreacted. I had no right to call you out. I didn't understand, not really. Can you forgive me?"

We hugged, her body crushed against me. "There's nothing to apologise for, Julie. Everything you said was true. I acted out of malice. It was childish."

"It doesn't matter. I should have understood."

"Its sweet as, girl. No biggie, you pay for the pizza and I'll get the wine."

"No pizza for me. I was serious about my bum."

"Piss off girl. Your patuti is yum."

It was nice to have a warm body snuggled beside me through the night. Julie, what can I say. I'm a pushover. It was nice to have her back in my life.

"Do you want to go to Annabelle and Gerrard's wedding with me?" Julie asked.

"I don't really know them. I haven't been invited."

"Silly, I want you to go as my date."

"Oh, so we're going public." I said with a laugh.

"Shit, I've already told everybody I know," she said proudly.

"Yeah, all right. It would be nice."

"Sweet. Oh there's only one thing."

"Yeah, what's that?"

"Annabelle said you've got to stay away from the photographer."

"Cheeky bitch, did she think I'd set fire to them?"

"Something like that. You gotta be warned though. Kurt and Alle will be there."

"I don't have to talk to them. So long as they stay in their lane, I'll be happy."

Julie wasn't one to wait around. That night we were straight online, searching for dresses. Apparently, we had to compliment, but not compete. She took it a little more seriously once we started trying them on. "Oh my god. I'm so fat."

She wasn't, but try telling her that. Suddenly we were going to the gym, jogging five Kilometres every night. Plus she took a spin class. I was saved that because it clashed with my yoga class.

No more pizza, no more garlic bread. It was torture. I had to get all my treats while I was at work. The lady who ran the cafe thought all her Christmases had come at once.

Life was actually pretty good; work was awesome, and Julie and I got over our bump in the road. The email I got the next week changed everything.

It was from my old boss in India, Agita. Davita had run away from her family. She had decided not to marry the old coot she was betrothed to. Agita asked whether I was still prepared to sponsor Davita.

"Whoa... What?" I phoned Agita as quickly as I could. "What happened?" I asked, my voice full of concern.

"Davita has argued with her family. After several meetings with her betrothed, she refused to go through with the ceremony. Her father beat her with a stick, and she ran away."

"Where is she now?"

"She is safe with a friend, but she is in a dangerous predicament. Her family are furious. If they find her now, I am fearful for her life."

"What about the police?"

"They are loathe to interfere in family matters. They will only help if it is an absolute necessity."

"Okay, what do you want me to do?"

"If you are still in a position to help her. She would like to go to New Zealand. Are you still interested in a relationship, Bligh?"

"I have returned to New Zealand, my circumstances have changed Agita. I still want to help. I can send money, or pay airfares. I can pick her up and offer her accommodation for a while."

"Thank you, Bligh. I will talk to her and phone you as quickly as I can. Thank you so much. I think she needs to escape the clutches of her family."

What could I say? I had to help, to do something. I was the reason she was in that awful mess. After some emails back and forth, I arranged the funds transfer.

Telling Julie caused a bit of angst. "You're serious. You're going to have your ex living with you?"

"No, well I mean, yeah, sort of."

"Sort of..."

"She's in danger, Julie. I could hardly say no, could I?"

She grimaced. "No, I suppose not. God, do you still have a thing for her?"

"No, maybe. I don't know. Her brother tried to kill me. That was the reason I left India."

"So what happens now?"

"I have to wait for my old boss Agita to organise passports and airfares."

"Does she speak English?"

I giggled. "Yeah, it's pretty cute actually. I found her accent sexy as fuck."

"Oh god, this is the end for you and me, isn't it?" she said anxiously.

"No, I don't know how I can do this, but I want to help her and make her safe first. After that I'll try and find her a job, then somewhere to stay."

"Oh yeah, you're a real superwoman, aren't you?"

We both laughed, although hers was full of cynicism.

Things moved pretty quickly after that. Agita was not a woman to be toyed with. She took control and had everything pretty much organised within a week.

*****

The wedding was our focus, and Julie, like Agita, was on a mission. I was exhausted simply watching on. She looked good though. I don't know how many sit ups and squats she did, but it worked. Her figure looked trim... well, trimmer. We finally found dresses she was happy with. 'Apricot!" I gasped. "Really?"