A Refined Woman - Sebastian

"Was it just because I look like him? Just so you could spend time with your past?" I choked out the question I swore I wouldn't ask, but again she didn't reply, just looked past me, a look of hurt in her eyes.

Oh god, who was I kidding? She's a lady and I was... me.

I laughed again and said "I don't know what I was thinking coming here. You're a lady and I'm everything but a gentleman. I have gone through more men and women in my life than would be remotely considered decent. I'm a vile man and I know it. Hell, I even fucked David with your son and that was before you, haven't touched Luke though."

Yeah, like that would make anything better.

My laughter grew somewhat hysterical and I carried on, might as well tell her what sort of a man she let in her bed "I've spent way too many nights in situations that would be described hard core porn at the best... and then came you. God, I don't think I've ever laid eyes on a woman like you. You're everything I'm not. A decent elegant woman, someone who should never have to be touched by a man like me and I tried my best to stay away. You're too beautiful, so tender and graceful, I knew I had to stay away. And god, then you came to me and looked at me with those sweet eyes... I don't know if you were looking at a ghost or me, but I just couldn't say no, even if you hadn't asked." I sighed heavily, what the fuck was I thinking coming here?

I looked at her and she just sat down on the top step pale faced. No, I didn't think she had any idea what kind of a person I was. Lukes friends were decent people. I felt like I'd raped an angel. Never once had my conscience bothered me before. Hell, I really even didn't have one.

"I'm sorry Elisabeth. I should have never touched you. I'm a vile man and I know it. I don't know what I'm doing here. This morning I got a contract to become the head chef and I just tossed it. I should be at work. Have my first day as a head chef. I waited for this day for fifteen years. And I came here." I laughed with tears in my eyes. "For fifteen years I worked for this day and I came here. To you. I can never have you and I know it. And still, I came here."

"I should have never even had you in my house and I knew it the moment I looked at you." she muttered softly.

"No, you really shouldn't have." I sighed in anger. What did Luke ever think bring me there?

"You don't think I knew what a man you were?" she asked, sounding hurt, "No decent man would have taken me to bed that night and I know it. The moment you stepped onto the porch, I should have left. I shouldn't even have been there in the first place. But I was and I knew you'd come." she admitted, her eyes glistening.

I locked eyes with her trying to process her words. Had she waited for me? Why would she? Because I looked like him?

"I wanted to pretend that you came onto me. That I was the victim. I wanted to blame Luke for bringing you here, but at the end of the day the truth is that I approached you when I was fully aware of who you are." she sighed heavily, tears running down her cheeks.

"I'm sorry Elisabeth. I shouldn't have come here." I said getting up. "I'm sorry I ever touched you."

She abruptly stood up and slapped me with tears in her eyes, the stairs evening out our heights, and yelled "You bastard! You make me feel loved over twenty years and you're sorry!" She grabbed my shirt and softly beat my chest "You're a horrible example of a man, but you were good to me and I hate that you were good. You could have been as vile as you are and I could hate you and myself."

She burst out crying and wrapped her arms around me, "But you were a gentleman and I hate you for that. I hate that I can't hate you." she told between her sobs.

"I hate that I can't stop thinking about you." I said wrapping my arms around her. She was too sweet of a woman and I should have been a man enough to stay away. Why did her body feel so dear against mine, why did I tease myself with coming here? I couldn't be with her, she was not for me. "I'm sorry Ellie, I should have kept my word and not come back."

"Please don't say that." she said, looking deep in my eye. God, her eyes were beautiful.

"Why? Because of him?" I choked out, my heart breaking at that thought. God, I'd never felt such a feeling in my chest.

"Because you make me feel again. I never thought I'd look at a man again and feel how I feel." she leaned up for a slow kiss that I didn't return and continued "I never thought kissing anyone would feel like this again."

"Oh, Ellie, I'm no man for you..." I sighed, dropping my gaze from her.

"If you're going to break my heart, break it now. Say I was like all the others, say I didn't mean anything, that you're only here to take it all back." she snapped as she stepped away from me, more tears running down her cheeks.

"I can't..." I admitted as I returned her look. It hurt that I'd hurt her. I didn't want to. I wanted anything but.

"Then give yourself to me." she said as her hand trailed over my neck, inviting me to her and I had little to no resistance against her.

Oh she kissed me like hungry, like the world would end any moment and she was taking the last of it. We made out for an unmeasurable time, could have been hours, could have been minutes. But she kissed me, that was all that mattered.

She guided us inside, never leaving my lips, leading us upstairs. We stripped each other, our lips parting only for mere seconds. We were pulled to each other like magnets. Hands in each others hairs, pulling ourselves closer. We made love even more passionate and sweet than last time, going slow, enjoying each others bodies and saying all that was left unsaid the last time. How sensual of a woman she was, how beautiful her voice was and how everything about her was tasteful. How good our bodies felt together, how alive we made each other feel.

We laid entangled in our afterglow, caressing each others bodies until my stomach growled, frustrated that I had eaten absolutely nothing that day. Ellie suggested a quick dinner and climbing straight back to bed. I couldn't complain, anything she'd cooked had always been good and the sooner I got her naked body back in my arms the better.

Over dinner we talked to each other for really the first time. All we had known about one another were things others had told us. We shared stories of our childhoods, leading us to her early marriage. She had married Marcus still underaged, Marcus had desperately wanted to join the army, but his parents wanted him to take care of the family ranch and in came Elisabeth with her enthusiasm for horses. The marriage had started out as a convenience marriage, fulfilling both of their dreams, but soon they madly fell for each other.

I told her of my gold digger of a mother and how no woman ever had really mattered to me. How I couldn't have waited to get out of home, how I stole all of my fathers liquid assets and ran away at sixteen, how I hadn't spoken to either of them since.

My almost only meaningful relationship was with Kath and John, but that really was just friendship with sex. Luke was my only friend who looked past my exterior and didn't care for me to fuck him, not even when he was drunk and horny and/or had his mini fights with David.

I kissed our way to the bathroom, undressing us again and pulled her into the shower with me. I kissed her neck and chest, turning her over to rest her body against mine, letting the water wash us down. I rubbed her body down with my hands, kissing every place I could reach. She whimpered softly under my touch, murmuring my name and begged, not saying for what.

Wrapping a towel around her and me, not bothering with drying, I made our way to the bed, laying her down on her back. I tossed the towel to the side and dove head first to her pussy. She gasped loudly as I wrapped my hands around her thighs, holding her still for me as I licked, kissed and nibbled her. I was going to do my best at showing how fiercely I could love her.

She panted heavily under me, her hands digging into the covers, tossing from side to side, trying to move her hips from me and begged me - again not specifying if to stop or to go bolder. I went bolder, making her cry under my touch.

"Please, Sebastian, I need you!" she finally pleaded and I wasn't going to protest. I flipped her over and pulled her hips to my lap, holding her body up against mine and fucked her hard - making our past love makings look like sweet romance compared to this deprived taking of her.

She came almost immediately as I fucked her and pulled her face to mine, kissing her I let her moan in my mouth. She cried desperately under my assault as her orgasm peaked and readyed to rebuild again.

I released her lips to nuzzle down her neck as I slowed down just barely enough so she could come down from her high.

"Too rough?" I asked, trailing my hands over her sweet body.

"Yes. No. Don't stop." She panted back.

I chucked at her expression and laid her down on her shoulders and knees, keeping her hips off the bed for a better angle. I worked up my pace again, slapping my pelvis into her slender body with determined thrusts and watched her hands grip on anything they could grip onto.

"Oh jesus, Sebastian..." she almost growled under me.

"Want to come again?" I softly murmured to her ear, my words blending into the surrounding skin slapping and her desperate moans.

"Oh god, yes!" she begged and I reached my hand under her to play with her clit.

She began quivering almost the second I touched her there and wondered if she'd ever come like I was about to make her. I flicked at her clit mercilessly as I pounded into her so hard that her butt was already red from the assault.

She did her best to steady herself for me as she tried to hold herself up against me and not sink deep into the mattress where I was constantly pushing her into.

I nuzzled her neck and softly nibbled around, her taking a deep gasp every time my teeth or lips made contact with her.

I slammed into her harder and faster, teasing her neck and kept the constant rub on her clit as I worked our pleasure higher, readying for the upcoming peak.

Like struck by lightning, she spasmed under me, her torso arching up from the mattress and her vaginal muscles clenching onto me hard, milking me to the last drop. She didn't make a sound, her breathing at a standstill, her body transfixed in the same position as I did my best to keep my work on her clit through my own high.

"Enough! Enough!" she finally yelped under me as she got back control over her body and I pulled my hand away, resting my body on hers to savour the afterjoys of our vicious taking of each other.

I felt her heart race under me, like she'd just ran a sprint, her breathing corresponding to the description, her hands still gripping the sheets under her. I slowly rolled off of her and pulled her to my chest, spooning her tightly to me.

We stayed like that for a good while, a good while longer after our bodies resumed to their normal states. "Oh my god Seb." she muttered emphasising every word.

I just kissed her neck in response and settled back to my position behind her. I could have fallen asleep like that without a doubt.

"What are you doing here Sebastian?" she asked, entwining her fingers with mine.

"What do you mean?" I asked, plopping myself up on my elbow in search of her eyes.

"You got promoted today." she said as she turned to me.

"I didn't sign it." I noted as I leaned back down.

"Why?"

"Doesn't matter anymore."

"But it does." she said turning to me and furrowing her eyebrows.

"What are you saying?" I asked confused over where the conversation was headed.

"Go. Don't throw your career away."

"Ellie..." I groaned as leaving was the last thing I wanted to do.

"The sale will be finalised in two days. Go get that promotion. I'll be there in two days."

"I don't want to leave."

"And I don't want it to be me to ruin your career, fifteen years of work - this can wait two days."

"You'll be there?" I sighed as she did have a point.

She sat up and told "I will, but now let me make you a coffee and please go, not because I want you to, but because I cannot be the reason you didn't take that promotion."

Pulling a robe on she looked down on me. I sighed again. "Alright, I hope you make a mean coffee." I said getting up.

"I'm sure I can rise to the occasion." she smiled to me. Damn, how much I just wanted to pull her back into the bed.

I got to the car with the largest travel mug of coffee and turned my phone back on. I had a message with Ellies number and another from Kath asking "Do I need a new sous chef, head chef or both?", not to mention the numerous missed calls.

"Sous chef would be nice. I'll be there tomorrow." I wrote back and started the drive that would bring me home at four in the morning.

... Epilogue ...

I woke an hour before work just to read the contract through. It was quite a long one, forty pages - she had some lawyer. Well I should know, the guy cleared me from quite a few charges over the years.

Fifteen percent stake of the restaurant, more than adequate wage, two months paid vacation... And I hadn't shown up for work the last day.

Worth it.

I barely made it out of Lukes truck in the staff parking lot when Kath already called me into the office and headed inside. I had a quick smoke and got a coffee before joining her, not giving her the joy of jumping when she cracked her whip like everyone else did and I knew in a way she respected me for it.

I sat down across her and sipped on my coffee while she gave me her evil stare that somehow scared the hell out of people, but I refused to even acknowledge it.

She finally just sighed and asked "Is there something going on that I should know about?" hinting to probably everything even remotely illegal I'd done in my life.

"No." I turned her down blandly and sipped on my coffee.

"Where were you yesterday?"

"It's none of your business."

"The hell it's not. The last time you didn't show for work was when you were charged with assault and rape in Australia." speaking of the charges her lawyer cleared me of...

"I had something more important to take care of." I noted trying to keep her out of my mind and space. I hated when she did that, even if it was her nature and in a way I loved her for it. She'd never let me fall.

"What on earth has ever mattered to you besides your career?! You don't even have anything else nor anyone for that matter!" she snapped at me, obviously displeased from me blocking her out.

She was right. There hadn't been anything or anyone. Just alcohol, cigarettes, coffee and work, with some fighting, sex and weed thrown in for entertainment. And then came Ellie. Fucking Ellie. I saw her even in my bloody coffee cup. Why hadn't she told me to fuck off and leave a lady like her alone?

"Oh my..." Kath breathed out with a look of shock on her face, "I'd dream that this day would come, but I never believed it would actually happen." she told laughing as she shook her head.

I stared at her amused face and wondered what she thought she knew. But I wouldn't entertain her by asking again and just took another sip of my coffee.

"Sebastian Kowalczyk has actually fallen in love." she muttered staring at the ceiling.

Fuck. I hated that woman.

"Must be some woman to finally take you down." she chimed.

"We're not having this fucking conversation." I growled at her and left the office.

Shit, I just gave her what she wanted.

Some days I really did hate her.

But luckily she didn't pry more.

...

For three weeks Ellie stayed at Lukes, cat sitting at day and in my bed, loving me at night.

Was I a dick for using his car for three weeks straight and bedding his mother? The day part of me said probably and the night part couldn't give a single fucking damn.

Over the first days I told her everything, every single possible thing that could make her run from me. All the drugs, women, fights and criminal charges. But she didn't run, just snuggled closer.

Oh she was beautiful. So intelligent and tender. And I wondered if Kath was right. If I'd really fallen for her. Thirty five and my first love, if I don't count my childhood dog, the only reason I stayed home as long as I did.

It was the day when Luke and David were supposed to come back and Ellie would tell him about us. I was a dead man walking and I could feel it. We had our last unjudged love making session in their house when I drove her and Lukes truck back in the morning before work.

I shouldn't even have been in his shower.

I shouldn't even have been on the same side of the planet with her and definitely not with him.

His plane might have landed any moment and I was a dead man. I just had sex with his mother in his own house.

I got out of the shower, wrapped a towel around myself and a man who knew his end was coming looked back at me from the mirror.

Fuck that, I was going to have my last coffee with her, plate my last dishes at work and die. At least it's a beautiful way to go, having made love to the most beautiful woman in the morning and being killed by her son in the day. Could be worse, could be much worse. It was poetic even.

I put on my jeans and socks, my shirt should have been somewhere in the living room. But oddly, my wallet wasn't in my jeans. "Ellie, have you seen my-" I asked, stepping out of the bedroom and froze mid sentence. There he was.

There aren't too many good excuses for your friend to appear from your mothers bedroom freshly showered, shirtless and pants still hanging open, are there? I was a dead man much sooner than I expected and all I could say was "Shit."

His eyes flamed up the second he saw me, "You bastard." he growled at me, rushing past Elisabeth.

"Don't!" Ellie yelled trying to yank him back, but Luke didn't even flinch.

"It's not like you think." I mumbled as he plowed me against the wall and threw his first punch.

I was a good fighter, there's no question about it, but I wasn't going to fight him. I didn't even try to defend myself more than my instincts made me. He was right and I knew it. I heard Ellie and David yell at him between the punches, but I couldn't make anything out of it. I felt blood and heat on my face. He might have gotten a rib. I fell, hit something and then it stopped. Silence surrounded me.

...

I heard yelling. Discussions. Everything was too loud. The pain came back. My jaw was definitely fractured, I didn't even want to think of all the sources of pain in my head. My chest hurt.

The sounds started to make sense. It was Kath yelling. Why was she there? The discussion close to me seemed to be by paramedics. I heard Ellie, her voice was broken, she must have been crying. Luke. My heart skipped a beat as I heard Luke. Fuck, how I hated how the human body reacted to anything associated to danger.

The situation came back to me. I forced my eyes open. I saw Ellie try and get to me as she saw my eyes, but Kath grabbed her midmove, not letting her come to me. I couldn't make out any words, all the sounds blurring into each other.

The medics prompted for my attention, but I couldn't make out a single sentence. They resulted to gestures and body language, checking as much as they could to determine my condition.

I snoozed back off.

Next moment I woke up in the ER. The sounds made sense. I could hear. I could move my body. A doctor quickly jumped to my alert state and ran a hundred questions through me to which I had difficulties answering with my aching jaw.

I was dragged to various scans, all showing that there was nothing noteworthy wrong with me. Extensive bruising, a fractured rib and jaw, with the improbable possibility of a brain injury presenting itself later. Everything ached, but I'd be damned if I'd let them give me anything, I'd rather deal with the pain then the possible consequences of relapsing into opioids. Luckily Kath had some cannabis oil smuggled to me to aid numb the pain.