A Space Oddity

"This hologram and receiver will self-destruct in five seconds. So farewell, Double Oooh Eleven! Happy landings! Hah, hah! Hah, hah, hah! Hah, hah—"

With a gentle whoosh, the hologram disappeared in the middle of Kew's maniacal laughter and my boots crumbled into dust.

Oh shit! Shit-shit-shit-shit-shit! There goes my only evidence of Kew's treachery. But then, why should I worry? Before long Doctor Yes and I, with many others, will just be a handful of radioactive dust.

A rattling of door-bolts being withdrawn brought me back to the here-and-now. Four pirates came in, two of them pointing laser-rifles at me, the others carrying handcuffs. One of the riflemen seemed puzzled and gazed around. "Could have sworn I heard another voice in here. There was laughter too, sort of crazy."

I shrugged. "Just me and I wasn't talking to myself. Do I look as if I'm laughing, crazily or otherwise?"

"Didn't sound like you," he acknowledged as he bent to peer under the bed.

The other rifleman was doubtful. "I think I might have heard something..."

Time to spread some morale-sapping rumours. "You both sound a bit stressed out. That can cause hallucinations. Perhaps Doctor Yes is working you too hard. Think about it." I turned to the two with handcuffs. "Was there something, gentlemen?"

"Yes, Hizzonner wants to see yer now." They snapped cuffs on each wrist and led me from the cell. "No trouble, now."

"No trouble," I promised.

The lead pirate suddenly thought of something. "Where are yer boots?"

"Boots? I haven't got any boots," I said, "Never did have. You must be suffering hallucinations like your companions. You know, you both seem a bit stressed too. I'm sure Doctor Yes is working you too hard. Think it over." Their expressions told me they were mulling this thought over although they were probably too scared to do anything about it. Still, spread a little happiness, I always say.

Doctor Yes

The two guards were gentle and the cuffs comfortable, but their grip was locked and firm. They led me up several flights of stairs to a huge chamber where the fearful Doctor Yes, clad in full armour complete with hideous helmet and mask, sat in splendour on a huge throne. The rumours were right, the man was a giant. Beside him, and slightly behind, was a strange looking person only a little smaller than the doctor. He was unarmed although for some reason he was carrying three short thick planks of wood. Searching my near-perfect memory of the star-ways' villains, I realised that this must be the fabled OddSlob, long-rumoured to be Doctor Yes's consigliere. I gave him the benefit of the doubt assuming he was human although I think a competent anthropologist might have argued with me.

I dismissed my musings about OddSlob's place on the evolutionary tree when I realised Doctor Yes was speaking, his voice strong but low like the growling of distant thunder on a summer's eve. "So, you are the famous—or should I say infamous—Jaimie Pond, agent Double Oooh Eleven. The stories are right. You are devilishly attractive. I shall enjoy having you." He flicked his hand and the guards released me. Saluting, they turned and exited. "Now I've dismissed the guards I'm sure you're thinking this is your chance to escape..." [I was] "...but such thoughts are inadvisable. OddSlob, show the lovely lady."

OddSlob stepped forward, raised the three short planks and shattered them with his forehead. Never let it be said that Jaimie Pond can't take a hint. "Okay, you win..." I said to the doctor, thinking to myself ...for the moment.

"OddSlob!" the doctor snapped, beckoning to where the huge being was selecting three more planks, "OddSlob, the maidens!"

OddSlob went the polished wood wall and pressed a concealed switch. A panel slid aside to reveal a room beyond and he beckoned, making a sort of grunting noise. Definitely low on humanity's scale. Apes would likely greet him as a second, or even first, cousin and throw him a welcome home party. Consigliere? Never on your life! He was just a gofer, an outsized plank-busting gofer. In answer to his summons, a troop of young women glided, almost floated, from the concealed room and into the chamber. They stopped in a semi-circle before Doctor Yes and bowed.

There was a full dozen of them, all naked and all so beautiful that my libido jumped up and bit me on the backside. And yet there was something not quite right about them. Their eyes seemed oddly unfocussed as if they could see beyond this world and into some parallel universe.

"Now, Jaimie Pond, you are being given into the care of these handmaidens of mine." Addressing the women, the doctor added: "Take her and prepare her for my special attention."

So I had been placed in the hands of the beauties. I weighed up the odds but they were too many. Two or three I might have been able to overcome but twelve... no. If I'd been a Grand Mistress of Phlung Dhung, a little-known martial art from the highest Himalayas, twelve... twenty... thirty even would have given me no trouble but I was not a Grand Mistress, only a humble black belt of the grade First Nad. To attain Grand Mistress-ship, the Twelfth Nad, takes many, many years of dedicated practice and self-denial. Aspirants must be prepared to live on nothing but cabbage juice and raw beans and be willing to sleep standing on one leg with arms folded behind the buttocks. It was said that you could always tell a Grand Mistress's abode by the faint air of flatulence that lingered like an unwelcome guest. Oh, and no pussy. Definitely no pussy! Only then can they attain the much-desired pink, green and puce belt. Well, I've never liked cabbage juice, I'm not keen on raw beans and as for no pussy... I'll stick with being a modest First Nad.

But enough about mystical Oriental ways of maiming people. The twelve maidens had gathered around me and were smoothly guiding me to yet another doorway. We entered a marbled room with a huge sunken bath, easily large enough for twenty people to bathe. Two of my fair escort held me by each arm and two by each leg, while the remainder cut away my clothing until I was naked. We all descended the steps into gently steaming perfumed water.

If it hadn't been for my captive status, the bath could have been fun. The twelve gathered round me and using exotically-scented soap bathed and shampooed me all over with their bare hands. The one assigned to wash my pussy was especially diligent and yet... and yet... while it was making me tingle she seemed to get no particular pleasure from it. All through this I had made several attempts to talk to the women but no-one responded.

Bath over, I was dried and pampered, light touches of scent applied to various of my erogenous zones and then I was escorted through to a sumptuous chamber and steered towards a large and luxurious bed. But it was an unusual kind of bed... at each corner was some kind of manacle or restraining device. Once again, two on each arm, two on each leg and I was spread-eagled on the bed. A concealed switch on one side of the bed was pressed and the manacles snapped shut on my wrists and ankles. Again, as with the armoured guards' handcuffs, the padded restraints were not uncomfortable but I knew there was no hope of freeing myself. So, there I was in an X position and the whole planet could inspect my lady's garden if they so wished. Still, I suppose for the moment it was better than being sliced in half by a laser beam.

There was a huge picture window facing the bed and I could see the nose-cones of the pirates' battle craft. I counted ten of them. Although fastened down and unable to take immediate action, it was something useful to know.

Then for the first time, one of the beauties spoke. Her voice was a monotone as if she was reading from a script. Not only that but it sounded hollow, as if coming from depths below the ground rather than a human throat. "Doctor Yes said we must prepare her for the visit so we will prepare her."

She knelt down and without a by-your-leave parted my outer lips and began to lick my pussy while easing a finger into me. Two more girls knelt one each side and started to suck my nipples. Yet another stood at my head and planted kisses over my brow and neck. The remaining eight stood around watching and playing with their own pussies. Now despite my predicament I was enjoying this but strangely none of the beauties seemed to. They were acting like automatons.

Number One lifted her head from between my legs for a moment to issue a fresh command: "Don't be greedy, give our new sister some."

"Our new sister my arse!" I started to scream in protest but was stopped by a finger thick with musky come being pushed into my mouth. What choice did I have? Well, what would you have done? I sucked it off, of course, and the same from the several fingers that followed. Although basically identical, there was a sufficient variation of flavours from those delicious pussies to make them interesting. I tried to punish them by not enjoying it but... hey, I just couldn't help myself relishing!

Suddenly I could feel my thighs quivering, my hips jerking, my pussy clenching and juices flowing more rapidly. "I think our new sister is about to come," observed a large-busted redhead.

"I'm not your new fucking sister!" I wanted to squawk but by this time I had more or less reached the point of no return and could only make rapid panting noises.

"Then let her come," instructed the one at my pussy, "the endorphins, oxytocin and other hormones released by the brain will make her more receptive to Doctor Yes."

Now that was weird. When a gorgeous woman is giving you head, and doing it very skilfully, the last thing you expect is for her to pause and give a mini-lecture on the physiological effects of orgasm. There was something very eerie about these women, as if they had been brain-washed. Back went the leader's tongue to work my clit, the nipple-sucking became even more intense, the kissing of my face deeper and the spare girls continued to smear my lips with their juices.

And boy! did I come. The funny grunting, yelping noises I could hear were coming from me as my whole body went into a massive come-spasm. "Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!" I shrieked. Oh my pulsating pussy!

"That seems to have been a highly successful preparation exercise," observed a cute little blonde girl who was licking her own come from her fingers.

"Indeed," replied my personal pussy-licker, "Doctor Yes will be pleased. Perhaps we will be permitted to fuck her again before she is initiated into our sisterhood." I've no intention of joining your fucking [no pun intended] sisterhood I wanted to shout but I was still panting too hard from that overwhelming orgasm.

"It will be nice to have someone new to fuck!" chorused several of the women and one asked: "Does her pussy taste good?"

"Her pussy tastes sublime," said number one. Well, that was nice to know even if the compliment had come from somebody with all the emotions of an android.

At that moment a door opened and the enormous figure of Doctor Yes strode in, immediately dominating the chamber. "Well?" he asked.

"It was exceptionally successful, dear Doctor," said Pussy-licking Paula, "She is delicious and she responded most favourably to the preparation."

"Good, good..." purred Doctor Yes, "I am most pleased with you. You may all return to your quarters now. I am not to be disturbed. Those of you who wish may kiss Double Oooh Eleven farewell before taking your leave." So I had to endure twelve sets of soft velvet lips and gentle tongues belonging to twelve enchanting women being pressed to mine as the girls left. Well, 'endure' isn't exactly the right word but I'm sure you know what I mean.

When they had all departed, Doctor Yes closed the door firmly and locked it. He unstrapped his sidearm and laid it on a small table. I noticed that he favoured a Desert Beagle Deathdealer, serious weaponry indeed. "At last my dear Jaimie Pond, we are alone together." Pure melodramatic pantomime. I could almost see him twirling a waxed moustache. What a prat! You'd think a criminal mastermind whose name inspired fear across the galaxy could think of a better opening line than that. I'm surprised he didn't add: "Aha, me proud beauty!"

"Now, where do we start? I know—first of all I'll remove this armour." Made sense. If he intended to ravish me, the armour was sure to hamper his intent. He pressed a hidden button and the suit of armour, including the helmet, virtually removed itself, stepping back and coming to rest against a far wall. A gigantic man, completely naked, stepped from the shell. With me being a ladies' woman through and through, and coming from Earth where men don't count for much anyway, I'm not sure of the points to look for. However, from top to bottom: Doctor Yes was tall, he was dark, and I think he was handsome. Moving down, he had a muscular chest, huge biceps and an impressive six-pack. My gaze moved further down and... Gulp!

Now I don't know a lot about penises but Doctor Yes's dangling appendage had to be something of a record. I estimated that it was a good fifteen or sixteen inches long and it wasn't even erect. I know that pricks hang off men but I'd never heard of a man hanging off a prick before. And he was going to put that thing into me! Oh my poor pussy! I almost felt like thanking Kew—the cobalt bomb was starting to sound very attractive. Well, several thrusts and as Kew had put it: "Kablooie!"

Doctor Yes gave me an evil grin and then pressed both his nipples. To my astonishment, the tall, handsome, amazingly-endowed man came apart. It was another, inner suit of armour or disguise which peeled away from its operator, opening out on tiny hinges. The inner front half of the body comprised what appeared to be a control panel while the rear half had a padded seat on which sat a naked woman. She stepped down and I could see that she was stunning, small and exquisitely made... My libido woke up again and bit the other cheek of my backside.

She gave me a tiny, mocking curtsey. "Doctor Yes at your service, Double Oooh Eleven."

Doctor Yes, female! I heaved an inward sigh of relief. For the moment at least I would not be turned into the past tense by a nuclear device. "But...but... you're a woman!" I had to say something but it could have been less feeble than that.

"Elementary, my dear Pond," she said, jiggling pear-shaped breasts with huge nipples and fingering her shaven haven, "Little wonder you're so highly regarded. Your powers of observation are amazing."

Ah, here was a weapon. Sarcasm could get her everywhere. It's a well-known fact that when master-criminals have a heroine at their mercy, they are sarcastic and yet cannot resist boasting of and explaining their misdeeds. I hoped that Doctor Yes would be among their number. I gave her ego a little nudge. "You obviously have a brilliant intellect Doctor Yes," I said, "but why the elaborate disguise?"

She gestured towards where the fleet of space craft stood. "You don't think those slope-headed cretins would obey a woman, do you?"

"Ah yes, good point, but why the massive prick, if you'll excuse the vulgarity?"

"It gives me a certain psychological advantage," she explained, "Every once in a while I allow my captains to see my... or rather that... naked body. The er... prick makes them feel inferior and therefore more pliable to my command."

"It makes me feel inferior," I acknowledged, "and I haven't even got one. But now, supposing one or more decided to mutiny?"

"I have taken that into account," said Doctor Yes, "I don't trust any of my faithful captains or their merry men. Unknown to them, all suits of armour and all space ships contain vaporising bombs of various sizes. On my control panel, you'll see a large dial marked from 'Individual Number X' to 'All personnel and crafts' and beside the dial a big red button. If I'm crossed, I just need to set the dial as appropriate and press the red button. Instant oblivion! I've had to do it a couple of times to encourage the others and even the most stupid of my thugs come to heel when they see their comrades reduced to a pocketful of empty air."

I changed the subject. "Suppose you're attacked from space by, say, the Earth Federation. How would you deal with that?"

"I'll show you," she said, "Each man's armour contains receivers linked to my armour. When I say jump, they jump!" She thought for a moment then added: "I'll put them on alert now. The buggers have been getting too idle. I'll send them into space immediately to earn their keep. Watch this."

My captor took a speaking device from Mr Naked and fitted it to her face. A great deafening voice, incongruous from such a small figure, boomed out. "Doctor Yes speaks! All captains and ships' crews to action stations immediately and stand by for take off! This order includes all palace guards! Report when fully prepared and operational!"

Some ten minutes later the control board receiver was filled with chattering as the ten captains reported full readiness. Giving me a wink, Doctor Yes ordered: "Operation immediate! Take off into space sector 3ZQ1.4, adopt defensive positions at half-a-million miles, hold and await further orders!"

The lovely little creature sighed. "That's got them out of the way for a while. Typical men! They get so boring when not raiding and looting, all they can talk about is sport. Kickball this, hitball that, throwball the other... Whose team is best, who'll win the trophy... I could scream sometimes but master criminals can't permit themselves such small indulgences."

She went to a small cabinet and took out a massive-looking hypodermic syringe filled with a glowing golden liquid which she held up before my gaze prior to laying it to one side. "Now, Double Oooh Eleven, you probably think you've been so cunning to have milked me of much useful information and I willingly went along with it. You see, that..." she pointed to the table where she had laid the syringe beside the Deathdealer "...contains a potent memory wiping drug which can be combined with brain-washing techniques. A little later, I'll inject you with it and you will become a member of my harem, a sex-slave, a zombie-like being who does nothing but my bidding. The reason for this should be obvious—none of my lovers will ever be able to betray the fact that I'm a woman."

So that explained the unfocussed eyes, the hollow voices and the generally weird behaviour of the women who prepared me. "You fiend, Doctor Yes!" I said, "You play a dirty game!"

"True. But then I'm not the one chained helpless to a bed with my lady's bits exposed to the world. What happens now, Jaimie Pond, is that we have a lot of fun together before I give you the injection. I've heard tell that you have a perfect pussy." She knelt on the end of the bed and gazed at my pride and joy. "Let me have a look... yes, it's certainly cuter than most I've seen." She ran a soft finger round and round the outer lips before sliding the finger into me. She moved the finger in and out for a few seconds before removing it and holding under her nose to smell.

With a little sigh, Doctor Yes then held the finger under my nose. "Inhale, Jaimie, appreciate the delicate bouquet." 'Bouquet' is probably not a word I would have chosen but I had to admit that my pussy did have a certain something. As a previous lover once said to me when licking me out: "When they handed out the pussy fragrance, Jaimie, you must have wandered into a flower garden for yours."