A Summer Wish

Story dedicated to Andy Bell

(Erasure band's singer)

The white seagulls make mournful noises. They fly overhead and drop with the wind with an amazing speed and grace. I like to watch them flying aimlessly. They're not searching for food nor mating, I think. They appear to be just 'strolling' for a change of 'air.'

Suddenly I feel alive again. I stand up and feel the tiny round pebbles under my feet. Though they make walking harder, I enjoy my intense foot massage under my soles. I rush back to where I'd left my things, and gather everything in my canvas bag. Just then I see the bus coming from the short distance. I wave and run, for I can't afford to miss it--after all, they don't come here often. It stops, I climb on it, pay my fare to the sleepy and sweaty bus conductor--he's chewing on a toothpick. I suppose he's just had his late lunch. He looks at me from head to toe. Just then I realize I'm still on my bare feet and shirtless.

"Oh, sorry about that!" I drop my sandals and put them on, as well as my red cotton T-shirt, and catch my breath. My feet still hurt, but at least I feel relieved to be seated.

Just then I notice this man sitting beside me. I quickly glance at his bulgy small shorts, strong hairy legs, and medium belly. He is wearing a white shirt open at his chest; it reveals his forest of hair. Nice!

"Look how breathless I am from just running a bit! I guess I should take up jogging before summer is over." I smile.

"If you're feeling breathless from running such a short distance, just imagine me at my old age!" He gives me a handsome and welcoming smile. He doesn't look old to me. "Besides, bus drivers hate retired people when they see us!" He emphasizes his last line and stares at the bus conductor and the driver. They in turn smile back to him.

"You're right. I'm terribly out of shape. I need to exercise more." I look out the dirty window and see people still swimming and fishing at the distance.

"Do you come often to Guarapiranga Dam?" He asks.

"Not really. I've just learned about this lovely place recently. And you? By the way, I'm Ken."

"I'm Mauro." We shake hands. "I usually come here on Sundays in the afternoon. I prefer to come here by bus instead of driving." He says while wiping his sweaty forehead.

We reach the main avenue and about ten minutes later, the driver slams on the brakes and stops abruptly, followed by the loud crashing noise.

"Oh, dear! What happened?" Mauro stands up. "I think we've just ran over a motor-biker."

"That's terrible! I hope he's all right. The ambulance should be here soon." People gather around the fallen man. I look back and notice another bus. "Hey, we can take that bus, which goes the same way. Let's go!" I turn to the driver. "Hey, driver! Open this door! I'm not going to spend the rest of the afternoon watching accidents on the road!" The door opens. "Good, let's get that bus!" I turn to the driver. "Thanks, sir!" We get off and board the other bus.

"Looks like your bus ran over a biker, uh?" The bus conductor of the other bus says.

"It had to happen. We were at such high speed and those bikers just ride quite recklessly. Anyway, the ambulance should have arrived. I wonder what's keeping them." This time I turn around to look for an ambulance. "Have you seen any ambulances around?"

"No. Only the police. And lots of passersby surrounding the victim." Mauro answers. He's perspiring a lot. No wonder, this bus has no air-conditioning.

"Boy, it's surely hot in here." I simply remove my T-shirt and dry my head and neck with it. "If the bus was moving, we'd get some ventilation. Man, look at the traffic!"

"It's going to be a long bus ride, eh?" Mauro says, while wiping his bald head with a small handkerchief.

"With this traffic, all we've got to do is wait. And it's just a Saturday afternoon!" I try to open the window but it won't go. Mauro tries it too but it won't move an inch either--here I have to say that Mauro is a strong man. He sits back and also removes his white shirt. I gasp as I see his hairy body.

"This is all we need now. Hey, driver! This window is jammed!" The bus conductor comes and tries to open it.

"It won't go. I'm sorry. Otherwise you'll break it." He turns his back to us.

"Look, they're selling bottled water on the street!" I shout at the street vendor and the boy who is carrying a large Styrofoam box comes. "Boy, here! I want two bottles, please!" I offer him the money and take the water bottles from a neighbor's window. "Here, this is for you." I hand Mauro a bottle.

"Oh, thanks, Ken. I really needed that!" He smiles. Lovely cute smile!

"You're welcome. Now we can bear this heat better. Here, to our safe return home." We toast. Suddenly the bus begins to move again.

During our bus ride, Mauro is quite reticent and says little. I guess older guys are like that. They like to hear what younger guys say. In any case, he's a good listener and a hot "daddy." He's single and is about to retire from university, where he teaches business. I tell him I work part-time at a make-shift studio, where we make copies of books, print-outs, banners, develop photos for weddings, etc. In the evening, I try to earn some extras teaching English to private students. By the end of the month, after handing most of my earnings to my aunt, I barely have enough to eat a burger on the street.

The bus finally arrives at the subway station, where we get off and take the subway. Mauro has to go the opposite way so we shake hands. I watch this handsome hairy daddy disappear among the crowd. I really hope to meet him again tomorrow at the dam, if possible.

On the following day, in the middle of the afternoon I get off the bus in the same spot that I was yesterday. I walk over the pebbles and find a nice spot. I spread my towel and put my bag of stuff on. I drink some coke and stare at the blue horizon. Nice!

Barely have I started to put some sunscreen on my arms and legs, I spot Mauro at the distance. My heart skips a beat and I smile. It's got to be him. I would recognize his baldhead a mile away! I wave to him. He's wearing an Adidas red Speedo with two white stripes on the side. I admire his built: tall, hairy, medium belly, strong arms and legs, fat cheeks, blue eyes--my typical 'daddy.' He brings his stuff in a canvas bag with a fading logo; it's probably the university he teaches at.

"Hi, so you've decided to come here again, uh?" He says, while we shake hands. He spreads his stuff on the ground.

"You can put your beach towel next to mine. Here, let me help you." I place his towel next to mine so we can talk. He sits and looks at the distance.

"Have you just arrived?" He asks.

"Yes. My aunt always cooks a late lunch on Sunday. Then she watches those terrible variety shows on TV. I had nothing better to do, so I came here."

"I thought you lived with your parents, Ken."

"No, my parents live in another province, in the south."

"You look Japanese, so it must be Paraná State."

"Bull's-eye! They live on a farm by this tiny city. I'm new in São Paulo, by the way." I continue applying sunscreen over my arms and legs.

"So, how do you like living in the big city, and with relatives?"

"It's ok, especially when you're new in this immense city."

"I hope you're adapting well to São Paulo, my friend. A lot of my friends are moving away, to smaller places, especially when they retire." He smiles. "By the way, I've already been to your state, Paraná. I've been a lot to the capital city, Curitiba, to lecture at the university. Did you know that Curitiba in Tupi language means, the 'land of fir trees?'" Tupi was one the native languages of Brazil.

"Really? That's why they harvest so much pine nuts there." I smile to him. "I love to eat boiled pine nuts!"

"Me too." He licks his lips.

"Well, there are lots of farm animals in Paraná, especially chicken and pigs. And it's a very hot place in summer, with a bonus of mosquitoes! By the way, have you applied any sunscreen on?"

"No. I didn't think it would be sunny today." He smiles shyly to me.

"In this case, take this." I hand him my large tube of sunscreen. "It'll save your skin and life in the long run, my friend." I turn to him and admire him applying it over his body. I'm dying of curiosity to see if he's going to put any on his bald too--he does!

"You're very kind, Ken. Thank you for saving my life." He returns me the tube.

"Any time, my friend." I take a newspaper clipping and show it to him. "Look, it's about yesterday's accident. His name was Edson. May God keep his soul."

"That's terrible! So the bus driver was drunk, uh?"

"Well, I noticed that he kept a bottle in his bag. Usually bus drivers keep water bottles there."

"I wonder what would have happened in case you or I had stood in front of that bus." Mauro hands me back the article.

"Jesus, what a thought! Well, in that case, he would have stopped, because he would have seen us coming. The guy yesterday was cutting through the traffic and appeared out of the blue. The driver just couldn't have avoided the accident."

Lying down on my towel, I cover my face with my T-shirt. Mauro, I notice, does the same. I turn to him and find him looking at me. I smile and he smiles back. I turn my body to him and reach out to his hairy strong chest. He smiles and takes my hand, kissing it. We smile and admire each other for what seems to be an eternity. Then he looks around and then turns to me. Suddenly, he stands up and walks towards the water. He calls me to him. I cannot resist and follow him. Just then I notice his bulgy Speedo and notice that he's a bit aroused; the old devil! He smiles as he notices my staring at him.

We enter the water and I feel the muddy and sandy bottom; I have a bad impression of this place. Mauro however dives and swims far at the distance. I do the same. It's a lot of fun. I peddle my legs and splash water around. Mauro stands up and the hair sticks to his body. He looks more like a werewolf to me now. I approach him and he takes me in his arms. Suddenly, we dive together. I feel his arms around me. We come back to the surface and separate. I tell him to dive again. This time I hold him and we almost bump against each other. We get closer together and dive again. This time, we kiss. Mauro keeps me under the water, being the most experienced diver. As we reach the surface, we separate.

So that's how mermen court each other! Cool!

We return to our towels. I feel tired and lie down. Mauro lies down too and I notice his large protruding cock slanted to the side in his red Speedo. He rubs it and smiles to me. He does not feel conscious about himself at all. Then he offers me an orange. I take it and thank him. He peels it patiently; and he does this operation as if peeling an apple. He makes a nice necklace out of the peel. I try to do the same, but it ends up breaking. I guess you've got to be patient to do these things.

"It's very sweet, dear." I say.

"But not as sweet as your kiss." He smiles.

"Try this, I bet it's even sweeter." I offer some cake to him. He tells me he can only eat a small piece, since he's cut down on sugar.

The bus ride is again long, but much pleasanter this time. As we arrive at the subway station, he takes my hand and squeezes it. I take his and kiss it. We enter the station and take the same subway together. However, I know I have to get off at the coming station. Mauro, I think, also knows that, for he looks at me without saying a thing. Suddenly, he also gets off at the same station. We then sit on a bench on the platform. It's not difficult to talk here, because there are fewer subways running on Sundays.

He turns to me and holds my hand. I turn to him and look at his handsome face. He's really tanned from this weekend. I admire him all the more as we speak. I can almost see him naked through his clothes, as I recall him in his full glory at the dam: his medium belly, his strong arms and legs, and his lovely red Speedo.

He tells me he lives in a small back house. His sister and brother-in-law own the property and live in the large house. They have no kids. I tell him it must be nice to have your own place. He says it's convenient, but at times, he feels lonely. He turns to the subway tracks and tells me that he used to be married.

"Married? You?"

"Yeah, at that time, people just had to do it, Ken."

"I see. I guess marriage suits you."

"Really?" He smiles. "Well, she was a lovely wife. But our divorce was sort of inevitable. She was already getting suspicious when Carlos, one of my brightest business student, was coming to our house quite often. Well, she threatened me with a scandal, which would have cost my academic career. I left her the car, house, and all our savings. She also forbade me from, visiting my two boys. They're attending university now. Well, my sister took pity on me and offered the back house, which was used as a storage by my brother-in-law."

"I'm sorry to hear that, Mauro." We both remain silent. I guess his past is too painful to revisit.

"I don't want you to feel sorry for me, Ken." He forces a smile. "You're too young to feel sorry for somebody else's mistake." He takes my hand.

"Perhaps I am, dear." I whisper. "But I think I'm just mature enough to accept people the way they are, that's all."

"In this case, I hope you can forgive me for being a coward, then."

"You don't need forgiveness, Mauro, for you haven't done anything wrong. All you need is, a chance to find true love."

"I suppose you're right, Ken. Love is something I've always longed to have." We both look at each other. "Ken, are you coming to the dam next weekend?"

"Only if you do." I smile.

"In this case I'll come too." He smiles. "By the way, here is my address, just in case." He writes on a small piece of paper and hands it to me. He holds my hands and the next thing I know, we're parting from each other. I watch this strong man take his subway. I wave and he waves back to me. Only time will tell what will come out of this.

Oh, God! How I long to be in his arms. But, reason tells me to wait. Both of us need time to think about what we should do, and what is more importantly, learn more about the other. I know he has pure intentions and feels lonely. But, I don't want to hurt anybody even more by making hasty decisions. I don't want to suffer either. I ponder as I get home to my aunt's house.

On the next weekend, it is raining.

"You're kidding me! It's raining and no one will go to that dam! Ken, you're going to catch a cold! I forbid you from going, for I'm not going to nurse a stubborn nephew because of a stupid cold!" Aunt snaps.

"I need to go, aunt."

"Okay, if you want to go, there's nothing I can do about it. You're not my son anyway! But, look, I want you to tell me who this man is first."

"Don't you know his name already? I thought you'd read the slip of paper that was on my desk!" I bite my lover lip.

"What! Are you accusing me of touching your things! I'm certainly going to tell your mother about your rude behavior!" She stands up from her chair. "Well, as a matter of fact I did find the slip of paper since I was dusting that desk. Consequently I found it."

"I'm not going to talk to you about my private business. Anyway, now you know his name. Bye!"

"If your mother calls me again, I'm going to tell her everything. I'm also going to charge extra for the laundry from now on! I'm not a fool to be your slave! You ungrateful boy! Yeah, that's what you are, a boy!"

"You can go ahead and do whatever you want! You can't stop me from living my own life! Bye!" I open my small umbrella and go.

"You're crazy! Acting like that won't take you anywhere! You're just like your mother! Living on that God-forsaken town, scrubbing your dad's dirty pants! Listen to me, you should be mature enough not to believe in fairy tales! You'll get very disappointed in the end, Ken!" Aunt slams the door.

As I take the subway, my heart beats faster. I feel warm inside, even in this rainy day. I get off at the bus station. Then transfer to another bus to the dam.

As expected, few people take the bus with me. They all wear gray and dark clothes. Each of us has a wet umbrella. I try to look confident. I look around the people on the bus: the sleepy driver; the sad bus conductor; myself; two older ladies; a mysterious man in an old raincoat; and three teens. As I begin to approach the dam, most people get off, so, I am the only one going there. I open my umbrella again. I stop by an empty area under the roof of kiosk or something like it. I look around but cannot find a living soul. Only the water and the monotonous rain. I sit on the counter and stare at the water. Once in a while I see a car passing by. I begin to feel the cold. Not to mention the eerie feeling of being isolated and alone in this deserted place.

The words of my aunt echo in my head over and over again. Her pounding accusations, her sharp words, her repetitive and annoying questions. I nearly go mad with her piercing voice in my head; not to mention the deafening silence of this drenched desert. I stand up and take my umbrella. I walk along the beach and look at the water.

Something in my head tells me, but I don't want to listen to it. I don't want to get disappointed. I don't want to be alone. I want to be loved by this man. I want to be loved, desired by someone. I don't want to spend my weekends in front of a TV while my life goes by slowly until I notice that I've become bitter, old, and alone. I hesitate and finally board the bus back to my aunt's house.

"I told you he wouldn't be there. Serves you right! And look at you! You'll be lucky if you don't catch a cold," and she goes on and on.

"I'll go there again tomorrow!" I stare at my aunt with defiance.

"But the weather report clearly says that it's going to rain again tomorrow! It always does during the summer."

"In this case I shall take my umbrella again, just like I've done it today."

"You're so stubborn! Just like you mother!"

"I guess that's the way I am!"

"Your mother was the only Japanese girl in our family who married a foreign man! What a shame!"

"You know what? I feel proud of her for such attitude!"

"I guess you do! Well, are you going there again, to get wet and cold?"

"I certainly will!"

On the following day, well, the weather hasn't improved, but at least it isn't raining. I don't have lunch at my aunt's and she thinks I'm crazy. I take an umbrella with me just in case it rains.

As I get there, it begins to rain again. I sit on the same counter of that kiosk and wait for him. I think of him and catch myself smiling at the nearest puddle of water. I also feel a warm feeling here, in my heart as I think of his warm presence. I can feel him in the air, somewhere. I finish my apple and walk again on the beach, in the vain hope of finding that hot handsome daddy.

I go to the very spot where we once stood. The rain has just washed away any remnants of us ever being there. Instead, I only find some pools of water. I look around and cannot find anybody.

Could my aunt be right after all? Could Mauro be just an illusion, like a mirage in this wet desert? Here I am, thirsting for his presence, all by myself. Was he real in the sense that he had a special feeling for me? What if I were just a victim of my own vanity and pride? Could I have possibly made this mistake? But in life, who doesn't? Can love become real, even when pursued so desperately by only one of the couple?

The immense dam is like the sea. I turn to the water and look around again. I am about to scream his name but stop. It would be foolish of me. Instead, I walk slowly back towards my bus. Once inside it, I look around and there's no one. I look out my window and can hardly see any distinguishable objects for the glass is wet from the rain.