A Tale for a Winter's Night

My name is David Sykes. What's in a name you ask? It must have meant something to my parents when they gave it to me, but all my life it has been what it is. I am not David Sykes Jr, or David Sykes III. My father and grandfather aren't named David. I had no relatives named David that I ever knew of. My folks just liked the sound of it.

I'm a fairly ordinary guy, an electrical engineer with a good career. I usually describe myself as "middle aged", but my friends are quick to point out "Not unless you plan to live to be 112!" That's their way of reminding me I'm 56. Eight years ago I caught my wife of 30 years having an affair with a mutual friend from the neighborhood. That's the polite way of saying they were having sex in our bed when I found them. My response was simple and direct; I broke his nose with my fist, and I divorced her. Well, I wish it had been that simple. When you've built a life of love and trust with one woman only to find she has betrayed you, what you do is climb into that deep hole in your heart and mourn. I tried, or I told myself I tried, but six months later I had her served with divorce papers. The kids were out of the house. One was still in college and the other was in graduate school. I'm so proud of those two. All their lives they have aimed high and worked hard. I sat them down to explain. I wanted them to know it wasn't me, but mostly I wanted them to know that I loved them, and I would always be there for them. It was months before they spoke to their mother again.

And you can bet your ass I told his wife about it. There were two divorces that year. To my surprise, the affair ended when I caught them. I guess the excitement of it was gone.

I had my career, and I liked my job and the town we lived in, so I stayed after the divorce. I still see her around town from time to time, and there are family occasions I can't escape where I'm forced to play nice, but the love I once had for her is dead. That's not to say I've entirely moved on. I date a little, but I haven't found anyone special. I do like to have company over dinner, but at the same time I've learned to live alone. On summer evenings and weekends, I often take my boat out the mouth of the river if there is sufficient wind, or I just putter around making minor repairs and eating a sandwich in the cockpit if the air is still. In winter I find other things to keep myself amused.

That's what brought me to the day in question. Winter was coming on and we'd had a few small snowfalls, but that first big winter storm was yet to hit. I have a metal detector that I occasionally take to the beach on the early mornings of hot summer days, but the beach traffic is awful in the summer. In late fall and early winter I button up my jacket and walk the deserted beach searching for curiosities. On a good day, one in twenty finds will be a coin or maybe a ring. The rest is trash. The way people simply discard as refuse the things they no longer value is disgraceful.

It was midday Saturday in early December, and I was walking a stretch of beach that during the summer was the most populated bit of sand in the state. Above the beach is a road and across the road is a string of restaurants, hotels, arcades, and tourist traps selling overpriced trinkets that I wouldn't ever approach during summer. Today, most of them were closed for the season with just a few eateries open for the locals. I called it quits at three in the afternoon. I'd given it five hours, found a few choice items and a bag full of trash, dropped the trash in the can where it belonged, packed up my detector, and headed for the nearest bar. It was the kind of place where the locals took some pride in their surroundings, the beer was cold, and the wings were excellent, although right then I was thinking a cup of hot coffee would be just the thing to warm my bones.

I stepped through the door and stopped, as everyone did, to let my eyes adjust from the sunlight I'd left behind. Nobody yelled "Norm!" or "David!" and I wasn't expecting them to, but as my eyes adjusted, I made my way toward a table in the back. I saw her a few seconds after she saw me. It was Frederica. She waved and I smiled, and then she waved me over.

"Freddie, what are you doing here?"

"I live near here! What are you doing here?"

"Walking the beach." and I held up my metal detector.

"Oh god, you are such a geek!"

"Hey, I resemble that remark!"

"Come on and join us. You can keep my friends entertained. They've already heard all my stories."

I set my metal detector against the wall, pulled up a chair, and said, "Ladies, it's a pleasure to meet you. My name's David Sykes." Then I held out my hand. The three of them introduced themselves and we settled into a very easy and enjoyable conversation.

The ladies seemed to think I was okay and followed Freddie's lead. "So, have you always been a geek, or did you grow into it?"

"Oh, geez!" That was the start of a lot of giggling and a few more digs, but after some kickin' Buffalo wings and a second round of the local brew they were having a good time and so was I.

Two hours later the sun was down, the wind was up, and Freddie's friends were headed home.

"I think I like your friends."

"I know they like you! They were very clear about it when you were away from the table."

"You four get together often?"

"Maybe once a month, a bit more in the winter and a bit less in the summer."

"One of the perks of living by the beach?"

"Oh, yeah. The traffic is a bitch, but there's always something going on." That's one of the things I liked about Freddie - she always spoke her mind. "Whenever I can, I make sure to get food for the weekend and I just bike or walk wherever I'm going. Which reminds me, I've always wanted to get one of those metal detectors."

"Geek!"

"You're surprised? How many years have we worked together?"

"I just figured you tolerated the rest of us."

"Hell no! I am 100% geek through and through and proud of it!"

Is it any wonder I have always enjoyed this woman?

I looked at her and I knew I didn't want the evening to end. "Those wings were good, but I need something more. Where would you recommend going for dinner and will you join me?"

I caught her by surprise with that one, but she recovered quickly. "You like Chinese?"

"Hell yes!"

"Is your car nearby?"

"Hell no!" That got us both laughing. "It's about five blocks north."

"Damn! That's going to be a cold walk, but it's closer than my place. You ready?"

"No, but what choice do we have?"

We paid up, collared up, gloved up, and braced ourselves for the walk ahead. Okay, it wasn't the coldest or the windiest walk I've ever made, but it was memorable. We got to the car, climbed in, and turned the heater to thaw.

Dinner was great! She picked exactly the perfect place. The hot and sour soup was perfect for the night and the egg rolls were exceptional. We split the moo shu pork and the Mongolian beef. It was the perfect blend of sweet and spicy and we skipped dessert.

I was in no hurry to leave, but after a very pleasant conversation and a last cup of tea, it was time to go. Once again, we buttoned up and braced for the wind; but when we opened the door, we were confronted with snow because wind and cold just aren't enough.

"Look! It's snow!"

"Woman, you have a knack for stating the obvious."

"I love snow! It takes me back to when I was a kid!"

"Great. So you can climb in while dad clears the snow off the car." Don't get me wrong, we were both grinning like two kids dreaming of sleds and making snow angels, snow men, and snow forts. I was just playing the grump so Freddie could have fun teasing me.

It was a cold, windy walk to the car, but we kept up the banter all the way. The snow was heavy, as it often is on the coast in early December, and there was a lot of it, but in short order the car was cleared off and we were driving to her place. The truth be told, I'd had an absolutely delightful time and I didn't want the evening to end. So when we reached her place and she invited me in, I jumped at the chance.

Freddie's place was a condo, one of a dozen separate addresses that are built side-by-side with covered parking and interior stairs to the main floor. At that moment, I liked covered parking. She had a minimal amount of yard in the front and back that was mowed by the condo association, but she had turned a lot of it into a compact garden. I had seen it once before during summer when it was in full bloom and marveled at it then. Now, it was sleeping under a blanket of snow with the rest of the natural world and awaiting rebirth and life in the spring. Rebirth. Life. Those words would mean so much more to me in a few hours.

Freddie's home was warm and comfortable. We settled into a two-cushion couch that was just the right size for two middle-aged people wanting to talk and we proceeded to spend the next four hours doing exactly that. We were fed, warm, and comfortable, and we were quite content just to sit and talk the hours away.

Still, all good things must end, or so I am told. It was about 10:30 in the evening and I figured I needed to move along. However, I did manage to get a promise of dinner again next weekend, so I was leaving on a high note. Truth be told, I was feeling pretty proud of myself by that point, and I was thinking maybe I might manage to turn this friendship into something more?

She walked me to the door, and I got a lovely hug. Not one to waste the opportunity, I kissed her on the cheek just to get her thinking about next weekend and opened the door.

There was at least a foot of snow on the ground and the roads weren't yet plowed. I wasn't going anywhere soon.

We shut the door with a mutual shiver and retreated back to the living room.

"You might as well wait until the storm ends. Even of you clean off your car, the roads won't be passable for hours. How about something hot to drink?"

"Oh my God, yes please!"

"I know! I'll make hot chocolate." With that she headed into the kitchen and I followed. As she was rummaging through the kitchen cabinets, she said, "I think I even have a bag of those little marshmallows somewhere."

"Can I help?"

"No, it's a one-woman job. You just get comfortable and stay warm."

"I know what I can do!" and with that I once again retreated to the living room to claim her guitar. Now I'm no virtuoso, but I know my way up and down the scales a little. I claimed a kitchen chair out of the way, and I start to tune.

"I didn't know you play?"

I smiled at her and said, "It remains to be seen."

That earned me a quiet laugh and I began to play simple pieces that I know. I played as she heated the milk and added the cocoa, stirring and mixing the chocolate as the soothing cords put us both into a relaxed wintry mood. She poured the warm mixture into cups as I made my poor efforts to play a few lines of Lightfoot's Song for a Winter's Night.

"You play well."

"I should warn you that yours is not the majority opinion, but thank you."

"Well, what did the Supreme Court say about pornography? 'We can't define it, but we know what we like?' I like your playing and that's what matters!"

She had me laughing now. "I don't think that's quite what they said but thank you again."

"I don't keep a very extensive bar, but I have a little rum if you want to sweeten your cocoa?"

I think my eyes lit up at the suggestion and my eyebrows raised before I knew it. "Well, I wouldn't want you to drink alone; so if you're having some, I'll have some as well."

With a big smile, she reached into another of the kitchen cabinets and poured a generous shot into each mug.

With a general agreement on the proper way to prepare hot cocoa, we found our way to the living room carrying our mugs and I set the guitar gently against the wall where I found it.

We sat and talked for another hour. We talked about everything and anything from work to life to family. Maybe it was the rum and maybe it was the company, but I found myself developing a warm inner glow and I was grateful for the winter storm that was bringing the state to a standstill.

Her head was resting on the back of the chair and she was lost in her own thoughts. "You know, some nights I don't even go to bed. I just grab a blanket from that chest over there, kick back, and sleep right here."

"I've been known to take a 20-minute nap in a chair, but I don't think I'd want to do it for a whole night."

Smiling a devilish smile at my obvious lack of understanding, she reached down along the outside of the sofa and pushed a button. With the quiet drone of a motor beneath her, the seat back began to slope, and the front came up as the left half of the sofa became a recliner. Twenty seconds after it began, she was fully reclined, and she looked so comfortable that I had to try it myself. I searched for the button on my side and eventually found it, pushed it, and moments later we were reclined together.

"Oh, I could get used to this!"

"You see what I mean? Add a warm blanket on a cold night and sleeping here is easier than climbing the stairs." As she said it, she snuggled deeper into the cushions of the recliner.

I didn't tell her, but I tend to get restless when I've been in one position for too long. So when I started to feel the need to move, I tried rolling onto my side to face her as we talked. It worked! If you'd asked me, I'd have told you that the contours of the recliner would make lying on my side uncomfortable, but it was perfect!

We talked about work, and we talked about our mutual friends. She told me about the women she was sitting with when we met today after she swore me to secrecy. (Oops! I didn't tell you that.)

"So what did I tell you - pretty comfortable, isn't it?"

"You also told me it's better with a blanket." With that, I climbed out of the recliner and got a blanket from the chest. Climbing back in, I opened the blanket and threw it across both of us. "Oh, this is nice!"

By then I was on my back again and I reached out to take her hand. "This is a delightful way to spend the evening." I started to quietly hope that the snow wouldn't stop.

We continued that way, holding hands and lying next to each other. We talked about our families, and I learned she has the most remarkable sisters. Every one of them was raised to be strong, capable women like herself. Her oldest sister was in the first class at the Air Force Academy to admit women and the other was a surgeon in the mid-West. I talked about mine and how I didn't get down to see them often enough. I was the prodigal son who moved away and was never quite forgiven for it, although we all kept in touch regularly and got together when we could.

It wasn't until we got around to talking about the future that the whole conversation turned to crap. She grew very quiet as I was talking about my plans for the next five years and it wasn't long before I noticed. "What's wrong? You seem awfully quiet all of a sudden."

"I'm afraid my next five years don't look very rosy. In fact, they don't exist at all."

I was speechless. What did she mean by that?

She looked at me through eyes glistening with unshed tears. "I have an inoperable tumor. They've tried chemo and radiation, but they only slowed it for a time. It's coming back strong now. I've got six months to a year."

I was speechless. My mind went blank, and I stared at her in disbelief. Freddie was always so full of life. It couldn't be true.

"It's okay. I made peace with it during the first round when I was taking all that chemo and the radiation treatments. That bought me some time. I'm ready for it."

Now I remembered how she was out of the office two years ago. I thought she was working off site as we often do and had never questioned it.

What do you say at a time like this to a friend you've known for ten years and are only now discovering? There is nothing you can say. I moved closer to her and put my arm under her neck and around her shoulders. She responded by rolling onto her side and snuggling against me. It was nice. I had both my arms around her, and she was snuggled as close as two people can be and still be dressed, or so I thought. Over the next hour she would draw herself ever closer. Her head was resting on my chest, and I kissed her hair as I stroked her back. She squeezed me close, and then looked up into my eyes. There was no mistaking what she wanted nor resisting her if I'd wanted to, and I didn't want to, so I leaned forward and kissed her gently on the lips. We held the kiss for what seemed like minutes, but it was probably only five seconds; and when we broke our kiss, she laid her head back on my chest with a sound of contentment that only a woman can make.

We didn't talk much after that except for the foolish questions that I asked.

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure."

"Did you get a second opinion?"

"A second and a third."

"Maybe the chemo again, or the radiation?"

"They've done what they can do. It's not responding this time."

I should learn to keep my mouth shut sometimes. All that was left for me to do was to hold her and that is what I did until late into the evening.

We continued to lay there together in that two-seat recliner, holding each other, and every so often she would snuggle closer to me. I could feel her breasts squeezed firmly against my chest. At times when she would squirm just a little, I could feel her mound press against my leg. With that little squirming movement, that closest of all snuggles, she would look up and I would kiss her lips. Each kiss lasted longer than the kiss before. She felt good in my arms and with every little movement I knew her body just a little better than before.

After just lying there and holding her for a time, she quietly said, "I lied."

"About what?"

"I'm not ready."

"How could you be? You're still young. You're at the peak of your career."

"It's not the work. I haven't lived enough. There is so much I still want to do and there's not enough time to do it. What's worse, what's the point in doing anything alone?"

I didn't hesitate. "Then do them with me, or let me do them with you?"

She turned her head up to look at me. "Do you mean that?"

"Yes. Absolutely."

"Really? You don't even know what it is?"

This was getting very serious, so I decided to play it for humor. "Okay, I do have my limits. I'm not jumping out of any planes unless they're on fire, and even then I'm going to be very reluctant. I'm not climbing any shear rock cliffs where I need to hold on by my fingertips. And there are some things I just won't eat!"

I had her laughing quietly again. "Even if I eat them first?"

"I'll take photographs and testify to everyone that you actually ate it. That's as far as I'll go."

I love making a woman laugh, especially when she has so little to laugh about.

"I don't really have a bucket list. I just want to do more before I can't."

"Freddie, I wasn't kidding when I asked to let me do those things with you. I'm ready. You write the list and we'll be off."

"I want to run naked in the snow."

Damn. "Okay, but you need to remember that a man is not at his best in the cold. I mean, I'm going to look like a hairy twelve-year old, but if that's what you want..."

By now she was laughing too hard for me to continue. "I lied. I'm not flashing my neighbors. No way!"

I was relieved.

She was chuckling quietly as she put her head back on my chest, hugged me close, and resumed her quiet contemplation. I had no idea what was on her mind, other than her own mortality, but I decided at that moment that I was all in. Whatever she wanted, whatever she needed, I was game. This woman was not going to die alone.

We continued to lie there, just the two of us under the warm blanket in that wonderous, earie quiet that snowstorms bring. Did I say that with every little movement I knew her body just a little better? Her body was pressed against me, lying in full contact from her ankles to her head and everything in between, and I was struggling to keep my hands where they belonged. This was a serious evening as we both contemplated her approaching mortality, but I also had a woman in my arms who meant more to me with every passing hour, and I could feel the heat of her sex against my leg. So, yes, I had an all-up erection, and I was trying to keep it hidden from her. We weren't a couple and what she needed from me was not a grope and a come-on, or so I thought. Then while lying there, holding each other close, she surprised me. She slowly slid her leg across my torso, across my wide-awake manhood, and rested it on my erection. As she did this, her mound came into even greater contact with my leg.