A Town Without Honor Ch. 03

And ev'ry day, it seems we're wasting away ... ♫

By the time I hit the chorus, I had most of the bar singing.

♫ I'm a cowboy, on a steel horse I ride

I'm wanted, (wanted) dead or alive

Wanted, dead or alive. ♫

It was strange, how after nearly 10 years, my fingers picked up the intricacies easily, playing to the eager crowd. By the end, the whistles and catcalls had me grinning. I'd killed it. I mean in a good way.

I slowed it down, to something easy, and familiar to everyone. Not my favorite Green Day song, but one I could play in my sleep, and somewhat apropos.

♫ Another turning point a fork stuck in the road,

Time grabs you by the wrist and directs you where to go

So make the best of this test and don't ask why

It's not a question but a lesson learned in time... ♫

Some voices joined mine, but only a few until I hit the iconic couplet.

♫ Its something unpredictable but in the end it's right.

I hope you had the time of your life. ♫

I looked at the crowd. Watching me, singing along. Having the time of their life. Beers lifted to me, Ronnie grinning, playing along. Life should be like this. Not spending 12-14 hours a day slaving away. Why hadn't I ever done something similar since college? I used to love playing guitar, and I'd put it away for nearly 10 years, my entire life revolving around my work and my wife.

No problem with that anymore.

I shouldn't have started down that path of thinking because, without a thought, I finished the slowed down strumming and moved right into a song I'd played many an evening, hiking the Appalachian trail. A stupidly simple power ballad.

♫ We both lie silently still in the dead of the night

Although we both lie close together we feel miles apart inside... ♫

The house was quiet as I bled my heart out on stage. I was joined in the chorus, by a couple of dozen voices.

♫ Ev'ry rose has its thorn,

just like ev'ry night has its dawn.

Just like ev'ry cowboy sings his sad, sad song

ev'ry rose has its thorn. ♫

I managed to make it through the second verse and another chorus, but I had Beth on my mind. What she had done. My perfect rose with that deadly thorn.

The bridge killed me. My voice choked up. I could feel the tears starting and knew I couldn't go on. I struggled ahead

♫ Though it's ... it's been a ... ♫

Janie was standing beside me, hand on my arm, leaning into the microphone, her beautiful voice ethereal, haunting.

♫ ...I can still feel so much pain.

Like the knife that cuts you, the wound heals, but the scar, that scar remains. ♫

She turned to face me, her eyes tearful, singing the final verse alone. I could barely strum along, her words eviscerating me.

♫ ...Now I see that you've found somebody new

and that I never meant that much to you.

To see that tears me up inside,

and to watch you cuts me like a knife. ♫

The crowd took over for the chorus and final verse, and she glared at me, tears in her eyes. She went back to her corner and faced the bar.

I put the guitar down, the shouts and applause grating on me. My mystery girl ran up to me but I stopped her. "I'm sorry. I can't do this."

She stopped stone cold, looking up at me. She gave me a wistful smile. "I'm sorry too, Honor. Thanks for a great evening." She brushed past my hand and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek.

I walked to the corner. "Janie ..."

"Go away Honor. Please."

"I'm sorry," I told her, leaning against the bar. "We were just having a good time, it was nothing."

She turned her head, eyes red and burning. "Is that what your wife said to you when she cut your heart out, Honor? It was nothing. Just a good time?"

Her words did their intended job. My world came crashing down on me. All the hurt, full strength, like I was seeing her again, for the first time, riding him. I stepped away from her verbal assault, stumbling on a stool, blind to the world. Falling ...

I was lying on the floor, surrounded by bodies. Janie was peering into my face, shaking me. "Honor. Honor! HONOR!" Echoes of my leaving Beth for the last time, the love of my life screaming at me as I drove away.

I pulled away in revulsion, and I saw the fear in her eyes as she stared into my face.

She was hugging me, crying. "I'm sorry. So sorry. I shouldn't have said that."

It took a few moments for it all to sink in, where I was, what I was doing. God, I was as callous as her.

"I'm sorry, Janie. I'm an ass."

She let me go. "Are you alright? Did you hurt your head?"

I reached up where my head was throbbing, and pulled my hand away, seeing red. Blood? My blood? "I don't feel so good, baby," I murmured.

I never heard her reply, if any.

==============================