A Woman of Edo

A pair of hands pulled me away. I lay curled on my side. I felt my own blood pouring from my groin. I passed out.

Many hours or even days I lay semi-conscious. But when I awoke I felt somewhat revived. I sat up, and saw Ko seated nearby. He watched me silently with keen eyes. He leaned towards me and I cowered.

He spoke. "Do not be afraid. Here. I brought you water."

I took from him a pitcher of water, and drank long, while he watched me.

"You are both my captor and my saviour. Yet I still know not who you are, or what you want with me."

"You are my prisoner. But I will not mistreat you, as he has done."

There was something in his voice that made me feel he spoke truly. Yet I suspected him still.

"But who are you? You are no monk, for what monk would kill a man?"

For answer he stood, and straightened up tall, and I saw his face transform itself from that of an old man to a youthful one, the lines and creases disappearing. He pulled at his long grey beard. It was false, and came off in his hand. He threw it to the ground. I gasped.

"Indeed you are no monk, you are a devil, that can change his shape!"

"You saw the creases in my face, the grey beard, my bent back. But you didn't see the man. As in our game of Go, you focused on the details, but missed the whole. My name is Kano Takegawa, and you are correct: I am no more a monk than are you."

"Kano Takegawa. That name is unknown to me, and I doubt it is your own. But whoever you be, you cannot further increase my shame by subjecting me to further torment at your hands. Therefore I fear you not. Better you should take my life now. Unless you wish to see me take my own."

This last was a lie. For in spite of all my pain and indignity, I was strong. And I felt that, as in Go, wherein it is unwise to resign before the game is truly ended, so the premature taking of one's own life is foolish. Fortunes may change with the placing of a single stone.

"Dead or alive, you shall remain here until your father has handed over to me the five hundred ryu he stole from Jordaens."

"My father? My father is no thief!"

"Your knowledge of your father is as your knowledge of Go, and of the world in general. You see only the detail, but never the whole. Your father is indeed a thief. But he would protest, preferring rather to call himself a 'shrewd businessman'. Jordaens was only one among many that he stole from. Do you think that a lowly townsman can achieve the wealth equal to that of the highest noblemen in Edo without resorting to thievery?"

"You lie! My father is a good and honest man!"

"I will not argue it. Your opinion of your father is not important to me."

He sat down heavily and said no more.

Many days we remained in the cave. I had become fevered, and would be some days recovering. A low, glowing fire had always burned within me, but since my ordeal it had sprung to flame, and still engulfed me. I writhed in the nights, as I relived the horror of my rape.

Kano gave me medicines to drink which gave me relief, and he bathed my skin with cool water. He burned Ho leaf, and its scent revived me further.

Soon, although I was still very weak, I felt recovered enough to take a morsel of rice bread that he offered me.

He brought me clothes, crude grey peasant's clothes, in contrast to my indigo and yellow kimono which still lay in tatters on the floor of the cave.

As I recovered, my wits returned, and I began to plot my escape. For I did not believe Kano's story. I recalled the surprise that Jordaens had shown when he had found me here. This man Kano was no crude thug, to hire himself out as a kidnapper.

But he must have sensed my plans, for one day he bound my feet once more, though he left my hands and mouth free.

"I said to you before that I would not treat you ill. But do not think therefore that I would not break your neck like a chicken's, quickly but without cruelty, if you attempt to escape or call for help."

I will tell you how I learned to hear silence.

Kano was skilled in medicine, and I was strong in spirit. After two weeks, my strength had returned.

But my brutal deflowering had wrought a change in me. I would dream again and again of Jordaens, and it still shames me to tell that I awoke from these dreams agitated, and with a burning desire to feel once again his deathly weapon inside me.

I longed to be out of that cave, and felt like a dog in a kennel. Kano came and went often, I knew not where. Whenever he left he would bind me and gag my mouth, so I could not call out.

Each time he returned, his mood was black. I guessed he had some business concerning me, which was not going as he wished.

Being completely at his mercy, I feared that whenever he went from me he would not return. I would feel so great a relief when I saw his silhouette reappear at the mouth of the cave that I would weep.

One morning he prepared for me my medicine. We sat at the cave's entrance. I watched his delicate quick fingers, and the smooth skin on his arms, as he sliced up some sweet-smelling leaves. He said to me, "It will not be long now. Soon you will be free."

My heart felt then the searing arrow of disgrace. I could not bear to face my father after my violation. Yet still I was unable to contemplate taking my own life. Not through fear of death; for surely to face my father required a greater courage.

"Has my father then agreed to the ransom?"

He told me curtly it was no business of mine.

I answered him that my own kidnapping was surely my business, insofar as I was the item under negotiation.

He turned to me angrily, and opened his mouth to regale me, but instead he merely said:

"You are clearly fully recovered, for you are now become as irritating as a fly on my arse."

He rubbed his chin.

"I need a shave."

He left my side and disappeared behind me into the cave.

I watched the birds flying in the blue sky. The sun shone brightly, but it cheered me not. In my sorrow, I sang.

Kano called out to me. "There is nobody about to hear you but the swallows, and even those you will drive away with your caterwaul."

He came and stood in front of me at the mouth of the cave, and looked out. He had stripped to his waist. I watched the muscles of his back ripple as he raised his hand to shield his eyes from the glare.

I felt an impulse to touch his smooth skin, but my shame prevented me from doing so, and I recoiled.

"But you are also here, Master Ko," I replied. "Do you not like to hear music? I cannot now sing a joyful song, but-"

"Listen!" His voice was an urgent command. I instantly obeyed.

I listened, but heard nothing but the wind and a distant chirping of crickets. After a moment I glanced at him.

"I hear nothing."

"Then you are singing."

I could not tell if he jested me with a riddle, as he still faced away from me. But then he turned quickly and fetched his bamboo cane, with which he had killed Jordaens. I saw that its grain was still stained with Jordaens' blood. He sat cross-legged upon the ground, and placed its tip just below his lips.

And then my skin crawled and my heart beat fast: A note, pure and deep, issued from that cane, and filled the air. It seemed soon to originate from within me, and I felt as though my body were lifted by a warm, gentle, but irresistible current of air.

The sound continued for many minutes. And although the note was constant, it seemed to contain within it a melody, complex and unbearably beautiful. I wept.

Eventually he stopped, and lowered the cane.

A man was watching us from the road below.

"Hail, empty-head!" He called. "Any good grub around these parts?"

I saw that it was another monk; on his head he wore the same peculiar hat I had seen Kano wear.

Kano stood. "Hail yourself! I know not. For I am passing through."

"I too am passing through, on my way to Edo, to seek me a virgin in the pussy-houses of Yoshiwara!"

The monk climbed the bank towards us, puffing and blowing. I saw he had a cane like Kano's.

He stood, and bowed low, first at Kano, then at me. He gave no sign of curiosity or surprise at my being there.

"I heard your ro, and thought you would begin a honkyoku. But it seems that you got stuck on the first note."

"I was teaching my niece here the blowing-meditation."

"Well, she seems a quick thing, perhaps we should play to her the Song of The River and the Dragonfly."

And then the monk played a high, rapid tune on his cane. He stopped after playing a short phrase. It seemed to me that it was a question.

He stopped, and waited. Kano raised his cane and blew an answering phrase.

Quicker and more complex the melody grew, until finally the old monk stopped, laughing, and a little out of breath.

"Stop, young bullock! I have heard enough. You pass the test; you are one of us. You are a Fuke. You can't be too careful, with all these ronin about."

"And you are a horny old toad, yet you are also one on the Path."

"Yes. Yes. Oh, speaking of paths, I chanced upon this pretty Go stone on the road down below. Is it yours, by any chance?"

Kano flicked a glance at me.

"What do you think, old fool? With a Go set of pure pearl clamshell stones such as this, would I be tarrying here in torn rags in the woods, with only heather for an arse-wipe?"

The monk held my eye. "Perhaps this stone is yours. Perhaps it is a Horikomi [sacrifice play]. Or a Hamete [trap]."

"It is not mine."

"Well! If it belongs to neither of you, then I will keep it myself, and trade it for a new pair of sandals. For I feel every pebble through these". He balanced on his cane, and raised a leg, showing us the holes in his sandal.

He remained balanced thus on one foot, and said to us: "And now, young master, young mistress, I will leave you with a final song." And he broke wind loudly.

Kano watched the old monk amble away until he was out of sight. Then he turned to me and said, "You almost had your revenge. That is the second time I have beaten you by a single stone."

I will tell you now how my abductor taught to me the Breathing Meditation.

Kano decided that it was no longer safe to remain in the cave. Perhaps he suspected that the old monk would raise the alarm. He carefully packed his few belongings onto a folded sheet, then hoisted it onto his back.

"We will go now on foot from this place. Do not try to run away from me, but walk before me."

"If I walk before you, people will take you for my servant."

"No, they will take me for a blind man and you for my guide." He rolled his eyes upwards until only the white showed.

"But why do we have to walk? Where is your donkey and cart?"

"They were stolen. I mean I stole them. But they are now returned to their owner."

"You are only half a thief, then."

"No, I am twice a thief, for I stole first from the owner, and then from the donkey."

"From the donkey? What was there to steal from the donkey?"

"In returning her to her owner I thereby stole her freedom."

Only now, now when it is too late, do I understand why he smiled wryly as he said it. He knew. He knew what would befall.

And so we walked through the countryside, seemingly without goal or purpose, even as Basho wanders the land.

I was no hinin, though in my rags I doubtless appeared as one; I was unaccustomed to walking, and my feet and legs soon tired.

The sun burned hot, and the air shimmered above the cracked earth. I felt as though I could go no further. I stopped and turned to Kano to tell him that I must rest, but I saw him bent under the heavy pack he had borne all the while uncomplaining, and in shame I turned and continued.

At last, in the late afternoon, we came upon a little house of wood, within sight of a small hamlet. There were hemp fields all about, and a few men were out harvesting. We had been walking beside a little river for some miles, which had afforded us drink, and which now bent away from us into a copse of cedar trees behind the house.

Kano went up to the house and peered in through the gaps in the wooden slats of the door. He called to me, "We will stop here."

He opened the door, which was not locked.

Inside was a single room, with no screen. But it had a bed of matting, and a table for preparing food. To me it seemed a palace after the cave.

I sat on the floor and rubbed my feet wearily. But Kano pulled me up.

"Come with me."

Behind the house ran the river. It flowed swift and clear.

"Bathe in there, the water flows from the Sacred Mountain [Fuji] and will revive you."

I stripped naked before him, shyly, for I had never shown my body alone before a man before. But he merely sat near the bank and plucked at blades of grass.

I turned from him and watched the river sparkling and dancing before me. I wondered whether he was watching me, noticing the pretty dimples in my backside. Then I felt reviled, for I realized that he no doubt observed on me the bruises that Jordaens had wrought. I stepped towards the bank of the river. I wiped tears from my eyes and stared down at the pebbles beneath the surface.

He called to me. "Hey!"

I turned.

He paused, and seemed momentarily confused. With a thrill I realised that it was the sight of my body that had caused him to forget his words.

"Well?"

"Be careful. The water flows quickly."

I laughed. "Do you think I cannot swim?" I raised my arms in a great circle, showing off my sweet breasts.

"Will you not bathe also, Master Kano?"

"I will bathe, but not while you do."

"Why not? Always the men and women bathe together in the public baths at Edo. And the children."

"But I am not from Edo."

"Then you can watch me, for I am a woman of Edo, and we love the water more than does the salmon." I ran into the water, and screamed, laughed, choked, laughed and screamed again. The icy water rushed over me and brought me to life so that I felt I could run a hundred miles and leap mountains.

After a few minutes I began to feel cold, and splashed to shore. I jumped and skipped to warm myself, shivering in the hot sun. Kano lay back, his head resting on his clasped hands, and watched the empty sky.

I teased him. "You may bathe safely now, Master Kano. I have finished."

Silently, he rose. He removed his sash. He stretched and removed his jacket over his head. His brown chest glistened as though it had been oiled.

He stepped out of his sandals and approached the river bank.

"Will you bathe in your pants?"

"The river will wash the dirt from them."

"Master Kano, I will wash them for you. There are flat washing-stones nearby."

He shrugged, and stepped out of his pants.

"Wash my loin-cloth too, then."

He threw his loin-cloth to me, and dived into the water with the speed of a kingfisher.

I watched the ripples, playing a game with myself, guessing where he would resurface, as I used to do with the ducks in our pond.

But he did not resurface. My anxiety grew as I searched the river for him. The glare made it impossible to see below the surface. My heart beating, I dived in, and under the water, I opened my eyes.

He was directly below me, gliding like a pike near the stones at the bottom of the river.

He looked up at me. A little bubble of air escaped his nostrils and fluttered up toward me.

I watched him; his body was pale against the green riverbed. Then I became short of air and had to break the surface, gasping.

There was a splash of water beside me as he finally came up. He swam back to shore and lay down on the grass, his arms and legs spread wide to catch the sun.

I followed him. But I dared not lay nor even sit near him. I stood some distance from him. His body was so unlike that of Jordaens. His manhood, shrunk by the cold, looked like a little brown mouse. No memory of my horror assailed me as I surveyed his lithe and graceful form.

"How is it that you can hold your breath for so long? Is it more magic?"

Kano smiled without looking at me. "Yes, it is magic. It's called Suizen."

"Can you teach me?"

Kano sat up. Again, I saw he was taken aback by the sight of me. But now I felt no shame. The waters of Fuji had cleansed me.

I asked him again if he could teach me, but he did not answer me, but said, "Your hair is long, Akiko."

I took a step nearer, and lowered my eyes.

"I can teach you. But first you must learn how to breathe."

I laughed. "People do not need to be taught to breathe. In, out... in, out..."

"You know nothing of breathing. What is the first breath a baby takes when it is born? And what is the last breath we take, when we leave our mortal body?"

"I don't know, for I have witnessed neither birth nor death."

"I have witnessed both. The first breath we take is a scream as we expel the waters of the womb. And the last is a gasp as we fill the vacuum created as our spirit leaves our body. Our breathing is not 'in, out', but 'out, in'".

"But it is the same thing."

"Come here." At his word I went to him, unthinking, as a ripe apple is drawn to the earth.

"Watch." He pointed to his chest. I watched it rise and fall as he breathed. I could see between his ribs, a tiny pulsing of his heartbeat. I saw then his abdomen rise and fall in the in rhythm of his breath, but in the opposite wise. And then it seemed to me as though his body was a sea, and a gentle wave rolled over it. I found myself breathing in time to the wave.

My head felt light. And inside me, the fire burned, and I desired him. My breath came quicker, and hot tears welled in my eyes. Shame, desire and despair mingled within me, and the fire stirred them all to a poisonous brew. I gasped and choked. I could not breathe. I tried to scream, but felt once more the loathsome Jordaens filling my mouth so I could not. I beheld a waking terror, more real than any dream, wherein I was burned alive in a house, and choked from the smoke.

Then I perceived that it was Kano's hand over my mouth and nose that stopped my breath. I struggled against him, but he held me firmly from behind. In vain I tried to bite. Only when I slowed, and prepared to die, did he release his hand. I drew a frantic breath, and again he clamped his hand over me, and held it there. Again and again he removed his hand for an instant, and no sooner had I taken a single breath, when he held his hand over me.

After a minute, when my panic was less, he allowed me more time to catch my breath. Eventually I was calm. He released me, and lowered me gently to the ground.

"You see, " he said. "It is not so easy to breathe."

I lay on my side, my head on my arm. Once more I wept.

He lay down beside me. I crawled over to him and rested my head on his chest. I fell asleep to the sound of his beating heart.

I will tell you how I engulfed my lover in flames, and was rescued.

I awoke feeling the warmth of fire on my face. I sat up, dismayed, confused, perceiving myself to be in danger of being swallowed by flames.

But the fire was merely a small stove on which Kano brewed tea. We were in the house, and I lay on the mat. It had grown dark outside, but the air was still warm.

I must have slept deep, for I felt rested and at ease.

I yawned and stretched out on the mat. I played with its frayed edge. "I like it here."

"This is your last night here."

"What, are we to move on so soon?"

"No. Tomorrow you will return to Edo. To your home."

"I cannot. I cannot. What will become of me?"

"I know neither your future, nor can I alter your past. But I tell you this: Tomorrow you will return to Edo. Your father is coming for you."

"Supposing I wish it not?"

"You would go against your father's will?" Kano looked keenly at me, as though great import were attached to his question.

"I would, if- if you commanded it." I shuddered as I said it, bracing myself for his rejection.