AERIE: Book 01 Part 05

We dallied at our little 'human camp'. I had been long since healthy enough to return to her flock's home valley, but we are honeymooning vigorously and sweetly. Other newly mated avian have found our small camp and used it as a brief shelter on their journeys home to happiness. I am embarrassed of their recognition and the fanciful tales they recount about the human who joined their swarm that year and made a legend of himself.

"If we're going to go home ever, we should do it soon." My Erry tells me one morning after we have made love. "I'm going to lay soon. I'd be more comfortable at home."

It's been a week or so since we mated, and we've been lazy and very in love.

There is a tree near the 'human camp' where the visitors have carved their names and home place names. We spend a few hours under that same tree while we wait for the afternoon sea breeze that sweeps inland over the mountains and which will carry us home.

"It's almost sad to leave." She smiles her dark blue eyes up at me. "It feels like a home now."

"I'm kind of looking forward to a proper bed and a shower." I laugh.

"Oh god yes. I still feel so damn feral. We need to visit the Arkhaven, I want a cut and style and my feet need the Mother. They're disgusting. Are you sure you are well enough for the flight?"

"Have been for days. Just a little distracted with something."

"Wouldn't be a little birdy would it?" We giggle together and hold each other warmly.

"How is Ornkeh?" I ask. She has visited occasionally.

"Oh... Still angry. Feeling better. Doesn't talk much. I think he's angry with himself. He still can't look at me properly."

"Maybe I should go..."

She shakes her head. "He needs to make peace with himself. I think he judges himself quite harshly, as he should, but he leaves no room to forgive his instinct. I don't know. It's sad."

There are feathers at my ankles now. They run like the flight feathers on my arms from my knee to my ankle. I did not get a tail, but they serve the same function. We have discovered that I am much faster through the air but not as buoyant on thermals. We have also discovered that if I lay inverted on my back with my arms out and my feet still, Eris can ride me through our coupling and I can guide us with my ankles, so long as she keeps us held aloft on her outstretched arms.

It's kind of naughty, but it's a great way to start our flight home.

The waning thermals of the sun warmed beach raise us high into the thinning atmosphere. We hold hands and simply circle in the warm updraft of air. There are postcards of newlyweds sharing the same smiling faces we show each other that make most people want to puke with their schmaltz. That's us as we feel the first cool drafts of the sea breeze ruffle at us and turn toward home.

With the stream of cool fast air at our wings we sail up over the mountains in no time, and I love Erry's gleeful shriek of joy as she recognises the valley of her home. I point out the plateau to our right where I met Merler and she makes me promise we can visit and thank her. Hours later we glide softly, still holding hands to a gentle landing outside her parent's hut. It is extremely late. Or perhaps quite early.

In any case we satisfy ourselves with finding a couch in the lounge area and fall asleep, exhausted and the human word happy comes nowhere near describing the contentment I feel as my Eris falls asleep atop me. I hold her and dream. I dream of children I will never give her. I dream of her shortened life if she follows me home to earth. I dream of my short existence here if I stay. I dream of xenophobia and hatred.

I wake to, "Twit, twit, twit, hello lovers. Wake up. Your family is all waiting. Come on. We have much to celebrate."

Mrs Vogel is brushing our faces with her feathers and Eris is drooling onto my chest. We are both completely naked and stink of our lovemaking and exertion from the flight. No one cares. Children pull at my feathers and ask if they're real. Ernst hugs me and earns a cock-necked look from the others.

"Try it!" He grins. "It is a very nice way to say friendship; to say family."

Then we all get hugs and it's a bit weird with all of the females pressing their naked breasts against me, but it's home and good. Eris is having a very hushed and giggled conversation with her mother and Srianne, and a couple of other aunts and nieces that I have not met. I expected Srianne to harbour a deep well of animosity for me given Ornkeh's injuries and absence. Apparently, they fought long and hard about his anger and departure.

It is not spoken of.

Mr Vogel leads me aside a while later when everyone is fed and full of flower essence and we can slip into the fading light of a day of celebration.

We walk to the top of the small knoll that Eris led me to that day a long time ago when her feathers had finished forming and her swarming was at hand. He leaned down to the ground and with his fingers he scraped at the dirt and grass and cleared it away from the rocks beneath. Rocks that shone white in the green sunset and reflected red fire within them.

"There are reasons for all things." He said and brushed the back of his hand in a very intimate avian gesture against my cheek. "Perhaps my people can start forgiving humans with this new hope."

"I hope so, father."

"Do those hugs feel good?"

We tried one. He said it was exceptional.

~*~

"Look husband." Eris tells me one afternoon. She has been moody and distracted.

"What?" She holds out an egg.

"I have started laying."

"Is that bad? You sound upset or disappointed."

"We cannot mate for a few days."

"Oh... We could probably use a break..." I laugh.

"Haha. Hmm. But it is... I'm cranky because I want to still."

"This girl called Trudy Alcorn had some ideas once, I think."

"Hahaha. Perhaps we can try those." Her face drops to a serious expression that I cannot read.

"What? Erry, what?"

"It is customary for newly mated avian to take their first eggs to a... I don't know the earth word for them... An old woman. A Singer..."

"Like Sarika? Merler? Mavisk?"

"Yes, like them." There are tears at her cheeks now and her chest is heaving. "But it's pointless. The custom is to establish fertility. I'm... My... I think I got a human heart from all my time on earth and now it's hurting."

She hands me another egg. It's just as beautiful as the first one that lies smashed in that cave. But this one has a slight pink blush to it like Erry's feathers get when... When she signals her interest.

"Come." I tell her simply. It is mid-afternoon and coming into the Arcadian winter. The breezes are cool but not lower than twenty degrees Celsius.

We climb them steadily, holding hands as usual and she asks, "Merler?"

"If she lives. She is very old. She will know."

"You hold hope?" Her eyes cry down her cheeks.

"I have wings... Who says hope is wasted?"

Her mournful cry into the darkling sky is sad like a crying eagle.

When we land upon the grassy shores of the lake that so long ago was my training ground, we look about for habitation. The small hut near the jetty seems in disarray and when we search it there are no signs of life. The fire is long cold and the cauldron rusting.

"What now?" Erry nuzzles my chest.

"I fish."

"Fish?"

"Of course. Without fishing, what is there?" She looks at me like I only owned three marbles in the first place, and I have misplaced four of them. Laughing with the simple joy of not being dead, having found and mated with my lover, and the remembered ridiculousness of my early attempts at fishing, I sprint to the water and immerse myself in the brisk waters of that familiar lake.

An hour later, we are boiling flowers, fungus and crayfish in the cauldron and six skewered fish smoke in the fires glow. The green sun is setting, and I am remembering that frightened boy who sat here so long ago wondering how he was ever going to find his mate.

"Hmmph... That could use spices, boy-man." Startles us both and glancing around, a very hunched Merler smiles deeply at us sitting in her hut. "I thought I smelled cooking. I've been too unwell to fish or climb for mushrooms. My wings..."

She holds her arms up and they are moulting. The feathers are thin beyond flight and her tail is ragged. She rummages in a basket and brings out some jars of finely ground things which she adds to the cauldron.

"I knew in my heart I would see you again. And you too, Eris human-bound. Look at your beautiful feathers, boy-man. Sarika's wish came true."

"How did you know of her blessing?" Erry asks.

"Does it matter, child? Show me your egg. That is why you are here, yes?"

I take it from the basket at my back. The same basket Merler gifted me so long ago, and hand it gently to her. There is no possessive need to protect it, I trust her fully.

She turns it in her hands in front of the fire for long moments, squinting into its opaque with the firelight depths.

Her head shakes. "Not this one. This is breakfast."

Eris weeps quietly.

"Do not lose heart child. You have your human. Is that not enough?"

Eris nods, but I know her heart aches for the lost possibility of children. I hear Ornkeh's voice and feel his curse. I have sentenced my mate to this life without her own flock, just by loving her. Selfish bloody human...

My heart soars when Eris laughs. "I do. I have my human. Look at his feathers Singer Merler. The Mother saved him. Saved us. I just got my hopes up is all."

Merler feathers Eris's cheek and smiles as she ladles out broth and crayfish tails. "Stranger things are yet on the wing, child. Mark my words. Hold your eggs in front of the flame and you will see a shadow of life in them one day yet."

Eris and I tell of our adventures and Merler nods. She looks so tired as we talk long into the night.

"I'm sorry if I sleep on you boy-man. I do not wish to offend you sister." She apologises as we prepare for bed.

In the morning we wake and Merler is indeed asleep upon me. She lies beside a smiling Eris who shushes me and tells me in a whisper, "Shh, let her sleep. I'll gather some breakfast for us."

She rises gently and stands smiling down at the peaceful looking Merler. Then she turns and gathers a trap and a basket. She became quite proficient at gathering insects in our short time at the 'human camp'.

Merler wakes as Eris is cooking the bugs in the smoke from the fire and assembling grain and salad leaves. She smiles at me embarrassedly, "Thank you boy-man. It is good to be warmed by a man after all these years. Let me help you sister."

I tend to ablutions by the lake and listen to them laugh and talk in Arcadian whistles and tweets. Eris has been practicing her Arcadian since returning from the swarm and is becoming quite adept. Myself on the other hand, I lack the avian vocal cords required to reproduce their sounds. When I return, I watch them assemble omelette from Eris's egg into the folded salad leaves and I am handed two.

"Eat well, Todd. Today you gather mushrooms. Eris will remain." She places a hand on Erry's abdomen, "She will lay again, a little before midday. We will candle her egg and prepare for her journey this evening."

"Journey?"

"Is he always this slow in the mornings?" She asks Eris, cackling.

Erry rolls her eyes and nods with her mouthful.

"Tonight, my sister will speak with the Mother as you did when last you were here. Do you remember your visions?"

"Yes Merler."

This time my journey up the sheer cliffs is aided greatly by my feathers. I cling only to the rocks with my taloned fingers when I stop to pick the mushrooms I remember working much more vigorously for so long ago. Upon the upper plateau, the moths strike at my feathers allowing my hands and arms to escape their stings as I obtain a generous portion of the smaller brown mushrooms.

The fauna seems less inclined to bother me and there is no sign of those weird fox creatures. I sit on the grass and marvel in the beauty of this sanctuary high above the world. There is a feeling like pins and needles of soothing energy gently flowing from the ground into my feet and body. My hands can feel it too when I claw them into the dirt.

I've lost track of time and know I should return. My heart hurts a little to leave this place, but I step out into the air and this time I land a lot more gracefully. There is no flapping tumble into the lake.

Eris greets me with another egg held in her hand. "Not this one either. I am afraid I may never give you children, my mate."

She nuzzles into my chest, and I hold her there as she gently cries for her unfertile egg.

"Come children. I have food." We sit and eat quietly. Eris puts her egg to the side on the small table near the cauldron where Merler has placed the mushrooms. "Mavisk tells me great stories of you boy-man. She tells me you are legend among the returning Arcadian lovers."

"I'm sure the stories are inflated, Merler. I simply did a small kindness and fought to find my Eris."

"She tells me some other things which I will not share." There is the hint of a smirk on her face as she eats. "She has a letter of introduction for you. You are to give it to Chancellor Galo in the Arkhaven complex. It is on its way to the Vogel's home by way of Ornkeh's return."

"Ornkeh... I am glad he is well." I frown as I remember the sick snap of bones as I injured him. "Did Mavisk visit?" There is very little technology on the avian worlds.

"There are many ways of communicating boy-man. Tell me do you and Eris not speak without speaking?" We laugh remembering we have done just that for many years and moreso now we are mated.

"Ornkeh, is healed but he is not well. He did not want to heal. He carries great shame. It is not the avian way to apologise but rather to make things right. He returns with a heart made heavy by his belief that it cannot be made right. This is for your flock to navigate. Not the business of an old woman. Fish, boy-man. Let us women speak of things to come."

By evening there is a basket of cleaned and scaled fish, and I am busy washing the stink of them from my hands with a paste of mint smelling leaves and sand.

"We have been speaking of her Eric." Eris tells me and startles me into almost falling forward off the little jetty. Her voice is happy, and her giggles make me grateful for her time to speak with Merler. "She thinks the mother has changed you enough to make your life much longer here than his. I think we should return to your earth. What do you think, Toddy?"

"My home is wherever you are, my mate. What time we have, is not up to me, nor any of my business." I tell her pulling her close with my now cleaner arms.

"Don't be so flippant!" She pushes me away. "If I can't have young, I will at least have you as long as I can!"

I watch silently as her lyre feathers fade from crimson back to their silver selves. "I'm sorry. Come. Merler is ready to make the thing... Tea... whatever."

Her fingers lace with mine and she leans on my arm as we walk back. I put the basket near the fireplace and follow Merler's gesture to sit. We sit side by side on the woven mats and watch as she prepares the concoction.

"Boy-man, fetch a bucket. You know what happened last time."

"Ew... Yes. I'm not looking forward-"

"It is not for you. Only the women drink tonight. The Mother is finished with you for now."

Sitting the bucket down between us, I watch as she adds a little of Erry's blood and her own and stirs the mix. She then hands Eris a wooden cup of the foul-smelling custardy stuff. Eris sips at it first and retches a little before holding her nose and drinking it all down quickly.

"Yuck." She says then recoils sharply as the potent mix grips her mind and body. Her eyes are rolled back, and she flails until I take her hand.

"Relax sister. Let it be. Tell me where you are and what you see."

"There are so many of them."

"Who dear?"

"Young. So many young. They sit at my feet, and they play. Over there. They fish with my husband. They listen to my father tell stories. Many are not here."

"Where are you?"

"I am here."

"No in your vision dear, where are you?"

"We are here. At this lake. There is a new house, just near this one."

"Where are the others? The ones who are not present."

"They are to the south, the north, the west. Some are on Chukar. Some on Turaco. And they are not all young. There are old and young and adult alike. And they all call me mother."

Merler nods gently as she watches the expressions flit across Eris's face. "Then it is time. Tell me sister. Can you feel the Mother? Reach out for her."

"Oh..." Eris makes an awed small sound.

"What do you see?"

"There is a baby. A little avian girl. It is me. I am in a basket crying and my mother picks me up. Except she does not look like my mother, Teela. She is avian but... I suckle at her breasts and settle and when I sleep, she puts me back into my basket."

Eris is quiet a moment then squeezes my hand and speaks again. "She calls me to her. I run giggling. I don't remember being so small. She takes my hand and tells me I am going to meet a new mother. I scream and stomp. She holds me close and tells me that she loves me and will always be there."

"I am five. I remember this. I am walking into my earth home, and it is so very weird. There are walls and I feel separated from my family by them. I sleep in my own room and I'm very afraid but then she comes to me and holds my hand while I try to go to sleep. She is beautiful and her hands are warm and calming. She sings a song to me of butterflies and... She is human. It's not my mother. I don't understand."

"I am six and I am frightened. The human children are so very loud. I feel so different. They tease and they try to touch me. I can see her standing behind them with a worried look on her face. She says, 'I will find someone for you'. Then she is gone and haha. It is Toddy. I remember when he looked like that."

Her vision is interrupted by the violent purging of her stomach into the bucket I hold steady for her. When she wipes her mouth, her eyes open and though bloodshot, it is clear she is no longer dreaming. "Gross... Fucking yuck."

We both laugh at her. "What? What the hell does all that mean anyway? Oh god, I'm gonna go again."

She takes the bucket and her heaving self, down by the lake where she offers the last of her stomach contents into the bucket, empties it in some bushes and rinses it clean in the lake. As she returns, Merler takes her own cup of the brew and drinks it down deeply.

She is quiet and still as she navigates her own experience. Her body twitches now and then and before the end, tears roll down her face then clear for a smile to settle on her wrinkled skin. She does not require the bucket.

Her eyes simply open and she says, "Well now children. Let's cook something to wash the taste of that out of our memories. We shall make this a meal to remember. Eris, in the basket next to you are herbs and spices. Bring them. Todd, on the sides of the lower cliffs, where the ground starts to fall away, you will find roots with purple streaks to them. I will need three. Oh, and the fruit from the small vines with the green flowers. Hurry boy-man. We have much to celebrate."

Truthfully, I am grateful for some tasks to occupy me and set about flying down in much the same place as I once climbed up some weeks ago. The green flowering vines are simple to find, and their fruit reminds me much of an earthly tomato. The roots much harder to spot in the failing green light of the sunset. Eventually I locate three of them and dig them free. They resemble tubers or rhizomes.

Merler accepts them gratefully and has Eris peel and chop the roots while she skins and dices the fruit. I can feel Eris's frustration as a tugging gnawing annoyance in my gut.