Afloat in the Dark

Marina lay down next to him, and for a while they simply stared up at the ceiling together. She was at a loss of what to think about the siren's labile mood, but experience had taught her that a moment of silent acceptance was often all a client really needed.

At last, Kaito spoke.

"I lost a good friend recently," he rumbled in a voice that sounded strangely deeper than the one she'd heard in the bathhouse.

"It happened two weeks ago," he sniffed. "I felt her passing all the way over here. It seems impossible, but we were very close when we were young and our bond must have been stronger than I'd thought."

"I'm so sorry to hear that."

"Sirens don't really die from natural causes, so most of us choose when to leave behind this world." Kaito smiled sadly. "She just... passed away."

A suicide. Marina's head raced with the implications.

"You weren't there," she concluded.

"I am happy for her," Kaito began. "She would not have decided to pass on without feeling that her life was complete, that she'd shared all that was hers to give."

He was clenching and unclenching his fists. "I just feel so... so damn lonely."

"It's normal to grieve," Marina told him.

"I know it is," Kaito whispered, brushing a lock of her hair behind her ear. "The strange thing is that I feel... different. Before coming here, I knew loneliness, fear, longing... but it's as if this body is distorting these feelings and pulling them all out of proportion."

Tears rolled down his cheeks again. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bother you with all this."

Marina cuddled up to him, offering him the comfort of her body and humming a soft lullaby as the siren silently wept. She was beginning to feel a deep pity for this creature, stranded so far from home. Perhaps he had found on Earth more than he could handle...

"What was your friend like?" She eventually asked, breaking the silence that had descended.

Kaito 's morose body began to shake with a deep, rumbling laugh. "Ah, you should have seen her! She was a dancer and could shift her body into the most beautiful shapes. I remember how when we were young, all the other kids wanted to be just like her--me included."

"Do you wish you'd been with her more, before she died?"

Kaito shook his head, sitting up tiredly. "No, we both went our own ways and I'm still very grateful I could come to Earth. It's just that... it's hard to explain but there's a sense of connectedness on Enceladus that I've been missing recently. It makes this--all these feelings--so much harder to deal with."

"You've made this a bit easier to carry." He squeezed her hand. "Thank you. Without you, I might have refused to leave that bathhouse altogether, and the government would have had to come get me out. Can't have a siren having a breakdown."

"As long as you're trying to be human, you should be entitled to a breakdown," Marina smiled. "Speaking of which, you're not still feeling like you're falling apart, are you?"

Kaito grinned, "Can you imagine the headlines? Courtesan slays peaceful alien..."

"Hey!" Marina punched his shoulder in mock indignation. "Please take my profession more seriously: I'd at least give you the courtesy of slaying you in style. An ancient katana or some delicately crafted poison, most like."

She sat up, tightening her bathrobe. "Seeing how you've regained your sense of humor; I presume I can safely leave you alone to get dressed for dinner?"

The siren nodded. "Just don't expect me to swallow a single bite, after what you just told me."

* * *

Kaito was seated at the only set table in the ryokan's Western-style dining hall.

At first glance, the siren appeared like any handsome young man, dressed impeccably in what she made out to be a minimalist suit with an edge to the design--something by Yohji Yamamoto? A slim watch shimmered on his wrist, reflecting the light of a lone candle.

Marina slowly walked up to his table, smiling warmly but taking her time to take in the siren. In a very different way than his watch, his vaguely translucent hands and face also seemed to catch the candlelight--which reflected along jagged fractals, like razor-thin shards of ice.

Kaito looked up at her through a very fine, charcoal grey blindfold, made to match his suit.

A waiter pulled back her seat, and Marina sat down.

For a while they gazed at one another in silence. Then, Kaito caught her looking at a freshly plucked kikyo flower sticking from his coat pocket, adding a bright blaze of blue to his outfit.

"The old lady from the onsen left a bundle of them at my door," Kaito explained. "She must have gotten so used to seeing me in the waters that she forgot I'd leave one day. I suppose it's her way of wishing me a speedy recovery--or perhaps saying farewell."

Kaito cleared his throat and continued in a more formal tone. "Before we start our dinner, I wish to apologize for my behavior earlier. It was highly unbecoming of an ambassador to Earth to attempt such a... burdensome experiment."

"You weren't being a burden to anyone, silly," Marina assured him, playfully kicking his leg. "I hope I wasn't too forward. For someone representing the whole human race, I feel like I played it pretty fast and loose with you..."

Kaito chuckled. "You were fantastic. I should be the one worrying about my performance. I wish I'd relied less on pornography, but there just seems to be such a taboo around sex. I didn't know where else to look for... ideas on how to do it."

There was a childlike quality about Kaito that made Marina laugh. For the first time since she'd met him, something resembling happiness seemed to radiate off the siren.

"You were pretty fantastic yourself, by the way," she whispered with a wink, just before the waiter arrived to ask for their choice of drink. She ordered a glass of red Koshu, while Kaito politely declined.

"I feel the money weighing between us," the siren said, returning to a more serious tone. "Like pornography, money is foreign to us, but I'm beginning to understand this was the wrong way to go about it--I cannot pay you to feel."

"This is a sensitive issue that demands discretion," Marina offered. "Interplanetary sex would be scandalous--and dangerous to Earth-Enceladus relations. Hiring someone in secret may well have been your best option."

"Still, I'd like to apologize for dragging you into this." He tapped his pocket. "Tonight, I will wire a substantial sum to your personal account--enough never to have to work again."

"I'm not here for the money," Marina said flatly.

"You're not? That means you must be one of the few humans who's got enough not to suffer the lack of it..."

Marina blushed, feeling somewhat humbled by Kaito's sharp perception. He was right, after all: she was probably the only one of Kawashita's who was not prostituting themselves for money or some other form of addiction.

"You're right that I've reached the point where more money no longer generates happiness."

"What makes that kind of human happy?" A smile played over Kaito's lips.

"You're sharp!" Marina exclaimed, finding herself at a loss for an answer.

"I suppose it's the small things: holding hands with a lover or enjoying a walk in the forest and watching the sun set." Marina found herself waiting for a reaction from the eyeless face of this creature from Enceladus. "Perhaps what you seek is like these things--impossible to buy with money?"

"Perhaps," Kaito said, refusing to pursue her question further. "But if you're not working for the money, why are you here? What is it about pleasing strangers that brings you joy?"

"My mother died a few years after moving us to Japan," Marina began at last. "She left me with all she'd gained climbing the social ladder here--enough to last me a few years."

"So, there were no particular money troubles," Kaito surmised.

"No." Marina hesitated. She rarely talked this openly about herself with clients, but Kaito was so perceptive that he'd surely sense any insincerity. "I realized early on, that I loved touching things. Flowers and trees, the sand between my toes... even metals and software leave a distinct impression on me. I like that old Shinto notion that everything has its own spirit--this certainly has been my experience with life."

"When did you first realize this?"

"When I watched my father kill a fish, back in Okhotsk," Marina said. She'd refused to eat fish ever since and went to bed hungry for a full week before her parents caved to her new conviction. Each had attributed their daughter's stubbornness to the other.

"I love touching--deeply touching--others. Physically, but also intellectually and emotionally. This job offers me the chance to do just that. Recently I've been having thoughts of quitting, but..." She exhaled deeply and grinned. "I suppose I couldn't live without the thrill of it. You never know who you'll meet. There's danger in that, but also such a radical promise of connection."

"I think you'd enjoy Enceladus..." Kaito observed, looking entranced.

"Was that your experiment back in the sauna, to try and feel what I felt?"

"I was hoping to learn from you, to help place some of these feelings I've been having."

Marina sensed that she'd hit an open nerve and felt a sudden endearment for the siren. She'd spent all her life getting used to her human body and its complex emotions... how much time had Kaito been given?

The waiter used the opportunity to insert himself and ask for their choice for dinner.

"You're not eating?" Marina asked Kaito as she briefly scanned the menu options, adding in a sotto voce whisper, "You can rest assured, I've decided to go for the katana."

"I don't need nourishment the way humans do," Kaito explained to the waiter with a soft smile. "Can you recommend anything for someone with a kind heart?"

"The vegetable tempura has won regional awards," the young man was quick to point out, and Marina followed his suggestion.

She took a thoughtful sip from her wine, which had a refreshing sour taste.

"Will you tell me?" Marina asked softly but insistent. "What exactly did you seek through me, Kaito?"

"Sex is the only way left that I could think of to feel at home in this world--to feel human." A pregnant silence descended, until Kaito finally elaborated. "I selfishly thought that a true connection with a human might relieve some of these feelings I've been having. The experiment was probably doomed from the start."

Marina reflected. "I'm not sure anyone can relieve those feelings for you, but if connection is what you're looking for, I'm not sure we've properly tried your experiment."

"What do you mean?"

"You've satisfied me beautifully and I hope it gave you a sense of what humans might experience during sex... but pleasure goes both ways. It doesn't work if you're in agony."

"It works for some humans, doesn't it?"

"That's a fetish, and there's always some measure of pleasure involved. When I look at you, I see a different pain that I can't ignore." She measured her words: "If you don't let me in as well, it becomes very hard to get to the point where we can each let go of ourselves and the other, to experience something higher."

"Perhaps." Kaito threatened to fall back into that somberness again.

"What if you weren't trying to feel more human; what if you tried feeling more like yourself?" Marina brushed the inside of her foot against his leg. "If we try your experiment, I say we do it properly. Why don't you show me your true form tonight?"

Kaito shook his head. "Bad idea. There's a reason we take this shape..."

"Have you ever shown your original form to anyone before?"

"No."

"Try me." Marina did not flinch. She knew she was out of her depth, improvising away, but she sensed that she was onto something. She had been with many clients she'd found physically less than attractive, but she knew beautiful moments could always arise, as long as there was a true connection--something Kaito seemed in desperate need of.

The siren leaned back in his chair: "As a foreigner to Japan, as a courtesan, you must appreciate that sometimes people look at you in ways that prevent them from seeing you. My being a siren is bad enough by itself, but if I were to show you my true form... I cannot ask that of you."

"Then let me offer it to you freely," she insisted. "I would be honored to see you as you are."

Kaito remained stuck in a tense silence. The waiter cleverly made use of the lull in their conversation to delicately place the dishes in front of Marina, making off with minimal interference.

Only then, did the siren finally nod.

"But only for your eyes," he whispered. "I will send off the staff for the night."

"No objection here," Marina whispered back conspiratorially. "Even humans enjoy privacy for these things."

* * *

Marina's feet were freezing inside her slippers as she slowly walked down the ryokan's empty hallways, edging closer to her destination. It was late at night.

Why was she doing this?

The question had come back to her several times, as she did her makeup in preparation of her meeting with Kaito.

Curiosity, she had decided, telling herself that it was a good enough reason. Still, even now, some of that shivering she felt was not from the cold, but rather her anticipation of what she might find in the siren's room.

Marina had been careful to take into consideration not just her own feelings. Kaito had a charming but delicate sensitivity... if she felt abhorred by his appearance, could she muster the tact to reject him without hurting his feelings?

Then again, how bad could it be?

She reached Kaito's door and paused. It was just a moment, long enough to draw a deep, silent breath, but not too long to appear hesitant.

Marina open the door to find the room shrouded in darkness. She took off her slippers and dropped her bag and shoved the door close again to allow her eyes to acclimatize. A shiver ran down her spine.

What was she doing here?

"Marina... You came..."

The voice sounded like Kaito's but had a hollow, absent feel to it. Something stirred on the futon in the center of the room and Kaito bent over a low table to light a candle, then another one, and finally a third. Then he turned to greet his visitor. He was wearing an elegant shirt and a blindfold, the lower half of his body--still very much human--covered by the blanket. Marina wondered suddenly if it was all for show: did sirens even need sleep?

"Are you sure you want to be here?"

"Of course I do," Marina whispered. "May I join you?"

Her nightgown skidded past her nipples as it dropped to the floor. She stood naked before Kaito's blind gaze and felt a breeze come from an opened window. Step by step, breathing away the goosebumps, she approached the bed.

Kaito lifted the blanket, and she crawled up to him. Her hands explored his torso, his arms, and finally his smooth face.

"What happens now?" she asked.

Kaito kissed her and bit her lips, and then pulled her in closer to wrap the full length of his arms around her slender body.

She shivered with cold.

"Close your eyes," he told her.

She did, and he laid her down on her back. Slowly his fingers brushed past her throat, then cupped her breasts, one by one, and played with her navel a little.

"What is your deepest fantasy, I wonder..." Kaito whispered. His hand explored the budding wetness between her legs. His other hand stroked her throat, then made as if to choke her without actually clasping down. Everywhere the touch of Kaito's hands deftly increased her anticipation.

Until she realized that the siren was caressing her body in three places at once. Then four, and then five...

"What--?"

One of Kaito's hands covered her eyes before she could open them while the other... or others... proceeded play with her breasts, tease her feet, kiss her hips and softly massage down towards her pubic area.

"You might be startled," Kaito explained anxiously. "If you must look, look slowly."

Holding her throat below the chin and tilting her neck back over the pillow, he guided her gaze towards the wall. Something--many things--were casting curved shadows al over the wall. Even in the low light of the candles, it was apparent that above her a beautifully intricate, rhythmic dance was taking place.

Marina looked up to find the room filled with long, twisting tentacles.

Swaying as if on an invisible breeze, the black limbs sprouted from the back of Kaito's torso and hovered all around her, tracing the outlines of her body, hovering just a fraction over her skin, as if eager to massage her but not quite daring to.

A few of them, however, had begun to touch her skin.

Marina felt paralyzed. She breathed deeply, quietly, to keep the panic at bay.

Suspended above her, Kaito's human form remained. His lips reached down for a kiss, and Marina gave in on impulse, closing her eyes again for just a moment.

Then she broke the kiss and slowly, gently made to get up.

She saw Kaito collapse over the side of the futon, his tentacles quickly withdrawing in shame.

"It's okay, you can leave," he whispered, subdued.

Marina walked up to the entrance and reached past her slippers for the bag she'd brought with her. From inside, she took out a notebook and a few of her favorite pens and pencils.

Turning back around, she flipped open the notebook and looked at Kaito long and hard. A creature caught between two shapes... still afraid to share his true form.

"What are you doing?" Kaito asked, apprehensive, suspended in half withdrawal.

"I would love to just... behold you for a while," Marina whispered.

"Okay..." Kaito appeared a hint more relaxed, crouching down amid his slender tentacles.

Marina inspected one of them, making out beautifully patterned ribs and indents... the siren's true form. She sat down; her pencil rested in her hand, hesitant to touch the paper in the face of such a deeply unfamiliar sight.

The longer Marina observed, the more she felt she was seeing Kaito's struggle before her eyes, frozen in time. Couched in the tangle of tentacles, his disproportionate human shape began to look more and more distorted to her eyes.

"Can you... let go?"

Kaito shook his head.

"Will you do it for me? I think you will look beautiful."

Kaito remained silent for a while. Then, slowly, the candlelight appeared to penetrate his skin, as the human limbs began to turn transparent one by one, gleaming with those geometric gold threads. Eventually the sharp fractals shattered, sprouting more of the twisting tentacles and clearing the way for something larger to emerge into the room.

At last, nothing but the alien itself was there.

At the heart of the countless limbs rested the mass of Kaito's dark body, flattening the futon. It reminded Marina somewhat of a giant elephant skull, wrapped tightly in luscious black skin. There were big lidless eyes, darker than the night.

The siren took up most of the room, which was beginning to look quite small. Marina had to remind herself this was an oceanic creature. The many tentacles--some as thick as her thigh, some much smaller--were struggling against the confines of the room.

I'm sorry, if you just let me ...

The words were not so much spoken as that Marina felt them shake the building's foundations.

Several of Kaito's many limbs twisted around her to slide open the door. Kaito seemed to let out a sigh as some of the heavy mass of tentacles twisted out the door, and some more out the windows, giving Kaito some breathing space.

You can... leave me if you want.

Was that rumble coming from his skull, or did it emanate from his entire being as a whole, down to the last little tentacle? It reminded Marina of the modular theory she'd read on the sirens' physicality...