After the End Ch. 10

Gavin's partner Madelyn ran out to meet us halfway between the gate and the main hall, heedless of the mud. I handed over her son, and she kissed my cheek. I thought there were tears mixed with the raindrops on hers.

I was one of only a few people who knew that their family arrangement wasn't as traditional as it appeared. Gavin had committed to Madelyn when they were young, before he realized that although he could be attracted to women, his taste ran more to men. Between that and other differences I wasn't privy to, the two of them had agreed to pursue sexual and romantic relationships outside the marriage, while continuing to live together and co-parent. For the sake of family cohesion, they presented as an ordinary couple to everyone except close friends -- and sexual partners.

Which is how I found out. During Julian's first month here, Gavin had approached him to offer completely confidential, no-strings-attached hookups. Despite Gavin being most of a decade older, and despite rebuffing all other advances, Julian had accepted that one. He'd told me that Gavin's situation gave him more confidence their liaisons would stay private, and they'd connected well on an intellectual level as well as a physical one. Once Julian and I were established together, he'd gotten Gavin's permission to share the story.

We all got on well, now. Julian and I joined him occasionally for rock-hunting or boating expeditions. I liked Madelyn too; she was an imaginative poet, besides being a dedicated gardener, and she'd written some pretty cool fantasy stuff.

Julian met me with a kiss at the door of the command center. We still don't usually display in public, but we make an exception for emergencies.

"Everyone ok?" he asked.

"Fine," I nodded. "What about the other missing?"

"Still working on it."

It ended up being a late night, after an already tiring day. We were lucky: the main part of our fort stayed above water until the rain started to taper off the next morning. We lost a few homes and a minor amount of unharvested food, but no lives. Even Shelby was found unharmed.

Julian and I waited until we'd all mostly recovered from the storm's damage before getting together again with Vik, who'd happily agreed to let Julian demonstrate basic rope bondage on him. I'd hung out with him one night by the fire pit and confided what had happened when I'd attempted it. He was easy to talk to -- compassionate, empathetic, not judgmental. He'd listened and asked gentle questions that felt supportive rather than prying, and because he's done this kind of thing before, he could offer useful perspective and advice.

After that conversation, I'd decided to take Julian's suggestion and make another attempt at bondage while Vik was there. Intuitively it seemed a little backwards, but it did make sense that having a third person would reduce the pressure and add some psychological safety. Especially someone as kind and careful as Vik.

"So," Julian smiled when the three of us were sitting together on our bed. "We're trying something new today, or that's the plan. Ropes can be a simple way to significantly enhance the effect of sex play, but they can also be dangerous when not used carefully. It's very important that everyone involved feels one hundred percent ready to participate."

Rain drummed the roof, but it had been sunny and less humid the past few days, so we weren't immediately concerned about flooding. I'd lit the candles again; they definitely made the room seem homier than the monotone electric lamp did.

"Vik, are you feeling up to this tonight?" Julian asked.

I checked Vik's expression -- calm and steady as ever. I hadn't quite gotten over my amazement that this accomplished, intelligent, not to mention very attractive man, who served such a critical role keeping us all alive despite being less than thirty years old, wanted to come over for sex. Kinky sex. With me.

Vik's reply matched his calm demeanor. "Yes. I'm looking forward to it."

Julian turned to me. "Avery?"

There were a few butterflies in my stomach, but I thought they were the small, soft, yellow kind, rather than the huge ones that looked like stained-glass windows. "I'm ready."

"Alright. I'm ready also," he said. "This session is intended to be less involved than some of what we've done, because the rope is introducing plenty of intensity on its own, given that I haven't used it with either of you before. If anything is uncomfortable or upsetting at any point, physically or emotionally, I need to know as soon as possible. Use the safe words, or just tell me what's going on. I'll also be checking in."

Always with Julian and his precautions. I couldn't even say they were unnecessary, given how I'd freaked out last time. My own reaction had totally blindsided me, but I thought I understood it now, so hopefully it wouldn't happen again.

He reached for the bundle of rope he'd placed on the nightstand. "This is what I'll be using -- twisted hemp that's been well conditioned." He handed it to me, and the supple texture called up memories of terror and stirred the butterflies. I gave it to Vik in turn, who stroked it appreciatively.

"This is nice. Must not have been easy to get."

There were playful notes in the reply. "No, but easier than dragging my old rope all the way from Washington would have been."

"I can't believe your sex gear wasn't your first priority when crossing thousands of miles of lawless territory," Vik joked in return.

"It really was a shame to lose my collection."

Vik laid the coiled binding on the bed in front of us, and Julian continued.

"What limits would we like to discuss? For you, Vik, I will have you strip and then secure your arms behind your back, in what should be a comfortable, non-abrasive position. I'd like to have Avery sit behind you so you can lean against him. Depending on how things go, one or both of us will play with you. Without providing an orgasm, because Avery will come better if you're still hard."

Julian flashed a smile at me. Yeah, that image was doing something to my cock.

"Then I'll untie Vik, and Avery, if you feel confident, I'll try the same thing with you. Vik will sit behind you so you feel more secure. As we discussed, I won't do anything except give you pleasure, and I might have Vik help." He looked between the two of us. "Comments? Concerns?"

"That all sounds good to me, Julian," Vik replied. "Anything we've done so far, I'm fine with happening while I'm restrained."

"Ok, thank you."

Julian focused on me again.

"I..." I had to swallow first. "If I'm restrained, I might...need time to process it, before you do anything."

His jewel-blue eyes were watching me intently. It was scary when he did that, but I reminded myself he was only trying to safeguard my wellbeing.

"And I'd like to...decide what you do. And when," I concluded.

He nodded without hesitation. "I think that's a great idea, Avery. I agree. If you're restrained, I won't touch you until you give me permission, and only as you direct."

Some weight fell from my shoulders with my next exhale. "Ok. That's all I had."

"For tonight," Julian said in turn, "my limit is that I don't want to cause anyone distress, even accidentally. So I need you both to promise you'll tell me if you want to pause or stop, or if anything is bothering you. You're under no obligation to go through with this, regardless of any plans we make."

Vik and I agreed, and I realized we weren't the only ones taking on risk in this situation. It must be traumatizing from the other side too, to place a partner in such a vulnerable position and end up unintentionally hurting them.

As usual, Julian asked the final question. "Do we all agree to sexual contact this evening under our original terms and subject to what we've just discussed?"

Once we'd all verbalized our agreement, Julian had Vik get naked and sit on the side of the bed with his feet on the floor. He directed me to sit facing Vik, so I'd be able to watch both the binding and how Vik responded to it.

"First things first," Julian announced, sitting on the other side of Vik and aiming a fond smile at him. "Can I kiss you?"

Vik's features gave off that patented subtle glow of genuine warmth. "Please."

Their kiss was sweet, almost wholesome, and rather lengthy. My old nightmares from last year resurfaced -- Julian taking Vik to bed without me; Vik abandoned in pleasure, staring up at him with those adoring dark eyes -- but the visions didn't sting as much anymore. They would be a good match; they were a good match. That's why this worked. But Julian had chosen me as his mate. The necklace at his throat said so, as did all his other actions.

When they finished, Julian loosened the coil of rope, knelt on the bed, and got started. I'd expected that bondage would be mostly about what happened after the person was tied, but there was something mesmerizing about the process -- the meticulous wrapping of cords around wrists and arms; the slow pulling through loops to form knots. I wasn't an expert by any means, but Julian seemed confident handling the doubled length of rope. He checked each bond for tightness, and he asked Vik about some of the placements, occasionally loosening and re-tying a section. Otherwise, the only sound was the rope sliding against itself.

When the bondage appeared complete, Julian's hands recrossed his work once more, tugging and testing. "How is it feeling, Vik?"

Vik's arms were now fastened behind his back, wrists overlapping in the center. He shifted and pulled a little. "It's good. Secure. Nothing too tight."

"Ok. Let me know if you start feeling too much pressure anywhere." When Vik nodded, he asked, "Is it ok for us to touch you?"

Vik's reply had a dreamy quality. "Yes."

Julian had me remove my shirt and sit against the headboard with our pillows, and he carefully helped Vik settle between my legs, so he could lean back on my chest, his bound limbs pressed between us.

Damn. That was intense. It was exciting enough whenever this impressive man who I liked and respected voluntarily offered himself for my enjoyment. And I'd never gotten to hold him like this before -- upright and very intimate, so he was enfolded against me, yet fully available to my hands. On top of that, he'd completely surrendered the use of his arms, leaving him exposed and vulnerable on a whole new level.

Even if he asked Julian to untie him, which of course he would, those ropes weren't coming off immediately. Not even if Julian used the safety scissors Vik had brought as a backup. He was stuck like this, and from the way Julian had tied the knots, I really didn't think they would loosen anytime soon.

God, it had been terrifying when it was me losing the ability to move my arms, but it was just about the hottest fucking thing I'd ever experienced, now that it was Vik.

I wrapped my own arms around his torso and held him close, my head nestling against his. "You are amazing," I told him, almost whispering in awe at the level of power he'd given me. "Really, really amazing."

"Avery..." he murmured, seeming a bit overwhelmed himself.

"I've got you," I told him. I didn't even know where these words were coming from, but the incredible force of his powerlessness was drawing them from me. "You're safe."

He nodded mutely, docile in my embrace. I held him while his chest rose and fell in those slow breaths he favored during submission. In that moment, I didn't even want to do anything else. My cock was solid as iron behind his ass, but just having him like this -- bound and trusting and against my skin -- was a deeply erotic magic beyond any of my fantasies.

I was dimly aware that Julian was sitting nearby, just watching us, not interrupting. I stayed in place, soaking in Vik's helplessness as if that alone could get me off. I wasn't entirely sure it couldn't.

Eventually, his exposed chest drew my attention. Slowly, gently, I ran my palm across his flesh, which was nearly hairless like mine thanks to our shared Asian heritage.

He took an even longer breath and stayed relaxed in my arms.

"Will you tell me what it feels like?" I asked, still reverent. "To be like this?"

It took a moment for him to find his voice. "It's...like being out of body...except in body. Out of mind, maybe -- like I only exist as my body and its physical sensations. When I'm with people I can trust, it's very freeing." His chest filled again under my hand. "It's the only time I'm truly not responsible for what's happening in my life, or anyone else's. I can completely relax." His face nuzzled my cheek. "It feels like I could stay here with you forever, Avery, and never need anything else."

My heart started hammering against his shoulder. I'd thought being tied up was the difficult part, but caring for such extensive fragility was also a huge responsibility. I didn't want to do anything to fuck up his amazing experience.

Honestly, this was such an intense connection, I was afraid to even make it sexual, despite him being naked, and despite the rock-hard, completely unprotected erection only a few inches from my hand. I followed my instincts and didn't go there.

Instead, I softly stroked his face. "You're so beautiful like this," I said quietly. "I mean you're always beautiful. But this is incredible. Thank you, for letting me see it."

"Yeah," he sighed, as if in a trance. His weight rested fully on my body, and his eyes were closed.

I just petted him for a while, imagining how I was going to feel when I was this vulnerable, and the kind of affirming contact I would want. It didn't seem like any amount could possibly be enough. I kept one arm securely around his torso. With the other, I stroked his cheek, and his jaw, and the side of his neck; the curve of his shoulder where it pulled behind him, and the planes of his upper rib cage.

Eventually, it did seem a shame not to introduce any sexual pleasure. Surely it would be magnified exponentially in his current state.

I nudged his head. "Do you want me to touch your nipples?"

"Yes," he whispered.

I caressed one gently with my fingertip and his cock jumped. Fuck, so did mine. I got hot enough when he held still so I could play with his sensitive spots; this was molten-lava, liquified-rock level hot. Knowing he had no control over what I did to him, that he couldn't physically stop me even if he tried, set my cock ablaze.

"You are so fucking hot, Vik," I murmured while I brushed my fingers against his swollen nipple. "God. Look how hard you are."

"Yeah..." he breathed again. He was leaking, and now I really wanted to touch him there while his arms were locked away behind his back.

"Can I stroke your cock?"

"Yeah, but --" he replied unsteadily. "You'll have to be careful, since I'm not allowed to climax."

"I'll be careful," I promised. My right hand snaked around his waist to rest on his very erect shaft. He moaned as soon as I made contact.

"Oh, Avery..." His voice overflowed with gratitude and need. He didn't even tense up; he left his most sensitive organ completely surrendered to my will.

I rubbed his firm, heated flesh very gently. I could feel how much more reactive he was compared to normal, which was already a lot.

After a few moments, I whispered beside his ear, "What's it like, having your cock teased when you're all tied up and horny as hell and you know you can't come?"

Something like a whimper came out of him, and he answered in unfiltered, broken phrases. "It's so hot -- I'm so sensitive -- it would take so little --" A shuddering breath while my fingers moved slowly against his trigger. "It's torture, but I love that you can torture me -- Avery!" His pitch climbed suddenly.

I removed my hand. He was panting against his bound arms.

"Oh my god," he said against my neck. He didn't try to move; where would he have gone?

"I've got you," I repeated, low and sensual.

His only reply was several of those deep, steadying breaths.

"Can I touch you again?" I asked after a minute.

He hesitated, then nodded. I gave his cock a gentle stroke, then another.

"I'm so close, Avery," he whispered. "Everything feels so good --"

I stroked him again, even lighter. "I don't want you to come."

A small, anguished sound, but he didn't argue.

"It's so much hotter when you don't come," I reiterated quietly, almost to myself.

I brushed my fingers along his cock a few more times, giving him plenty of space to endure it without exploding. He just breathed in my arms, as if he truly were only a body without a controlling intelligence. Then I said, "I want Julian to tie me up now. Can he untie you, so you can sit with me like this?"

"Yes," he breathed. "Of course."

My gaze lifted to Julian, who hadn't moved. He was still watching, his expression carefully neutral. He roused himself to action, helping me sit Vik forward so he could reach the knots. Gradually Julian's work unraveled until Vik was free.

"Take whatever time you need," Julian told him.

Vik stretched and rubbed his arms where the rope had imprinted his almond skin. "I'm ok. You can start on Avery."

I moved to where Vik had undergone his binding, but not before kissing his lips passionately. He responded willingly, then he sat beside me while Julian started wrapping bands of rope around my wrist.

My partner intertwined frequent affectionate touches with the twisted hemp, and soon I was lost to the sound and rhythm of cuffs molding onto my limbs. Now that I knew what to expect, and I knew I was in control, the tugging and tension lulled to sleep any anxiety I might have still felt.

"How are you doing, babe?" Julian checked when he'd been working behind me for a while.

I'd almost forgotten I had a voice. I dredged up a couple of words. "I'm ok."

Truthfully, I was more than ok. I was falling, floating, somewhere beyond everyday existence. I was nothing; I was just a beating heart, a set of lungs, a shell of skin. The ropes stripped the veneer of civility and convention that society substituted for reality. Beneath was infinite possibility and raw, visceral truth: none of us were in control of anything that happened.

There was peace in acceptance, in giving up the illusion. I drifted, tethered by my bonds to these two men who cared for me and defended me from the all-consuming blackness between thoughts, between atoms, between stars.

"You're safe with us," Julian told me, just like I had told Vik. But in this instance, I believed him.

I didn't know how long it took, but in time I was immobilized, stripped, and settled in Vik's arms. God, he was right -- I wanted to stay here forever, relieved of all thought or decision, simply lying weightless in this vast pool of surrender. He held me against his body and stroked me soothingly, the way I had him, and I closed my eyes. There was nothing I needed to see, because there was nothing I needed to do.

"Avery?" Julian's voice filtered to me from a distance.

"Yeah," I managed to reply.

"Do you...want anything from me?"

I mulled over the question. My reasoning was pretty hazy, but I figured he probably hadn't asked to tie me up just so he could watch me dissolve into another man's embrace. And now that I thought about it, I'd been pretty fucking close to an orgasm earlier, back when my brain had been connected to my muscles, that I wouldn't mind finishing.

"Make me come," I told him. "Please."

"As you wish, love," he agreed. His tone was like butter left out on a bright summer day. "Can I use my mouth?"

Sensory memories of warm, wet suction emerged from the pool. "Definitely."

His lips on my concrete-cast tool were the most heavenly thing I had ever felt. I died a little every time he pulled from base to tip and revived when he sucked me back into his hot, sweet mouth. There was nothing, nothing else in the universe: just my body frozen in place and my cock being softly goaded to the highest heights of bliss.