After the End Ch. 16

"Thank you, baby," he said quietly.

I didn't know what the correct answer was, so I just wove my fingers into his, and that time I was able to fall asleep.

The next evening, Julian and I hiked to the overlook as the sun was falling behind the trees. We'd made it an annual tradition, after he brought me there on our first anniversary and unexpectedly turned it into a wedding. This day four years ago had marked a huge turning point in my life: he'd been about to leave on a mission to establish what would become Fort Laurel, and even though I was sure he had no interest in me, I had way too much interest in him. I'd begged him to let me go along, and when he insisted I explain why, I'd been amazed to discover he returned my feelings.

We'd had sex for the first time that night, and we'd been together ever since, except for that one horrible week when I'd cheated on him and gotten dumped. After that, I'd told him I never wanted to be apart from him, and he promised he wouldn't leave me again. Technically you could say we've been married since then, but we made it official at the overlook three years ago. It wasn't a legal ceremony or anything; no one witnessed it except the pine trees and a few birds. Still, Julian speaking his vows and putting his pendant around my neck was pretty much the high point of my life to date, and we liked to come back here to celebrate every year.

We spent a large part of our time outdoors in scenic woodlands and wetlands, but the forest took on a different shape from this vantage, where you could see it stretching away for miles along the water course and beyond. As was our custom, we sat with our feet dangling off the edge of the cliff, and my partner produced a flask with a grin. I didn't need alcohol to have fun...but it sure improved the prospects.

I took a swig, and the caramelly taste surprised me. "You got Xander to dig out some rum?" I asked, impressed.

Julian's flawless features displayed a beatific smile. "It is a very special occasion, after all."

"It's not that special. Our five-year maybe would be. Or ten-year."

"Every year that I have with you is very special to me," he replied, so sincere that I had to kiss him.

We listened for a while to herons fighting over prime roosting space in the trees down below, as the liquor circulated through my bloodstream and made everything feel lighter. My mention of next year's anniversary brought up a question I'd been mulling for the past few weeks.

"Have you thought about what Graham said?" I asked. "About going back to Oregon, now that you know you're in the clear?"

Although Julian's parents were dead and he didn't have siblings, his father's side of the family had been military for generations. From what I understood, between his political connections and his personal fame, he'd have enough pull to be reinstated to his rank if he wanted to be. Alternatively, though I was hazy on the details because he didn't like to talk about his family's wealth, his inheritance would also allow him to launch whatever civilian career he might choose. In fact, from some of Graham's comments, I gathered that my husband would be well provided for even if he didn't rejoin the military or do any other work for the rest of his life. It messed with my head a bit, to imagine that.

He studied the tapestry of pines and oaks beneath us for a moment before answering. "I'm certainly not going anywhere without you, and I don't know that it's the best idea to drag you back there either. It's a journey of at least eighteen hundred miles, to start with." His clear blue gaze turned to me. "Did you want to go?"

"If we went back with Graham, we could fly for a lot of it," I pointed out. "I mean I don't exactly want to leave everyone I've ever known -- Rowan and her parents, Lamont and Tara and Verity, Vik and Gavin and their families -- but you came here so you wouldn't be arrested for treason. Why wouldn't you want to be back where there's tattoo parlors and nightclubs and ballet companies and fancy restaurants, and where you wouldn't ever be in danger of going hungry?"

"What interest do you think I have in ballet?" he asked, although it sounded like he suspected.

I shrugged. "Graham told me about Nico." Julian hadn't hidden his ex-boyfriend's existence from me, but it turned out he hadn't been super forthcoming with the details. As was the case with a lot from his past.

He let that go without further comment. "Avery, I know it might seem like some kind of paradise, and it's true that the practicalities can be a lot less arduous compared to living here, but there are tradeoffs I never liked making. That abundance isn't free. Avoiding court martial wasn't my only reason for leaving. It's very...complicated, for someone of my background. Politically, socially, and economically. In addition to which, even if I'm not prosecuted, I'm still responsible for my actions in the rebellion, and there would be ramifications, if I reappeared."

"So, you'd rather stay here? Fighting for our lives, never knowing if the next hurricane or drought or greedy militia will be our last?"

He took my hand and focused on my face, his tone growing more patient. "You didn't answer my question. Do you want to go to Oregon?"

I shrugged again. "That's like asking if I want to go to Jupiter. I barely have an idea of what it would be like on the West Coast." My gaze dropped to the polished earth-colored stone at his throat. "I just don't want you to feel stuck here, because of me. If you wanted to go back, I could handle the move."

He pulled me in for another kiss. "I know you could, babe. There isn't anything I think you couldn't handle. You're one of the most resilient people I know."

I leaned against his sturdy shoulder for an extra moment. It probably wasn't a big deal, but the compliment made me glow inside.

"I don't have any plans to leave, at present," he added. "I'm happy with you, here. But we can definitely keep the discussion open."

"I'm happy too," I told him. Hopefully he knew that, but we'd been pretty...occupied, lately. Never hurts to check in.

His tone turned playful. "I think your happiness has a lot to do with a certain handsome captain who's been spending time in our bed."

Something fluttered in my gut as details from the intense session last night flooded my brain -- especially the unscripted portion, after the lights had gone out. Along with the reminder that soon it would be my turn to be tied down and completely defenseless against that certain captain's hands and mouth.

"Only some of it," I mumbled, cursing my inability to mask my expression better. It had always been difficult to hide my emotions from my partner, and he only seemed to get better over time at reading them.

"I greatly enjoyed part one of his anniversary present," Julian went on. "And I'm looking forward to part two."

"Yeah," was all I could think to say.

His unnerving gaze stayed on my face when I didn't elaborate. "Anything bothering you, babe?"

"Not really, but..." I kept my focus on the dusky tapestry beyond our perch. "Is anything bothering you?"

His head shook briefly in my peripheral. "I don't think so... About Graham, do you mean?"

I nodded, the fluttering amplifying to queasiness.

"I think things are going well. Why?"

Shrugging was apparently my signature move. "Just...wanted to make sure."

"If you have a concern, I'd like you to share it with me," Julian requested, more serious.

I looked at him finally. For some reason below conscious thought, this conversation we weren't really having was making me anxious. "Can we go sit over there?" I indicated the grassy dell where the captain had first kissed me, more than a month ago.

"Sure," my husband agreed, still watching me carefully. Exactly what I needed to get away from.

It wasn't fully dark yet, but the low light made space seem less spacious, and made it easier for me to prompt Julian to sit against the cliff wall and for me to nestle under his arm, with my head at his shoulder. He gathered me in, not knowing why I was seeking his physical reassurance, but always willing to offer it. The familiar closeness helped a little with my nerves, but my pulse was still running faster than it should be.

He stroked my arm soothingly, as he had done countless times, beginning on day one of our relationship. "I love you very much, Avery," he told me quietly. "You know that?"

I nodded against his neck. That was one thing, at least, I hadn't needed to doubt in years. I still questioned how I possibly could have earned the infinitely valuable prize of his steadfast, generous heart, but I knew it did belong to me. The gift of his love set the framework for my entire life and made everything I had worth having, everything I did worth doing.

"What's on your mind?" he asked, so gentle it made my own cardiac muscle squeeze harder.

I swallowed against the irrational fear, and my voice didn't rise much above a whisper. "I know we talked about, with Graham, that it was ok to have...feelings," I started.

"Right," Julian agreed.

"I just worry that...maybe mine are...too much," I managed to say.

"Because you care for him, instead of just liking him?"

Of course he knew. He always knew. I nodded again, relieved I didn't have to speak the words.

"Has it affected your feelings for me?"

"No, Julian." I burrowed closer against his sculpted body, my hand molded tightly to his opposite shoulder. "Please don't ask me that."

"Babe, I have to, if you're worried. It's not inconceivable that someone's feelings could change, even in a healthy partnership."

"They're not. They won't." I needed a breath to clear his alarming suggestion. "But like...what happened last night..." I hesitated another moment. "I don't want you to feel...left out. Or jealous, or whatever."

"Well I appreciate you checking. I haven't felt that way as of yet. I'm glad for him being such a positive force in your life -- someone who understands you, and treats you so well, and brings you a lot of pleasure."

I let out a slow exhale. "You're sure?"

"I'm sure."

"What about -- do you think he...?" I was too scared to finish.

"Cares for you?" Julian offered, and I confirmed with another nod. "I know he's very fond of you; I couldn't really say beyond that. I'll just caution you again that we don't have any reason to think Graham is interested in a long-term relationship with us, so you have to be prepared to let him go, when he's ready to move on. And if you think that'll be a problem, we can always talk to him and possibly dial down the intensity to a level that feels more sustainable."

"I don't think we need to do that. I know it's just temporary."

"Alright." He caressed my arm for a quiet minute. "You feeling ok about doing the scene tonight?"

"Yeah. I mean, besides the normal amount of dread," I joked, although it was quite true.

He laughed a little. "You were wonderful yesterday. Pretty sure Graham has a whole new level of dread after that."

"Ha -- yeah. He had no idea what he was getting into."

We talked for a while longer, about anything and nothing. Just sitting with Julian in this peaceful early-September twilight, remembering all the other times we'd been up here together and thinking of all the anniversaries we still had to look forward to, was the best kind of gift. Sometimes I ran my fingers over the small pendant he wore for me, and then sometimes he'd kiss me, and I thought I was probably about the luckiest person in the world.

* * * * *

Graham:

"So, Avery," I opened, staring meaningfully at the slightly flushed face trapped between his bound arms. "You more ticklish when you're tied up?"

My young lover was naked and spread on the bed like the most delicious banquet of male flesh I'd ever been invited to. I knew he admired the more thickly-built muscle that Julian and I carried, but his long, lean limbs and tight, trim torso were just as mouthwatering, if you asked me.

He looked away, to the extent he was able, but he couldn't really hide the surge of excitement and terror my question prompted. Especially with his helplessly hard cock jutting into the middle of the room.

"Didn't hear an answer, little one," I noted with a smirk, laying a couple of fingers at his throat and dragging them leisurely downward. His belly button wasn't as unreasonably prone to exploitation as mine was, but if I ventured in there, he would definitely feel it.

"I'm never gonna make it through this," Avery groaned, eyes rolled to the ceiling.

His abs flexed as I traced over them. Early on, I'd discovered how easy it was to generate intense sensations from his supple skin. And that sometimes the lack of touch was just as effective.

My fingers lifted before reaching what he probably thought was my target. To be honest, I enjoyed it when he was hysterical, but I preferred when he was floating on endlessly overlapping waves of sensual delight.

I leaned down to kiss his neck, one type of wave he especially seemed to appreciate. My lips pressed sweetly beneath his jaw several times before I replied.

"Sure you will. I did, didn't I?" I kissed the tender skin below his ear as punctuation.

"You weren't already denied," he argued, but he turned his head so I could reach him better.

"I plan on using that to your advantage. Haven't we established how much you like being teased?" I concluded with a naughty grin.

He didn't say anything, but a darker flush crept over his features, and his hips shifted minutely. I could imagine the craving building between his open legs, where he was powerless to relieve it. Kind of like mine was, since my destiny tonight was to go without. I hadn't done it very often, but it was certainly effective for Avery, and I was curious to see what he'd want to do once his turn in the ropes was over.

Julian had given me the reins, like he'd done with his husband yesterday, and he was once again occupying the stool beside the bed. I would have loved to extend this sextravaganza a third night and put him in ropes too. I wouldn't have tortured him; if anything, the worst part would have been his inability to hide how good it felt. But I understood he wasn't ready to go that far yet.

I curved my palm against Avery's shoulder and smoothed up his bicep and forearm. He flinched when I crossed downward again, but I stayed away from his susceptible armpit.

"Relax, baby," I told him. "I'm just warming you up for now. Then we can see if you'd like some tickling later."

He let out the breath he'd been holding, but it took a while for him to stop pulling against the ropes as if the tension would protect him. I stroked him everywhere I wanted: the narrow swells of his arms, his hairless chest, the grooves between abdominal muscles. My fingers brushed the chiseled angle of his jaw before my mouth laid kisses on his cheeks, then his lips, then his throat. I didn't go for any hot spots. I could see how nervous he was about being this vulnerable, and I wanted to be worthy of the trust he'd been brave enough to place in me.

"How're you feeling?" I asked when I'd coated his upper half in caresses. My hand lingered at his waist.

His inhale was slower, but he still said, "Scared..."

"I want you to enjoy this, Avery," I assured him. "It's your anniversary, after all. Is there anywhere you want me to touch you, while you're all stretched out and turned on?"

"Uh..." His shy gaze flickered to my face, then fixed on the far wall. "Yeah..."

"Where?"

"Like...where do you think," was the evasive answer. I flashed a smile at Julian, whose expression softened in return. There was something captivating about Avery's ability to engage in graphic dirty talk while riding my cock and teasing the hell out of me one day, then be too embarrassed to make this simple admission the next.

"How about your nipples?" I suggested. "Would they like some love?"

"Yeah..." he relinquished, still reluctant.

Propped to his right, I leaned down again to place adoring kisses on the swell of his nearest pec, while my palm laid over his opposite nipple, the least alarming form of contact I could come up with. He sighed, so I rubbed him there gently while blood gathered.

When I thought he was ready, my lips shaped around his left areola, earning a contented sound. I made out with his nipple for a while, letting my fingers brush him on the other side, until his responses started to get more animated.

"Feels good, doesn't it?" I asked him. "When my fingers and tongue light up your most sensitive spots, and all you can do is lie there and let me?"

It was a rhetorical question, but the set of his jaw was perfectly clear confirmation.

"I love playing with these little pink nubs," I went on. "I could do it for hours. Unless you want to suggest somewhere else for my mouth to go."

"My cock," he was able to request this time.

"Yeah?" I moved between his legs and grasped his swollen organ for the first time since last night, keeping my fingers loose. It twitched in my hand. "This looking for attention?"

"Yes --" He dissolved into inarticulate encouragements when I molded my lips around him and tongued the underside.

I paused to tantalize with my words, mouth hovering a couple centimeters from Avery's glans. "You been aching here, after yesterday? After getting fucked and edged and sent to bed hungry?"

"God, Graham, please --" It sounded like his need was starting to override his inhibitions.

I gripped his root and licked him like a lollipop a couple of times, then stopped. The groan I earned was as tasty as his over-sensitized flesh.

"You know, thanks to Julian's ropes, you can't make me touch you for any longer than I want to," I told him wickedly, echoing his words from last night.

He swore quietly, his rod spasming. I rewarded him with a few more licks, which he tried to thrust into.

"And as I'm sure you also know, you can't stop me from doing whatever I like, for as long as I like, no matter how badly it makes you need to come."

"Oh fuck --" he cursed again, so I ran my tongue along his length some more, then roamed the skin around his glans, pulled tight as a drum by his intense arousal.

God, this was a trip. I could orally pleasure him anytime, obviously, and I frequently did, but it was extra fun when he was both physically and psychologically powerless.

I kept it slow but steady, letting the buildup happen gradually. My tongue massaged his entire ventral side, then lapped the fluid from his slit. For a while, I fit him into my mouth and worked the tender places with my lips. When I could sense him nearing peak excitement, I secured his shaft and applied my tongue carefully to his frenulum -- rhythmic wet strokes, unhurried but relentless.

"Graham..." he moaned, this time more in rapture than protest.

"You like that, little one? My tongue on your tip?"

Avery hummed wordlessly, arms and legs taut against his bonds.

I lapped gently a few more times. "Bet it feels amazing right now. Bet you can feel this all over your body."

His spine arched. "God...yes."

"How long do you think it would take for you to come, if I didn't touch you anywhere else, and these soft little licks were all you got?"

His reply was strained. "I don't know -- I'd probably die before I made it that far --"

"You'd die of happiness? Or frustration?" I wondered, continuing to provoke that one hypersensitive juncture.

He only got out some kind of strangled squeak.

"You want me to stop?" I licked more slowly: once, twice, three times. I genuinely didn't know what he'd prefer, and he didn't seem to either.

"I -- I don't --"

Without warning, I sucked him into my mouth -- deep, down to the root. I knew how to handle my gag reflex, for short periods anyway, so I kept him inside just long enough for him to start losing it. Then I left his saliva-drenched tool twitching in the warm air.