All The Young Punks Pt. 27

---- Yes. I agree. This chapter is too long. ----

Before Joe had returned to Providence for the holiday, there was an emotional day with Tina. She was sad their first Christmas would be spent apart. They exchanged gifts before he left. He made it clear to her that he needed to be home with his sisters for Christmas, and because they had the week off school, he was staying. He promised to be back for New Year's Eve. Tina called from her childhood bedroom on Christmas Eve. Joe sat in the kitchen, the girls had just gone to bed, excited that Santa was coming.

"As soon as they're asleep we'll start on the tree. Mom and Dad are wrapping the last gifts in their bedroom."

"And you don't go to bed?"

"No. I'm one of the elves. I was done with Santa when I was eleven. My Dad bribed me to ensure we kept the girl's believing in magic. He promised I could be Santa's helper and know all the secrets. I took the deal."

"That's cute, and your sisters are all believers?"

"Not Jackie, but she still goes to bed because she loves the surprise of Christmas morning. Jules is on the fence. The thing is, she's twelve and she's smart. I think Jules knows Santa is a corporate scam to sell merchandise, but she plays the game on the chance it means more gifts. Jeanie is ten. She still believes in magic."

"Christmas changes once all the kids know the truth."

"I know. We're hoping we can keep Jeanie in the superstitious dark ages for a couple more years."

'It's not the dark ages. Christmas is beautiful."

"It's a pagan holiday you Christians stole... some medieval shit you jacked from the heathens and heretics."

"You love being an asshole skeptic, don't you?"

"My eyes are wide open."

"Well," Tina said. "My Mom is like the Fairy Godmother of Christmas. She's a florist, so Mom is addicted to pageantry, weddings, and holidays. There are thirty people in my house right now; all my aunts, uncles, and cousins, plus a few neighbors. The whole house is decorated like a perfect gingerbread Christmas scene. She and Dad have been cooking for two days. Everyone is drinking. I had to call from my room so I could hear you."

"This house is the Night Before Christmas. Not a creature is stirring."

"I love my family, but that sounds really nice."

"At 4:52, or whatever time Jeanie gets up, it will be Christmas chaos."

"It still sounds nice. We sleep in now that Jack and I are non-believers."

"Jeanie loves the gift you gave me."

"Which one?"

"London Calling. She and I had a battle with Mom today. She has Christmas music on all day. After a couple of days of that jingly shit, I want to jump off the roof head-first into a snowbank. Jeanie begged me to play the new Clash record so I put it on down in my room and cranked the volume. Mom then turned her Bing Crosby up to ten, and we did the same, except my stereo blows away the crappy one upstairs."

"Why would you do that?"

"It was all Jeanie, not me. Mom came down, hands on hips, watching Jeanie and I dancing to Lost In The Supermarket. It was funny. She wasn't mad because Jeanie was jumping on my bed, having fun, and so was I."

"I have to go," Tina said. "My brother just peeked in. Mom is looking for me."

"I have to set up a tree."

Alice Theroux was happier than Joe had seen her in years. While setting up stockings and packing gifts under the tree, Joe caught her looking at him, just smiling. It kind of creeped him out. He did his best to just go with it. Dad was jolly because Mom was in such good spirits. Joe wondered if Santa was gonna get laid that night, then shuddered at the thought of Mr. and Mrs. Clause getting it on.

Joe was a little more excited than his usual skeptic self would allow because he felt he did an excellent job gift shopping. The chaos commenced at 5:15 AM. Jeanie slept in.

Watching his sisters tearing through wrapping paper was like visiting years of Christmas past. Joe waited for the underwear, socks, pajamas, and clothes to get unwrapped. Jules got a calligraphy set, books, and clothes. Jackie got a camera and clothes. Jeanie was still on board games and toys.

Joe opened a medium size box and pulled out a smaller box. He looked at his Mom. "How would you even know about this?"

"Santa knows everything."

"What is it?" Jeanie asked.

"It's a Tube Screamer overdrive pedal. I don't have overdrive. How did you know?"

Mom shrugged, smiling proudly, not giving up her sources.

"Thank you," Joe smiled. "This is great, Mom." He got up, walked over to Mom, stepped on wrapping paper and bows, and hugged her. "I can't believe you even know what this is."

Jackie's eyes bugged out when she opened the leather jacket Joe bought her. She loved it, modeled for the family, and hugged him. He gave Jules a telescope. She immediately wanted to go out and look at the moon since it was still dark at 6 AM. When Jeanie opened her parlor-size acoustic guitar, she almost cried on Christmas. It was a close call.

"This is the best gift ever," she hugged Joe.

It was as normal a day Joe could remember in a long time. There was no drama, no stress, and no worries. While Mom and Dad cooked the holiday ham, Joe gave Jeanie her first guitar lesson. That evening, they stood in shin-deep snow and looked at moon craters with Jules' telescope.

The day after Christmas, Tina whined, still unhappy Joe was spending the week in RI.

"I have this strange feeling that this is my last Christmas at home...well, my last normal Christmas."

"Christmas is over."

"Look, T. We've talked about this. You need to understand that I have..."

"I'm coming to you." Tina interrupted. "I'll take the train."

"I'll return before New Year's Eve like I promised."

"I'm not waiting. I'll come up tomorrow."

When Joe told his family Tina was coming up to visit, Mom and Jackie went into house-cleaning mode. Joe never understood this need to make the house perfect for a guest.

"Stop!" He put his hands up as they scrambled the vacuum cleaner and deployed chemical weapons, Lysol and Pledge. "Everything is fine. We just had Christmas. Everyone's house is a mess this week."

"I will not have her see us at our worst," Mom said as she picked up the post-holiday clutter.

"Do you think she won't understand?"

"Just put your presents away and don't worry about it. I'm not asking you to clean."

"Because he won't," Jackie said bitterly. "He never cleans."

"This is dumb. The house doesn't need to be perfect."

Before she left New York, T told Joe she needed to get Christmas gifts for his family. He said that was not necessary. She insisted and asked for help. He suggested she go to Economy Candy and explained what everyone liked.

"It's one-stop shopping."

"I know," Tina said. "That's why I love it. Thank you."

"You don't have to buy yourself anything."

"I won't. This is about your sisters."

"Pfft, right. You'll probably throw up on the train."

"Do they have barf bags like the airlines?"

--- BIG BITCH ---

Two days after the holiday, Joe read in his bedroom while he waited for Tina's train to arrive. There was a knock on his door.

"Come in if your name doesn't begin with the letter J. Otherwise, leave me alone."

Jackie walked in. "You should have retired that joke years ago."

"Who's joking?"

"Can we talk?"

"We're already talking." Joe made a 'duh' face. "You walked in and just started talking."

"You know what I mean."

Joe placed a bookmark and closed his book. "What's up?"

"Is Dad picking Tina up at the station?" Jackie sat beside him, her back against his pillows as he was, shoulder to shoulder.

"Yes. Is that what you came in here for? You could have asked him."

"No. It's not." She stared straight ahead.

"Well," He stared at her. "what is it?"

Jackie exhaled. "I have a problem at school."

"Oh." Joe set his book aside. "You? Miss Accelerated Curriculum Program has a school problem? And what do I know about school? I hated school."

"It's not the school. It's someone..." she hesitated, thinking of how to say it.

"Fucking bullies," Joe said low, shaking his head.

"Yeah, but it's not ..."

"It's not what, serious? If you're coming to me, it's serious enough. Is it a guy or a girl?"

"It's a big bitch."

"That's good news for me because if it was a boy I would take you to the bank to get my bail money before I knocked the crap out of him. What's her problem?"

"My last name. She says stuff like, 'Oh, you're Joe Theroux's sister. Are you a violent psycho like your dumb brother?"

"Well," Joe put his hand on hers. "I'm sorry about that, but sticks and stones may break your bones but names? He shrugged. "Does she get physical?"

"Yes, she's a big girl, tall and wide, and plays volleyball. She doesn't like me and she likes to tower over me, close."

Joe was a small kid once. He knew the towering of bullies. "How much bigger?"

"She's 5'11" on the team roster, almost as tall as you. She has thick arms and legs." Jackie scanned her brother's frame. "She weighs more than you."

Joe exhaled, imagining Jackie taking on an Amazon girl. It didn't look good in his head. "Tell me what she does specifically, is it just standing there? Is she pushing you around or..."

"She has pushed me, but not hard. Honestly, Joe, her big bitch mouth is the most annoying thing about her. She's always trying to embarrass me."

Joe tensed up. His mind went back to middle school when he was harassed by Nick Petrangelo, his last tormentor. Knowing his beautiful, kind, smart sister was going through that stress made his blood pressure rise. He remained calm.

"What does she say?"

"Well, just saying psycho Theroux over and over, as if that's an insult. She was injured in a volleyball game, a bad knee, she was on crutches and I tried to say something nice, and she said, 'Fuck off psycho.' in front of a whole classroom." Jackie put her hands up. "She's just a bitch. I hate going to school knowing she's there."

Joe's blood pressure lowered to a simmer as the picture became more clear. Very slowly, a Grinch-like evil smile curled his lips. Jackie looked at the side of his face.

"What are you smiling at? This isn't funny?"

"What I'm picturing in my head is amusing to me, but there's no way in a million years you would do it."

"What's that?"

"It's a waste of time telling you. You'll go tell Mom and then she'll jump on my case. It's not worth that much trouble if you don't have the nerve to do it."

"Do what?"

Joe sighed. "I thought you were the smart sister."

Jackie sat up a little. "You want me to fight Doreen Pinto? She'd kill me."

"Pinto? Isn't she a junior? I know her big ass sister Karen. She was a year ahead of me, and Karen Pinto was a mean girl too." Joe shook his head. "It runs in the family."

"I guess so," Jackie said. "I can't fight her. She's too big."

"First of all, you're not gonna fight her, so let's drop it. Secondly, you wouldn't fight fair. She wouldn't have a chance."

"What do you mean?"

"Never mind."

"Just tell me. I won't tell Mom. I Promise."

Joe sat quietly for a moment. He had just teased his sister into demanding he tell her what he was thinking when she already knew what that was. He had a plan because Joe had been in Jackie's shoes many times. Joe spoke with matter-of-fact confidence.

"You know her Achilles heel. You're gonna fight dirty and take out that bad knee. Use it to put her on the ground. And when she goes down, you get on top and pound her." Joe met Jackie's eyes. "Then you say something nasty and memorable... and walk away."

Jackie's eyes were wide, part horror that her brother was advising on how to conduct violence, but also intrigued by the image and the power of calculated revenge. She gazed into Joe's eyes but had no words, so he continued.

"And you must do it in front of as many people as possible for maximum effect. I never fought unless there was a crowd. I bitch slapped John Russo in front of all his buddies and half the basketball team. Kids don't forget that shit. If you do it right... no one will ever pick on you again." Joe exhaled. "I guarantee it."

"What if she comes after me later?"

"You take out her knee again!" Joe laughed. "Trust me. The big bitch is not coming at you once you show her what a dirty girl you are. And make sure you say, "Don't fuck with a psycho Theroux, bitch."

Jackie laughed uncomfortably. She fell sideways, her head resting against Joe's shoulder. "I'll get suspended."

"Pfft," Joe scoffed. "That's a trophy for winning. The whole time you're suspended they'll be talking about you. On the day you get back, you'll feel the eyes and you'll hear the whispers." Joe took his sister's hand. "Walk tall, like you own the fucking school, and never speak a word about the beating you gave her. Never apologize. That big bitch had it coming."

"I've never heard you speak like this. You never talk about your flights and you hate it when other people bring it up. This is so weird to hear you explain what it's like to be that way."

"What way?"

"The way you are, not afraid to fight, like the hoodlums on The Hill." Jackie sat back up to look at Joe. "I could never understand that about you because you're so sweet and..." She paused. "You're kind to people and you're never mean. Look what you did for Betty and her friends."

"Yeah, I used my bad reputation for good."

"I can't even imagine you in a fight, but I know you've been in some bad ones. I hope I never see it."

"I hope you never do." Joe looked her in the eyes, "but if you do, it's me protecting you."

Jackie stared at him. "I know you would, but I don't know where the violence comes from. Dad's not like that, no one in our family is."

"It's not genetic. I'm a traumatized psycho. That shit is real, sis. Years of therapy did one thing for sure. I understand my demons, and why I am this way. I'm not okay upstairs."

"Don't say that." She squeezed his hand. "You're not a psycho."

Joe smiled, "I also know we're all a little crazy in our own way. I've just learned to admit it. He turned to his side to face his sister. "Look. I just put a scene in your head. I guarantee you will be thinking about her wobbly knee the next time she picks on you, and the time after that. You will imagine that bitch going down hard." Joe smiled. "And all it would take is your size seven foot." He kicked his leg out.

"I don't think I want to spend the next two and a half years being called a psycho."

"Well then, you can spend it with knots in your stomach, and flop sweats, getting picked on by Doreen Pinto and whatever bullies follow her."

"That's harsh."

"The truth is like that."

Jackie sat quietly for a moment. She kissed her brother on the cheek. "Thank you, Psycho Joe."

Joe laughed, "That's an old one."

"I like Scarecrow Joe better. He's a good guy."

--- SOCIAL ANXIETY ---

Tina's large bags of candy made the girls very happy, surprise final gifts of the season. Like her first visit, the girls pestered her, asking too many questions and being present in whatever room Tina was in. Eventually, Joe pulled her away and carried her bag down to his room.

"Will you take me to the garage this visit?"

"I don't want to go there. I'm trying to not think of the band this week."

"I'd like to meet Pops. You talk about him a lot, and the garage."

"Yeah, well, I'm not interested in seeing Pops right now, or Sal."

"What did Pops do?

Joe flopped onto his bed. Tina sat beside him.

"I met with Johnny's dad a few days ago. I let him know what's going on. He said something that disturbed me. John said the band is all Johnny has. He wants me to keep things as normal as I can and keep doing gigs until he decides what to do about his kid."

"Okay, what's wrong with that?"

"He asked. 'What the fuck would Johnny and Sal do without the band?' When Pops asked me to meet with them he was thinking the same way. After I agreed to give Johnny a second chance, Pops gave me a ride home to get my amp and stuff. He said the same thing John Senior said, that Sal needs the band. He has no direction in life. Pops said he hoped that we could keep it together because the band is all Sal has... and Johnny too. His words were, 'If you walk away those guys would be lost."

Tina nodded. "So you feel they're putting all this on your shoulders."

"Yes! Of course, because they are, and I resent it. I did Pops a favor by agreeing to this bullshit compromise that was no compromise at all. I caved in because I felt I owed it to Pops, and I didn't want to be the bad guy. That blew up in my face and now they're asking me to keep it together because their sons have nothing else in their lives. Is that my fucking problem?"

"They are your friends."

"Yeah, friends who've lied to me and expect me to do all this work while they fuck off. Johnny asked for a second chance and now he's blowing it. Sal's in total denial about Johnny and he's never been any fucking help babysitting him. That's been me, from the beginning. I don't know what Nate thinks because he never stands for anything."

"We don't have to visit the garage," Tina said, "but you could take me to The Living Room. I'd like to see your home club."

A day later, on the Ten Bus going downtown to The Living Room, Joe explained that it would be a dead night at the city's best punk and new wave club. "It's a weeknight, smack between holidays, and the college kids are home on break. There's a cover band playing tonight."

They walked in just as Ruby Slippers opened their set. Joe sat at the bar, introduced Tina to Randy Hein, and watched Gary Santos do his flashy stage strutting routine. Joe didn't say a word about the band until Tina did. He wanted her opinion without his influence.

"These guys are good," Tina smiled. "They're very lively and upbeat."

"Yeah, I like The Slippers," he said. "They're good musicians and Gary is kind of his own thing, even when it seems like he's knocking off Freddie, or Bowie."

Tina smiled. "I see what you mean. He's a prancer."

Joe laughed. "Good word. A check out Ruby on keys. She's cool and cute, and she has a great voice." He nudged T. "Look at her shoes."

Tina smiled. "Ruby Slippers. She has the whole pin-up girl thing going on. I'd like to take a peek in her closet."

"I know," Joe nodded. "I like it. She always dresses up. Gary and Ruby are a colorful team, and their band is tight." He then caught a glimpse of Issac coming his way. Issac smiled and waved, then gestured at Tina.

"Is this who I think it is?"

"Yes," Joe nodded. "Tina, this is gay Issac. Isaac, this is Tina."

Isaac offered his hand. Tina smiled and took his hand. Then turned to Joe. "Why would you call him gay Isaac."

"That's what some of the meathead hetero townies call me," Isaac said. "It's okay, but Joe doesn't usually say that."

Joe smiled, "I knew it would bug her." Joe made a kissy face at Issac. "You know I love you."

That made Issac smile. He touched Tina's arm and leaned closer. "I assumed it was you because Joe told me all about your fantastic purple hair." Isaac reached out. "May I?"

Tina blushed, "Thank you, yes, you may."

Isaac ran his fingers through Tina's hair below her ear. "It's thick and fabulous, just like he said." He smiled. "And you're gorgeous, just as he said."

Tina blushed again, glancing at Joe. Joe was distracted, looking towards the back of the bar, where Claire was standing. They made eye contact, she smiled and walked his way. Isaac looked her way, then at Joe, and smiled. He stepped back to give her room to move in. Joe wanted to smack gay Issac for enjoying the social anxiety coming his way. Issac noticed the annoyance in Joe's eyes.

Claire smiled and walked up close, behind Tina. She leaned in to hug Joe. "Hey, how are you?" Joe flinched just as Tina was turning to see who was behind her. Claire sensed his hesitancy. "We're still friends, right?"