All The Young Punks Pt. 52 - The End

Over Thanksgiving Dinner, with grandparents, aunts, and uncles at the table, Joe's father explained an operation the Radioheads were planning. Joe listened with glee as Bill told everyone precisely how they planned to catch Sweet Baby Jesus.

"We know he's not far from here by his signal strength. He's usually around on Saturday. We're gonna have four cars on the road. When he starts his crap we'll each monitor his signal from our location and move in on him."

Uncle Ray joined in. "We'll use another channel to coordinate. If he stays on long enough we can triangulate using his signal strength and locate him."

"Doesn't triangulate mean three?" Joe asked, smiling at Jackie.

"It's okay to have more," Uncle Ray answered.

"How close can you get?" Jackie asked.

"We'll find his neighborhood," Dad said confidently. "After that, we'll search for radio antennas on houses."

"What happens then?" Joe asked. "What if you catch the guy?"

The CB nerds had no answer. They just wanted to catch him and put an end to the nonsense. This was the beginning of the fox and hound level in Joe's game. He and Jackie could not wait for Saturday.

Two days after Thanksgiving, Joe and Jackie got on air but only taunted the hounds for ten minutes. They didn't say a lot. Joe used Monty Python lines.

"I will blow a fart in your general direction."

"If you do not leave I shall taunt you some more."

Joe made a gay voice. "I may change my handle to Sexy Baby Jesus. What do you boys think? I get to keep the BJ part. I love sexy BJs."

The initial plan was to let the old men waste their time by giving them little to work with. Dad reported his failed operation over the family dinner. He and Jackie could barely keep a straight face when Mom was offended by the pervert using Jesus' name like a tramp.

Joe always knew when the hunt was on because Dad told him. After two failed triangulation ops, because Joe gave them so little to work with, Dad gave up more intel.

"We know he's in the city. We just can't say if it's Pawtucket, Cranston, or Providence. He hasn't been on long enough for us to close in."

"That's a big area," Joe said.

"Yes, but each day we do this we'll shrink the zone and zero in on him."

That's when Joe got bold. He was curious about how good this triangulation strategy was. He and Jackie sat at the desk waiting for the hounds to begin the third hunt on channel 5. He planned on drawing them closer, giving them the scent of the fox, to see how close they could get.

"This is risky," Jackie said. "If Dad catches you he'll ground you for life."

"Me? You'll get busted too, Mother of God."

"I know, but I can blame you. You'll get it worse."

Joe knew their plan, and their tactics, and figured out their on-air code during their first two hunts. If they needed to exchange intel they had a verbal signal.

Rotten Apple would say, "Bigfoot, 10-100." That was the CB code for a bathroom break. Those two would switch to channel 7 to exchange information while the others kept Sweet Baby Jesus engaged on channel 5.

Anytime they mentioned 10-100, taking a leak, or any bathroom reference, it was a signal. Once Joe cracked that code it was easy to know exactly where the hounds were and if they had his scent.

"Hey, Rotten Apple, I need to make a rest stop," SunRay said.

Joe switched channels to hear his Uncle Ray telling Dad the Jesus signal got weaker as he drove from downtown to through Fox Point on the East Side.

"That means he's west of downtown," Dad replied.

A wide-eyed Jackie looked at Joe. "We are west of downtown."

Joe switched back to channel 5 where Bigfoot was trying to keep him talking. Joe answered, "Sorry, I had to step away to take a giant steaming shit. That turd was a fighter. He didn't want to go for a swim."

Jackie covered her mouth as she giggled. "You're so gross," she whispered.

With everyone back on channel 5, SunRay asked, "So, Baby Jesus, what brand of radio do you have?"

"I have a Royce. I used to have some hunk of shit I bought at Radio Shack, but I grew out of that cheap ass rubbish."

Dad bought his gear at Radio Shack. Joe knew what buttons to push. After more chatter with Jesus, Fat Elvis sought a piss break with SunRay. Joe flipped channels.

"I'm on route 10," Fat Elvis said. "and his signal gets weaker as I drive towards Cranston."

"Where exactly are you?" SunRay asked.

"I'm near the brewery, turning around."

SunRay then revealed the info he had previously given Rotten Apple.

"That means he's west of downtown and north of Cranston," Fat Elvis said. "Where's Bill? He has the western sector."

Jackie looked at Joe. "Is their plan working?"

Joe shrugged, "Seems that way."

After another exchange with Jesus, Fat Elvis called 10-100 to Rotten Apple. Joe had a line for Mother of God to deliver.

"Hey, are you guys drinking too much coffee? It seems like you have to pee a lot."

"It's beer," Jesus said. "They're all drunk."

On channel 7 Elvis reported to Dad. "He's north of the brewery and west of downtown."

"I'm near Triggs. He's east of Mount Pleasant," Rotten Apple answered. "He's definitely in the city."

Ten minutes later, Bigfoot simply said, "Powwow", and all four hounds moved to channel 7.

"I'm on North Main Street heading south and he's coming in hot."

"Where are you exactly?"

"I just passed the North Burial Ground, coming up on Branch Ave," Bigfoot replied. "Rotten, he's probably on the hill, right in your neighborhood."

"We're not close enough to know that. We still have a few square miles to cover. Everyone note where you are, his signal strength, and slowly move in. Look for a spike."

Joe looked at the map on the wall above Dad's desk, noting the locations they had mentioned, pointing so Jackie could see what he was seeing.

"Downtown, The Narragansett Brewery, Triggs Golf Course, and the cemetery on North Main Street." He then pointed at their location, smack in the middle. "They're closing in."

"Huh," she leaned back in her chair. "The smelly old wet farts know what they're doing."

"Yup." Joe turned the radio off. "That's close enough."

Late at night, Dad excitedly told Joe about their successful operation and how they had Sweet Baby Jesus boxed in.

"We're down to a three square mile area," he said.

"That's not small," Joe said, hiding his smile with a glass of milk.

"True, but I think we'll halve that area with one more op."

"So what are you going to do if you catch this guy? What can you do?"

"I told you. Once we narrow this area down we'll start hunting for CB antennas. That's when this will get interesting. We'll find the bastard."

"Still, what can you do?"

"Maybe we'll just cut his damn antenna."

A week later, Jackie and Joe sat at the desk luring the hounds even closer. It took less than twenty minutes. In a Channel 7 piss break, Rotten Apple finally conceded to Bigfoot. "You're right old man, the son-of-a-bitch is on Federal Hill."

Joe flipped the radio off, leaned back, and looked at his sister.

"How many CB antennas do you think there are on The Hill?" She asked.

"I don't know, but I bet Dad will find out."

Days later, a notepad sat on Dad's desk with five nearby street addresses where he had spotted CB antennas. Weeks later, Joe started his garage band. Sweet Baby Jesus never spoke on the radio again, but Rotten Apple continued to hunt antennas on the hill.

Dad never knew the call was coming from inside his house until eight years later after Jackie told Jules a funny story and Jules told Dad.

.

.

--- BAD TIMING --

Joe was grateful for a quiet morning. Dad went to work. The girls were in classes. Mom was gone. He had no clue where. He looked at a scrap of paper and dialed a number.

"Hello?"

"Is Kim there?"

"Speaking."

"Hi, Kimmy. It's Joe Theroux from the train."

She replied with a moment of silence. Joe heard an exhale.

"I can't believe you didn't tell me who you were until you were leaving. That was rude. I asked you three times what your band's name was. We could have had an entirely different conversation. When I told my girlfriends I met you they said you were in Europe. You didn't even mention you just got back from Europe."

"I didn't want to have that conversation. I had just lived it."

"What does that mean?"

"I did tell you about my break up with my girl... a little bit. I mentioned the band was done. After months of all that crap, it's the last thing I wanted to talk about. We had a great talk, Kimmy. It was fun. That's what I needed on that day."

"Okay. I understand. So what are you doing? It took a while to call."

"I'm sorry about that." Joe exhaled. "I'm leaving town soon, and I won't be back for a while. And I just..."

"You called to tell me you're leaving?"

"No. I called so you'd know I was thinking about you and I didn't want you to think I was not calling because..." He lost his words. "I didn't want to not call you after you gave me your number." Joe was grateful she couldn't see his embarrassment.

"Well, it wouldn't be my first."

"Are you saying you give out your number often?"

"No. But sometimes after a date, they don't call."

"I'm not that guy. That was a fun train ride when I needed it."

"Why did it take two weeks to call?"

"Because I thought it would be jerky if I called you for a date and then left town."

"Yes. That would be." Kim exhaled. "I'm not going to lie. I was thinking about you. My girls went nuts when I told them about our talk. Several cast members know your band from the place you play..."

"The Brickyard."

"Yes. That's the place. I broke the news that your band broke up. They still don't believe me. What have you been doing at home?"

"Getting harassed by my sisters. They want me to stay home. It's been rough. I told Jackie about you and she insisted I call because Boston is close. Then she asked if I was one of those jerks who doesn't call... and I..."

"Felt guilty?"

"No. I realized it was worse to not call."

"I think you're right."

Joe told Kim about his crossroads in life, but not every detail, just that he was traveling soon with no destination in mind. He gave her the road-clears-my-head speech.

"And you don't know how long you'll be?" She asked.

"No."

"Months? A year?"

"I honestly don't know."

"I wish I didn't have to be at rehearsal in thirty-five minutes," she said. "I feel you need someone to talk to."

"I'm sorry I caught you at a bad time. It's just like us meeting on the train when we did, bad timing."

"Maybe. I do have to go, Joe. I'm sorry."

"Did I just embarrass myself with this call?"

"No, not at all. I'm glad you called. You have my number. You can call again, from wherever you are."

"Okay."

"Joe, be safe in your journey. If life brings you back home, call me."

.

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--- THE CLUES WERE THERE ---

After Dad's angry reaction to the news, Joe avoided him for most of two days. While Joe wasn't pleased with his sisters, he didn't brood over it. He was leaving soon and didn't want this departure to be worse than it was already going to be. Jules eventually apologized, finding Joe in his room.

"Jackie told me what you said. I wasn't trying to hurt you. I remember the day you first did that and I was just telling Dad how funny it was and..."

"But he didn't know it was me!"

"It was like an..."

"Impulse?" Joe interrupted. "Ratting is a reflex to you."

"I wasn't thinking that he didn't know. I promise I'll never do it again."

"Ha!" Joe scoffed. "Ratting is what you do. I think the first words you learned were, 'I'm telling Mom.' And you never stopped telling."

Jules' face got too sad, so Joe backed off. Jackie was correct. Joe always gave Jules a soft touch because she was sensitive and emotional. He had other tactics for her. He acted sad. Two can play that game.

"How can I live in this house if this will be my life again?"

Jules' face told him he shouldn't have said that. Joe embraced her.

"I'm sorry I said that."

The fact she was still ratting after all these years was troubling. She was eighteen, thin, elegant, and shy. Joe loved that Jules was sensitive, like him, and caring. She was smart and cute in a nerdy, bookish way. How could she still be a little rat?

Late that night, Dad was up, waiting for Joe in the living room. He had taken his sisters out for ice cream in November and then cruised around Kennedy Plaza, downtown, and the East Side before returning home to the Hill.

Dad waited as he had done many nights when Joe was in high school. When the girls went to bed, Dad was watching Carson. David Brenner was a guest. Dad gestured to the couch and turned the volume down with his new state-of-the-art cable TV remote.

He made direct eye contact with Joe. "You said the clues were there. What do you mean by that?"

"I couldn't believe I got away with it. I immediately regretted using Sweet Baby Jesus because that's what I always said to Mom when she'd say something ridiculous." Joe waved his arms. "Sweet baby Jesus, Ma! What are you talking about?' She hated it when I said that. As if I was using the Lord's name in vain. I thought you might figure that out. I stopped using that line because of the radio thing."

"It's not that unique a term."

"Okay," Joe leaned in. "I only went on the air when you were in the car. How did you not realize that? Not once did you hear me on the radio when you were home."

Dad's face exposed a crack. He was thinking. It was not something he had considered. "Alright, go on."

"On the first day, I described your car and made a wisecrack about the orange peels on the paint. No guy in a truck driving on Route 6 is going to see those small blemishes. It had to be someone who knew your car."

Joe watched his Dad ponder the clues. The son was enjoying this conversation far more than their recent basement bedroom exchange. The old man's face was softening as he began to realize how dumb the whole thing was.

"Then you guys got so close I ended the hunt. It was coming from your own house. How did Sweet Baby Jesus know he was boxed in?" Joe paused. "Because you told me every move you were making."

Dad exhaled and pointed at his son, "Don't you ever tell your Uncle Ray about this." Bill stared intensely. "I mean that."

Joe smiled and nodded. "I might be the only child you have who can keep a secret. Did you ever wonder who Mother of God was? Where did she come from, and why was she always on air at the same time as Baby Jesus but never on her own?"

Dad furrowed his brow.

"The clues were there, Dad. You just didn't see them." Joe pointed north, "She's in that room."

Jackie came storming from the bedroom hall. "I can't believe you ratted me out!"

"Ha!" Joe pointed at her, laughing. "I knew you were spying. Me ratting you? You started this whole thing. I just played it like Paul Harvey. I gave Dad the rest of the story."

Dad glared at his eldest daughter as she stared Joe down, hands on hips.

Joe was delighted. "He can still ground you," he said with a smirk. "You live under the roof."

"I'm not grounding anyone," Dad said. "I think there's a statute of limitations on moronic pranks played by my dumbass kids."

With the crisis resolved, everyone relaxed. Joe smiled at Jackie and changed the subject. "I'm taking Jules out for breakfast tomorrow,"

"She gets breakfast," Jackie's hands went back to her hips. "For being a rat?"

"You can come too, and Jeanie."

After Jackie returned to bed, Joe and Dad talked quietly.

"I came home to relax," Joe whispered. "Their blitz is having the opposite effect. And now the rats are back. I want to get the hell out of here before it gets worse."

Dad made a duh face, "You think I don't know this? This is my life."

"I can't stay, Dad." He met his father's eyes. "Look at what's happening. This week has been like the bad old days with Mom. I'm afraid if I stay she and I will go back to that."

"You cannot assume that will happen."

"Yes, I can, because it's happening. I can't stay, Dad. I think you know that."

Bill Theroux didn't reply. He knew his son was probably correct. He just couldn't say it. A spy might be listening

.

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--- THE NEW BREAKFAST CLUB --

Sitting in the Olney Diner, Jackie, Jules, and Jeanie looked around at the mustard and brown fifties diner motif, metal and Naugahide, as Joe quietly read the menu he didn't need to read. Walking in, he told the girls to give him a minute of quiet while he gathered himself. They looked to Joe for permission to talk, glancing at menus. Joe watched them visually take in the diner that was both legendary and forbidden. The girls glanced at the patrons, the sound of many voices, some close, others distant, the din. Joe breathed in the smell of breakfast. Ricky Maldonado saw him from behind the window. He nodded at Joe.

Joe took a deep breath, held it just a moment, and let it out slowly. "Okay. Thank you."

"Are you okay?" Jeanie asked.

"I'm fine."

"You look a little pale," Jules said.

"Don't tell Mom," Joe said coldly.

Jules looked away, not liking that joke. She hid her face with her menu while Jeanie and Jackie smirked at Joe.

"Where did you and Janie like to sit?" Jeanie asked, then took an elbow from Jackie. "Owww! I was just asking..."

"It's okay," Joe said. "I've made a decision. It's a big step for me. I'm here to visit Janie. Even though it hurts my heart to be here, I feel I need to face that fear and... " Joe felt his emotions rising and paused. "I need to make new memories here."

The girls all watched his eyes, wondering if their big brother was going to cry. His eyes were moist. He took a deep breath. "So, I'm starting a new breakfast club." He put his face behind his menu.

The girls looked at one another as the young waitress walked up. She smiled at the girls and looked at Joe. "You're the guy from over there who did the graduation thing years ago, the big party, right?"

"I'm Joe."

"Yeah. I know." She smiled. "And you?" She looked at Jackie.

Jackie took a snappy tone. "We're his sisters. Who do you think we are?"

"Okay, no need to bite my head off. What are you girls having?"

The girls started asking questions and placing orders, how they wanted their eggs, type of potato, pancakes or French toast, white toast, wheat, or sourdough. It took a while because his sisters were not well-practiced in diners. It wasn't something the family did after that day.

After the waitress left, Joe looked at Jeanie. "You just ordered what Janie always ordered. That's kinda spooking me right now."

"Really?" Jackie asked with wide eyes.

"Yeah," Joe looked around. "I see her all over this room. I see her dancing and singing in this aisle, going back and forth putting on a show for the old men. She and I would order breakfast and then stare at the jukebox while they cooked. I can see here there, right now, " he pointed at the jukebox near the restrooms, "she's standing right there."

Jules had an expression of concern. Joe looked at her. "Don't worry. I'm not hallucinating. I'm remembering."

There was a quiet moment, everyone looking around, eyes of patrons meeting theirs. Many regulars knew who they were, the Theroux kids, aged fifteen to twenty-three, while others were oblivious to the significance of this first day of the new breakfast club.

"Where did you like to sit?" Jeanie asked again, then braced herself for the elbow that didn't come. The waitress interrupted with drinks, two coffees, one OJ, and one milk. When she left again, Joe looked at Jeanie.

"We loved sitting at the counter but Dad always wanted a booth. That way he could corral Janie when the food arrived. He had to block her in... like I'm blocking Jules right now. That's how she spilled a vanilla shake on his lap, trying to escape under the booth. The entire shake was on Dad's pants. This place went crazy. Dad was jumping up and down, wiping his pants, embarrassed and really upset with Janie. Everyone laughed at him." Joe leaned over the table. "Janie and I loved it when all the booths were occupied and we had to take stools at the counter. That was always a special day for us."