Am I a Slut?

Being of the male persuasion I agree with the sentiments expressed regarding the double standard in applying adjectives to persons having indiscriminate and frequent sex. However, I disagree with your concept of origins of ‘penis envy’. To my mind the notion has nothing to do with wishing to be a man or competing with men. Instead, it simply means that it is more efficient and less bothersome to urinate having a penis than peeing from the urethra opening of a women’s body.

"If a woman has thousands of guys all wanting to get into her pants, she can choose the best and disregard the rest....The males are envious of people whose success rate is greater than theirs so they lash out at some of those people." - So good an observant. Bang on! I missed on this one aspect of why women heroes are sluts but man heroes are studs.

This is an identical extension of financially independent women are bitches but men are leaders, cooking/sewing women are unproductive docile domestic slaves but men are chefs/tailors, women who choose work over family are home-wreckers but men are bread-earners, women who marry for money are gold-diggers but men who marry for dowry are suitors.

The basic premise of all these arguments is that when one thing a woman does, she is abused, while the same activity when done by man is honored. This is essentially patriarchy, men have historically due to wars and security issues, been moving about in important positions as soldiers, traders, kings/presidents, hence it is obvious that "we all men" are saviors while women need "saving".

But your argument is very valid that there is intensive intra-competition between men w.r.t earnings, wives, network, repute, business, sexuality, gossip, etc. that is relatively non-existent among women. And this competition among men makes them slight away other "wimp of a man" and women in order to put themselves at no. 1 spot, shaming everyone else. For among women it is PRIDE in their beauty and husband department that makes them stand in support of these two areas with other women, rarely can it be termed a competition, because competition cannot sustain when beauty and husband are largely unchangeable things.

Look around and you will see 'sluts' that are fat, ugly and have bad hygiene.

Being a slut is easy, all you need to do is spread your legs and someone will get between them.

Now look around and try to find a 'stud' that is fat, ugly and has bad hygiene.

Not saying don't enjoy sex.

Saying don't expect that others will see having something just handed to you as the equal of earning it.

No You are a woman that has a high sex drive and knows what she wants . These names are made up by people that don't want to live like we do but Want To Judge Us for living it.

If you need any help. I don't want to be one of nine hundered and ninty nine.

I am glad women are more discerning than men, that's something we love about you. Otherwise I might as well be gay (ack).

We know Sam is full of it, were hoping that one of the four will see us and not want to be one in waiting. Wait this is kind of wordie. You go girlfriend, and don't worry what the world thinks, your not making an announcement are you ?

When you feel the need to post an essay about such matters it is more of a problem for you then anyone else

Since we been keeping records women have been nothing but property, now that you have come into your own,men still think you've nothing but eye candy.. That being said, you are still one notch over property. As eye candy men think you still should follow set rules. That being ' what's good for the gander is not good for the goose.'

Therefore independent thinking women are not looked upon with favor.. that being said understand one thing and only one thing. You live your own life no one else

Can do it for you. You make your own mistakes you pay the price. What other folks think should flow off you like water off a duck.. When you look in the mirror you are looking at yourself and no one else. Question Is did I enjoy to the fullest.

Where ever you are.. do nothing else but ENJOY Life there are no reruns.

Coneger

I see no reason at all why a woman shouldn't enjoy sex with as many partners s she feels comfortable without fear or risking society's wrath at her disgusting behaviour.

It is a double standard that has bothered me almost my entire adult life.

My current lady was quick to tell me about the very low number of previous partners she had been involved with and had difficulty understanding my position on the subject.

I DON'T CARE!

She could have been a shivering virgin, had one or two sexual partners or she could have taken on the entire massed bands of the Royal Guards.

Not only is it not my business, it is not my concern. All I care about is that she kept herself safe and that whilst she is with me, she is exclusively with me.

And that is something I do care about.

Thankfully she is a lovely and gorgeous lady with equally strong views about fidelity and with a comparable lack of forgiveness for cheating... And I wouldn't have it any other way.

Yes you are ...but I don't see that as a bad thing or a bad term. The ones that use it as a derogatory term are just jealous like you said. You enjoy your sexuality and that's ok as I see it. I have been with many women over the years and as many as 4 at one time....I consider myself a man whore an I'm ok with it. I've done thing most guys only dream of .... You did miss that most women are more quickly to judge other women for being "whores" faster than any man...most of them are either jealous, hate men or hate themselves because their parents engrained in them that sex is dirty and only "whores" enjoy it yada yada. Keep having fun for as long as can and let the envious talk...I tend to feel sorry for them....they obviously aren't enjoying life as much as we are....Yours a fellow slut.

Whether you're a "slut" or not is neither here nor there. I don't care for the term.

However just fucking as many guys as you can doesn't mean much. Anyone can do that. Doesn't mean it's any good.

You know, it's kinda like your stories: you keep churning out mediocre crap. It's a case of Quantity over Quality, with MAYBE once in a while you stumble on a good story/ a good fuck.

Supposedly, you can get as many guys as you want and can therefore, what, be picky and select "the best?" Doubt it. You're probably fucking any old random dudes all rated 4.17 or less.

A slut is a woman who has sex as often, and with as many different partners, as the man criticizing her behaviour wishes he could.

Personally, I hate the term slut, but then I've also never been a stud as I prefer one woman at a time. Partly due to your reasoning: I realize it's enough work to please one woman without trying to "do" several to stroke my ego.

There's nothing sexier than a confident woman who enjoys sex. Slut to me is such a put down and it's even worse when if a woman calls herself one, in a negative connotation. The one thing I think of with the term slut is someone who doesn't know what STDs she has. If you're clean, go for it!

For a woman who beds multiple men and enjoys it, be hot or sexy, but skip the slut.

Wow, anonymous, you hit the nail right on the head!

Q: What is the difference between a slut and a bitch?

A: A slut will fuck anybody, but a bitch will fuck anybody but you!

I'm sure that relates to your theory somehow.... about envy, and preconceived societal attitudes.

Saying it is just a joke, is fine but I actually had a real life personal experience with this in college. I was a freshman at the same time as a certain Jenn K. We had the same major and crossed paths OFTEN, including at parties and other social functions. Hell, we were even friends. It might not be important, but Jenn was a big girl, (Top heavy, Zoftig, Well endowed, etc.) and she had a very pretty face, and a very outgoing and friendly personality. So, YES she attracted a lot of male attention. It became well known that she would put out, and "dated" ALOT. Over the four years, I watched (and not even from afar) as she made her way through the department, ultimately getting pickier, and choosing more the upper eschelon of our micro-society. It had even been rumored that she had a thing or two with some faculty. This just might prove your point that she was getting what she wanted, and was doing just fine for herself. Alright, so what kind of stock can you put into here-say? No, I saw her in action at many a party, and she was quite open publicly with her boyfriends. So, naturally I wondered..........why not me?

Well, I was probably too geeky, and not as confident. I also was probably a little strange, as I was always into poetry, and had long crazy hair. Sure I dated, but I did better with "low self-esteem" types, as I realistically had low self-esteem myself. But one time, I finally got the courage to ask Jenn out. She had just broken up with someone, but didn't seem too broken up about it, and I asked her if that meant now she had some time to get to know me better. I don't remember word for word, and she WAS nice about it, but.... basically she said, she probably couldn't date me because I was the type to fall too hard in love with her, and she really never had those kind of feelings about ANYBODY. She didn't want to hurt me. OK, at least at the time, that was MY interpretation, and it made me feel somewhat better, but MOSTLY it made me curious. I mean she wasn't a bitch. (That I always defined as a female version of an asshole. Seems: guys are assholes = woman are bitches. Notice I didn't say ALL men nor ALL women. Further described as cocky, mean, selfish, cruel, shallow, vindictive etc.) Still, what was she getting out of these relationships, if it wasn't love? I concluded that she just really must be after the sex. So, for better or worse, she became my idea of the prototypical slut. A woman desiring sex, with no intention towards a lasting emotional commitment.

Well, college was a long time ago, and I met a lot of people, and learned a lot since then. I actually agree with BBL, in his comment that being a slut is fine as a personal choice, UNTIL you are in what is supposed to be a committed relationship. Being a slut should be no excuse for betrayal. Being able to separate sex and love is never an acceptable justification for adultery. I mean, haven't you read enough LW stories to know that? ;)

As for "slut-shaming" and double standards, well....double standards exist. They exist in a variety of different ways. That they exist, isn't meant to excuse treating someone unfairly. But there are plenty of double standards in society. Ones that benefit women, and shame men along side the ones that benefit men and shame women. We should all do our part to the great utopian goal of PURE EQUALITY, right???? But I don't think we'll see it in our lifetime. There are just way too many fucked up people in the world. Meanwhile, there ARE ways to stay on equal footing with the opposite sex, and they all incorporate TOTAL honesty, and good communication of feelings, philosophies, and goals. It IS possible to be in a great relationship, DESPITE the fact that double standards exist and are so deeply rooted in our culture. They simply don't need to play a role in your own personal belief structure, and you have to find a like-minded (or at least OPEN minded) individual to share your time with. But that person deserves respect, if you expect them to trust you. And you both need to remain honest with yourselves so that you can remain honest with each other.

I will never be able to tolerate a person (male or female) who deliberately sets out to hurt someone else, or has so little regard for the feelings of those around them, that they remain oblivious to the damage they cause. In short, MEAN PEOPLE SUCK!!!!!

But then so do sluts, right? So...back to sluts....

Like I hinted, I was a bit of a poet/romantic kind of guy, and I always believed in the concept of true love. I admit always wondering WHY a woman would WANT to be a slut? I think the purpose of your essay is proposing the need for a like-minded women to "claim" the title, not unlike homosexuals who took back "queer" and blacks who took back "nigger". Owning a "slur" with pride lessens its devastating effect? It can only hurt you if you let it, right? But still, the idea of extreme promiscuity still seems a little off. Frankly, I wonder the same about guys! If it is well known that this guy will fuck ANYTHING with three holes and a heartbeat, does that REALLY make women just want to fall over themselves to be another notch in that guy's bedpost? I wonder what is the allure? Does sexual prowess really OVERRULE personality? Overly promiscuous men (studs?) who have to brag, and treat women with little respect are NOT envied (at least not by me). These perpetual bachelors will end up alone and washed up, JUST the same as the lonely spinster "slut" stereotype. The very idea of it negates the ability to find a lasting and enriching healthy relationship. What is the stud/slut to do, when they are at the end of their life, and dying alone? OK, may be that won't happen to YOU, or to the stud, but if so, it will be because at SOME point you made a conscious choice to change and settle down. Hell, even Sam Malone finally settled down and got married. Now did he stay faithful? well........

Last word:

I don't envy so-called "studs", and I don't secretly want to be like them. I was lucky enough to find a "one-man" woman, and I am eternally proud (and grateful) to be her "one-woman" man. And our three kids are growing up proud that BOTH of their parents are still married to each other and we ALL have the same last name! But even before marriage, I never was attracted to "sluts". I might have been fearful of disease, but somehow I knew, that I would never want to marry one. Was it that Jenn taught me something all those years ago? OK, may be it was just the generational brainwashing speaking, that your essay is rallying against. But if I was "conditioned" to think that way, standing by as my friends have broken-up, while my marriage stays strong, leads me to believe that my grandparents, who had well over 50 years invested, really knew what they were talking about.

There was another old saying about "two" types of women. The ones men fuck, and the ones men marry. I ABSOLUTLY agree that it is outdated thinking, that a women should just be content to sit around waiting for prince charming to come along and rescue and provide for her. Any girl who goes to college JUST to get a MRS degree, has not only shortchanged herself, but also her husband AND any potential children. Woman DO need to be strong, and independent free thinking spirits. They need have control over their own sexuality. THAT is what fosters self respect. And sure, it isn't the 1950s or even 60s or 70s anymore, well DUH! In the modern era, a woman has to be so much more than she ever was "supposed" to be before in previous generations. But it is also the same for a man. Both roles have evolved. The world is probably a better place because of it. However, what hasn't changed is the need to be the best person that you can be, for yourself FIRST, so that you can ALSO be that for someone else. THAT is the kind of woman a man wants to marry. As it should also be for a man to strive to be his best for her.

Be a slut, and have fun. But DON'T be a heartbreaker.

Thanks for the wisdom, Jenn............

Hell I am a guy and I see no problem in this. I know a lot of guys who do but it is just pathetic because they sleep with as many women then can and want to be praised for it. I can not stand the double standard that is our society. I applaud your courage for being a sexual person and not affaid of it like a lot are. Thank you for your post I greatly enjoy reading your work.