America's Watching - After the Break

"Mother? There is another question I just have to ask."

Sherry nodded for her daughter to continue.

"How in the hell did you not know America was watching when the show was called 'America's Watching'? I mean...how it that even possible?"

Sherry shook her head and said, "Because I believed everything I was told. I was stupid Lynn. Plain and simple...I was stupid."

She paused and took a deep breath and continued, "What Jake said made sense at the time. Of course I was so caught up in my God damn fantasy that I didn't realize it. When he said that they would never show anything that we were doing it sounded believable. Even when it came to the cable show he said they wouldn't show a married woman having an affair on national TV. I'd never seen it before so it was believable. It wasn't until afterwards I realized the only reason they never showed anyone doing those things was because I was the first to do anything that fucking stupid."

She closed her eyes and a pained expression came over her.

"When I watched those tapes with Dr. Royce I realized just how wrong I was. I understood then how out of touch I was. She told me that I was a born narcissist. Basically I'm the type of person that puts my needs ahead of all others and only looks out for my own self-gratification."

"The doctor figured that out, did she?"

Sherry smiled for a moment, "But it was all on me Lynn, make no mistake that this entire mess was of my own making. Please don't think that anything I said here is an excuse. It's not. I knew better than to do what I did, but I was selfish and greedy thinking could have it all."

Lynn had something that needed to be said. Something she'd been wanting to say for so long.

"You hurt dad so much, mother. The first few years were absolutely horrible. He was depressed almost all of the time and would never even leave his apartment. I was in school and he told me he'd disown me if I went down to Florida to help him. He had no one, mother. You had a choice in doing what you did, but he didn't. Worse yet he had to watch every second of you being seduced by not one, but two assholes. Not to mention what dad called "pillow talk". You remember, admitting to other affairs while the entire fucking country found out with him."

Lynn was breathing hard now as she continued, "It was no picnic for me either, having to watch my mother making out with some guy; sometimes with friends in my room. But for dad...you were the wife he loved. You were his life. Do you know how badly you have to hurt someone before they turn their back on someone they truly love? Do you? Tell me, did you ever love him?"

Then she stopped, not knowing what else to say at the moment.

Sherry's answer shocked Lynn.

"I don't know. I don't know if I was ever in love your father."

Lynn gasped.

"Dr. Royce said she had told your father that maybe I only liked the idea of being married to him and looking back I guess that's possible. I mean, I loved your father, but maybe I was never in love with your father, at least not in the degree he loved me. I'm certainly not proud of it, but it is certainly possible. I mean, how else can I explain all of the stupid things I've done to him?"

"Can you believe that? I had a man as good as your father and I didn't appreciate him enough to be his faithful wife. Funny thing is that part of the reason I cheated was because I thought your father was dull and boring...and now I would give anything to have him back in my life. That too is the narcissist in me coming out. Even though I may not truly love him, I want him back anyway because it's all about me. It's always all about me."

"As for your father being dull and boring, it's just his way and that would be enough for most women. As for him not being around as much as I wanted him to be, there was a good reason for that. He was working hard to give his family a good life and being a great dad for his daughter. But I was too self-centered to see it that way."

"Oh Lynn, you wouldn't believe how many times I considered showing up on your father's doorstep like I did yours today just to tell him face to face how sorry I am."

Lynn's jaw dropped, "You took a chance with me mother, but don't think for a minute that a meeting with dad would be anything other than a disaster."

Sherry looked down to her lap as Lynn continued, "Look mother, he would never do anything to physically hurt you. It's just not in him. But I'm looking out for him. He's scarred more than you can ever imagine and even though he's trying to move on with his life, it's hasn't been easy for him. You showing up to chat isn't going to go over all that well, believe me."

Sherry nodded knowing her daughter was right.

Lynn then asked with more than a hint of trepidation, "Did you ever love me?"

Sherry had not expected her question, but true to her word she answered honestly, "Yes...but as with your dad, probably not as much as I should have. Don't forget I'm narcissistic. Doctor Royce pointed out that I always put my needs ahead of anyone else's. I no doubt did the same with you."

Lynn cocked her head and Sherry could tell she was confused.

"Want an example? You saw the show in its entirety, right?"

Lynn nodded.

"Then you're already aware of the best example of my narcissism. The night of your prom. The night I bowed out and let you father go alone to chaperone and all because I wanted to experience the excitement of sleeping with a neighbor. I did similar things in the past too, not to cheat, but I still put my needs before you or your fathers. And to think, either of you would drop everything if I asked you to do something for me."

Silence.

Lynn eventually asked, "Not sure if I really want to know the answer to this, but have you dated at all? I mean aside from what we all saw on national television!"

Sherry rolled her eyes and said, "I've been out on a few dates here and there, but they all think I'm easy so my nights usually end early." She then quickly added, "Gee...wonder where someone would get the idea I'm easy?"

Lynn smiled thinking her mother had missed her calling and should have been a mind reader.

Lynn change direction a bit and said, "Heard "America's Watching" had some problems. I mean the show."

Sherry laughed a bit, but it was far from jolly.

"Turns out the producers wife, Zack Blevins wife, was cheating on him with a network executive and took him to the cleaners in a divorce. The network dropped him and from what I hear his career sank like the Titanic. He's still in the business, but I heard he was an associate producer of a morning show somewhere in the mid-west."

Lynn nodded, "I saw the show was canceled a couple of years later."

"Yeah. The fans of the show weren't about to accept what happened between a married woman and a couple of single guys. Most were actually appalled. Not being able to turn away from something like that and condoning it turned out to be two totally different things." She then added, "Before this all happened I would have been appalled too. That's not too hypocritical is it?"

"Oh no, not at all...mother."

It was killing Sherry that her daughter hadn't called her mom since before she left the house that fateful morning although she understood why. Yet at this point she welcomed any kind of a relationship with Lynn, so the prim and proper mother title it would have to be.

"You know, I never saw myself bad person while all of this was going on, but I guess it's pretty hard to make that argument now, huh? And don't bother answering, it's a rhetorical question."

Lynn wouldn't have had an answer anyway.

Silence again filled the room.

Finally Lynn said, "Look mother, I don't hate you, at least I don't think I do, but I do hate the things you did. I mean...I would have never in a million years thought you were capable of such treachery. Then we find out that there have been others."

Lynn gathered her thoughts for a moment before adding, "And how many more were there? You claimed on the show there were two others before then, but how many were there really?"

Sherry answered immediately, "There were only the two sweetheart, I swear, but my swearing to it probably doesn't mean a whole lot any more, does it?"

"Honestly...no. But for some crazy reason I do believe you."

Sherry then asked in a concerned tone that her daughter wouldn't have believed existed in her mother just an hour ago, "How is he really dear?"

Lynn took a deep breath and said, "Dad is seeing someone."

"Is she anything like me?"

Lynn expression changed into one of surprise and contempt and said, "Jesus H. Christ, I hope not!"

Sherry felt like crawling into a hole and staying there. But she tried to recover after she realized what she asked, "Oh my God, I didn't mean it that way. I just meant does she look anything like me?"

"No. She's nothing like you. She's actually very nice."

Sherry simply nodded at the less than subtle jab.

Lynn asked, "You didn't think there was a chance between the two of you, did you?"

"No dear, I didn't and I can honestly say I'm happy for him and wish him the best. I knew he would meet someone eventually."

She just sniffled and Lynn could see that hearing her father met someone took a lot out of her mother. She wasn't sure why since she had him all to herself not so long ago and threw him away.

Eventually Sherry said, "Look Lynn, I know I'll never get your father back, but I need to feel some love from part of my family. I crave it"

Lynn could see her mother's fragile body vibrating as she tried to stave off tears.

"I know I don't deserve to be loved and God knows I don't have the right to ask for it, but I need it just the same. I don't expect to be forgiven. That train left the station a long time ago. As for everything being forgotten...not gonna happen, I know that. But I need to feel love. Just a little love."

Sherry paused and looked down to her lap while her daughter just looked at the woman she used to love so much as she bared her soul.

"I'm not evil, I know it seems like I am and if that's what you and your father think, you both have every right in the world to do so. I was stupid. I was arrogant, self-centered and selfish on a level that is totally unforgivable, but I still need a part of my family with me."

Sherry paused for a moment before continuing, "Grandma and Grandpa have been there to help with the baby, but they and your aunt have pretty much kept their distance with me. Six years and things are as strained between us as ever."

"As for everyone else...it's been beyond difficult. I know I brought this on myself, I truly do, but it's difficult to walk into a restaurant or the mall and have people recognize you and point and stare or worse yet, direct a vulgar insult my way and get up and leave. I won't even begin to tell you how many death threats I've had."

Lynn watched her mother's face contort with many different emotions at once, but grief and fear seemed to be leading the way. Grief over losing her daughter once and fear that she would turn her back on her completely.

"I know you're going to want your father around for holidays and such. I completely understood when you invited him to you graduation and wedding and not me. But please Lynn, can you find it in your heart to have some kind of a relationship with me? I need you!"

Despite all that happened, Lynn was taking pity on her mother, but she wasn't about to kiss and make up anytime soon. Her pain ran too deep.

Lynn then relented, "We could give it a try, but we'll have to take it slow. Truth is I'm still pissed off. Not as much as dad of course, but pissed off just the same."

Sherry just nodded. Lynn could see the fear in her mother's eyes that she might be totally rejected. At that moment she feared for her mother's well being.

Lynn looked at her watch and then back to her mother and sighed, "I have to feed Stevie. Would you like to stick around and meet him?"

Sherry broke down, but managed to somehow say, "I'd like that very much."

When they stood up Sherry asked, "The next time you see your father could you please tell him I said hi?"

"Sure...mom."

Sherry cried tears of joy after hearing Lynn call her mom.

She had gone through six years of hell, all deserved; with this being the only bright spot since leaving the show. She was going to see her grandson for the first time and heard her daughter call her mom once again. Things might not work out in the long run and her life was never going to be as it was before, but at least it was something.

As they walked through the house Lynn then asked, "So are you still in the same apartment?"

"Yes. It's just right for the two of us. You know your father was more than gracious with giving me the house and the bank accounts."

Lynn rolled her eyes and said, "Be serious mother. Dad's a great guy and all, but he's not a saint. The only reason he gave up on just about everything he worked so hard for was because you hurt him so badly he actually thought it was worth giving up everything just to get away from you. Let me tell you something, that's a world of hurt, don't you think?"

Sherry nodded not knowing what to say. She knew the reason why Walt gave up everything so easily, but to hear it from her daughter stung.

Lynn picked up her baby and handed it to Sherry who held on for dear life. She could feel little Stevie's unconditional love for her grandmother and she could only hope he would still feel the same way when he gets older and hears the story of his grandmother's sins.

******

Walt hears the door bell and makes his way across the air conditioned living room to the oppressive Florida heat and humidity that awaits on the other side of the front door.

As the door swings inward he sees her standing before him looking just as beautiful as ever. Her smile was almost wider than her face while her knees practically buckled in anticipation. Before Walt could say a word she flung her arms around him as they both held on for dear life; neither wanting to be the first to break the embrace.

Finally they separate and Walt puts his hands on her shoulders to keep her at arm's length and says, "I almost forgot just how beautiful you are."

She rolled her eyes and said, "Come on dad, you just saw me at Christmas"

"I know punkin', but that was almost seven months ago. I'm just so glad you can spend a couple of weeks here. Where's your better half and my favorite grandson?"

"He's getting Stevie in his stroller. I just couldn't wait to see you."

She then looked into his eyes thinking how good it was to see him smile again and said, "By the way, I talked to mother and she says hi."

He paused then said, "Well...tell her I said hi back."

"Really?" Lynn asked while raising an eyebrow.

"Sure. Why not?"

His response surprised her. She had passed the same message on before only to hear him say okay or have him turn away without a word.

Lynn smiled slyly and asked, "So are you trying to say time heal all wounds?"

He brought his head up and replied, "Uh...no. Now if you keep talking about it I'll take back my elaborate return greeting."

He paused for a moment seemingly lost in his thoughts.

"Let's just change the subject sweetie". Then he smiled some and added, "By the way, Karen is going to eat with us tonight. Hope that's alright. I mean I don't want to make dinner too uncomfortable. But you've said that you like Karen so I didn't think there would be a problem..."

Walt just stood there with a goofy smile and Lynn turned her head a bit and asked, "Why are you so happy?" Then she squealed and said, "Oh my God, you asked Karen to marry you, didn't you?"

"How the hell did you get that out of me saying Karen was coming over for dinner?

She hugged him again and squeezed harder than ever, "Because of your big doofus grin. Besides it's a woman thing. You wouldn't understand it. So when did you ask her? Did she say yes? When's the wedding? Did you pick out a ring yet?"

"Slow down will you. For now just save the date for the last weekend in September."

"Oh dad...I'm so happy for you. What made you decide to go for it?"

Still smiling he replied, "She wore me down. Karen's very convincing you know?"

Then he added, "I don't have the right to be this happy punkin'."

As she held on tight she said, "It's been five years since the divorce, daddy. Let it go, just let it go. You have every right to feel this happy. Besides, I hear the second times a charm..."