An Average Fuck

"What's so fucking funny?" I snarled, perturbed that he'd laugh when I was being serious.

"You dumb fuck, you're in love. That's what the feeling is. You probably haven't been fucking her, but making love to her," Jim cackled.

My brain froze. I don't know how long that I was silent but it was long enough for Jim to say "Are you still there Tom?"

"Uh...yeah," I finally answered, though I was still there only physically, not mentally or emotionally.

"You've obviously never been in love before, you dumb bastard. I hope that you haven't blown it with her by acting stupid."

"But...what...about my quest...to find a 10 fuck?" I stammered.

"That is such a dumb quest I thought for sure that by now -- I mean you're twenty seven years old for fuck's sake -- that you'd be past that. Loving is so much more important than fucking that they're not even in the same solar system."

We chatted a while longer, although I don't remember anything that we talked about, then I sat still in my favorite chair with my brain in turmoil. Finally I snapped out of it and called Julie.

"Hi Tom," was her cheery voice when she answered on the second ring.

"Hi yourself cutie," I replied, also in a cheery voice. "Say, when is Nate due back?"

"Sunday afternoon," she replied, "why do you ask?"

"Would it be possible for me to take you to dinner tonight and maybe...uh...maybe cuddle afterwards?"

"Cuddle?" she laughed. "I thought that you had a date with Ashley tonight?"

"Uh...after last night...uh...Ashley may be history."

I called Ashley, lied that I wasn't feeling well, and begged off our date that night.

I picked up Julie about 6:00 p. m., we went to a casual restaurant, and I looked at her closely the entire meal. I could not deny that when I looked at her I felt warm and fuzzy.

We took a leisurely stroll around a pristine lake in a local forest preserve to digest our dinner, holding hands like a couple of teenagers. Then we retired to Julie's house.

After our first coupling that night I knew that Jim was right. I didn't fuck Julie; I made love to her. It was heartwarming, exciting, serene, and gratifying all at the same time. When we separated and stared into each other's eyes I said the three words that I had never said to any woman before (aside from my mom, sister, and grandmothers -- but that was different); "I love you."

The smile on Julie's face was as bright as a Christmas tree. "I love you too, Tom. What are we going to do about it?"

"Tonight we're going to express our love to each other and then in the ensuing weeks we're going to figure that out."

"Sounds like a plan," she said before she started giggling when I started sucking her tits and then my lips clamped on her clitoris.

As I drove home from Julie's house that Sunday morning I jettisoned my fuck evaluation system, concluding that it had been stupid from day one and that I was just too naïve to realize it. I didn't waste any time telling Ashley either. I called her that very day, went to her apartment, and confessed that I was in love with someone else and apologized if I had strung her along.

Ashley made things easy for me by telling me that we didn't have a long term future together, and while the sex was fun she could easily move on. She did try to entice me into one more roll in the hay -- to say goodbye properly -- even taking off her top [she had an exceptional pair of ta-tas]. I was both surprised and pleased that I didn't even hesitate, drool, or kiss a nipple, before declining. I did save her dignity, however, by saying how tempted I was, how awesome she was, and that I'd have to beat my cock down on the way home (none of them true).

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Over the next moth Julie and I saw each other as much as possible. I felt warm and fuzzy around her even when we didn't have sex but just went to some event, rode bicycles, hiked, or shared a milkshake like a pair of teenagers. However when we did have sex it was fabulous. I easily recognized the distinction between fucking and making love and I'd take making love with Julie over any 10 fuck with anyone else.

Julie and I were making plans on how we could break away from our present lives and be together when another strange thing happened. Nate called me into his office for another of his "clandestine" meetings. After locking his office door he said "I think that I have a problem Tom," this time calling me by my preferred nickname rather than "dude."

"What's that?" I queried.

"I think that Julie is having an affair!"

Fortunately -- I don't know how -- I didn't guffaw, laugh, turn red, choke up, or exhibit any type of extreme behavior. Instead I calmly replied "What makes you think that?"

"She seems so happy; she has a glow about her; sometimes she seems to be staring into space; it's just weird."

This time I did laugh. "So, let me get this straight. Because your wife is happy she must be having an affair because she couldn't possibly be happy with you?"

Nate looked at me funny for a few seconds. Then a strange admission; "Well I haven't been the best husband -- I do fuck around a little, but that's because she isn't real wild in bed; but I won't put up with her fucking someone else. I need you to help me out."

"How can I help, Nate?"

"I'm going away with a new piece of ass this weekend, and while I'm gone I want you to monitor Julie's activities. With me gone she's certain to meet up with her lover. You can take photos, find out who it is, and report to me."

"Why don't you hire a PI?"

"Cause they're expensive and you'll do a better job because you're vested in ZTY Inc. and in me personally."

"You think that I'll do that for free?"

"No; look I'll consider Friday night, Saturday, and Sunday until I get back about four p. m. to be the equivalent of six work days. I'll give you comp time for them right now."

My mind was full of devious plans; the one I espoused was a great one. "OK; you do a memo to HR right now -- this very minute -- giving me six days of comp time for work I will be doing this weekend, AND you give me the place that you'll be with your piece of ass and have your phone on at all times."

"Why do you need that?"

"To be sure that Julie doesn't travel to the same place and to be able to report to you quickly -- and maybe even bring information to you right away in case some immediate action needs to be taken," I replied with as sincere a tone as I could possibly muster.

Nate thought for a while and then said "OK." He did the memo to HR and wrote down the name, address, and phone number of the resort he was staying at -- and I found out charging it to ZTY Inc., our employer.

The next day I met Julie at lunch. "Listen honey," I said using one or many terms of endearment I used for her, "I think that we should hire a PI and get the goods on Nate this weekend so that you have proof positive and quickly divorce him. Of course I'll tell him that there is no affair, and I suggest that you stay in my apartment this weekend in case he's having someone else look out for a liaison too. Then I think that I'll provide an anonymous tip to the ZTY board of directors to have an independent accountant review Nate's expenses. I didn't realize that he was charging ZTY for his hookups with bimbos and they won't take kindly to that. When he's fighting that and the divorce we can take off together."

Julie smiled. "I like it."

"Can we go 50-50 on the PI or do you want me to pay for it?" I asked.

"You make the arrangements and initially pay for it but I'll reimburse you for the entire cost," she smiled.

"Are you sure? Do you have the money for it? I know that you only do volunteer work and I don't know how closely Nate manages your finances," I asked/said with concern.

"Not a problem," she replied with a little laugh.

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Normally, you can expect problems with almost any plan; something always seems to happen to screw things up and/or make them difficult. That why it was so surprising that our plan went off without a hitch.

I reported to Nate that Julie stayed in one place the entire weekend and no one came to visit her. I think that technically that may have been true since we spent the entire weekend in my apartment making love as often as was physically possible.

The PI I hired, and that Julie reimbursed me for, was good and sneaky and got all the material that Julie needed to divorce Nate for adultery. She served him with papers the Wednesday after he got back from his latest tryst.

The board of directors of ZTY got an anonymous message about Nate's fraudulent travel expenses and took immediate action. The independent accountant they hired found not only numerous fraudulent expense reports but actual embezzlement. The Board turned over the findings to a local prosecutor and Nate was arrested and, surprising to me, didn't have enough money to post bond. I would have thought that at least he could pledge his mini-mansion for collateral.

As soon as Julie served divorce papers on Nate I asked her to marry me -- the week after the divorce became final. She accepted. We went away for a three day weekend to consummate our engagement and I came back from that the happiest that I had ever been.

Several days after we got back from our long weekend Julie had a surprise for me when I came home -- I was now living in her and Nate's house with Nate in jail. "I have good news, honey," she smiled.

"You're pregnant," I chuckled.

"No, goofy, that has to wait until we're married," she laughed. "The good news is that Nate signed off on the divorce and it will be a quickie. It will be final in thirty days!"

"What?" I excitedly exclaimed. "How did you swing that?"

"Well, Nate is very anxious not to be sent to prison for years, so I went to ZTY and convinced the Board of Directors not to press charges, and I got the prosecutor to agree to let him plead guilty to a misdemeanor and get a 90 day suspended sentence. In exchange Nate agreed to the divorce with a payout to him of only $50,000 and to move at least 500 miles away immediately."

I was shocked. "How in the hell were you able to swing that? He didn't even demand that you sell your house and split the proceeds? And why were the ZTY board and the prosecutor so helpful?" I asked so taken aback that I almost fell over.

"Well..." Julie giggled, "although I never lied to you I didn't tell you something important that even Nate didn't know. A trust that I am the sole beneficiary of is the largest stockholder in ZTY and owns this house outright; I was the biggest donor to the district attorney's last election campaign and she owes me favors besides, and I made ZTY whole for everything that Nate embezzled or cheated them out of."

I stared at her in even more shock than I had before. I think that I mumbled some incoherent things but am not really sure. Julie could see my predicament and gently sat me down on a couch. "Through my trust, and many other holdings, I'm the richest women in our state. I don't work for money because I have no reason to, but I do immensely enjoy volunteering for and anonymously giving money to many worthwhile causes. I hope that doesn't change your mind about marrying me."

She actually said the last statement with a straight face. My inner laughter at that statement caused me to snap out of my dazed state. I grinned wickedly lifted Julie up and carried her upstairs to our bedroom. "I've never knowingly ravished a rich bitch before," I fake sneered as I carried her upstairs ignoring her fake protests. "I'm really going to enjoy this!"

And I did -- more than I can say.