Angela, My Angel

She was still a bit ill, but she was better than the previous day. I told her that I wouldn't be staying too long and she retorted by saying, "Good, I don't want you in my hair for too long", she replied. I laughed heartily as I could tell the spunky Angela I met a few nights ago was back. "Anyway, I want to get an early night so I can decide in the morning whether I'm fit enough to go in to work or not. Would you like a cup of tea or juice or anything?"

"Coffee would be nice", came my reply as I watched her walk to the kitchen. I followed her as she was preparing two cups of coffee. We talked more and had our coffee at the kitchen counter as we'd done the night before with the soup. The conversation was great and flowing, but I tried to be aware of the time.

At 8 I told her it was time to go, and I could see she tried to cover up disappointment at that, but I smiled lightly at her. She walked me to the door and we said our good nights. As I walked to the car I could tell she hadn't closed the door, so I turned around, stopped for a second and lifted a hand and bowed my head a little, then carried on with my way.

When I was in bed I sent her a quick text letting her know I was at home and wishing her sweet dreams. She replied with a "Likewise, xo". That night I slept with a happiness in my heart again, and I couldn't wait til I talked to her again.

The next morning after my meditation, which was filled with thoughts and visions of Angela, I hopped into the shower with a tune in my head. I remembered she had said she might go to work if she was feeling better today, and made a mental note to text her after my shower. She texted back saying she was feeling great and she'd be working, wishing me a great day. I smiled at that as I got ready.

When 9 a.m. rolled around I went to sit with Talia as she had a radio. I asked her to tune it to Angela's show, and we listened as she and her co-host were entertaining their listeners. It was a great show and I made a mental note to buy myself one of these small alarm radios to keep at my desk so I can listen to her show whenever I could. After her show I sent her a text telling her that I'd listened and it was a great show. I then asked if she would like to get together some time during the weekend if she had time.

I put my phone down and carried on with my work. Later when I picked my phone up to call a client I realized Angela had replied saying it would be great but she was feeling like staying in. She'd be working on Saturday morning but in the afternoon she'd be free. We made plans for her to come to my place around midday for a day in watching movies on the couch.

She arrived an hour later than the scheduled time, but I wasn't pissed at her cause she'd kept me updated about her time. Besides it gave me time to go to the video store. I got quite a lot of movies, not exactly what she'd like to watch - 2 comedies, a horror, a thriller/suspense, an action movie, a drama and a super-hero movie. We also had the option of Box-Office if none were to her taste, and if that still didn't tickle her fancy, that would be the perfect time to get on Netflix.

When she arrived I asked her how work had been as I poured her and me a glass of Appletiser. I heard her settle down on the couch as she told me how amazing it was, and when I walked into the lounge she started relaying the stories of these amazing women she'd heard. She was hosting a New Year woman-empowerment breakfast which sounded like how she described it - amazing. When she was done I suggested she unwind and let her know of the numerous options for a movie. She laughed a deep laugh which came from the pit of her stomach as she said "suck up much?"

I became a bit defensive cause I knew it was true but I didn't want her calling me out on it, nor did I appreciate the term she chose to use - I just liked seeing people I care about being happy, and I realized at that point how much I had come to care for her. Ok I knew that I cared for her, but it knocked me off my feet when I realized the extent of it. I then decided to be forthright about my feelings with her. "It's just, when I care about a person I wanna make sure that they are happy, and I realize that I care for you and I want you to be happy, that's all."

She smiled with a "Ncooh that's so sweet. I feel so special right now."

"Well you are special", I responded, and I saw her blush. At that point I knew that she liked me, regardless of what she said, but I didn't push anything further. I just asked if she'd made a decision and she handed me the box of the horror movie.

As much as I was the one who chose the movie, I couldn't help but ask "Really? You wanna watch this one? Out of all the options?" as we both chuckled while I inserted it into the PlayStation. "I'll be right back, making popcorn" as I headed toward the kitchen to microwave the popcorn. I took the Appletiser out the fridge and when the popcorn was ready, put it into a bowl.

I settled down next to her and she started playing the movie. "How sweet of you to wait for me", I said with a huge grin on my face while pouring us a drink.

She replied, "Don't be too pleased with yourself, I just didn't want you to make me start all over again".

"Smart mouth", came my retort, which was met with a playful slap on my arm. At that moment I looked at her and felt so content, with myself, her and my life.

When the movie ended I told her it wasn't as bad as I'd expected it to be cause I'm not a fan of horror movies, especially ones with possession in them. She laughed and said she figured after my reaction at her choice. I asked her what she'd like for lunch so I can order on Uber Eats. She just said surprise me, which I did when the food arrived - pizza. She said she did guess that I like pizza, but thought I'd want to impress her and so not order pizza. We laughed at that confession and I told her that I do wanna impress her, and that the pizza is really impressive.

I grabbed some plates from the kitchen, gave her one and the pizza box so she could help herself. As it was a half-and-half pizza she grabbed one of each flavor, as did I before I sat down but not before topping our drinks up. We watched the drama next and when it ended I was trying very hard to hold back my tears.

We talked a bit after the movie and ate more of the pizza and had more drinks. I was having a great time til I glanced at my watch, realizing how late it was. I asked her what time she planned on leaving and she said there's time for one more movie. We chose a comedy this time around, and we laughed a lot during the movie. It was a special sound to me when she laughed, and I couldn't help but feel happy whenever I heard her laugh.

At that moment I wanted nothing more than the best life filled with happiness and laughter for her. I realized that I was starting to fall for her, which wasn't at all surprising to me.

After the movie we chatted some more about our goals for the year ahead, and I must say, I could feel myself admiring her. It was 9 p.m. when she got into her car, and I offered to follow her in my car since it was so late. She rubbished my offer and said she'd let me know when she got home. I gave up and stepped away from the car, and she smiled at me before pulling out of the driveway and driving off.

A couple of months went by with us talking to each other daily, three to four times a day, and getting together whenever we could, doing anything we thought we'd enjoy doing together. Sometimes it was the typical stuff - movies, lunch, dinner, in private at home or in public commercial places. As with all relationships, ours had ups and downs, but we'd promised to communicate honestly and openly with each other, so we were able to build a strong bond.

About 6 months into our friendship I decided to open up to her about my feelings. We were at my place, and I was preparing an early dinner for us as she sat on the counter, talking and watching me cook. I felt like I wanted what we had at that moment, and I wanted it to last for a long time, so I started. "Ah hem", as I cleared my throat, "You know, I'm so happy right now, I wouldn't change anything about this moment or the past six months since we met." She looked at me with a look that said get to the point, she didn't like it when I beat around the bush with her, which I did often when I was nervous, and right now I was a nervous rack, so I went straight to the point.

"I like you. I like you very much. When I saw you on stage at the New Years Eve festival, I was mesmerized by you, and when you moved and talked into the mic it was so hypnotic to me. You had your guard up that night, and I don't know whether the flu softened you up, or you felt at ease after the party, but I sensed you started putting your guard down. I hope we can continue building this relationship, but I'd like it to be more than just a friendship." She looked at me with a face that didn't reveal how she was feeling, then she looked down and I thought to myself that it isn't a good sign.

I took out plates and started plating our supper and said as I did that, "I'm not expecting an answer from you right now. If you need time you can think about it, take as long as you need. I'm not going to rush you into anything, or even ask of you something you're uncomfortable with."

She looked up at me looking at her and said, "Thank you." I smiled at her, still genuinely happy with that moment. We went to sit and have our dinner with a glass of wine and light conversation. She still had to drive back home so we had only one glass each.

She texted me when she arrived. I texted her back wishing her a goodnight and restful Sunday and dozed off to sleep soon after. The following day she called and asked if I could come over, which I told her I would. Three hours later I was walking up to her front door and she met me at the door. I'd met her family before and they were pleasant, so being in her home didn't seem to be a big deal to me.

She greeted me with a hug which was pretty common with us, one that I returned by stretching my heart around her in an embrace more than I did my arms, and I felt love all over again. We walked inside and she told me I'd just missed everyone, they'd gone to church already. She asked if I'd like a drink and she poured us cranberry juice. We sat at the kitchen counter and she asked how I was doing. My reply, "Honestly? I'm in love with you, and I don't wanna mess anything up between us, but I feel like not telling you this would be me messing things up by keeping a secret from you. Besides, we vowed to be honest and open. I liked you instantly, but I must say it was more lust than anything. But I wanted more with you than just that. And I don't regret a single choice I've made since then concerning our friendship."

She sighed and reached out for my hands. She looked at me for a while and I looked back til she finally broke the spell by saying, "Well, I've had problems with my sexual orientation and sexual preferences. I like girls, really like girls, but my parents busted me making out with a girl and the aftermath of it was one of the most hurtful things that happened in my life. When I went to varsity two years later I carried on seeing girls as I liked, but after I came back and broke up with the girl I was with, I decided to just try things out with a guy.

There was a guy who'd been trying to get into my life for about a year, and I eventually gave in to him. I didn't like him initially, but thought to myself what's there to lose? I started liking him a few months into it, but after a while it all stopped and was replaced with feelings of dislike, if I may put it that way. I told him that I don't love him, but not in so many words. He asked many questions, one of which was, 'You say your heart is not in this, where is it?' I thought about it and to me it felt like it was dormant and I told him that. He asked me to give it more time and see if I developed feelings for him.

I reluctantly agreed, but as time went on I started feeling a minor resentment for him. I couldn't even take it when we kissed, I just wanted it to end as soon as it started. Not to mention the sex, it was not as big of a deal as people made it out to be, at least not for me. And afterwards I'd just want to get as far away from him as possible.

I broke up with him about a week before the festival when we met, and we've hardly talked after that. My mom knows of him. Two weeks before I broke things off she asked me who I was seeing. I told her of him - name, where he works and where he's from. He's actually from around here. Anyway, I think she thinks I'm still with him.

So you see, it's quite a mess for me. But if I'm being honest too, I must say I like you too. You really caught my attention when you made the toast after I got off stage that first night. I saw a kind, considerate, attentive person standing in front of me. That's why I gave you my number and let you come over a few days later to cook me soup. I started liking you. But I couldn't let myself fall for you. It is difficult just being your friend, but I don't want to mess it up either by trying to be more only so that I can lose you to this mess I'm in right now."

I was taken aback by her confession. She felt the same way I did, but she feared to take it further for more reasons than me. I took a minute to gather my thoughts and said as I wrapped my hands around hers, "I understand that you're scared and unsure. Take the time you need to think things through, and when you're ready we can have this conversation again - no pressure from me. Until then we can carry on as friends. Friends who are in love with each other, but friends nonetheless", and I smiled reassuringly to her.

She looked at me and wondered out aloud "How am I this blessed? This fortunate?" I brought her hands to my lips and kissed them, though I yearned for it to be her lips that I was kissing.

The next day on their show I heard her co-presenter expressing concern for the fact that they'd never had a discussion about the queer/LGBTI community on their show before, and said fortunately today was the day for that. I wondered what brought on the idea of having this discussion, but listened to the show. The conversations the callers brought in to the discussion were quite an eye-opening experience.

From hate-speech to near rapes and stories of corrective rapes and assaults, to stories of acceptance within their families and friends to partnerships and plans of marriage as same-sex marriages are now recognized in this country. It was gut-wrenching at times and heart-warming at others, but it was all the reality of being queer in this country.

After the show called to ask if she was alright, and she said she's doing ok, she just shared the same sentiments I had about the show.

Later that night when we were on the phone she told me she'd decided to move out of home and she'd already told her parents. They tried to persuade her but her mind was already made up, and knowing her, she's as stubborn as they come - nothing would've changed her mind. I offered to help her move, and she said she'd like that and her brothers would be helping too.

That weekend we helped her move to her new place, all the way across town. It was a beautiful apartment on the fourth floor, overlooking an expanse part of the city. I'm a person who likes views, and I was impressed. I told her I could only imagine what the view must be like at night, and she said, "Keep imagining". Her brothers and I could only laugh at that as we helped her unpack and put most of the things away.

She ordered some lunch as we worked on her apartment, and when it came it was time for a break. While we were eating Angela told us that she'd let her parents know that she's met someone she loves, and it's a woman, but quickly walked out before they could say anything. Her brothers were astonished that she'd dropped the bomb on them like that and left. She said she wasn't going to be able to handle the aftermath, and she left it for her little brother to deal with it when he returned home that evening. He protested and asked his older brother if he could sleep at his place. The older brother agreed, and everybody got back to work.

I wondered why they hadn't questioned Angela more on this woman, and when I later told Angela after they'd left, Angela said it's because they already knew who the woman is. It was already late and I had to drive back to my place, but Angela asked me to stay, giving me quite a good argument. She prepared a quick dinner, grilled cheese sandwich and we carried on with the conversation we'd put on hold.

She told me that she was now ready to take our friendship further and see what comes of it. I held her hands and kissed them. She came closer to me and gave me a peck on the lips. In that brief second, I could feel my heart beat faster and my body get warmer as I had a blood-rush. We looked into each other eyes, and I leaned in again, eyes closed and lips accepting of hers. She met my lips with her eyes closed too and the second kiss was more heartfelt, and as with the hug the other time, I felt my heart stretch itself around her in a tight, grateful embrace.

When the kissed ended we both decided it was time for bed, and the rest of the work could wait til the following day. We fell asleep in her room that night, after a long conversation filled with laughter and kisses. It felt so right that all the wrongs going on in my life at that point no longer mattered. Whenever she'd shuffle during the night, I'd be stirred from my sleep to reality, and a reminder of the happiness that had found me.

When morning came I woke up for my meditation while she slept, after which I made breakfast for us. She woke up as I sat on the bed with the breakfast at hand. After she sat up I kissed her good morning and passed her a bowl of oats and bowl of fruit. We ate in a comfortable silence, glancing at each other now and then, unable to help our smiles. When breakfast was done I told her to hop in the shower while I washed up the dishes. When she was done I was next, and walked out of the en suite to find she had put out a change of her clothes for me. I appreciated it and got dressed.

We carried on unpacking the boxes and put everything away, and when noon rolled around we were about done. We made plans for lunch, which was to order in and just have a chat. By the time the food got delivered we were finished and just talking about how she would decorate her apartment, but that was something she would do in the next few months.

After her confession yesterday, I decided to do a little confessing myself, and so I began. "As far as I can remember I've always liked girls. And growing up I was always shy and very sensitive, so I'd do the liking from a distance. I may seem like I'm confident now, but that shy, uncertain part of me still lives.

When I pursued you at the festival it was because I told myself I have nothing to lose, but something greater to gain. It's how I live my life now, if I want something and I've got nothing to lose, I go all in for it.

Anyway, part of me felt like leaving you to your job, but I couldn't let myself, but everything I did just felt so natural to me. Everything still feels so natural, like I don't have to think about anything. I am drawn to you by some invisible but very magnetic or powerful force. I've had terrible experiences in my love life before and it sucked like hell when they came to an end, but I want to be with you more than anything. I've told my parents about you."

She raised her eyebrows in shock. "Yea, remember when I went to visit them 2 weeks ago? They hope that things can work out between us".

She smiled at me, leaned in closer and whispered, "I also hope things work between us" before planting a kiss on my lips. I met her lips with equal fervor and heard a moan escape from my throat. I heard the same from here, and at that moment I knew she wanted me as much as I wanted her. I regrettably pulled away from her, opening my eyes to say, "I want you so bad right now. I'm certain you want me too," she chuckled, and I carried on to say, "but I don't want to pressure you into anything. If you want to stop or feel uncomfortable at a certain point, just let me know and we'll stop. Agreed?"