Anna Konda 02

Anna Konda 02

Hey people, hey, it's me, Anna Konda and a few things have happened since I told you all how I became to have the name Anna Konda over Andi. And some of those things were good and some of those things were iffy and some of those things have been said to be good, but I haven't settled on all that just yet.

So, looking back with what was revealed as "butt and thigh gap pumping" sex with Ethan is just about a thing of the past. I mean, somehow, we were outed with proof positive and the shame, on the surface, was hard for Ethan to take. I mean, behind the scenes the high fives were flying around everywhere and plenty of lurkers on Chang want to be the next Ethan, but the reveal was a blow to me and my fragile ego, so I have been laying back a bit. I mean, I am thinking about how to make it seem like I'm all caught up in a "rebound" situation, but I'm in now hurry for that just yet.

However, just between us, I do smile every time I see someone has reposted the proof positive of our outing and reading how I am the king, well, the queen, ugh, the queer of "butt and thigh gap pumping" sex and all, so. Anyways, that's good and that's bad all rolled up in one, I guess.

Another thing that has happened since is my old friend Nathan and how he had begun hanging out with me more, but Nathan is still just a side story, so he'll float in and out of this as required. I mean, most of the time I wish he would just float away, but the river of life just keeps bringing him back to my shore line, right, wrong or indifferent.

Now, the other thing that has happened is questionable, but somewhere down the road, I might view it as a better thing to happen to me, LOL, I fricking hope! Mollie Maye, right? Since that chilly and damp night camping out in the grassy field, we have become a lot closer. Even after just one admission of the weird thing that Ethan and I were doing, which you might remember, she calls "ewe, how does that even work and if you're going to dress like a girl then why don't you just take it a like girl, but oh, by the way, I'm glad that you don't take it all the way because, ewe" or something along those lines. It's a difficult and long link to follow, so just take my word for it.

Oh, and um, huh, Mollie Maye has become a part time crasher at my place, so.

"So, how do I look, Anna Konda?"

I mean, I may wear the wrong type of clothes and makeup, but I'm still a guy deep down inside, so when Mollie Maye throws out open ended questions like that, I always have the perfect response and I don't hold back.

"You look like you could be going to a PTA meeting instead of the Middleton Business Woman's Expo social, Mollie Maye, so you could afford to lose one more button, roomie."

"Yeah, right and losing one more button is why some girls have babies that make it so there are PTA meetings in their future. Anyways, are you going to make something light for us girls to eat before we attend the Middleton Women's Business Expo convention tonight? I mean, I smell some stuff, right, Anna Konda?"

"Well, I'll have a platter of crab cakes and a pot of creamy chicken pasta alfredo and bread sticks, but the bread sticks are just the frozen types. Everything will be ready at 6pm because I know the event opens at 7pm."

"Hmmm, crab cakes, huh? You know, Anna Konda, as roomies we can talk about stuff, like if you're getting all confused and maybe crushing on my sister Dana a little? Mm-mmm? I mean, with Ethan being out of the picture now and all, so??? Oh, and my thoughts that you have a secret crush on my sister is why we didn't have sex in your tent that night. Well, that was one of the reasons, so."

Oh, no, folks, just because Mollie Maye throws out the word roomie, well, as I said, she just crashes at my place once in a while. I mean, her Coffee Shop is closer to my place in Middleton then to her place and the woman puts in the hours at work, so. Plus, I mean, from the last chapter, right? The woman made out with me and all, so.

"I'm just making crab cakes as a second choice, that's all. Um, I guess I'll try to keep Nathan away from you tonight, Mollie Maye if he shows up here before you girls blaze out. And by the way, Nathan will be here before you girls blaze out and all, so."

"Ooh, um, Anna Konda, I may have over reacted with your friend Nathan a couple of weeks ago. I mean, one thing every girl on the planet learns at an early age is how to deal with being creeped on, so I should be a little more forgiving to your friend. I mean, I broke his finger and all, so let's just call a tie and move on."

"What? That little prick told everyone that he smashed his finger in his garage! I mean, how did I not know that if that happened inside of my house, Mollie Maye?"

"Well, my sweet little fem boy roomie cutie, you were a just little busy breaking things off with Ethan in your bedroom after being outed when Nathan came over that day and you know, I had to cover for you so he didn't figure out that Ethan was been pumping between your butt cheeks like forever, so I tried my best to distract Nathan and then SOB, that little weasel almost talked me out of my sweat pants, but luckily, I snapped back to it at the last second and that's when I snapped his index finger like a boss, but then I felt bad about it later and all, so. Anyways, like I just said, as roomies we can talk about stuff and all and by the way, I mean, I don't know who outed the two of you, but they deserve a $100 reward! I mean, it's just freaky, Anna Konda! Well, it was freaky, but enough about all that for now. So?"

"Ugh, I hate it when people just look at me and say "so" with a question mark like I know what the hell the question is and all, so???"

"Well, for starters, Dana would probably be happy to go to the Cantina with you tomorrow night and I'm guessing that there wouldn't be any argument over the dress code and damn it, Anna Konda, am I officially your roomie now or not? And "not" is simply just the wrong answer, so? I mean, half of my work aprons are here anyways, so."

Yeah, I knew that was coming sooner or later, but like I just said, I always have the perfect come back answer ready to go.

"Well, I mean, ah, well, I mean, um, oh, well, I mean."

Fine, sometimes the quick answers just don't come to me in time.

"I mean, we just were talking about how the snack dinner will be ready at 6pm sharp, Mollie Maye and now you're side-tracking things, roomie."

Oh, shoot, that word was a slip of my tongue, but it's like she hypnotized me into with how often she throws the word out there and all, so.

"Alright, Anna Konda, we'll just go with that then, so are things official now?"

Oh, if there was ever a time to change the subject, right folks?

"Dinner will be on the kitchen table at 6pm sharp then!"

"Cool, roomie, but I have more thoughts about what you and Dana may talk about and al...."

"6pm Sharp, I say, Mollie Maye!"

I mean, sometimes you just have to get firm with people when they just keep rambling on and on about things, right? Besides, I had food to prepare and doors to answer, apparently. And answering the door for Nathan doesn't count for anything. He's happy sitting on the couch, pretending to play a video and gawking.

"Well, hello, Anna Konda (mwah), hmmm, do I detect the faint aroma of crab cakes?"

"Um, well, I know how you love them so much and all, Dana, so."

"LOL, I am truly blessed to be loved by someone like you Anna Konda, but what's with your friend wearing what look like hockey gloves? I mean, is he afraid of breaking a finger or something?"

"Oh, um, Nathan, well, he's an idiot and he thought that if he came over early enough that he might get a peek at Mollie Maye in the shower or you know, see you girls having a pre-expo pillow fight and all, so."

"LOL, and you are not so blessed for having such nerdy and weird friends, Anna Konda, but whatever."

And I watched my manners with Dana because Merri came over with her too.

"Um, hello Merri, you're looking amazing tonight as usual and um, Mollie Maye is in her bedroom just finishing up with her makeup and all, so. Which isn't officially her bedroom and all, so."

"Well, hello to you too, Anna Konda and I'll take that as a hint that you would like a few moments alone with your secret crush Dana, but I swear, Anna Konda, one of these days you have to explain to me how all this works! I mean, there was that freaky thing going on between you and Ethan before you were outed by an unknown person and then you drool over Dana and then you hang out down at the cantina looking prettier than a boy should look and it's all very confusing to me Anna Konda, very confusing I say and I'm going to need answers on the days, ooh, is that chicken alfredo I smell?"

I mean, it works every time, right? I mean, if you need to shut someone up, shove food in their mouth!

"LOL, I'll eat with Merri, Anna Konda, but please, please, please tell me that you're not dressed in such short shorts for that little freak on the couch who apparently thinks that by wearing hockey gloves that we can't notice that he's rubbing himself? I mean, please tell me true, Anna Konda?"

"Oh, Dana, no, no, no, there is no accounting for the nerdy and freaky things that Nathan does, but don't worry, I have a secret solution for that. I mean, just after you eat, you know, just give Merri a slight back rub over where her bra clasp would be located and he'll run out of my house quick! And I'm going to the pipeline hang-out for a while tonight, so."

And yep, it works every time! Dana gave a Merri a slight brush across the back and Nathan and his hockey gloves were out of the door. And better yet, as Dana, Merri and Mollie Maye were laughing it off, LOL, Merri mentioned that she actually wearing a front clasp bra! I mean, LOL, Nathan would have had a heart attack, right?

"Dana, I mean, you guys are almost ready to leave and all, so, um, um, I like eye studs when I hang out at the pipeline spot and all, so?"

"Huh, nice move slick. I always wondered how you would get me into your fortress of a bedroom and I guess you win this time, but don't you like it when things are a tie, Anna Konda?"

LOL, it works every time! Well, I only tried it once, but it worked once, so hah, it works every time!

"Well, I thought it might be somewhat of a tie if you stud my eyes tonight and then I take you to the Cantina tomorrow night and I will go as Andy if you like, so?"

"Oh, no, no, no, that would be too much like girlfriend and boyfriend stuff, so Anna Konda will be just fine. But keep that girlfriend and boyfriend stuff floating around in your head just in case you decide to switch back, so mwah, let's go stud your eyes, sweetie."

Well, I want to say that again, it works every time, but Dana was actually the first person to ever help me with my eye makeup and the first one to ever mention those girlfriend and boyfriend words, so.

But then, LOL, just like that, I was home alone. I mean, the girls were off socializing with the other businesswomen at the Civic center and the word is that Nathan has this thing about, well, the word is that he carries a six-shot repeater and all, so I took my black tights and Denim shorts to the pipeline hang out spot.

"Hey Hailey."

"Oh, hey Anna Konda, um, I'm actually surprised to see you here so soon after being outed by some unknown source, who by the way, should be given a $100 reward."

"I mean, I mean, I'm still technically secure and all, so why don't people talk about that, Hailey?"

"Oh, so you don't know how the grapevine works then? Fake sex is boring. Anyways, I'm really quite happy about things with you and all, but I still think that someone deserves a $100 reward, so."

"Anyways, who is here tonight?"

"Well, here's the thing about all that. Just about everyone is here, but the list of guys who are thinking of you as on the "rebound" is growing, so wandering around too much tonight might not go in your favor and I can guarantee you that it will not be a tie, so."

"Oh, so, um, wow, look at all those eyes that seem to glow red in the dark and all, so?"

"Well, Anna Konda, I'm hungry and you need to leave the spot to avoid a gang date thing, so?"

I mean, being outed is one thing and owing someone a $100 reward for outing me is another thing, but five guys and one CD who carries quite the figure, well like I said earlier, I was in no hurry to make any such "on the rebound" statements, right?

But here's the thing about Hailey being hungry. It takes like five stops at five different places to take care of that because it's just not food. It's like "while we are out", am I right? Not to mention that she preferred it if I stayed in my truck while she scurried about inside of five different places.

Not that it was all that bad sitting alone in my truck under the bright lights. I mean, with the shorts I was wearing that night pretty much kept me out of the bright lights and all anyways, so.

Beep.

"Hey, Anna Konda, what's up and why are you sitting the store's parking lot alone looking so sad?"

"Oh, hey, Brent, ah, you know, Hailey's in the store buying cigarettes and scratch offs while I get to sit out here and cry the blues about why I'm the bad guy for trying to be in a secret relationship and all, so the usual. Oh, and I'm sitting here trying to figure out why I have to be on the rebound too."

"Yeah, um, about that, um someone should get a $100 reward for outing you and Ethan, but listen, I'm not trying to be rude or anything, but that's one amazing body you have there, even if half of it was hidden from being smashed into the mattress and all, so."

"Well, that almost helps, Brent, but still, I mean, why am I the bad guy and all?"

"Well Anna Konda, that's just the way it goes. The CD is never going to get the benefit of the doubt, but the guy is going to all kinds of high fives for slamming such a fine piece. Anyways, why don't you jump into my SUV and we'll cruise around for a while?"

"(Giggle) that's a bad idea for two reasons, one reason is in the store and the other reason is that I dressed for the dark pipeline spot and all, so. Oh, wait, the third reason is that you just said "jump" and that's too close to sounding like "pump" and I've been labeled as the queen of the pumping, so."

"(More like queer of the butt pumping). Screech!"

I mean, that was my new life since being outed. Jump in my SUV or jump in my bed face down or jump on my lap and we'll lie to people about the way things happened and on and on and on.

Beep.

"Anna Konda, is that you?"

"Sorry Charley, but I only answer "thigh gap queen" now, so."

"Yeah, about that, I mean, someone should really get a $100 reward or something for all that, but listen, I mean, um, do you want to hop in my truck and ah, well, would you like to go to the turn around and make out for a while? And answering quickly before someone sees us talking."

"Is that a trick, Charley? Well, it doesn't matter. I'm not leaving my truck with Hailey and I shouldn't step out in the open in these shorts, so."

I mean, the turn-around is designated strictly for necking and nothing more, but we all know how people love to challenge the rules and all, but with my rep being so freshly tarnished, I wasn't up to risking a few minutes of lip exchanges for a signed autograph photo of my now famous outing series that is still floating around on Chang.

"Alright, well, I didn't hear you say "no" to the turn-around, so I pull my truck sideways so you have a quick way to get in and Hailey won't trash your truck. She kind of needs and uses you, you know."

"I mean, I just texted Hailey and she just texted me back and you have to confess if you have condoms in your truck or not, so."

"I mean, duh, but what the hell, Anna Konda? We live in Middleton. I mean, don't you read the stories about life in Middleton? Everyone in this town carries condoms on them at all times, I mean, geez."

"Well, I have pepper spray and I'm not afraid to use it and all Charley, so."

"That's breath spray and we need that too, so."

Well, I didn't want to be known as the outed loser who had a second vehicle squeal his wheels as a way to get away, so.

"Key FOB, please, Anna Konda."

"Oh, you snuck up on me, Hailey. I mean, Charley is this close to revving his engine and screeching away, so."

I mean, most people argue, I mean talk things out verbally, right? Well, Hailey preferred a more hands on approach to the pending issue.

"Well, think of it as me running sight blocker for you and damn it, Anna Konda, it wouldn't kill you to wear slightly more appropriate shorts! I mean, if you have something, well, it would be hanging out for Pete's sakes and I literally mean that Pete wants to know something personal about what you may or may not have!"

"Well, you brought me to bright lights of Broadway and all, so. And you can stop feeling around while you walk me to Charley's truck."

"Well, I couldn't make a good assessment last weekend and I'm happy to report that I'm giving you a little more credit now, um, just don't give Charley any extra credit tonight. There you Charley, he's all yours and the clock is running, so."

"Oh, wait, um, Hailey, did you need a little coin?"

That look that some people have, right? It clearly says that was the first thing she took care of, but she is really good at making assessments, so.

Anyways, LOL, Charley squealed his wheels as he pulled us out of the store's parking, so technically, LOL, I still had two "squealing tires" for the night.

"No, Charley, I'm already straddling your lap while we lock lips and this is good enough, so my shorts can just stay on."

"Ow, ug, um, hm, ow, ow, hg, hg, oh, oh, but you have those stretchy pants on all, Anna Konda, so, ow, um, hg, hg, um, ow, ah, ha, ow."

"Just because I'm labeled as a butt slut whore now, ug, um, hm, ow, ow, hg, hg, oh, it doesn't mean that I put out. It was all fake, you know, ug, um, hm, ow, ow, hg, hg, um, um. But you can grind upwards all you want to."

"Ow, ug, um, hm, ow, ow, hg, hg, oh, just a poke or two, Anna Konda, just a little pokey poke, ug, um, hm, ow, ow, hg, ow, ow, ow."

"There's no such thing as ug, um, hm, ow, ow, hg, ooh, oh, um, ow, there's such thing a single pokey poke, Charley, ha, ha, uh, uh, uh, ug, um, hm, ow, ow, hg."

"But you're grinding back, ug, um, hm, ow, ow, hg, Anna Konda, uh, uh, ha, ha, ow, ow."

"I never said that I wasn't worked up, ug, um, hm, ow, ow, hg, ha, ham uh, uh, Charley, I just said that I'm reformed, that's all."

"Well, the way ug, um, hm, ow, ow, hg, ha, uh, uh, gm, gm, mg, mg, the way I feel things Anna Konda, our forms mesh together pretty good right now and all, so brr, brr, ha, uh, uh, gm, ah, uh."

"Take the tease and deal with it, Charley, ow, ug, um, hm, ow, ow, hg, hg, oh, oh, ow, um, hg, hg, um, ow, ah, ha, ow. Or take me back."

Oh, well, Charley managed to use the tease and grinding to his benefit and then he took me back to the store parking lot, which of course was empty of my truck.

"Charley, I would appreciate a ride home and I'd appreciate it if we could keep this just between us. I have enough of a fight on my hands these days, so."

"Oh, believe me Anna Konda, I have absolutely no intentions of boasting on Chang that I spilled my nut for Miss. Wonder Thighs while my pants stay on, so."

"Ah come on, Charley, I mean, the struggles are real and there's always that "blew a nut anyways" thing, right?"

"Oh, which basically boils down to I have to head home now because of the condition of my jeans! But, yes, I'm glad we had a few minutes together and you're a pretty good kisser and all, so."

"So, we call it a tie and we call the turn-around as our thing then, Charley?"

"OMG, you and your freaking ties! I mean, at least shift my gears while I drive you home, Anna Konda."