Annie's Song

ANNIE'S SONG

I know, I signed off and said forget about it. The insults, the mockery, and the comment tool to improve content destroyed my interest in writing. But, like my second piece, I heard another oldie on the radio. I don't think I'd heard any John Denver song on the radio in 10 years. It was Annie's Song. It moved me and caused me to open Microsoft Word. Five hours later, I was here writing an introduction. So, here is my tribute to my Annie (not her name) but she's a real woman who helped me regain a sense of worth. The story is entirely fiction, built around a kind human being who is still married to her Bubba -- the rest was my imagination. Only a couple of references to sex in this story -- it's about learning to love in your 60's. Bear with it, it is long, but I hope you'll feel better when you reach the second half.

Please save the comments that it's too long. Yes, it is! I felt every one of them. I should have sought an editor, but I just went with the WORD edit function. My mistake if I've missed the need for changes.

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It's me -- Numbnutz -- a somewhat less than affectionate nickname given me by my father in my youth. Oh, it wasn't the only nickname I had, 'knucklehead' and another loving name -- Stupid! Don't get me wrong -- my parents loved me, and me being the first borne son, I gathered a lot more attention that the other 4 kids in my family. Most of it was good, some not so good, and a few times downright awful.

I remember one event like it happened yesterday. I misbehaved in 2^nd grade and was given a punishment assignment -- I had to write out the alphabet 24 times on 3-hole paper. When my dad questioned what I was doing, I lied and told him that everyone in the class had to do it. Our neighbor's son was in my class, so Dad called him and asked about the punishment. He said, "what punishment". This was back in the fifties and my ass was beaten for almost 15 minutes when my mother -- always afraid of my father, pulled him off me saying "you're killing him -- STOP". It took another five minutes to calm him down. Turns out, it was part of a long history of me not hearing the instructions correctly. I was 7 years old and had spent four hours writing letters when the teacher wanted me to improve writing letters properly.

My father is long since departed and while he was my coach in sports, we stopped connecting emotionally in my teen years and any response to him was out of fear, rather than out of love for my dad. Why am I writing this? Because I'm dying -- but I'm now ready to accept my mortality! Why now, because the past 10 years have been the happiest of my life! How did I start to enjoy my life? I thought it was because I dumped the wife of 30 years, then worked to find the real me while living alone, and ultimately learning to enjoy each moment of life. No, I didn't do that by myself. I met someone who taught me what it was like to commit to a life -- body, mind, soul, and heart!

Let me tell you about those OK years, the normal ones, declining years, and then the awful ones. My wife and I met in the new melting pot of the US in the 70's -- Atlanta -- living in the same apartment complex. She lived across the complex from me, and the complex had regular 'get togethers' on Monday nights. Sometimes it was Bingo or Trivia and other times it was an actual party with a band. I don't think anyone used DJ's back in the day -- too many LP's and 45's to carry. It's OK if you don't know what they are -- ask your grandparents! It was at one of those parties that I met Penny for the first time. She was giving this guy a ration of shit -- after all, this was the era when "put-downs" were an artform and she could handle all the colors on that palette. He was with a friend who was laughing his ass off seeing his friend berated by a chic he wanted to fuck. Good luck on that. I assumed he must have deserved it, so I smiled at her and said, "Keep up the good work!" and walked away.

It was about six weeks later that I was at another party and noticed Penny. She was always very loud wanting to be the center of attention. I went over to say hello and was introduced to her friend, an ex-roommate from college. Her name was Janice, and she was crashing with Penny because she had a bad fight with her husband. She lived in Jacksonville and decided it was time to escape the marriage. After the introduction, I went over to grab a beer and noticed Penny at the bar locking lips with a guy from my building. I saw a couple of friends I hadn't said hello to yet so tried to move across the packed floor when Janice started eyeing me. She was cute, but a little chubby but had a beautiful smile. We started to chat, and I learned that her 2^nd husband had abused her, and she said she had filed for divorce. With the sob story finished and me being a good listener we headed to the bar for drinks.

The clubhouse was jumping, and my hearing was less than ideal, I asked if she would like to go to my apartment for some wine and snacks. Now I considered myself a decent and moral person. But she did say she'd filed for divorce and five minutes later, I'm lying on the floor in my den and Janice had my cock and balls deep in her mouth. After bringing me to orgasm and swallowing the entire load (a messy one, it had been a while), she's moving up towards me. I'm thinking she's pissed that she swallowed a very messy load. No, she says "Let's go to the bedroom". That started the most amazing six weeks of my life to that point. I was in love -- I did that too often -- and I was trying to think how I could break it to my devout Catholic family that I wanted to marry a 26-year-old woman who was twice divorced. Turned out, I didn't need to worry about it -- she came to me on a Thursday night with the 'we need to talk'. She lied to me about the filing for divorce. She's still very married. OK, I can live with that! But what next? "Gary, I'm pregnant!"

'Oh, I am in deep shit' I thought. Then Janice spoke "Don't worry, it's not yours. I found out two weeks ago after having a couple of bouts of morning sickness. I went to the OB/GYN and found out that I'm about 8 weeks pregnant, maybe a little more. I'm going back to my husband to see if we can work it out." She was leaving as soon as she picked up her stuff from my apartment and I told her I appreciated her wanting to say goodbye. I had professed my love to her but also knew it was more the sex than the building relationship. I was sad, not angry, and wished her well. I got a card from her announcing the birth of her son, 9 months, 2 days after we had sex the first time.

Well after that short but hot affair, I went on a long cold streak. Penny called me once as she had tickets to a tennis tournament and would I go with her. It was boring but it was a night out. Two months later, it was the Atlanta Steeplechase -- a society event that was always crashed by us ne'er do-wells. That was enjoyable for an hour -- only it was five hours before we could leave. But eventually, I returned fire with Atlanta Hawks and Flames tickets (yes, they were in Atlanta then!). We were friends, but still hadn't kissed in a town where sex on the first date was a given.

I had dates but nothing clicked until I started dating a slightly younger woman who was cute as hell but said she wouldn't "fool around" as she was saving herself for marriage. At that six-week mark, all signals were 'go' and we were discussing our career plans. I figured this was the prelude to that next deeper question of 'do you love kids?

I looked at her and knew I could marry this girl. After a 10-day business trip, I called Christine to tell her I bought tickets for a Broadway play at the Fox Theatre and she said, "Sorry, I can't make it. I have plans for the next week that I can't change! Call me the week after next!" Her words were ice-cold. Should I take that as a family trip, a business trip, or a better offer. I took it as the latter. I may have chosen wrong, but she never got that next call from me. But I did have those tickets and called my fallback friend, and we went and had a great time. She sure could talk up a storm.

I had a one-night stand or two after that and we had a Halloween Party at our clubhouse and there was Penny giving another guy a ration of shit. He lived in my building and was a real loser. Forty-five years old and living with 3 other guys in a 2-bedroom apartment. I had to rescue Penny from this sleezy bastard. I wasn't needed -- her sharp tongue had already turned him into a eunuch, and he was leaving as fast as he could.

This is a good point to mention in the 6 months prior to Penny and I connecting, I attended my sister's wedding and the weddings of 3 college friends. Suddenly, I was in love with the idea of getting married. In hindsight, I never reflected on this sudden urge, but there was a ready, willing, and able accomplice almost desperate for an invitation.

A dinner date seemed appropriate -- a real date rather than the extra ticket trick. Dinner was nice, it since it was Atlanta in late 1977, we fucked afterwards. Rules of Atlanta singles said "Dinner + Sex = Couple so we became one. Now, I wasn't used to having money to spend, but I had put aside some decent savings but was spending more than my monthly income on Penny. Christmas came around and we exchanged gifts. I got her a nice watch and she got me two shirts, but the kicker was to choose one so she could return the others. She lived with a roommate and her teaching job paid a little more than McDonalds. By Valentine's Day, we knew that I would ask "that" question, but I waited until the next week. But after the four weddings nine months earlier, I was pre-destined to ask. I won't insult her by saying she would have jumped on a corpse if it mouthed 'will you marry me' and I did it anyway and we were committed. We got married in June with me picking up the entire tab. Her father had passed away years ago and her mother barely had enough money to live.

This story will be 100,000 words if I don't shorten it. We had four happy years and a daughter who I adored. I changed jobs and then another. After a year, the organization was in disarray being the smallest arm of an electronics company run by a lunatic accountant who honestly thought his finance genius could make up for a bad business model. The person that hired me got fired for the audacity to try to improve the situation. Turns out, I was the only person that liked the guy. A year later, my boss' replacement got recruited and hired by a direct competitor but not until he and another individual pillaged the intellectual property and sales records of the company. Bozo the Clown attempted a leveraged buyout and lost it all when he wouldn't increase the purchase price another $2 million. He was pushed out the door. Sales were so poor, we joked would the last person out that night, please set fire to the place.

As luck would have it -- good luck for a change -- a guy from one of our other divisions who had led the sales force was put in charge. He was also put in charge of Marketing -- only that meant the entire disgruntled staff of me! Yeah, I was still carrying that butane lighter after 3 of my colleagues left. I didn't smoke but someone was supposed to set the fire. Randy and I had meeting. He said one thing to me -- something I never heard in my life! "I need you Gary, not only do I need you, but I also know what tried to do. Let me help you do it!"

God, I would have walked through fire for this guy. He wasn't talking to "Numbnutz" or "Knucklehead", or "STUPID" -- he spoke to me. We were lucky -- no one remained from the "don't spend a penny, cut quality, cut corners, or regulatory shortcuts. It took six months and Randy already addressed the sales issues. The tracks were laid -- we just needed fuel for the train. That was my job and we got great traction.

Me, I got a raise and asked to hire two people to help. I found two great candidates - one who eventually went on to reach SVP level at a major medical device company and one who stabbed me in the back for my loyalty to him. But before I was "executed", we did turn the biggest loser into a success story for 7 years before Bozo the Clown's clone (hired to run two organizations) decided that the person with the least knowledge is the right person to make decisions. Soon, I was gone, and 18 months later, so was that division of a foreign company.

So, back to my loving wife, Penny! Well, after living a somewhat luxurious life -- my pay had increased almost 300% over those 7 years and the perks were awesome. She was able to join me in Hawaii, Switzerland, Italy, and three skiing outings in Colorado not including 3 trips to Disney. Me, during those 7 years I worked an average of 6 days and 60-65 hours a week. Yet, I was always there for my daughter and started putting aside money for her college education. My wife enjoyed spending my money but began marginalizing me in her mind and my daughter's mind as well.

Jump forward again, my job at electronics company was eliminated following an acquisition by another mid-sized company due to overlaps. My next job -- since my wife refused to move after an offer by another mid-sized company at 30% higher compensation because it was in the north where it snows. I took a job at 40% less money because most electronic companies were either in the Northeast where it snowed or offshore. By this point, my daughter had graduated from college due to her parents' sacrifices to put her through school. Here lies the rub -- the $100K college fund came from my funds only. When my daughter hit college and joined the sorority, my wife contributed about $200 a month (10X per year) for those costs. Turns out, the wife had been feeding Amy about all the sacrifices she had made. What sacrifice? Yeah, she now drank Jose Cuervo Silver instead of Gold.

Another thing about my loving wife -- over the 30 years we were married she never paid a cent towards our mortgage, property taxes, utility bills, insurance, car registrations, auto maintenance, or church donations. Groceries? No, I did all the grocery shopping. She was like the story about the two politicians -- one democrat, one republican -- who came across a homeless guy asking for help. The Democrat said we need to do something for this guy. The Republican pulled out his wallet and gave the guy $100. The Democrat was outraged saying we can do much better than that and took the Republican's wallet and gave him $500 more.

It was now 2005 and our daughter had graduated, married with our first grandchild on the way. My loving wife decided she was finished working -- mind you we had a $3100 a month mortgage on the house she had to have and promise to contribute half to the payment. I think I got two checks over 12 years, but the mortgage was now 53% of my monthly take home. My wife doesn't ask -- the "honey, can we afford it if I retire?" No, it's "You have a real job -- I work in Education and the job sucks. I can collect retirement now if I want to!" Yes, you can, and you did honey, but you will collect 58% of the pension you would collect if you worked to 60 and when you turn 62, you'll collect just 75% of your social security. It doesn't matter to the woman who doesn't pay any bills -- all it did was assure that I would never see any contribution to our mortgage.

Where did her money go? Oh, hair and nails! The sob stories being told by her nail person (drives a Corvette, husband drives a King Ranch F-150) about their family struggles. How my wife justifies $30 a week and a $25 tip? They're so poor, they can only afford store brand cat and dog food! Oh, there is her gay hairdresser (owns a house in our neighborhood and has a condo in Sandestin and $100K motor home). Every two weeks a cut and blow - $60 plus $40 as a tip and cut, color, and style every 6 weeks at $125 plus $75 tip s because he was also trying to get money to bring his toy-boy's family to the States from the Philippines. Yep, that's her, contributing to important causes except her own lifestyle. My marriage was on the rocks -- but only to me.

I couldn't take it. I was nearing a point where I could retire when my father got sick. We had long since buried the hatchet and learned that I am truly my father's offspring -- it was eating him up how he treated me when I was a child. It was nice to know, but it was ingrained in what we became -- only I know it and fight it. I don't think he truly saw it because he knew he was less of a beast than his father. On with the story -- my father was dying, and I returned to my hometown to help him get treatment. My company had agreed to let me work remotely for a month to enable it. Our first visit to one of his doctors told me that he had four weeks -- maybe as many as six before he would pass. I called my loving wife and said my father's time was limited and I wanted her to fly up on a Friday so she could go back on Sunday to, at least, say goodbye to my dad and help console my mother. My loving retired wife with no time constraints said, "I can't -- I have Women's Guild and Book Club coming up and I need to get ready." That was January 12^th, 2008 -- the day I decided my marriage was over. Only I never told my wife.

We were now in the 2008 recession and companies needed to cut staff. I was working for a large company as a director making almost $200K a year in 2010 when they offered two years pay to take early retirement. My job was boring after I reorganized our work group, and it was humming along on autopilot. I signed the papers right after HR delivered them and my last words at work was "So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, goodbye... Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, Goodbye! I loved the Sound of Music!

My wife instantly discovered the problems with retirement -- twice the husband, half of the money. We sold our house because we needed to be near our grandson. Our home had appreciated dramatically even though the real estate market was down at that time. The cash hit the bank, I set us up in a rental near our daughter's family pre-paying 6 months in advance. But I never planned to live there with her. I was preparing our old home for the new residents when I received a petition for divorce. Her prolonged effort to beat me into the ground wasn't working fast enough -- she decided to go for a money grab, only it didn't work.

Once retired, I could watch her full time, I realized that part of the plan. So, I did the smart thing -- began grabbing assets and hoarding cash. My attorney said, 'watch out, you'll get caught'! I might have been more successful if I controlled the filing but was very proud protecting almost 30% of our liquid assets from community property. In the end, my attorney (yes, she was already in place) said not to be concerned who filed first. It was just causing me to react instead of act -- we were ready for either. It did stop some of the financial games I was playing but would not materially impact my ability to live nicely and without the burden of an overactive consumer as a wife. She stayed in the Athens (GA) area, and I decided to put 200 miles between us. Well, almost -- not quite.

I never pursued another full-time job but was regularly recruited to do consulting. No, I wasn't a technical genius -- just had a demonstrated track record of managing business critical projects to completion. Those jobs made it easy to make ends meet as I had small pensions from two companies that started when I turned 60. I moved to a town near Asheville, North Carolina. My rental condo was in the mountains and the scenery was beautiful. I could enjoy the solitude if I could totally avoid the woman who now "spits and sneers" every word she speaks to me. She even invented the term "SNARLY" -- she loved that word -- it applied to every utterance directed towards me along with a habit of turning away from me when she spoke, then muttering under her breath cursing the fact I was still alive. Now, all I had to do was wait out until our divorce was final. That date was scheduled to be October 29, 2011.