Annika

I pressed my face against it and hung on, letting my self-loathing build until it peaked and began to dissipate.

She hadn't moved. As I squeezed her into me and rubbed my mouth and nose against her red, wrinkled skin she didn't respond; she just sat there heavy on my lap. Finally, I gently pushed her off me and as she stood up so did I and I turned her around and I brought her into my arms and held her for a long time.

"I'm sorry, Annika." I finally said. "I'm really, really sorry. I'm ashamed of myself."

I could feel her arms tighten around me for the first time. "It's OK."

Strangely, it sounded like she meant it. "Can we lie down? Can I hold you on the bed?"

She didn't answer. She pulled away and led me to my bedroom.

We fell on the bed together; I snuggled into her and held her tight against me, feeling her breasts crush into my chest and her pelvis push back at mine; her face was pressed into my neck, mine was in her hair. I stroked her arm as I marvelled at her goodness and at my control. Before, I had been all animal, all reckless passion, now I was calm and considerate, I was trying to relate to her. I wanted to.

In a few minutes I pulled back and held her chin up and kissed her softly on the mouth. It took awhile before she kissed me back and I knew why: she must have been wondering who she was dealing with now, Jekyll or Hyde.

I showed her my Jekyll for awhile until I could feel her whole body give in to me and I heard small moans escape. Then I went for greater insistence and passion, a little taste of Hyde, and when I did she responded quickly by rolling away and pulling me on top of her and we both kind of lost it: we sucked hard on each others mouth, our tongues fiercely exploring while we ground our hips into each other.

I had her clothes off in seconds; she helped me off with mine, then I was on her naked body. But instead of slamming into her as I had before I took my time and eased into her wet and waiting pussy while my hands went behind her head and my lips pressed into her's.

She has a wonderful cunt, soft, wet, hot, tight and meaty, so unlike the sexless tunnel I had been used to. And her body was so soft to lie on, so comfortable, so voluptuous, so unlike the skeleton I had to endure in my previous life.

There was an amazing sparkle in her eyes as I slowly thrust into her, a sparkle in her eyes and a wonderful rhythmic response from her body. She fucked back at me and moaned as I did, and squeezed as I did, and sucked on my lips as I sucked on her's. We came together, crying out together, squirming ever closer together and then together we collapsed, spent.

For the first time in my life I had been well and truly fucked. It was a fabulous feeling and it was fabulous when I turned towards her and saw the smile light up her face, a contented smile — we had shared an experience, a very intimate and even meaningful experience. When she reached for my hand I snuggled into her soft, damp mass and I thanked my lucky stars.

I've never dealt well with guilt. I have to get rid of it as soon as I can, I've been that way since I was a boy. "I'm sorry, Annika, I can't explain why I acted like I did, it wasn't me, I just lost it."

"It's OK," she said again.

And then it just came out.

"I went down to your apartment yesterday morning. I looked around. I went into your closet, into your drawers. I was trying to get a sense of who you are. I was there for awhile then I took off my clothes and lay on your bed. I masturbated thinking about the time we'd had together." I hesitated then let my honesty get the better of me. "Actually, I put on a pair of your panties before I lay on your bed and I masturbated in them. Afterwards I pushed the panties into your hamper but felt like a pervert so I pulled them out and lay them on top, then I figured, if I was going to do that I might just as well do your laundry because I knew I was going to admit all this to you anyway. I put all the washed laundry on your bed."

"Folded," she said, impassively. "Thanks."

I waited for more but didn't get anything. "Are you shocked?" Then I quickly added, "I didn't go through any of your private papers or anything."

I don't know what it is about her look. She doesn't give anything away. Except for that one smile I couldn't read anything in her face; pleasure, shock, joy, sadness, nothing seems to come through. She appeared totally neutral as if nothing gets to her.

Her voice held no emotion. "What if you didn't go into my place and go through my stuff? What would that say?" She didn't wait for me to answer. "To me, it would mean that after these last two days you wouldn't have cared about who I am." Now she thought for a moment. "I didn't expect you to go down there, but I think it's great you did. And I love that you put on my panties and masturbated."

She left me with my shock, got up, went into the kitchen and got a glass of water. Then came back and sat down on the bed. "Marion is a good friend of mine." I wasn't sure who she was talking about but it soon became clear. Marion was my previous tenant. "She came to me a couple of months ago and told me she found the perfect guy for me. He is quiet, hard-working, serious and he is desperately lonely. He's the guy for you. Let's change flats."

This stunned me.

"Before we did I checked you out while you were out on one of your walks. I followed you for a awhile, for as long as I could keep up. We changed flats at the end of that month. Then later, the day after you said I could do my laundry up here I came up while you were out walking and I went through this place. Like you, I went through all your closets and drawers. I didn't learn much. The URLs on your computer told me you like porn. I lay on your bed but I didn't masturbate. I took one of your shirts. It's under my pillow downstairs."

She defaulted to her quiet composure and just looked back at me with no trace of emotion, no guilt, no defiance, no embarrassment. Nothing.

I didn't know what to say. I was a shocked but tried to lighten it up. "At least I got turned on enough by my visit to masturbate."

She grinned at this, the first grin I had seen: quite a pleasant grin. "Yes, but I got turned on enough to come up here and park myself in your living room until you noticed me."

Obviously, I had wondered about this. I was planning to ask her why she would do that but all I said now was, "That was weird."

"Sure, but what else could I do? I've never dated, don't know how to go about it and you sure weren't coming down the stairs to me."

Was it really that simple? "What if I just told you to leave?"

"I didn't think that far ahead, I just did what I thought I had to do. I guess I would have left. I just wanted you to notice me."

"Did you expect me to take you to bed?"

"Expect? No. I didn't have any idea what you would do. But I knew you have a sex drive. All those internet addresses."

"But you must have thought I'd be more of a gentleman - not a shameless thug."

"I wanted you to notice me, Mike. And you did ... eventually. And I think you're a gentleman ..."

"A horny gentleman."

"I wasn't ready for that, that's for sure."

I tried to hint at another apology. "I didn't know you were a virgin ..."

She broke in. "Or anything else about me."

"That's true. I was pretty rough on you. Why did you come back the next night?"

She was totally impassive. "Why do you think?"

It occurred to me that talking to this woman was like talking to a mask. I didn't try to hide my sarcasm. "You couldn't get enough of me."

"Well, ya, that's true but that was always going to be true, I had decided that I wanted you after I saw you that first time and after I went through your place. I decided Marion was right," she smiled, "you'd be perfect for me. No, the reason I came back was not because I couldn't get enough of you but because it felt like you couldn't get enough of me. I've never experienced anything like that before. Obviously, I didn't know how to handle it properly, I had no idea what to do. But I couldn't wait to come back ... and I couldn't wait to get back today."

Her honesty startled me ... and inspired another mea culpa. "I went back to your place this morning. I got into your bed, under the sheets and I took the panties you wore yesterday. Stayed there for a while."

If she was shocked she gave no hint of it. "Did you put them on? Did you masturbate in them?"

"And I got a bra from your laundry and rubbed it against my face when I did. Sick, eh?"

She shook her head solemnly. "I've read that lots of men like to wear women's underwear. I like to wear your shirt." She reached down from the bed and came up with the panties I had discarded and, shockingly, she leaned forward and started to put them on me. I protested but she just kept at it and as they slipped up past my hips my half stiff prick started to get harder.

Then she was off the bed but back in a moment with her bra. She sat down and put my hand through the strap. I struggled away but she persisted and I let her, let her put it on me, let her snip the back together. When she pulled away I felt a huge sexual buzz like nothing I had ever felt before, and over the past few days I had a whole range of profound sexual emotions.

She must have read my face. She smiled when she said, "How does it feel?"

I lay back and in front of her let my hands caress her panties then go up and feel her bra. "God, I don't know, I can't explain it."

"You look happy, Mike. You look sexy and turned-on, and vulnerable, too."

"Do I look embarrassed."

She smiled. "No."

I grimaced. "I should."

"Not in front of me you shouldn't." She reached out and put the tips of her fingers on the bra and gently pushed all around the cup. "I knew you went down to my place. I knew you went into my drawers. I knew you were in my bed. It was a giant turn on. And it absolutely thrilled me when I saw you did my laundry. It gave me hope that I have a chance with you." Now her lips were on the bra, she was giving me little pecking kisses and her fingers were gently caressing my stiff prick through the thin veneer of nylon. "I want all this, Mike. I want every bit of it. I Want to give you what you want but it just excites the hell out of me that you just want to take it. God, Mike, that just really, really turns me on."

"Turns you on that I abuse you?" I didn't think I understood her.

"Your uncontrolled passion, the thought that I could create that in you."

"That I would just take you?"

She came up and kissed me gently. "I feel like I make you happy."

God, there is no end to the surprises with this girl. "What do you need from me?" Her fingers were still caressing my prick through the panties.

"That, this. I need to be wanted. I'm lonely, Mike, I want to be with someone, make someone happy, that would make me happy, very, very happy." She bent down and kissed my stiff prick through the nylon then she gently folded the panties back and took me out and when she put me in her mouth I pulled at her leg and she quickly swung her legs up on the bed and she gave me her pussy.

I have seen hours and hours of online porn where I have tried to put myself in the frame. Nothing was remotely like the real thing, nothing was like being with this woman.

It was 9:17 when the last of her juices oozed from her and, tired though I was, I felt elated, totally fucked and totally elated. "Get dressed," I kissed her hip then pushed it. "We're going out for a beer, I feel like celebrating."

When she sat up she was grinning ear to ear, a grin that made her look beautiful and it made me laugh and flush with pleasure. And when I started to take off her panties she stopped me. She insisted I keep wearing them, and the bra. She would go without.

We were excited, both of us, as we left the house. She had never dated, I hadn't since my wife, and seldom before, and the thought and feeling of wearing women's underwear in public had my head spinning. And, strangely it seemed to be doing something for her, too.

We didn't talk as we walked the three blocks to the busy street lined with shops and pubs.

When we got there it was, as always, chocked full with people and I became super aware of my underwear, her underwear; super aware of all the knowing looks that weren't knowing or looks at all. Super aware of her beside me. Super aware of her permission.

My secret was making me weak with exhilaration; she was making me weak with exhilaration.

I wanted to turn right to a bar that I occasionally went to but she insisted we turn left. She was holding my arm tight against her as we walk about half-way down a block where she stopped. "I want to come here tomorrow with you and get what you want us to wear." It was a women's underwear shop. "Ok?" she squeezed my arm.

Oh, god, I needed a drink.

It arrived about ten minutes later after we took our place at the only remaining table in a pub. We sat close together and after our first sip she leaned in. "What colours do you want us to have?"

I didn't need to think. "Light yellows, as delicate as we can find."

She smiled at this and took another sip. "Would you like to dress up for me, pantyhose, dress, makeup?"

I looked at her, shocked — she wasn't kidding. I took a drink, a long drink before I risked an answered. "My wife was skinny, nothing of her's fit me. I was miserable because it was all there, drawers of the stuff and it was useless to me. It drove me nuts."

"Mine will fit."

I took her hand, squeezed it and I held it rubbing her fingers with my thumb as I thought of the last few hours, the last few days. The time had been like a dream, a vivid pornographic dream, dirty and base but unbelievably liberating, astonishingly exhilarating. And I thought of my immediate future. My prick swelled hard inside her panties.

She held my hand tightly on the way back and walked really close to me, our hips often touching.

We walked in silence for a bit then she said, "I've always dreamed of this, always dreamed of having a guy I could totally get down with."

I didn't know what she meant and didn't want to find out, didn't want to find out it was less than I hoped.

It was getting late so I wondered what she'd do, whether she'd follow me up to my place or go to her's. She didn't hesitate, she was on my heels up my stairs, I hoped as excited as I was.

I went directly to the bedroom. She had nothing on under her shirt and pants, and didn't seem to give a damn; no it was more than that: she seemed to be excited that I wanted to wear her underwear and that excited the hell out of me. And so did her entire attitude — me wearing her underwear, sitting hard beside me in the tavern, our hip on hip walk home. She had every right to be repulsed by my conduct, but she wasn't, quite the opposite: she seemed to want me as badly as I wanted her.

The moment we got to the bed I turned and pulled her shirt over her head; I didn't ask her, didn't offer any cooing foreplay I just did what I needed to do and she pitched it away when I sat on the bed and undid her pants. She kicked these off in a single motion and knelt on the bed and when she did I directed her down, face first and stripped to my underwear.

Her back is still very broad, very pink but there is no crumpled skin of a bra mark now, nothing but smooth skin from the tops of her broad shoulders down to her narrowing waist, rounded hips and rising cheeks. It kind of stunned me that I was drawn to it ... a back, who ever heard such a thing? But I was. I kissed and licked all over it tasting her skin, the salt, smelling it, leaving a little trail of saliva where I had gone and all the time feeling myself through her panties.

She didn't move. She seemed entirely relaxed, she may have been half asleep so I had no sense if she was enjoying this or simply enduring it. I got a hint when I got lower. As I kissed around the small of her back I slid my fingers just to the edges of the crease of her ass and ran them up and down, up to the top and down to the bottom where the fold was remarkably wet. I went in deeper as I kissed and I could feel her responding, feel her shimmer against the mattress.

"Do you have any lube?" I asked

"Downstairs."

I rolled off her. "Get it."

She quickly crawled off the bed. I was feeling an over-whelming sense of power as I watched her hurry to comply with my order. I had the impression she would do whatever she could to please me, not something I had ever experienced before.

But as I waited, lying where she had been lying, wearing underwear only hours before she wore I felt something more, something even stronger struggle inside me: I felt that emerging power was not in any sense a dominance but a shared fascination, that we were both deeply excited about where we were going, maybe even sharing early hints that there could be a long-term destination. And that we were in this together. The power was in the fascination, not in any perceived dominance.

She was back in a hurry, her face inscrutable as ever as she handed me the tube. But if she was feeling any tension, her body hid it: her body was wonderfully fluid, even excited as she knelt on the bed and without instructions lay back where she had been.

I wanted to touch her, I wanted my fingers to go into her but the moment had been lost so I lay down with my face on her back again and I again went through the same loving process, my lips travelling about her back, my tongue dragging a rail of spit and my fingers slowly tracing the crease between her cheeks.

She was moaning now that she understood, she was moaning a little more with each liberty my fingers took and when I tapped the inside of her thigh she immediately spread her leg.

The top came off with a twist and I pressed a huge blob of gel onto my fingers, gel cool to the touch and wonderfully viscous.

I had no plan when I pushed my two fingers into her cheeks, I had never done anything like this before, never even thought to, but once there there there weren't a lot of options; I went directly to her anus and when I touched it, I could feel her hips rise up from the bed followed by a loud exhaling. "Oh, yessssss," she said as I twisted deeper and she removed all my doubt.

You can get excited when you have approval. I collected more of the gel from the inside of her cheeks and pressed gently at her anus . As I touched, she pushed so I met her force with my own, a swirling, corkscrewing force with a single finger that retreated a few times to get more gel but soon broke through as a long moan left her lips.

I was on her back now, my face pressing into it hard, kissing it, licking it, rubbing my face against it as I worked my finger around inside her. And she was working her ass for me, pressing it up, moving it from side to side roughly, her ass rising up further so I had a hard time staying on her back.

And then the images from the videos flashed in my brain and I knew what I was going to do. I pulled more now on her anus, pulled to stretch it because I needed another finger in there. She helped. When the second finger pressed on her she forced her self back, forced the finger in and with a few humping motions both fingers broke through, just a little at first but as she insisted on more they went deeper and deeper until it was time.

I didn't ask, didn't hint, didn't even forewarn, I just stripped the panties off one leg, lined myself up, took my fingers out and gently eased myself in her.

"Oh, God Mike, yes, fuck me. Yes, yes ..."

It didn't last very long. My arms were around her squeezing her breasts, I was licking, sucking and biting her shoulder near her neck and I was thrusting hard, thrusting deep inside, feeling an entirely new sensation as she thrust back at me, hard and insistently until my orgasm thundered through me and I shot into her, shot into her the large wonderful ass she had given me.