Anticipation

Look, I don't think I'm all that unusual. I think that there are at least a few men out there like me. What's that mean? Well, here's what I am talking about -- you tell me if you identify with me, okay?

I hit my twenties in the beginning of the 70's. I smoked pot. I experimented with other drugs. And I actively explored my sexuality. Somewhere I read a challenge by some women -- "if you think cock sucking is all that easy, go ahead and try it." And, of course, that also got applied to anal sex -- the things guys seemed to forever be asking for from women. I bet you can guess the next part of things, can't you?

That's right, I discovered glory holes somewhere around then, and after sticking my dick through once or twice and loving it, I decided the anonymity was perfect for testing out the theory and accepted the challenged. I'd learned enough of the subtle signals by then, so armed with a roll of quarters (it was the era before tokens) I entered a booth I knew had a hole. After pumping in money, I spent some time changing the videos until I found something that caught my attention, and settled in to wait. I kept my eye on the hole and the room next to me and watched the video.

The lighting changed next door and I heard the door close. I heard the sounds of coins dropping in the box, and the light changed again as the films came on. Then the guy stepped back and his legs were visible. I listened hard and heard a zipper go down and leaned forward. He had his cock in his hand although details were hard to determine, both because of the lighting and because I wasn't going to expose my face. What I did do wasp rub my fingers on the wall at the bottom of the hole, and watched as he turned towards me and positioned himself to put his cock through.

This was it. Did I have the courage? The questions were starting to pile up in mind my like a car wreck when the head of very stiff cock came through the wall, my mouth opened and within seconds I had this amazing, living dick in my mouth. With my eyes closed I used my tongue and mouth to explore it and it became my world. There was taste -- salty traces of something. There was feel -- the glans was similar to mine but somehow different and I wanted to trace it and quantify it. Above all, it felt natural and somehow wonderful. When he pumped his hips, I took the hint and began to apply everything I had seen and read and felt. I took his cock as deep into my mouth as I could before I bumped up against the wall. I reached up with my hands to caress his balls (bigger than mine, but completely smooth -- I remember being surprised) and I began the active work of delivering a blowjob he would remember.

I think I wanted to prove that old tale that men give better blowjobs than women because we have the same equipment. (By that logic, of course, women must be audacious when it comes to orally satisfying their brethren, but so far none have confided in me either way.) I was using what I knew of what felt good to me to direct my cock sucking. It didn't take very long until his hips thrust forward, I heard a moan and my mouth was flooded with his hot ejaculate. That was memorable -- trying at once to swallow it, savor it, examine it for taste and texture, and all at the same time setting aside any concerns I had. I still remember the sensations. I remember his flesh rod jumping and pumping, the pulsing of the tube on the underside as it delivered his cum, the force of the hot liquid entering my mouth and being swallowed. As he finished and withdrew his rapidly shrinking tool, I remember noticing that my own cock was harder than I ever remember it being.

Then he was out of my mouth and hurriedly composing himself before exiting his booth with a whispered "that was great." I sat back on my heels and marveled at what I had just done. I had given a guy a blow job and swallowed his cum. It wasn't disgusting -- it was exhilarating, actually! And, as I was working all that out, the door next door opened and another lower portion of a man came into view. This time I heard him unzip before the coins were dropped into the box and saw him turn immediately towards me and thrust a much bigger cock through the hole. There was no hesitation on my part. I opened my mouth and this time was amazed at how thick and long his cock was.

That one was a real challenge. A workout. He had a big cock and now I know he was simply experienced at prolonging his pleasure. Back then, however, all I knew was that he wasn't cumming and I had to work harder. My hands went to his balls, and then one took hold of his shaft and began to jerk on it. I forced him as deep into my mouth as I could without gagging, my tongue continuing to explore his hot meat. A whispered voice from his side set my blood boiling:

"That's it faggot! Suck my cock!"

I remember it felt like a switch had been thrown in my brain, and now I was doing everything I could to make him happy. I pressed forward and he popped past my gag point, into my throat. I used my hand to separate his balls from his body as if I was a band of leather or rubber. I was out for one thing and one thing only -- I wanted him to blast his hot cum into me and leave having had the blow job of his life! Almost as soon as I realized that I felt his balls draw up towards his body, into my hand, and then he let loose with stream after stream of hot cum. He groaned and moaned as it flowed.

And as I swallowed jet after jet of his jizz, I was not only proud of myself, I was happy! To this day I remember how happy I was that this superior cock had gotten off in my throat.

Just writing about it here makes my cock stiffen!

At some point he began to pull back. I reluctantly let him go and just knelt there. I was surprised when I saw his mouth at the level of the hole and saw him pass a business card through.

"If you want more, my private number is on the back. Call it. Any time."

And then in a flash he opened his door and left me there, card in hand. I wish I could say I called him, and that led to amazing things, but unfortunately, by the time I worked up the courage, all I got was a pre-recorded "the number is no longer in service." It did teach me an important lesson -- don't wait for what you want!

I returned to that glory hole (and others) over the years. (And now I am looking for them once again, but that's another story.)

As I gained more confidence in my oral talents, I also grew more adventurous. I began to allow men into my booth and found that I loved being on my knees, sucking their cocks as they fucked my face. I loved their comments -- especially the ones that reinforced my already low opinion of myself. And then I accepted an offer to go home from a guy with a sizable cock.

"We won't do anything you don't already want to do." He said.

I remember thinking how I'd used that line on women and how it usually meant I wanted more than they were initial offering, which meant he wanted more than a blowjob, and yet despite thinking that I went. I was out to prove I could deep throat the nine inches of hot meat he had. That's what I wanted. But what he wanted was my ass, and when we finally were naked together he interrupted my cock sucking and took charge. I can't remember the exact sequence of words and actions, but the end result was that I lowered my ass onto his dick and fucked myself on him. And the real, lasting memory was the sensation of his hot ropes of cum blasting into my guts -- not the initial pain of his entry, or anything else but that.

That marked about a year of him not only fucking my ass regularly, but of learning to deep throat his cock, of being taken as his bitch to parties where I was "given" to the other men and used as a cum dump and more. Frankly, the only time I've ever shared about it is here, in my writings. I spent a year as the cum bucket for him and his friends, and when it ended it was because I had had enough. My "experiment" was over and I knew there was nothing a man wanted of me that I wouldn't do -- and therefore I could look any woman in the eye who objected to swallowing my cum or taking my cock up her ass that I knew it was only a mental block preventing her, and that it wasn't as bad as she thought.

The interesting thing about that was my discovering that different women reacted differently to those revelations. There were a few for whom that reveal immediately ended not just sex that night but our entire relationship. There were some for whom that made it okay and they did swallow or they did allow my anal pleasures. And then there were a few that got completely turned on by it, leading to some even wilder adventures that I probably ought to write out and publish here. (Note to self: start stories on adventures with Debbie, Inger and Selina.)

After number of years of single dating, I found my wife and settled down. Just us for thirty years, although my taste in porn still tended towards gay submissives, cock suckers and then like. And then we separated, and things began to change again.

Here I am, now a "senior citizen" which I say means that I've reached an age where I can do what I please because I please, and not give a damn about what people think. Okay, it's not completely accurate since I don't wander outside naked, I know. But you get the point. I'm not concerned about my wife "finding out." I've developed enough smarts to be discrete and make sure the rest of my family and friends won't know, either.

And so here's where that leaves me. I upgraded my membership on what had been a free site with very limited privileges for gay and bi men. I have a picture there and a pretty aggressive profile: "67, bi, separated, and looking for big cocks to worship. Take control and there's no telling what you can do to me." I've had some interest -- emails exchanged, chats, and profile viewings that are likely responses to my viewing their profiles, but so far only one actual meeting and one that's developing.

The one meeting was from last year, but I haven't seen him online since. He had an above average cock (according to his profile, and which I confirmed in person) and was a little younger than I was. We met in a parking lot and then we used his car and he drove way out into the sticks before pulling over, shutting the engine and then cranking back his seat. The big problem was that he had a Mustang with a center console -- after I got his above average cock out, there was no way to maneuver and get comfortable, since it was clearly going to take a while before he was ready to cum. He wasn't fully hard after 15 minutes, and I was growing increasingly frustrated trying to get his semi-erect cock down my throat. We ended up the evening with neither one of us satisfied, and that was the last I'd see of him. If I had a way to get hold of him now I would -- he'd talked about maybe going to his place. About watching porn. It was pretty clear that I didn't read him right. If I see him again we'll do whatever he wants and it should turn out better.

As for the one developing, well, that's exciting as all hell. He sought me out after reading my profile. Turns out he lives 100 miles away but visits this area regularly. His profile says he's straight, and the adventures with his girl friend suggest it. He let me see his private pictures, and while his cock seems about the length of mine, it's about twice the girth of mine. A real beer can cock. He strikes me as one of those dudes with a big dick and a big head -- hopefully. He's also expressed an interest in anal, and I've let him know I'd be interested, eventually.

In the meantime, until we meet, I'm going to let you in on a little secret -- I've been practicing! While I was on the road, I managed to visit an adult store, and I came across a rather lifelike dildo. It's bigger than my cock (longer and thicker) and I've been using it to practice my deep throating. I still have a gag reflex, but I have been successful in getting it down my throat so my chin rests on the artificial balls. I'm practicing daily, figuring that it's just going to take getting used to before I can consider myself good at it.

The other thing I'm doing is preparing my ass.

Back when I was experimenting, it really was painful to get anything in my butt. But something's changed over time, because now there's no pain. It's still a little uncomfortable, and it takes concentration, but no pain. What it lacks (and what I want) is the heat of a real cock as well as the fucking from a real man. Maybe I can find him online now and accelerate our first meeting.

Or perhaps there's a top with a big dick who'll see my profile and reach out.

I think it's time to practice again.