Apology and Forgiveness

I don't know about this one. The pivotal part of the tale surrounds a plot device that doesn't seem like something I would ever write. In the many re-reads, I asked myself, who wrote this shit?!

There is also more sex in this one than I am comfortable with. Again, in the re-reads, I was like, where the hell did that come from? I don't exactly remember my state of mind when I originally threw the tale down, but yikes. I just couldn't seem to take it all out during the polishing process.

++++++++++

As much as I liked and respected my boss, today wasn't one of those times. Why he would hold staff meetings every Tuesday morning at 8 AM, the morning after Monday Night Football, was simply a form of cruelty in my mind. A mind with a terrible headache from drinking too many beers while watching the game with my friends last night.

The conference room was nearly full, and while we waited for the boss to arrive, I silently begged the large coffee in front of me to bring me back to life. I looked down the table at my colleague, Jeff, and he gave me a knowing look. He was the one that brought the beer last night and I just hoped I looked better than he did this morning. He shook his head at me that said, "why do we do this to ourselves."

It was then that my boss, Phil Rutherford, came into the room as he always did, with a confident presence that he was larger than life. He was followed into the room by a tall, blonde woman. Phil took his usual seat at the head of the table, next to where I was sitting, and he motioned for the woman to take the only empty seat left, across the table from me.

I, along with the rest of the room, said, "Good morning," to the boss in unison as was typical. What was not typical was him bringing a guest to our executive meeting. I then looked over at the blonde who I didn't recognize at first, and then our eyes met and it hit me. Like a ton of bricks. My blood ran cold and my headache was instantly forgotten.

I slumped in my chair, looked away, and pretended to study my notepad in great detail, hoping I could keep my face mostly hidden. I hoped she didn't recognize me. Then I thought, why would she recognize me? Better not take any chances though.

Phil started the meeting with, "Folks, we have a new addition to the team. She started yesterday but spent most of it in HR getting signed in, so today is her first chance to meet the team. I thought that before we go through the project status updates, it would be a good idea for her to introduce herself, and then we'll go around the table and you can all do the same."

She started off, "Hello. My name is Rae Bloom. I'm originally from Santa Barbara, I moved to San Diego after college and after five years worked my way up to a project manager for Sax Gaming where my best-known project was the Dance City game." That drew grunts of approval from around the room. "I left Sax and for the last 6 years have been a senior project manager at Flash Microchip." That drew more sounds of approval from the team, Flash made connectors used in our game cartridges. "I really wanted to get back into the gaming industry, so when a position opened up here at Steep Dive Gaming for a producer, I applied immediately and now I'm thrilled to be here. SDG has the most diverse and fun game catalog in the industry, and a reputation for being a great place to work." Phil was just beaming at the compliments.

With Rae's self intro concluded, one by one my colleagues made theirs from around the table. That meant because where I was sitting, I would go last. As each introduction finished and it got closer and closer to me, the buzzing in my ears steadily increased. I faced the inevitable like it was impending doom. I rehearsed what I'd say in my head, maybe I could dodge this bullet after all.

It was finally my turn. Still looking mostly down, avoiding eye contact, I simply said, "My name is William, and I'm in coding."

There was a hush in the room. I looked up at Phil and he did not look pleased. "What the hell, Bill?!" He looked right at Rae and filled in the color that I had avoided, "Bill here is our director of advanced coding and has been responsible for the software behind 6 of the top 10 selling games worldwide over the last decade. I know for fact that our top competitors have all attempted to recruit him because he is the best there is, but because to your point that SDG is a great place to work, Bill has remained a solid fixture here in our family." I didn't know he knew about the recruitment attempts.

Rea gave out a low whistle and lowered her head to the table to look up at me. "Impressive. I already knew that though, a high-powered team was one of the reasons I wanted to work here." I still couldn't bring myself to look her in the eyes. Now that she had my full attention, she continued, "Hi, Willie. It's nice to see you again. Been a long time." All I could do was nod my head.

Phil boomed, "Soooo, you two know each other?!"

Rae answered for us, "We graduated high school together. I've known you since 3rd grade I believe, right Willie?" I just nodded my head.

"Excellent," Phil said, "You two will be working very closely together, and you can catch up then." Then looking out into the room, "OK, folks. Let's get to the project updates, first one on the list is Money Laundry II."

My headache caught up to me and it was worse than before. While my senior manager on that project gave his updates, my mind was a million miles away. I continued to stare down at my notepad and was actively making notes when I could suddenly feel her staring at me. I don't know how but I just knew.

I looked up and instantly regretted it. She had a shit eating grin on her face and her piercing turquoise eyes bore into me, I returned my gaze down to the table but her image was burned into my retinas. I don't know how it was possible, but at 33 years old, she was even more beautiful than the day we graduated high school, the last time I ever saw her. Shoulder length blonde hair that was naturally wavy framed a face with a button nose and high cheekbones. She hardly wore any makeup but just like in high school, she wore fire engine red lipstick that in my mind, had to be painted on it was so bright and perfect. With the red lips, the almost white blonde hair, and turquoise eyes she was striking. Epically memorable to anyone she met.

There was also the matter of her porcelain skin that I knew was related to low melanin levels since childhood. I remember the terrible sunburns she'd get when we were kids and she had to be real careful when going outside. With almost no contrast from her so-blonde-it's-almost white hair and her pale skin, her eyes and lips jumped out at you. Unusual as it was, it made her hauntingly beautiful.

Also being tall, slender, and curvy with a not too big, not too small bustline, men surely fell at her feet. Not that I ever would, I knew all too well that her outside appearance perfectly concealed what an ugly, nauseating person she was on the inside.

++++++++++++

Meeting over, I made a beeline for the door and was successful at being first out of the conference room. I was still on edge from being face to face with a demon from my past, but I relaxed as soon as I walked into the control room. It was actually the software engineering lab but we all called it the control room because it looked like something from NASA's Mission Control. The lights were dim to ease the eye's burden of long hours in front of a computer screen, with two dozen desks, each dominated with two or three large monitors, all lined up facing one wall that held a projection screen which displayed a master schedule of tasks and resources. We didn't need actual cubicle walls, the monitors on the desk tops did the job just as well. I took a deep breath and went directly to my private office in the far corner.

It wasn't ten minutes later that Brent Walker, Director of Sales, strode in and closed my office door before sitting in one of the chairs across from my desk. He sat at the edge of the chair looking excited.

"Holy, shit," he started, "You actually knew that beautiful creature?!"

I responded without enthusiasm, "I'm assuming you mean Rae, the new producer. From our staff meeting this morning."

"Fuck, yeah. Damn, she's hot." He reminded me of a drooling wolf from an old cartoon.

"Then, yes. I knew her once." I was probably overdoing my bored look but wanted to get him to leave as soon as possible.

"Did you ever tap that?"

"No, definitely not."

"Why not?! She's flawless."

I thought before answering, "We moved in a different circle of friends."

"Too bad. Hey. Would you mind if I tapped that?" I briefly thought it would be interesting to watch that train wreck when she put a knee to his balls and shot them into his throat but quickly dismissed that idea as I really didn't like either of them.

"Knock yourself out," I responded. "Hey, Brent. I have to take this call." He didn't even notice that my phone didn't ring before I picked it up, he was concentrating too hard on getting out and working on his conquest mission.

+++++++++

About a cup of coffee later, Jeff Collins walked into my office and shut the door, sitting in the same chair as Brent. The difference was that I welcomed the diversion. Jeff was my closest friend in the company and actually, my only real friend at all.

"Dude," he started, as he always does, "how hung over were you this morning?"

"You fucknut," I told him sternly, "beers are one thing, but beers AND scotch? What were you thinking?"

"I didn't exactly have to twist your arm, asswipe, but yeah, let's not do that again on a weeknight."

I laughed, "Agreed. I don't exactly bounce back like I did in my 20's."

He laughed at that too, nodding his head. He paused before, "So. That chick had an effect on you this morning. I've never seen you act like that before. I mean, you introduced yourself as 'William the coder'. What the fuck?!"

I sighed, "I was hoping she wouldn't recognize me. It's been a long time since I saw her last."

He raised an eyebrow. "What gives? You didn't look too happy to see her."

"No, I wasn't," I responded a little too angry. "She was a bully. Her circle of friends tortured me all through high school. I had hoped I'd never see her again."

"Oh, come on. It couldn't have been that bad."

"It was. You have no idea." I took a deep breath and calmed before saying, "She's really, really smart. And for some unknown reason, she focussed her smarts and creativity on me to make my life hell."

"Maybe she liked you and was just being immature in the way she showed it."

"No. No way. First of all, she dated a big jock all through high school who bounced me off the lockers like a pinball. And then her two best friends, also cheerleaders by the way, made it their mission to embarrass me at every turn. They somehow got me blacklisted, so I didn't date all through school, and their pranks were over the top. They'd team up and be stealthy, somehow I had a wet crotch at least twice a week from someone's spilled drink. I started bringing a pair of pants with me in my backpack every day, only my backpack went constantly missing. And she could turn on her charm and get away with everything. When I tried to get anyone to help, she'd turn it around until everyone thought she was the victim and that I was the problem. She even got my parents to think that way." I realized I was getting excited again as I was reliving it and had to force myself to calm down.

"Well, why do you think they did all that?" he asked. I don't think he believed the magnitude of the torture.

"I used to ask myself that very thing. The only thing I could come up with was that I was an easy target. I didn't get my growth spurt until after I graduated high school and was kinda small before." My headache was back and I rubbed my temples.

"OK, OK, now calm down. People change. She's probably not the same person she was back then."

I looked at my friend, I knew he didn't get it. "People don't change all that much."

"OK, so then what's your plan," he asked. "Avoidance? Disrespect? Revenge?"

"Avoidance," I replied honestly.

"How, may I ask?"

"By delegation. I'm a manager, for fuck's sake. I'll have my people deal with the bitch."

++++++++++++

Not an hour later, after I shoo'd Jeff out of my office, I heard the clickety clack of heels coming down the hallway before going silent, meaning the person stepped into the carpeted control room. I knew it was her. I could feel it. I was expecting it.

She glided into my office and silently shut my door before turning and giving me a smirk. I couldn't believe it. I hadn't had my office door shut with me inside three times since I was promoted five years ago and I'd had it shut three times today before even lunch time.

"Hi, Willie."

I didn't say anything, I just looked at her in a way that I hoped was expressionless.

She gave me a small smile and held her arms open. "How about a hug for an old friend?"

"You gotta be kidding me," I replied coldly, still sitting behind my desk, not moving a muscle.

"Um, I was wondering if you wanted to get lunch today and catch up?" I just glared at her.

She sighed in resignation and sat down. "I see that you are less than thrilled to see me. I get that." She studied me for a moment. "You look good, Willie. The years were good to you." I just nodded, giving her nothing.

"Willie. I'm not the same person I was in high school."

"Who is?"

She nodded her head in silent agreement. She shifted in her seat and I knew that signal well, she was going to change tack. "What happened to the little boy who would play Battle Djinn with me every day at your house after school on your game system?"

"He was beaten into another dimension when your circle of bullies tied me to the whippin' post," I replied coldly. It was a stupid thing to say.

"Come on. Don't get all dramatic." She gave me a small grin, "remember when you first got that game? You found all the Easter eggs on the first day and a way to give each of us 24 extra lives at the start."

"Really? Small talk?" I lifted my hands like, WTF, but it was a dumb thing to say. Again.

She shifted in her seat again. "I really have changed, Willie."

"First, don't call me Willie. And next, I think I can agree now, you did change. You went from my friend to a cold hearted, bi... jerk." Her eyes grew big at that, but she instantly collected herself.

I had to get this over with, I couldn't compete with her and I could easily see myself getting all worked up and saying things that would land me in HR. "Phil said we had to work closely together, but that doesn't mean face to face. I put a meeting in your calendar where I've scheduled June Beals to go over our projects with you and let you know where we're at and show you around the control room. When you need anything from my department, you'll go directly to June. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a meeting I'm running late for."

I got up and sprang out the door, nearly smashing her knee as I yanked it open. I was halfway out the door when I stopped and over my shoulder said, "Watch out for Brent Walker. He's already licking his chops at getting you into bed." I didn't wait to see her expression as I left her sitting in my office alone.

+++++++++++++++

My plan worked just fine for a couple of weeks. When I would see her in the hallway she would smile and say, "hello," and I would reply in kind, just to keep up appearances. No surprise, she charmed the pants off of my team and I could tell she was expanding her circle of influence. I was doing my best with coming to terms with it and was able to get my head back onto my responsibilities. June was handling anything that came up and I understand Rea got up to speed quickly.

She was the talk of the company after only two weeks. The only one that didn't seem to gush over her was Brent and I assumed that he had tried to hit on her and she had shut him down in short order.

That second week, on a Friday night, Jeff and I went and got a beer at my favorite brewery. First and foremost, I loved the beer, but I also liked the location as it was within walking distance of my condo in a hip part of town. The people that worked there were great and knew me by name. Like every Friday night, the place was packed and just buzzing.

I couldn't believe my eyes when Rea stepped up to our bar height table and took the empty stool. "What are we drinking," she asked.

I got up, dropped a couple twenties on the table and said, "Have a good weekend, Jeff," and walked out. She ruined my workplace and now she was going to ruin my favorite bar? Fuck.

On Monday morning Jeff dropped in on me. "That was real mature, buddy."

I agreed. "Yeah, I know. I just... I just lose my mind around her. I had to go."

"You know," he said, "we chatted it up a bit after you stormed out. She really is a nice person, nothing like you described. I think she really likes you too and feels bad about high school."

I didn't think about the last part of what he said, my stomach flipped at the other part. White noise filled my ears and I literally saw red.

I don't remember how I got there when I was suddenly aware I was in her office. She was sitting at her desk, a mixture of surprise and fear on her face. I nearly put a finger in it when I told her off. "You can't do this to me again. Nobody supported me when you and your friends were terrorizing me, and I know what you are doing now. You are going to turn my friends and colleagues against me? Why? What did I ever do to you?"

She reached for my finger and pulled it down, away from her face. "Willie, just talk to me. Let me convince you that I didn't realize how traumatic high school was for you and that I've changed. That we could be friends again. We would make a great team here. Please?"

"How could I trust you again?" I tried keeping my voice down so nobody would hear outside the office, but I was on the verge of tears and I hadn't cried since I was in high school. "You know what is the worst part? When your girlfriends and your gorilla of a boyfriend were bullying me, you knew everything they were doing, and you just didn't care. You never apologized. Not once." That was all I could take. I didn't even go back to my office; I just left the building.

I did notice a change after that over the next few weeks. When I would see her in the staff meeting, or at the vending machine, she'd still smile at me but it looked a little sad. I also noticed that she had turned down her 'charm dial' with my colleagues and was a little more business than usual.

Then things got weird, and she seized an opportunity to cage me like an animal.

We had found a bug in the program of a game that we were trying to fast track if we wanted it to be ready by Christmas. My team was frustrated, we were all frustrated. I had three programmers working on it, trying to find the bad line or more of code but they weren't getting anywhere so I took over.

I started on a Wednesday morning and worked all day and all night on it. I didn't finally understand the full breadth of the issue until Thursday morning, and had a workaround outlined in my head sometime after lunchtime. I worked through the night again and was finally able to send it off to my team first thing Friday morning. I then laid my head on my desk, exhausted.

I awoke to someone from behind me shaking my shoulder and asking, "Hey, are you OK?" It was Rae.

As awareness slowly started to take hold, I felt another presence. It was Phil, and I could tell he was pissed.

"Goddamnit, Bill. You worked two days straight without any sleep again, didn't you?" It wasn't really a question. I struggled with what to say, still groggy, so I just wiped the drool off of my mouth. "I warned you about this. Your health is more important than this job."