Apostates

*Author's Note: I've had several requests to write another story featuring Mormon characters. My best friend in high school was LDS, and his family always treated me well. I think the religion is 'out there' but the people are mostly all honest and decent folks. I bear them (or any other religion) no ill will. This is obviously just a story.

Most of my work is in the Mature category. Haven't written a CD/TS story in ages. I had writer's block for a couple of years and didn't write anything. At any rate, I hope you enjoy this one. If it's not you cup o' tea, c'act la vie.

*****

Orem, Utah

"Yo, Spence. Wait up!"

Spencer Davis heard his friend's voice and stopped.

"Jeremy. Hey. What's up?"

"You know. Same old same old. You?"

"Nothing. Same old."

"Yeah. So...I guess I'll see you around."

"Yeah. Take care, man."

Jeremy Langford was 18 years old just like Spencer. They went to Orem high school and also attended the Orem Second ward (LDS equivalent of a diocese or local Baptist church) of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints--the Mormons. The Church authorities wanted members to stop saying 'Mormon' or even LDS and use the entire title which was a mouthful, but many members continued using the shorter names.

Until the summer before the two boys had been best friends. But when Jeremy began violating the Word of Wisdom, a revelation to the Prophet Joseph Smith that 'saints' shouldn't use tobacco, alcohol, or coffee and tea, Spencer couldn't deal with it and they drifted apart.

Jeremy dipped Copenhagen, and everyone, except his parents and the ward's Bishop, knew. Well, at least all of the LDS kids at school knew, and he was dating a Mormon girl named Renee who didn't seem to care which many found even more baffling.

But a year later, Spencer felt like a total hypocrite, because he too, had a secret sin he wasn't telling anyone about; one that weighed and preyed on him all the time. It started when his dad removed the filters from his cell phone about a year ago.

"You're a very responsible young man, Spencer," his father, a Mormon high priest, told him. "You've earned your mother's and my trust, so...."

He took his phone, entered code, then handed it back to his son.

"Remember, you were named after a prophet of God. Don't mess this up."

Spencer W. Kimball was the 12th president of the Mormon church and a kind of hero in the Davis family, and their eldest son bore his name.

This Spencer promised he wouldn't mess it up, and really didn't think about it for weeks. One day after school he was hanging out with Jeremy before their slow drift began and mentioned the phone.

"Dude? Seriously? Let me have it."

He handed his best friend the phone, and seconds later Jeremy said, "Oh, yeah. Here it is. Dude, check this out!"

He handed the phone back, and what Spencer saw blew his mind.

"What...this is...sick!" he said as he gave the phone back.

"I know, right? Total pervs!" Jeremy said as he laughed loudly.

It was a porn site, and the video was of a 'shemale' getting a blow job from a man. The 'woman' was beautiful with large breasts, a pretty face, gorgeous hair, and...a monster dick. Spencer tried not to think about it after that, but the images were burned into his brain.

One night those images became so powerful he found the site and the video via his search history and watched it. All of it. He was rock hard and breathing so fast it broke him out of his spell. Masturbation was a huge no-no, and if he wanted to go on a mission at 19 like all Mormon boys, he couldn't do that. He had done it a few times, but the guilt he felt each time was overwhelming. That night it won out and he filled three tissues with a massive load of hot cum and felt guiltier than he ever had.

Since then, he gradually continued feeding his growing addiction as often as he could, and no matter how hard he prayed, he couldn't stop 'lusting after' transsexual women. Actually, he only liked pre-op TS women, because without a certain piece of anatomy he lost all interest as they were no different than so-called cis women.

He thought these unique creatures were beautiful and...special...for one very obvious reason. A reason he obsessed on all...the...time. He dreamed of dating a girl like that. Someone pretty but...special. She would be feminine and ladylike in every way but one; one very important difference from all 'regular girls' on earth like his three sisters who were 16, 14, and 11.

Worst of all his newfound love of these women made it impossible to avoid um...taking things into his own hands...so to speak. He began doing that almost every day and sometimes twice a day and couldn't stop. Even worse, he had no desire to stop.

So as Spencer walked away from Jeremy he felt like the biggest hypocrite ever. He shrugged it off then realized that this was the last Sunday before the start of his senior year. In just two more days, he'd be back in school which meant that he at least had to refrain from jerking off for six or seven hours a day.

That first day arrived in a flash, and he soon found a group of friends to hang with before class. Everyone high fived or fist bumped and swapped summer stories. When one of them asked Spencer he just said, "Yeah. You know, a little fishin' and some water skiing. Nothing big."

One of his buddies said, "BOR-RING!" and got a laugh.

Spencer laughed too, and hoped Jeremy wouldn't show up. But right on cue, he walked up with a huge dip in his lower lip and hollered out, "Yo, suckuhs! Whadduuuup!"

"Spence. What's shakin', bro?" Jeremy said as he slapped his former buddy on the back.

"You know. Not much."

Neither spoke to the other again, and Spencer was about to head to class when a group of girls walked up. The first thing they mentioned was Brent Kendall.

"Have you heard?" one of them breathlessly began.

"Heard what?" someone asked.

"About Brent. Kendall!"

"The twerp?"

Everyone chuckled as Jeremy said, "You mean the Dweeb."

More laughter followed as Brent was by far the smallest kid in their class. He was about 5'6" and weighed a buck twenty five--if that. Spencer's oldest sister, Amy, once said he looked like a girl, but he didn't really even notice what she said. Evidently his eyes were very...girl-like...and he had high cheekbones and soft features.

Brent had worn braces for a couple of years, and getting them off only made him look 'prettier' as he had a pair of soft, full lips around the very white, perfectly straight teeth. No one was sure but the word was he'd never been on a single date in his sorry life, and there was even a rumor that he played for the other team, but no knew for sure.

"There! Over there!" one of the girls said as a friend told her not to point.

"What? What's...over there?" Jeremy asked.

Everyone, to include Spencer looked. All they saw was some new girl in a skirt and sweater with knee socks walking toward them.

"Day-yum! She's hot!" Jeremy said. "Who the hell is that?"

The girl who pointed her out said, "That's him. That's...Brent. Or should I say...Ava. Yeah, now he goes by Ava Kendall."

"What the fuck?" Jeremy said as she got closer. "You gotta be shittin' me!"

Spencer didn't hear a word. He was utterly mesmerized by the very pretty girl who glanced at him and smiled as she walked by.

"Yeah, he...she...was gone all summer," the girl said. "His mom and dad divorced over what to do about his um, issue. His mom took him to some therapist and he started taking hormones last year and had some kind of thing done to get rid of his Adam's apple or something. Oh! And he got...boobs! Like...bigger than mine...boobs."

"Every chick's got bigger boobs than you, Olivia," Jeremy quipped, drawing a laugh from the guys and stuck-out tongue from Olivia.

Spencer had gone to school with Brent since the 2nd grade but had never said more than 'hey' to him. The last time he saw him Brent had long, stringy hair that fell to his shoulders and always looked greasy and dirty. He wore tight, EMO-looking jeans and cheap tee shirts, and as far as Spencer knew, Brent didn't have a single friend in school.

Now he...Ava...had long, silky hair that was bleached blonde and reached almost to the middle of her back. Her face was soft and delicate, and her eyes were amazing! And from what he could see, Ava had C-cup breasts that filled out the light-blue sweater she was wearing in the best possible way. Even her thin legs looked shapely in the heels she was wearing, and the knee socks looked hot on her.

Spencer couldn't focus on anything in any of his classes that first day. All he could think of was this beautiful, petite creature who was now named Ava, and by the end of the day his balls ached from having a hard on for six hours straight. He didn't even make it home before he had to relieve the pressure. He drove to an empty parking lot and in less than 20 seconds shot a stream of cum that missed the rag he used to wipe the dashboard with and hit him in the face.

"Shit!" he said as he panted to catch his breath and clean up the mess, hoping no one had walked up and seen him.

He not only experienced the usual post-orgasm letdown, he had a thought that caused his dick to shrivel up in an instant.

"What if Ava had bottom surgery already?"

His fantasy became a nightmare and bummed him out the rest of the day. However, when he woke up the following morning, his sense of optimism returned and he felt as good as he had since he'd begun this 'evil journey' he knew would lead to apostasy if he couldn't stop the obsession. And yet, for the first time since it started he didn't feel guilty. All he wanted to do was be with Ava.

Of course, 'being' with her would require him to first work up the courage to talk to her. That seemed like an incredibly difficult task, in and of itself, but then he'd have to ask her out. Even if she said 'yes' that still didn't mean she'd let him see her...without her clothes on. But just the thought that it could happen gave him hope. And another massive woody.

"Someone's in a good mood!" his mother said as she laid out the breakfast dishes.

"Morning, Mom!" he said so cheerfully it made her smile.

When he said 'good morning' to his sisters without any sarcasm or snide comment (well, snide for Spencer) she wondered what was going on.

"Does someone have a date?" his mom teased, causing all three girls' heads to turn and look at their older brother.

"What? No! Why would I have a date?"

His tone went from chipper to edgy so fast his mom stopped smiling and apologized for asking.

"Sorry, Mom. I...no, I don't have a date."

He had no idea why he didn't stop there, but he didn't.

"There is a girl I sorta like, though."

His sisters all 'oohed and awed' and Spencer gave them a 'grow up' kind of look.

His baby sister started singing, "Spencer has a girlfriend, Spencer has a girlfriend!" until their mother told her that was enough.

"It's hard enough for boys, sweetheart, so don't be mean. They have to ask us out, and that's not easy."

Spencer's mom never missed an opportunity to instill Mormon values in her children, and in this family, girls did not ask boys out. They waited to be asked or they didn't go out. Period.

He wanted to skip breakfast and get to school early, but meals were a family thing, and family was everything in the Mormon church which taught that 'families are forever'. Literally.

Mormon men not only married Mormon women, they were 'sealed for time and all eternity' in Mormon temples. If both lived 'faithfully' and 'endured to the end', terms that were never actually defined, the 'sealed couple' would become gods and goddesses, creating worlds without ends. After all, our own Heavenly Father was once a man who lived faithfully on another world. Now, he and his heavenly wife or wives, were our Heavenly Father and Mother. Or Mothers. They created spirit children in 'the pre-existence', and all of us were once just spirits who lived with them there. We had to come to earth to: gain a body and be 'tried and tested.'

So the family was all important in Mormonism, and that importance permeated everything they did to include eating together.

Their father came down a minute later and said, "Let's kneel down."

Everyone did so immediately and without question before he said, "Spencer, please."

That was his cue to say the blessing.

"Dear Heavenly Father, we thank thee for this food and for our family. We ask thee to bless it to the nourishment of our bodies. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen."

Everyone else said 'amen' then got up to eat. No one was allowed to eat until Mother took a bite, something that was done out of respect. Father was the head of the family and Mother was his helpmate, and children were to love and respect them both--and each other--as children of God.

Saying the blessing was such a habit that Spencer had no idea what he just said. He wasn't even thinking about food when he prayed. He was thinking about something else; something so...evil...that his parents might disown him (or at least send him to therapy or military school) were they able to know his thoughts.

It was a chilly September morning, and Spencer was on top of the world as he drove his sisters to school, dropping one off at an elementary school and the other at a junior high.

When he arrived on campus, he began watching like a hawk, looking for any sign of the beautiful new girl who had completely captivated his attention. He again hung out with the same group of kids who were talking about football, beer, and girls. Someone asked Spencer a question, but he barely heard it and mumbled some incoherent reply.

And then...he saw her. He was instantly hard and still felt the ache from the day before as Ava approached. Today, she was wearing a cute crop top with a short cardigan over it and shorts with a pair of sandals.

As she had the day before, Ava briefly looked at him and smiled just as someone called out, "Freak!"

Spencer saw the look on Ava's face and felt sick. Then angry.

"Hey! Who said that?" he demanded, his fists clenched in rage.

"Chill out, man!" the guy who said it told him dismissively. "I'm just havin' a little fun."

Spencer walked up to the defensive lineman, looked up at him, then jabbed a finger in his chest.

"Don't EVER talk to her that way again, you...asshole!"

Every eye was now watching, expecting Spencer to at least get knocked on his ass until the bigger guy started laughing.

"Jesus. You Mormons are wound way too tight!" he said with a laugh before collecting his posse and moving on.

By second period Spencer was once again calm but the calm was short-lived when a guidance counselor walked and apologized for interrupting.

"Okay. Everyone. We have a new student," she began as Ava walked up next to her.

Spencer sat up ramrod straight as his jaw went slack.

"This is Ava Kendall. Her pronouns are she/her, and we're all so glad to have her with us. Please make her feel welcome."

There were a couple of muffled 'heys' but that was it. The classroom teacher welcomed her and asked her to take a seat. She looked around and stopped when she saw Spencer, who unbeknownst to him, smiled at her. She smiled back and walked toward his desk and sat down in front of him.

He could smell the shampoo in her hair mingled with her perfume, and he thought he was going to spontaneously combust. Like the day before he didn't hear a single word that day in class, but when it ended, he walked out behind Ava then caught up with her. He took a deep breath then steeled himself.

"Ava. Hi. I'm....

"Hi, Spencer," she said with a smile; a smile so dazzling it made him weak in the knees.

"Oh...right. Yeah. Sorry."

"Was there something you wanted to say?"

He'd listened to several dozen trans women speak, and with one exception, they all sounded like men trying to sound like women. But Ava was the second exception.

"Um...no. I mean...yes. I...could I...may I...walk you to class?"

"I'd like that," she said very sweetly as she held her books in front of her like every other girl in school.

He wanted to ask if he could carry them, but that smacked of something his dad or grandfather would have done. He also wanted to talk to her but couldn't think of anything to say.

"So how have you been?" Ava asked, the smile still there on her glossy lips.

"Oh. Good. You know...really good."

"That's...good," she said with a little laugh.

"Oh. Sorry."

"I wasn't making fun of you, Spencer. And I heard what you did this morning."

She stopped and looked at him then said, "Thank you. That was very brave of you."

"What? Oh. Right. No. He was just being...an...an ass."

"He's not the only one, and if you want to walk me to any more classes, you should expect to not only hear more of that but maybe even be the target. So think about this first, okay?"

They were at her next class, but Spencer had to say, "I don't need to think about it, Ava. I don't care what they say."

"That's easy to say, Spencer, but...if you're sure."

"I am. I'm very sure."

"Well, thank you for walking me to class. That was really sweet of you," she told him, her amazing smile making him weak all over.

"My pleasure. And is it okay if I walk you...."

"I'll be right here," she told him with a smile before he could finish asking the question.

"Okay. I'll...see you then!"

"Bye!"

When he realized he was harder than ever he was very grateful to be wearing jeans. Even so, there was an obvious bulge he tried to cover up with the books he was carrying. As he walked away he realized his heart was about to pound out of his chest.

"She said 'yes'!" he said out loud to himself as he hustled to his own class. "She said YES!!!"

He fist bumped wildly then calmed himself down a bit and slid into class just before the bell.

He now knew where all of Ava's classes were and what she was taking. As they walked to and from, they chatted about their teachers and school-related topics. At her last class before lunch, Spencer asked if they could sit together in the cafeteria.

"Are you trying to get kicked out of your church?" she asked.

She said it politely, but he knew she was serious, and he also knew that the church and his parents would never tolerate what he was doing. He had to give this some more thought, but for now, all he wanted was to be near Ava.

"It's not that big a deal," he told her, his lack of confidence showing through.

"I'd love your company, Spencer, so if you're brave enough to sit with me, then please do."

They walked into the lunchroom together, and for the first time, Spencer was aware that people were staring. They'd been staring all day, but he had no idea until that very moment. A quick glance told him there were a LOT of people staring, so he looked away from them and asked Ava what she liked to eat.

"I don't eat much. I never have. And now, I want to take care of myself and my figure, so I avoid sugar and trans fats like the plague and go easy on saturated fats."

"So...no sodas?"

"No! Sugar is poison. It's the worst legal substance you can put in your body.

Spencer had never heard that and wasn't even sure it was true. He knew sugar caused cavities and could make you fat, but...poison? Later that evening he would learn that cardiologists now believed that sugar, not cholesterol, was the primary cause of heart disease as sugar inflamed the lining of blood vessels. That caused damage, and the body filled the damaged area with plaques made of cholesterol. Cholesterol wasn't the culprit, but it did the ultimate damage when a chunk broke off and lodged in an artery causing a stroke or a heart attack.

That was all well and good, but for now, he just wanted to spend time with Ava.

"Ava? Do you have any friends in school?"