One eye popped blearily open, I check out the digital clock by my bed. Who in the hell is sending text messages at 4 in the morning? Somebody better need a kidney or have at least lost a major limb, I think to myself as I half fall off the bed to make the ringing stop. With a grunt of disgust, I pop open the phone. With one eye barely open and the other one deciding not to cooperate in the opening process, all I see is the symbol for picture mail.
"Whoop-de-fuckin'-doo, man!" My voice cracks with sleep and irritation. "Sending pictures of whatever-the-hell couldn't have waiting until the morning? Ugh!!!" Disgusted, I toss the phone on the bed and head for the bathroom. Might as well be productive if I am going to be up at this horrible hour. Refreshed and empty, I head back for the bed.
By now, both my damn eyes have decided to cooperate and I am still irritated but awake. "Fuck!" I throw myself across the bed and scream into my pillows. Momentarily, I get distracted because these new pillows are so firm and fluff. I think I am getting my money's wort....man..fuck that! I can't believe I am up and thinking about a pillow. UGH! I sit up and rearrange the pillows so that I can head back to sleep. Won't even think about the fact that I have now lost a good 15 minutes of sleep and I have to be up in an hour. As I am lying to myself and pulling the covers back up, the cell phone hits the floor.
Should I get it? Nah. Fuck 'em. Ain't shit that important at 4 a.m....
So twenty minutes later, I am crawling around the floor, trying to retrieve the cell phone from up under the bed. Lemme tell ya, if you are planning to get pissed about folks calling you at 4 a.m. and let the phone go under the bed, get one of those high numbers with the stairs. Don't go for the fru-fru chic ones from Scandinavia. You aren't getting under there. Anyhoo, I end up getting out the putter from my ex-boyfriend's golf bag. I knew these clubs would eventually come in handy. That is why I told him I sold 'em.
Breathing heavy, golf club thrown haphazardly in the closet next to my Jimmie Choos, I settle back on the bed with phone. Scrolling to the picture mail, I see a message from a number that I don't recognize. I cannot believe that my beautiful rest on my new 800 count pillows was interrupted by a message from a wrong number. I almost didn't open it, but, come on... What woman do you know that wouldn't have opened that message?
At first, I don't know what to make of it. And then, duh, it hits me. Somebody has sent some shots of their dick to someone. Unfortunately, they came to me instead. OK, maybe it wasn't unfortunate because this particular dick had the sexiest curve to the right that I had ever seen. And it was so thick and laced with veins. It looks so yummy, that I feel a twinge of regret that I don't know the guy attached to it.
Oddly, after seeing that picture mail, I was able to go right to sleep. For all of 13 minutes, I got to sleep. You talkin' 'bout a mad sista girl when that alarm went off. But, the thought of that pretty dick made me feel just a little bit better about the situation I was able to pull myself together and make it out of the bed with only a minimum of attitude.
The eight o'clock meeting with the department heads goes off without a hitch. My presentation about implementing new technology in our marketing strategies went over well. Since getting promoted to Director of Marketing, I have been waiting to be told in the meeting that it was all a mistake. They meant to give my job to the only other black person at my firm. He is my only real competition and makes me feel like a bug under a microscope. So, far though, other than Mr. Rodgers playing pocket pool while he looks down my cleavage and thinks I don't know, I haven't had any problems.
By the end of the day, I am feeling pooped. Issa, my secretary pops into my office to tell me she is leaving for the day. She and her girlfriends are heading to a spot known to be a new hot hang out for girls that dig girls. She has been giggling and talking in code on her cell phone in the bathroom all day, so I am glad to see her go. All that damn giggling was working my nerves.
I am packing up my briefcase when my line rings. Forgetting that Issa has already left for the day, I let it keep ringing. After 10 rings, I remember she is out trolling for chicks. "Lynn Walker speaking." I am trying to prop the phone up to my ear and grab for my keys at the same time. The phone wins. The keys land under my desk right out of reach of my now-seeking 3 inch heel.
"Hey, Lynn. This is Alejandro. Is Issa still there?" Great. Issa's boyfriend grilling me is not a good sign for her. "I tried her cell, but she must have forgotten to turn it on when she left the office." His big 6'8 gruffness is palpable through the phone.
"Hi Alejandro. Ya know, I think Issa might be in the restroom or copying something. I was just about to leave and I don't see her desk." I really hope this girl has some insurance. If I am going to have to develop stories for her boyfriend, she is going to have to put me in the will in case he chokes her out for cheating on him. "I will leave a sticky note on her computer before I head out though. Hey, and tell your mom I said hi! I loved it when she sent us all those pastries for my birthday last month. She is the best! Ciao." Who am I to bust up Issa's game? Hate the player, not the game, baby.
On my knees, I can't believe that I am trying to reach up under something tight yet again in less than 24 hours. I am going to have to get a breast reduction or something if I am going to have to start fitting up under all these low lying things.
"Man, I can't believe how wasted we were last night." Ward, the only other black person in my firm and my arch nemesis is loud and right outside my office door.
"You were wasted, my friend." Mr Rodgers, the company's head CEO laughs. "The rest of us were delightfully pleasant."
WHAT THE FUCK!!! I can't believe kiss-ass Ward is fraternizing with Mr. Rodgers after hours. I am so undone that I stop reaching for the keys to see what other little gems they will tell while standing right in front of my door.
"You didn't really let me send that picture did you?" I hear Mr. Rodgers laughing.
"Yes, I did, my boy." I have never heard Mr. Rodgers this laid back. He is always so gruff and short with me. "I am surprised that she didn't say anything about it to that secretary of hers about it."
"I am glad that she didn't." Ward was laughing but I could hear a little bit of anxiety in his voice when he talked. "Maybe she didn't even get the picture."
Mr. Rodgers pats Ward on the back. "If I had a dick half your size, I would be doing porn and taking all kinds of pictures of it."
Dick?.....DICK??? THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT A DICK SHOT??? No way... There is no way that the beautiful curved dick belonged to Ward. No fuckin' way...
"Excuse me?" Mr. Rodgers is now peering at me over the top of my desk. "Lynn, are you eavesdropping? That is most unprofessional." The gruff exterior is firmly back into place.
Trying to gracefully pop up from the floor, I try to make myself a little less wrinkled from writhing on the floor in search of my keys.
"No sir, I was not eavesdropping. I happen to drop my keys and was trying to retrieve them when you all stopped outside my door. I would never intentionally eavesdrop." I could see Ward standing the hallway trying to blend into the honey wood paneling. His eyes and mine met for an instant and I could see the truth. The picture that had been sent at 4 a.m. came from his phone. It was his dick.
Mr Rodgers is looking a little uncomfortable as well. But then, suddenly his eyes take on a gleam. The pocket pool gleam. "Do you need help getting them. The keys, that is. I notice that you don't have them yet." His eyes become a deeper blue and I notice that he is looking down at my breasts. I look down as well and see what has his attention. My white lacy bra is showing. Most of the time it is great being well-endowed. But at this moment, with my milk chocolate breasts heaving from exertion and confusion, it is embarrassing. Before I can declare myself capable of getting my own keys, Mr Rodgers tells Ward to come in and help me with getting the keys. Then, that dirty old coot walks out.
Talk about an uncomfortable moment. Me fumbling with the buttons of the blouse and Ward trying not to look. I look down and notice that one of the buttons have popped off and is under the desk as well. Well, shit! This is not my day! I hurriedly grab for my blazer and realize that I left it in my Saab convertible after lunch.
Ward looks as he is as uncomfortable as I am as he drops to the floor. His long fingers swoop up the keys and my button easily. In my next life, I want to be a man so that I won't get caught in another situation like this. Ugh!
With my keys in my hand, finally, I gather up my briefcase and what is left of my tattered dignity and wait for Ward to unfold himself off the floor. I have never noticed how tall he was before. That was because I was always trying to stay away from him so he couldn't knife me in the back with a little in-house sabotage. But right now, as he comes to stand next to me, I am having the little black midget feeling. At 5'2, I know I am short. But Ward has to be at least a good 6'6.
"Thanks for getting my keys. I will pay for your suit to be cleaned. I didn't mean for you to get down there in Armani, Ward." I cannot get out of there soon enough. I am just trying to get past that whole dick thing and get home to cover up my breasts at this point.
"Hey, Lynn. It is no problem." Ward looks as if he would rather be anywhere rather than here at this moment. "Have a good evening."
With a sigh of relief, I smile and return the sentiment. I was hoping that he didn't think now was a good time for him to explain that dick thing. I still can't believe it. That is WARD'S DICK on my phone. Who woulda thunk it?
Letting down the top to my convertible, I start talking to myself. Do you blame me? I mean, I was in shock about my day, to say the least. Dick pictures, fraternizing of my nemesis and my boss, showing off my breasts in my lingerie in MY OFFICE??? What kind of karma do I have? Who did I do wrong? I can't believe this is happening to m...
"Excuse me, Lynn." Ward is standing right behind me. "I didn't want to interrupt this fascinating monologue, but I feel I owe you an explanation." I hear the laughter in his voice before I turn to face him.
I give up. I must have really ticked off one of my guardian angels to have this sort of day. "It is cool, Ward. You don't owe me anything. Why don't we just play like it never happened?" At this point, I am just looking for an escape from this moment. Any moment will do.
"No, Lynn, I can't just leave it. I have to get this off my chest while I have the courage to do so." Ward looks uncomfortable as I feel, but I can tell that he is determined to have this conversation.
I put my hand up to stop him from talking. "Tell you what. If you want to have this conversation with me, can we do it in an hour or so? We can meet at a coffee shop or whatever or do it over the phone. I can't do it right now, though. All I can think about is how my shirt is missing a button and I am flashing you. I think I am going to need to be focused to hear this story."
Ward looks in my eyes and sees that I am too overwhelmed to absorb much more. "OK, Ms. Lynn. Since you are willing to listen, I will give you an hour to change into something more...," his eyes run up and down my fitted dark business skirt and open blouse, "comfortable. Why don't you meet me at the Rose Garden in an hour? Do you know where it is? I go running there after work."
"Yes, I know where it is. I won't be running but sure, I will see you in an hour." With a smile, I slide into the soft butter leather of my car. Once my shades are in place, I wave and drive off. I am soo not ready to have this conversation.
Tugging at my top to make sure it isn't showing too much cleavage or any stomach, I am still debating with myself the pros and cons of meeting Ward at the garden. I mean, it isn't like I don't know what he wants to talk about. Oh suck it up, I tell myself. You work with this guy. You don't want any unnecessary tension on the work front. This guy just wants to give his side of the story and then you can be gone. What is five minutes going to hurt? It isn't like he is a mass murderer or something.
"Ha ha, no Lynn, I have no plans to murder you this evening." Ward is smiling and looking all luscious beside my car. I really must learn to talk to myself in my head if he is going to keep walking up on me this way. I never knew he had muscles but in just a basketball jersey and shorts, that seems to be all there is of him. The dark chocolate of his skin has a thin layer of sweat. But instead of looking hot and bothered, he just looked....well, hot and yummy.
He opens my car door and offers his hand as I climb out. "I went ahead and did my run before you got here. Sorry about the sweat."
Oh baby boy, let mama lick that sweat off you...hmm, hmm. "It is cool. Don't sweat it." Don't sweat it? Oh my goodness, I should have stayed home. Our eyes meet and both of us laugh. That seems to be the tension breaker we need.
"Hey, I packed a basket of some wine, some fruit and a little brie. Let's go sit by the pond while we talk." Ward had a picnic basket in his hand the whole time but I was so busy oogling him, I didn't even see it. This ought to be interesting.
Under a weathered old spruce, Ward takes the time to lay out a blanket. "You didn't have to go to all this trouble just for us to talk, Ward. I feel guilty now that I didn't bring anything." I should have had a shot of whiskey or rum or grain alcohol before this meeting. I am not feeling ready for this. Too bad I don't really drink much.
"You should feel bad." Ward replies with a smile. "No, for real, I really just appreciate the fact that you are letting me have my say." He had lost that less than comfortable look. As a matter of fact, he was starting to look rather self-assured. Ehh, maybe chalk that up to me imagining things due to the glare coming off his sweat.
I arrange my skirt to cover my legs while he pours the wine into two fluted glasses. Anything to keep myself from being nervous. "Here. Let me help you get the fruit and brie out." I make a move toward the basket, but Ward stops me.
"Sit back. Enjoy the birds singing. Look at the budding flowers around us. Relax and let me take care of everything." Do you know how long I have been waiting to hear that from a man??? But wait...that came from Ward? Now I am antsy all over again.
Once the fruit and brie are artfully placed on a silver platter, Ward takes a deep breathe and looks at me hard. Oh great, I think. I was hoping he was kidding about having to talk about today. But then he licks his bottom lip and my nipples get hard. Talk about a distraction. The lick makes his lip shine. That makes me think about wanting to see what it would be like to kiss him. Oh brother, have we got to end this little tete-a-tete soon.
"Lynn, I know you heard Broderick and I talking outside your office. May I ask you a question?"
I was so nervous that I couldn't talk. I just nodded.
"Did you get any pictures early this morning from a number that you didn't recognize?"
Again, I just nodded.
With a grimace, Ward continued. "Last night some of the guys in the office took me out to celebrate my birthday. I don't drink often and the alcohol got to me. It acted like a truth serum and told a little bit more than I meant to tell. I poured my heart out to them about how infatuated I am with you."
I opened my mouth to speak, but he stopped me.
"Wait. Hear me completely out and then you can tell me whatever you think." He looked at me to see if I would comply. Once I nodded again, he continued. "They all gave me advice on how to tell you but Broderick insisted that he knew the best way. At 3:30 in the morning after one too many chocolate martinis, I thought he had a great idea. Simply take a picture of what you do to me and send it to you. It wasn't until after your presentation this morning that I realized that the picture really had been taken and sent out. Anthony from accounting, came to pat me on the back and wish me luck. I really thought it was a just a bad dream until then. I have been wanting to ask you out forever but you look like I am going to bite you or something whenever I look your way at work. I have been checking you out, trying to see the best way to approach you for months now. I figured since you gave me a chance to tell you what happened, I should woo you a little at the same time. Maybe in a day or so, after you think about it, if you think I am not just a bad guy, we can go hear some jazz or go to the museum or something." Ward took a deep breath. "OK. I have had my say. There is more that I want to say but I think 'will you go out with me?' encompasses it all."
Talk about being thrown for a loop. I would have never in a million years have ever thought that Ward would be wooing me in a park. I never thought that he would be confessing that he had sent me X-rated pictures of himself and that our boss had egged him on. I cannot think of nothing to say. Dumbfounded would not even begin to cover how I feel at this moment.
While I am trying to process all of this information and come up with a response, Ward slips my left sandal off my foot. "While you are deciding whether to slap me or kiss me, let me rub your feet. Being in those 3 inch heels all day must be harsh on your feet." I want to say no but then he takes my foot into both of his huge hands. The warmth of his smooth hands instantly comfort me. Instead of a response, he gets a low moan out of me. "Why don't you lay back and look up at the sky and enjoy the feeling. Then, if you don't want anything further, we can just pretend that this never happened."
Never happened? This foot massage is feeling so great that I am thinking how I can afford to put him on my private payroll as a pedicurist. Laying back against the earth, it seems like everything is spinning. The way his fingers are kneading all my pressure points has me relaxed and squirming all at once. My eyes roll closed. I can't help it. It just feels too good to keep them open.
Ward starts to massage my ankle and lower leg as well. It is like he is a tension-seeking missile and working every kink out of my lower body. When he raises my foot to rest it on his chest, my skirt falls up on my thigh. I think to pull it back over my legs. At that moment, he raises my foot to suck on my big toe. That renders me instantly frozen. All of my nerve endings are standing on end. In my mind, I know I need to move that toe out of his mouth. But, his tongue is so soft and his teeth graze my skin. There is no way I can move my toe at this time. My legs fall apart with an "oh" and unconsciously I rub my arms over my breasts.
Ward takes my toe out of his mouth. With a little pout, I pop open an eye. "Why did you stop? I mean, uh, what was that about?" Yeah, Lynn, try to make it sound like you weren't about to completely surrender to Ward. Who is fooled? Oh yeah...no one.
"I stopped because I want you to come back to my place." Ward pauses to make sure I understand what he means. "I want to lay you in front of my fireplace. I want to feed you mango and suck the juice from your lips. I want to see where else you will allow me to suck juice from you."
With a sigh and regret in my voice, I turn Ward down. "I don't think that is a great idea. I mean, I am very flattered that you went through all this trouble for me. But, I don't know about sleeping with someone I work with everyday. I might need to think about that." I have no idea how I gathered the strength to turn him down.