Avery's Desire Pt. 08

Rick wasn't buying it though, especially as Avery evaded his eyes. Something was going on and it wasn't the argument with Kat. Avery was hiding something. That concerned Rick even more. It was hard for Avery to open up to anyone but he'd always been able to tell Rick just about anything, so the way he purposely tried to avoid him now made Rick think that it was something bad, something Avery was too scared to tell him about.

"Is it Mikey?" Rick asked suddenly. "Did he say something to you? I'll beat his ass if he did!"

Avery quickly turned, locking eyes with Rick. "No!" He shook his head earnestly. "God no, it has nothing to do with that asshole. Trust me, if it was him, I'd tell you."

He sighed and then pushed himself away from the jukebox. Pulling out a chair at a near-by table, Avery seated himself, slouching down in the chair and propping one foot up on the edge of the table. Rick pulled out the chair next to him, turned it around, and plopped down in it, resting his arms on its back.

"I video chatted with Brian last night—over the internet..."Avery began. He glanced up to gage the expression on Rick's face. He seemed unusually reserved and impassive at the mention of Brian's name. His eyes were fixed on Avery, and although the concern was still there, Avery sensed a bit of frustration as well.

He realized how hard it must be for Rick to play the role of best friend when in reality he wanted to be his lover, but Avery really had no idea what to do about that. He was still so confused himself. He'd never even thought of he and Rick ever being a couple because Rick had never shown any interest in being with him before. Any romantic feelings he'd felt for Rick at one time were just as quickly pushed away and hidden deep down inside of himself; forever locked away in the dark recesses of his soul.

Then, Rick makes this mind-blowing confession of love for Avery and everything Avery has ever thought or felt about him suddenly became all jumbled up and flipped around. Now Avery had to find a way to make sense of it all. One question continued to elude him though, how did he honestly feel about Rick now?

As he stared into Rick's eyes he was even more bewildered. A new kind of emotion emerged when he looked at him now; it was something like love, but deeper, and more personal than that. It was a feeling that he couldn't really put into words, he just knew that being near Rick made him feel alive inside, as if his very presence gave Avery some type of strength that he never even knew he had.

There was also something familiar about the way he felt around Rick. It was almost as though they could just look at one another and hold an entire conversation without even saying a word. Rick was good at reading Avery and Avery always felt that he could sense what Rick was feeling and thinking, which was why he was so shocked when rick told him that he loved him. It was possible that Avery had sensed it already, but he thought it was more of a brotherly type of love rather than something romantic.

Part of him still wondered even if that's what it was and maybe Rick was the one who was confused, despite his argument to the contrary. Avery tried to tell himself that what he was feeling now was a kind of awe and respectful type of love that one would have for an older sibling, especially one that they were particularly close to, but when he looked into Rick's eyes, he realized that it wasn't so.

What he was feeling in that exact moment was not something you felt for a brother or a sister; it was something else, something more intimate. When he looked at Rick, he felt himself began to slip away; as if drawn into those beautiful, amber orbs where he lost all sense of himself, and the world around him ceased to exist.

'My God..." Avery thought as he took a deep breath. His heart started pounding wildly in his chest as reality suddenly dawned on him. 'I AM in love with him, I really am!'

He tore his eyes away from Rick and dropped his gaze to the hands in his lap. He began to fidget uneasily. After his conversation with Brian the previous night, Avery wasn't really certain of anything anymore. Did he love them both? Was what he felt for Rick stronger? Or was it Brian that he really loved?

Without really even realizing it, Avery began to detail the conversation he'd had with Brian. He told Rick everything, from Brian asking him to go on tour with him and then eventually move in with him, to the way that he had so casually dismissed Avery's dream of being a singer. He told him how Brian had put down the band, saying they had no talent, and how he'd told Avery that he didn't have what it took to make it in the music industry.

He went on to explain to Rick how he was so confused about everything, and about how he felt torn between his love for Brian and his loyalty for his band mates. Everything just came out of him like an unrelenting out-pour of emotions. When he was done, he sat back, took a deep breath, and then exhaled slowly. His eyes were wet and red from crying and he felt emotionally and mentally drained. Despite that though, he still felt an overwhelming sense of relief at having gotten it all off his chest. He felt better, but he hoped he'd done the right thing by telling Rick.

When he had mustered enough courage to actually look up he froze. Rick had an expression etched across his face that suggested he was silently planning a murder; Avery just didn't know if he was the one that Rick was upset with or Brian.

Rick leaned back in his chair. He turned away from Avery and drummed his fingers on top of the table. Avery watched as his breathing went from calm, soft breaths to deeper, longer, more agitated breaths. He narrowed his eyes; brow furrowed, and shook his head slowly as though answering a silent question in his mind. Finally, he turned back to Avery, lit a smoke, and exhaled heavily as he glared in his direction.

"Are you going to do it?" Rick asked him, the tone of his voice harsh and accusing. "Are you actually planning to move out there?"

Avery leaned forward, resting his hands on the table. He looked down and sighed. "I don't know." He answered softly. "I didn't give him a straight answer. I don't really know what I want to do. I never thought that things would progress this quickly and to be honest, it scares me a little."

Rick was angry, but he was also hurt. He didn't want to lose Avery, he wanted to tell him to stay, but he knew that it had to be his decision and no one else's. Still, the thought of Avery moving away, so far away, was crushing Rick's heart in a way that he never thought was possible. He wanted to scream. He wanted to cuss, and break things. He also wanted to cry. Things were going so great for him, why did Brian have to ruin it all now?

He took a deep breath and tried to clear his head but he was being tortured inside. He looked at Avery and frowned. "I don't want you to go; I think you know that..." His voice sounded so weak and so far away. Avery could tell that his heart was breaking, and it pained him greatly. "What I want doesn't matter though." Rick continued. "You have to do what you think is best for you, what you think would make you happy. If being with Brian is what you want..."

He pursed his lips together as he fought back the tears that were filling his eyes. "God Avery, the last thing I want is to lose you now and if you leave then, it's good-bye forever, but I won't force you to stay, not if it means you'll be miserable."

He couldn't hold back any longer as the tears began to flow down his cheeks. He pushed himself away from the table and stood up, kicking the chair away from him. He didn't know what to do just then. Run away maybe, punch something more likely. He suddenly felt like his entire world was crashing down around him. He leaned over the jukebox, balling his fists up till his knuckles turned white. His body began to shake. 'I'm going to fucking lose it.' He thought.

Avery slowly stood up and walked over to Rick. He put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed gently. "Rick..." He said softly. "What is it that you want from me? What do you really want?"

Rick wiped at his eyes with the collar of his shirt. He looked at Avery. "What do you mean? You know what I want Avery. I told you I'm in love with you. I want to be with you, what else?"

Avery shrugged some. "Rick, you've never been with a guy. How do you really know that what you feel for me is real? You say you love me, but is it enough? Would you really be happy in a relationship with me? I'm not just talking about sex; I've known plenty of straight men that have no problem topping a gay guy when they're horny, or drunk enough. I'm talking about being in a real relationship. People will judge you, look at you strange, and belittle you." Avery leaned against the Jukebox, crossing his legs at his ankles. He looked down at the floor and sighed.

"You have no idea how many times I've wished that I was straight just because it would make life so much easier. It's just not who I am though, I was born this way and I can't change who I am. I guess...I'm just scared that you'll wake up one day and realize you've made a mistake. You'll realize that being with me just...wasn't worth it."

"That will never happen." Rick said sharply. "Avery, do you think I care about any of that? Do you honestly think I care what people might say about me? I love you, and I will never stop loving you. There isn't anything that would ever change my mind about how I feel about you. There's nothing that anyone could ever say, or do that would make me regret loving you. I can deal with whatever shit comes my way, and I would face it head on because you ARE worth it! You're worth it to me!"

Avery looked at Rick; tears glistening in his eyes as he listened to him speak. He wanted to believe him, he wanted more than anything for what he said to be true but he'd just been disappointed too many times. Every relationship that Avery had ever been in had ended in heartbreak, starting with the first boy he'd ever kissed when he was twelve. The other kids in his class had found out about it and made fun of them.

The boy never spoke to him again after that and Avery was left devastated. Looking back, it didn't seem like such a big deal, it was just a boy hood crush, but it was Avery's first experience with how cruel the world could be. He didn't want the same thing to happen with Rick. It was better to keep him in his life as a friend than to risk losing him all together. If he stayed with Brian though, he would lose Rick. Moving to LA would mean never seeing Rick again. It would also mean, never seeing Trash again, and probably never singing again.

The life that he had right now would be over. The friends that mattered to him so much he would have to abandon. Was he ready to give all that up, and give up on his dream, just to be with a man he barely knew? Was Brian really worth it? Avery never thought he'd ever actually have to ask himself that question. Brian was just a dream for so long; something to believe in, something that gave him hope. Honestly, the dream seemed better than what the reality had turned out to be. Was his relationship with Brian really only based on fantasy?

"Rick, I don't want to lose you either. I'm just...I'm scared. You mean so much to me. I don't want to leave; I want to stay here—with you. It's just...what if we can't..."

Rick didn't give Avery the chance to finish. He took him by the arms and pulled him in, wrapping his arms around the younger man as he pressed their lips together in a sensuous kiss.

Avery's eyes went wide and he sharply shoved Rick back. "Are you nuts?" He gasped. "We're in a redneck bar for Christ's sake! Are you trying to get us killed?"

Rick laughed. "Ave, the place is practically empty and the few guys that are here are all over sixty. I think we're safe."

Avery glanced around the bar. Rick had a point, the place was dead, and the two old men sitting at the bar were too busy drinking to even notice anyone else. Boomer was sitting at a near-by table reading a newspaper, but even if he noticed them he wouldn't have cared.

Rick slipped his arm around Avery's waist and pulled him close. "You're not used to public displays of affection are you?"

"If it's the right time and place," Avery told him. "I'm just not used to letting my guard down."

"Are you sure that's all it is?" Rick asked. His face was more serious now. "If it's me, I'll understand, just be honest with me."

Avery put his head against Rick's chest and sighed. He could hear his heart beating. It was a soft, constant rhythm, soothing, and hypnotic. "It's not you." He whispered. "I'm not as brave as I like to let on. I just try not to show my weaker side to anyone, it's safer that way. Before I met you guys, I wasn't really accepted by a lot of people. I think that's why I always feel so isolated."

Rick wrapped his arms protectively around Avery. It felt nice to hold him like that, and Avery seemed to relax and loosen up more. "I think you're mistaking caution for weakness because you're not weak Avery. You're one of the strongest people that I know. I've always thought that. For someone as young as you are, and to have been through what you have, and still come out fighting, man that's totally amazing. Hell, most days I'm in awe of you."

"You're in awe of me?" Avery laughed some, "Yeah right. Honestly, I'm a mess. I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm confused and I'm scared. I'm incredibly naive..."

"And those are all things about you that I love. It makes me feel like it's okay to fuck up around you and be a little stupid at times." Rick grinned. "I don't always say or do the right thing and God knows I have made some huge mistakes in my life. But, hearing that you're scared and confused too, it makes me feel a little better, because a lot of what I've been feeling lately has had me so confused and questioning myself."

Rick pulled himself back and looked Avery in the eyes. He wiped the boy's tears away with his thumb and smiled warmly at him. "One thing that I'm not confused about now though is what I feel for you. I know in my heart that it's real and it's not a mistake. I know that you have doubts about me, and you're right to. I've never been with a guy before. I've never even considered it before; and if we were to be together it might feel a little weird at first, I really don't know. If I'm being honest with you though, I have kind of fantasized about you some."

Avery smirked. "Really? What, like fantasized sexually?"

Rick felt himself flush. He rolled his eyes and chuckled nervously. "Yeah, sexually; I couldn't really help it; especially after that kiss we shared I got a little hot."

"So..." Avery giggled. "You think about me naked huh?"

"No comment." Rick laughed.

"So would it make you hot if I..." Avery stood on his tip toes and whispered in Rick's ear.

Rick's eyes widened and his cheeks got beat red. "Oh my God Avery, that's really...naughty!" He gasped though obviously amused, if not a little intrigued.

Avery snickered. "I'll take that as a yes." He teased.

"You know what...hold that thought." Rick grabbed Avery by the hand and pulled him across the room to the door that lead back out into the store room where they'd left Kat and Trash.

"Hey, what are you..."

"Just hold on." Rick said again. He pushed the door open and pulled Avery through it. Kat and Trash were sitting at the table going over a play list and discussing the songs from it. They each looked up when Rick and Avery came in.

"Is everything alright?" Trash asked.

"Yeah everything's fine." Rick told him. "But, could we have the room for a little bit? I need to discuss something with Avery in private."

"Sure, no problem buddy." Trash looked at Kat and shrugged. "Come on baby, I'll buy you a drink."

"Alright," Kat stood up and followed Trash out the door. "But you call me baby again and you'll be picking your nut sack outta your teeth."

Rick shut the door after then and locked it.

"Okay, what did you want to discuss with me?" Avery flashed Rick a flirtatious little smile.

"This..." Rick turned to Avery and took him in his arms suddenly kissing him hard on the mouth. This time Avery didn't resist. He stretched his arms out over Rick's shoulders and around the back of his neck. He opened his mouth and invited Rick's tongue in. Rick held him tight against him, his hand sliding down and cupping Avery's ass.

Their tongue's twirled and twisted together as they kissed. Avery finally had to pull back when he felt like he might pass out from lack of air. "Wow." He said; his eyes wide with arousal. "That was...just wow!"

Rick grinned. With his hand firmly planted on Avery's ass and his arm around his back, Rick effortless picked the boy up as if he weighed nothing. Avery wrapped his legs around him so that Rick's waist was between his thighs and his belly pressed against the boy's groin. He kissed Avery's neck as he carried him to a spot in the back and sat him down on a stack of boxes.

"God I love kissing you." Rick said as he pressed his lips against Avery's neck. Avery moaned softly as he let his head roll to side. Rick put his hands on Avery's hips and pulled him closer then slipped a hand behind his neck, supporting his head. Avery arched his back, closed his eyes, and hooked his feet behind Rick, resting his heels against Rick's ass.

Rick squeezed Avery's thigh with his right hand, massaging it gently while kissing and sucking at his neck. Rick slid his thumb slowly along the inside of the boy's thigh, gently brushing it against the thin material covering his crotch. Avery whimpered and squirmed under Rick's touch, making Rick grin.

The skin tight pants that Avery wore left little to the imagination. His passion was now painfully evident as Rick moved his hand to the hard bulge between Avery's legs and began to stroke him through his jeans.

"Oh God!" Avery gasped with a high pitched little squeal. "Umm."

"Do you like that?" Rick whispered.

"Umm hmm." Avery's heart was pounding now and his breathing grew heavier as his chest heaved up and down beneath his shirt. Rick gave Avery's growing manhood one last playful squeeze before moving his hand up and under Avery's shirt.

His skin felt so warm, so smooth, and soft. Just touching him sent hot shocks of passion riveting throughout Rick's body. He loved touching Avery, feeling his flesh, tasting him, even smelling his sweet scent. He pulled Avery up-right, kissed him on the lips, and then gently lifted his shirt up, past his head and over his arms.

He marveled at the beauty of Avery's body. God, he wanted him so bad. Rick was certain now that he would have absolutely no problem at all making love to him. Even now, as he stood there, looking at the bare flesh of his chest, Rick could imagine Avery lying naked beneath him with Rick situated between his thighs and pressing his sex into him.

Rick moved his hand up along Avery's abdomen, letting his fingers trail over his stomach, tracing the soft line of hair from his navel to his groin. Avery gripped the edge of the box he was sitting on and leaned back. His body quivered with each touch. Rick touched his lips to Avery's stomach and kissed him there. He teased him with his tongue, dragging it over the boys flesh and tracing a circle around his navel.

Avery whimpered and moaned as he arched his back more. He slipped a hand into Rick's hair and gripped it gently. Rick put his hands around Avery's small waist and jerked him forward. He held him tightly as his tongue continued to explore Avery's body. God, he wanted to devour every inch of him.

"Oh God!" Avery gasped as his felt Rick's mouth touch his nipples. Rick kissed him and sucked at his soft, pink, flesh, sending chills up the boy's spine. He could hear Avery's heart pounding furiously in his chest, sending more waves of desire rocketing throughout his body. Avery reached both of his arms across Rick's shoulder, grabbing the back of his shirt as he started to heave it up his back. Rick pulled away from Avery briefly, pulled his shirt the rest of the way off, and tossed it on the floor.