Back to Back Pt. 04

In high school when Liam would pick on me, it would just roll off me and I'd continue on with my day. A stray push or shove, a name here and there, it didn't bother me that much. Everyone else just ignored me so clearly he just had problems. I'd remind myself most bullies are bullies because they aren't getting the right attention at home or whatever. This time I couldn't just pull myself out of it. This time his words cut deeply, right to insecurities I'd already been poorly containing. Did Liam see something all these years that I've been blind to? Is that what guys thought of me when they saw me? I'm faggy? Is that why people didn't like me growing up?

"You good, dude? You look like you just saw a ghost."

Miles plopped down next to me at the table, two waters in hand. I looked down at my food and my appetite was gone.

"Feel kind of sick." He pushed my cup in front of me

"Drink some water."

I sipped slowly. I just wanted to lay down in the dark for a few days, but there was no way Miles was going to let that happen. I pushed my food around my plate for a while, sensing Miles' worry. I did my best to make it look like I made an effort to eat and I think I did a decent job. Miles didn't question me and we promptly left once he was done with his food.

Miles immediately started getting ready for bed when we got back to the dorm. He grabbed his shower caddy and left, and as soon as the door clicked shut I pulled out my phone and Facetimed my sister. We usually talk at least a few times a week but I've been so exhausted I just haven't had the energy to even look at my phone. She usually goes to bed really early and I felt bad calling her late, but I really needed to talk to someone. It rang and rang. Since when does FaceTime ring for so long? I had given up hope and was about to end the call when she picked up, bleary-eyed.

"Artie?"

"Yeah, hey Marissa. Sorry were you sleeping?"

"Was about to but it's no big deal. How have you been? It's been a little while."

"Yeah sorry I've had a busy week. And I've been good, I guess."

"You guess? What does that mean?"

"Well, I don't know..."

She just looked at the camera, waiting.

"Riss can I ask you something, and you not make it weird?"

I really had to force the words out and I felt my face flush. My sense of self-preservation was screaming at me to back out and act like everything was fine. I took a deep breath. If anyone was going to be able to help me it was going to be Marissa.

"Yeah, of course. Thank you for the warning."

"Um. Uh. So..." I stuttered, not even knowing how to phrase it.

"When did you know that you liked guys?" My face was on fire. I wanted to bury my face in my pillow and never come back up for air. She paused for a moment to collect herself I'm guessing. She's a smart girl, she knew what I was getting at.

"Everyone has their own timeline. Sexuality is... something you have to figure out for yourself, you can't really compare to others."

"Right. So... Um..."

Why didn't I think about how awkward this would be?

"Artie, what's going on?"

"Okay. So." Again I almost backed out. Just hung up the phone. She was really going to make me spell it out. Couldn't she just let me beat around the bush?

I steeled myself. If I didn't follow through now I probably never would.

"So you know how I switched to a double this year?" My eyes were scrunched shut and I wasn't even really listening to Marissa's response. I just wanted to get it all out without having to think about it.

"Yeeeees."

"My roommate is Miles Beatty you remember him from back when we lived on Clairmont ever since he moved in I've been having weird sexual feelings and they show up and go away but I don't know what to do about it I've never felt like this before about anyone boy or girl and I don't know if it's just a phase or hormones or something and also I really don't want to make it weird between us it's been so nice having a best friend again and without going into graphic detail sometimes its really difficult to conceal my body's interest."

My eyes opened and I took a deep, deep inhale. My entire chest had compressed getting all that out in one breath and my sides cramped. As humiliated and embarrassed as I felt, and as badly as I wanted to bury my head in the sand like an emu, I also felt a weight lift off my shoulders.

"Okay. Hold up a minute. Monster Miles is your roommate, and I'm just now finding out about this!?"

That's what she got out of all this?

I love my sister but sometimes she can be so aloof.

"Yes, Riss. Miles is my roommate. Bigger fish to fry. He's in the shower right now and will be back any minute so some advice would be great. Promptly, please." I tried really fricking hard to not come off as exasperated as I was. Okay, maybe I didn't try that hard.

"Alright, this is the deal. What you're feeling is totally normal. Don't forget that. So what if you like guys? My advice is to take it by the balls. Get out there and see what you like. And hopefully what you like isn't Monster Miles." Easy for her to say. Right just go out and do gay stuff. How does that even work?

"He really isn't like that anymore! He's kind." She made him sound like such a bridge troll.

"Bigger fish to fry, Artie." She said in a mocking tone. I guess I deserved that.

"Either way, go find someone and test the waters! The worst that can happen is you aren't into it." She made it sound so simple.

But maybe it was?

"I guess you're right."

"No, not I guess. I am right. Everything is going to be fine Art. College is when you're supposed to be figuring this stuff out!"

"No, you're right. You're right. I just gotta grab it by the balls."

"Yeah!" She cheered me on.

"Go out and see what I like."

"Yeah!" She cheered louder.

"And remind myself everything I'm feeling is normal."

"Hell yeah!"

I laughed out loud, Marissa's behavior lightening my mood.

"Thank you, Rissy."

"Of course. Call me anytime you need to talk. I'm working remotely for the next couple weeks so I'll be around the phone."

"Okay, sounds good. I'll probably call you Sunday? If you're free?"

"Yep. I'll just be hanging around the house." As she finished her sentence Miles came back from the shower wrapped in tiny white towel.

"Wanna say hi to Miles?" I looked to him for confirmation and he shrugged his shoulders.

"Not particularly." Miles heard her response and snickered, pleased with himself. Clearly.

I panned the camera over to Miles who was standing by the bed waiting to say hello. He waved and smiled bright as the sun.

"Marissa, it's good to see you! How have you been?"

"Since YOU moved? Fantastic." Oof. She was pulling no punches. Miles melodramatically put his hand over his heart.

"That really hurts." He stuck his bottom lip out and furrowed his brow.

"Uh-huh. You know what hurt? Pulling an entire pack of chewed Bubblicious out of my hair."

Miles grimaced.

"Eee. Sorry about that. Looks like it all grew back okay though!" A reference to her wildly disheveled bedhead. She squinted at the camera and sat up a little. I could tell she was gearing up to spar with Miles.

"Oookay. I'll call you Sunday, Riss."

"Night, Art." She said in a monotone.

"Night!" I hung up the phone quickly before Miles could say anything to instigate her.

He looked like he was just waiting for an opportunity to get one in. I gave him the side-eye.

"I gotta hand it to her, that girl really knows how to hold a grudge." True, but seemingly only against Miles. Riss is such a sweetheart.

My phone pinged and I looked down. iMessage from Marissa.

'Uhm.. You didn't tell me he's fucking hot as shit. Oh my god. His arms. Artie ur doomed'

How reassuring. I wanted to slap my forehead so bad but my phone was in my hands. I just slapped my forehead with my phone a few times.

My phone started ringing suddenly, startling me. Figuring Marissa forgot to tell me something I automatically answered.

"Yeah?"

"Hey! This is Arthur, right?" A deep voice answered on the other side. Not Marissa. I looked at my phone and the number wasn't saved.

"Yes, who is this?"

"Conner."

"Oh. Hi Conner." Miles froze in the middle of pulling his shorts up his legs.

I heard Miles mutter something underneath his breath. He shook his head and continued dressing.

"Hey so since rush week is technically over we're having an unofficial mixer for potential pledges tomorrow at the house. You should come!"

"Do I need to bring anything?"

"No, just yourself!"

"Okay yeah, I could stop by."

"Great! It starts at eight but show up whenever!"

"Sounds good. See you then."

"Looking forward to it, see ya."

"Wait, Conner."

"Yeah, what's up?" I made eye contact with Miles.

"Could I bring my roommate?"

********

Miles

This past week flew the fuck by. Every day there was something new to do around campus. I've never had so many options. My last University was mostly commuter students and while I did what I could to get involved, campus was just dead. I spent most of my free time chilling with Nat, working out and fucking. This year though I haven't been able to sit still knowing how much was going on around me. Walk around campus for five minutes and you'd find at least a few people recruiting for this club or that organization. I'm still shocked about how much free shit I've accrued in the last week. String bags, water bottles, stickers, key chains, T-shirts, pop sockets. If it can be made cheaply in China they were moving that shit.

I realized early on that when I would try to get Artie to go to something with me he'd bitch and moan, but it was all for show. He just needed a little push. Sometimes a big push. But I could tell he was always low key down. Monday he made it seem like the Club Fair was the last place on Earth he wanted to be. And to be fair I could tell he was freaking the fuck out on the inside being in such close quarters with all those people. But I saw him eyeing some booths and taking flyers.

Rush week was the same shit, different day. Artie kicked and fought the whole way but once we got to the event he was just fine. If anything, he had more interest expressed in him than I did. Especially that tool Conner. Fucking of course that slimy fuck wanted Artie in his frat. We got to the house and I was immediately separated from Artie by an over-enthusiastic girl with lots of freckles and big curly red hair. She talked my ear off while I eyed Conner and Artie from across the room. Watched as that Conner guy rubbed his grubby mitts all over him.

I could feel myself seething. Clearly Artie wasn't feeling it. Can't the guy take a fucking hint? Several times I felt myself getting ready to ditch the one sided conversation this girl was herself and dragging him away, but the girl would just come up with another topic to go on about. Then, I'd remind myself that Artie is allowed to talk to people who aren't me and I'd relax. I repeated this process maybe five times before I had had enough. I walked directly to Artie.

"Ready to go?" I didn't want to get any more heated than I already was so I completely ignored Conner's existence. I resisted the urge to just take hold of Artie's arm and drag him back to our dorm where I can lock him up, and Conner out.

I sounded like his overprotective father. Thankfully though, Artie didn't fight me. We left soon after that and on the way out I looked over my shoulder. Conner had clearly been shooting daggers at the back of my head because we immediately made eye contact, and he was scowling hard. Yeah eat it up, bitch. He's mine.

********

Wednesday was fucking weird. The day itself was normal, my classes had all barely moved beyond the syllabus so I didn't have shit to do. I realized I had been loafing on the gym so as soon as I finished school for the day I dragged Artie there with me. He was wearing this cutoff with deep slits down the sides and I could basically see his whole upper body. As he would do his reps his nipples would peek out, or his treasure trail, or his abs. For someone who hated the gym, he had a wild amount of definition. I had to lift for like a year before I had his definition. Lucky mother fucker.

That wasn't the weird part. Half naked guys in the gym is pretty much a given. What was weird was what happened in the sauna. I didn't usually hit the sauna but I pushed myself to my limit. Sometimes being around Artie for awhile I would feel like a live wire. Constantly in need of a release of energy. It was the same feeling as when you miss a workout a few days in a row, and you can practically feel your body thrumming from the extra energy it's producing. After our workout though I was chilling. I made a note to make Artie go to the gym with me more often. And the sauna. I don't know what kind of maintenance budget this school had but it was immaculate. The saunas I've used always smell like old man sweat. But this one had like a... I don't know... citrus scent? Like Pine-sol.

I was dozing. Normally I'm on top of that shit but I had Artie there with me to wake me up if I fell asleep. I just let myself slowly drift off.

I woke with a start. All the muscles in my body had suddenly relaxed and when my head lolled to the side it woke me up. I cracked my eye open. Artie was wide eyed and slack jawed. My towel had fallen apart and Artie's eyes were trained directly on the opening. He shifted his eyes away and they drifted around, but they came right back to target. I saw him swallow as a bead of sweat dripped down his temples. I imagined dirty thoughts running through Artie's brain while he checked me out. I felt warmth all around my lower body and tingles up my chest. I could practically feel his eyes running up and down my cock. Yeah, you like that?

My legs drifted farther apart.

Artie's eyes flicked up to mine and I shut them. When I reopened them his eyes were back on my cock. He finally closed his mouth and I saw him gulp. Blood rushed south and my stomach flipped. Oh fuck. I could feel my entire lower body pulsing and the longer Artie's eyes lingered, the stronger it got.

I pictured Artie on his knees in front of me, sucking on the head of my cock and looking into my eyes. I imagined him jacking his cock hard while I fed him my cum. Some of it spilling out of the sides of his mouth and onto my cock and balls, and then him licking it up.

"I'm gonna take a shower" Artie muttered and dipped out of the sauna, clearly uncomfortable with my state of arousal. I was left alone and confounded.

Jesus fucking Christ on a cross. When did I become such an exhibitionist? I thought back on my sexual encounters, and there have definitely been some times where I didn't mind a voyeur being involved. When Nat and I first started dating we weren't allowed in each others room alone so we'd fuck in my car at a park near our houses. I remember thinking a few times that there could have easily been someone watching from outside the car, and the stray thought would always turn me on. I felt guilty for making Artie uncomfortable, but how would I even apologize?

********

Thursday was fine. Went to class, did some homework, went to the gym. Just me in the sauna this time. I made sure to jack off in the bathroom earlier though, just in case.

********

In my last class on Friday I heard some girls in front of me talking about the Career Fair. Apparently, no one ever makes connections the first time they go and recruiters really only look at people who have shown interest at least twice. Good to know. I didn't have a ton of extracurriculars under my belt from last year, like the kids who have been here since day one. I knew I needed to do whatever I could to get a leg up. Friday, Artie put up the least resistance when I tried to get him up and I considered that a success. I like to make the most out of my week, we could chill and do nothing on the weekends. I was grateful Artie would always agree to come with me even though his first instinct was to laze. Having Artie with me made everything seem less serious. The Career Fair for example, something that I would typically over analyze and place way too much importance on, was a breeze. Artie and I rolled up, talked to some people, and then left for dinner. It was great. There was no over thinking with Artie, we would just be. The companionship I had with him was just so... easy.

I finished talking with a representative from a west coast start up and turned to look for Artie. I found him and some woman maybe a few years older than us chatting it up. They seemed like they knew each other, maybe a family friend? My suspicions were proven correct. She was one of Pissy Rissy's friends. I felt completely unthreatened and I was glad. Apparently my jealousy does know some bounds. I think it was how clear Conner's intentions were, to me and not Artie, that pissed me off. He's only gotten as far as he has with Artie because Artie is naive. It irritated me to think someone would take advantage of that.

Or at least that was what made sense to me at the time.

A few hours later Artie and I were chilling in the dorm. We had just gotten off the phone with his sister when his phone started ringing. I instantly had a bad feeling. He picked up the phone and Artie confirmed my hunch.

"Oh. Hi Conner."

I couldn't hold in my frustration.

"This fuck, again." I think I said it low enough for Artie not to catch it.

And then that slime invites him to some party. I just knew he was probably feeding Artie some bullshit about how he wants to recruit Artie for his little frat and how he's getting a special invite or some shit. I was absolutely fucking stewing.

********

Artie was standing in front of the mirror on the back of our door fixing, mussing, and then refixing his hair. Pledging any kind of frat was just a means to an end for me. An opportunity to make some connections and meet some alumni. Shit like this was how you did just that. I should be excited about this party or whatever. But nope, my stomach was churning. Artie's been getting ready for like 30 minutes. Fucking like three hours in girl time. He smelled good, his pants were loose enough to not be obscene, his clothes seemed new and well fitted, and he put contacts in. Who the hell was he getting ready for?

"You don't have to go if you don't want to." Artie pulled me out of my thoughts.

"Huh?"

"You look like you just licked a lemon." Now that he said something I could feel the strain on my facial muscles from scowling for so long. I closed my eyes I rubbed my eyebrows flat.

"Nah, I'm good. Just tired."

"We probably won't have to stay for long."

I guess he decided his hair was the perfect amount of messed up because he stopped fucking with it. He was standing there expectantly as if I was the one who had been holding us up for the last half an hour. Ready to go, I guess. Artie explained to me on the way that this was some of the brothers from the fraternity's house. Including Conner. Can't say I was surprised. It was maybe five minutes off of the bottom of campus and I was glad because I intended on getting as fucked up as socially acceptable.

Walking up to the house you could see lights shining from outside and hear the baseline of the music shaking the windows in their sills. Seemed like a very professional event. I looked over at Artie's khakis and ironed button down. I think he might be a bit overdressed. And who opens the door before we even have a chance to knock? None other than Conner. I was immediately irate and needed to chill the fuck out. There's gonna be people everywhere, Conner isn't gonna try some fuck shit.

I could practically feel Conners eye's raking up and down Artie from a mile away. My fists clenched. If I didn't reign my shit in someone was going to think I was a homophobe or something. I zenned myself. Make some connections, Miles. Let Artie do his thing.