Banished Pt. 13

"What's the point of it, then?"

I rubbed my chin.

"Misdirection? That's actually a hell of a thing to have in a fight."

"Really?"

She thought about it.

"But... I don't like the idea of fighting. A sword, or spear in my hand just feels... wrong."

"It's okay. We don't all have to be fighters," I said. "But... maybe you could contribute to fights without even fighting?"

"With distractions?"

I nodded.

"Although... a skilled enemy may pick up what you're doing, and go after you. If you can't defend yourself, that could be bad."

She frowned.

"I guess it can't be helped... I have to learn a little fighting if I want to be useful."

As she considered her options, I noted that she kept her hand in mine, until eventually, she pointed at my hand.

"Is that a skill? You're using a skill, aren't you?"

I shook my head.

"A skill like what?"

"To make me feel like that? Relaxed, protected... safe? I feel something from you. Like... energy."

I concentrated on our hands, and as the threads came into view, I noted there was indeed a collection of threads around the spot.

What was this skill?

I had so many bumps, few of which I could identify, and this was the first time I'd even noticed the activation of this skill.

"I think you might be right," I said. "Never noticed that before. Does that bother you?"

She quickly shook her head.

"No, I love it! I mean... it feels nice. I don't feel that way, usually. Or... not ever, actually."

"What do you wanna do?" I asked, and she looked around.

"What are our options?"

"We could head back, since I'm a little worried about your ankle. Or, if you don't mind, we could do some scouting? Since-"

"Yes!"

"Hm?"

"Let's uh... do the scouting," she said.

I eyed her a little, as I took a look around.

We had entered Irileth's domain, and were somewhere close to where we'd made camp the night before coming to Grenze.

But how far were we from the place where we'd made first camp?

That was my initial target, but that was some distance from Grenze.

Did I wanna chance that, with Leanna's ankle?

"Let's head this way," I offered.

I figured it was best to walk until we knew for sure that Leanna could cope with moving around, and she nodded.

As we walked, however, I noted that she seemed to be looking around at her surroundings with a pretty interested look.

"Those trees are so tall. Were they always like that?"

I tilted my head at the question.

"Uh, yeah. This whole forest is kind of like that..."

I mean, we'd been here for more than a week now, hadn't we?

Or had Leanna been so preoccupied with her worries that she'd barely even looked at her surroundings.

"It's... beautiful," she said eventually, and I smiled a little.

"If you think these are nice, wait till you see the ones we're gonna be living in," I said.

She frowned.

"Are we really gonna live in trees... like those things?"

"Things?"

"Kobalt, was it?"

"People," I corrected her. "They're people... sort of like us, but without access to these."

I tapped the spot on my wrist where my implant was, and Leanna studied it.

"You said they tracked us with these... was that true?"

"Depends on who you mean by 'they'?"

"The... Kobalt people."

I shook my head.

"The only ones tracking us are probably the ones who put us here."

She shuddered a little.

"What do they want with us?" she asked.

"That's a very good question. How's your ankle so far?"

"I think it's fine," she said, so I suggested that we jog for a bit, and she nodded.

She insisted on keeping her hand in mine as we did, however, but I did note that she spent a lot less time looking back over her shoulder as we continued on.

"How old were you?" I suddenly asked.

"Huh?"

"When the thing happened; with your teacher?"

"Oh... sixteen," she answered.

"Were you on medication before that?"

She nodded.

"Did you tell your parents?"

She nodded again, and this time, she took a tense look over her shoulder, and stumbled a little, as I brought us to a pause.

"The forest floor is a little tricky to navigate," I explained, showing her the root where she'd just almost stumbled. "If your foot gets caught on one of these, you can damage your feet pretty badly on the way down."

She frowned, nodding.

"There were these woods, on the edge of the park near where we lived. I used to run there whenever I thought someone was after me. My mom always said, 'why not run to where there's people?' But she didn't get it. Most of the time when I was running, people were the reason why."

"So, you felt safer when you were alone?"

She nodded.

"I always did. No-one to stare at me, calling me crazy in their heads, and saying it with their eyes."

I put my arm around her, and hugged her a little.

"Maybe we can get you your own tree," I joked, and she shook her head despondently.

"I still don't know if I trust those things..."

"People," I tried again, and she nodded.

"What if they really want us dead?"

"Well, I don't think it's likely that they do. They have a lot more to gain from keeping us alive and in their favor. But, even if they did mean badly, I could easily protect you from them."

She tightened her grip on my hand.

"You know, if you learned to fight a little, you'd be able to protect yourself from smaller threats like that. Then you wouldn't even need me anymore," I joked, and she quickly shook her head.

"Don't say that!" she exclaimed, and as I tilted my head at the outburst, she softened her gaze a little. "I- I'm sorry... it's scary, Nathan. This world... the people who put us here. And all the monsters... I just- I don't want to be alone again."

"Again?"

"Back on earth. When I came here, and... after Emily..."

She shifted uncomfortably, and I studied her.

"Emily was the only one who spoke to you, huh?"

She nodded.

"No-one listened to my concerns, but she did," Leanna said.

"Yeah, but she used your fears to manipulate you."

Leanna studied me.

"You said that before. What did you mean?"

"Emily wanted to hurt you. So, she made you distrust the people who would have protected you," I explained.

"Protected me? Like who?"

I held our hands up where they were linked for her to see, and she blushed.

"Emily didn't want me to be closer to you. She tried to keep us apart, because she knew that she couldn't control you if I was there to protect you."

Leanna's mouth fell open.

"Oh my God. She told me not to listen to you the night when Candace died."

"The night when she killed Candace," I corrected her, and Leanna's hand went to her mouth, as if the fact had only just registered. "And she would have killed you as well, if I didn't stop her."

Her eyes teared up a little.

"So, she wanted me to hate them? The- uh, Kobalt?"

I nodded.

This was good.

If I could rewire her general distrust from the things around her, and where we were settling down, to things that were at least vague enough, or related to real threats, then maybe she could live some semblance of a normal life.

"Nate... you told me that they could track me," she said, frowning a little, and I nodded.

"I was afraid that you would run away, and I wouldn't be able to find you."

She studied me for a bit, then looked down.

"I was thinking of running," she said finally, and I breathed a sigh of relief.

"But what about the weapons? Do they really track us?"

"They might," I answered. "But maybe not by just touching them."

She frowned.

"So why did you tell that lie?"

"Because, if you went for a weapon, Casey might have had you locked up."

She frowned.

"Like Candace was when she was killed..."

I nodded.

Leanna walked in silence for a bit, then stopped, and I studied her.

"Nate... I don't wanna be lied to anymore. You want to help me, right?"

I nodded.

"Then... tell me the truth. I want to trust you, but you I can't believe that you'll protect me if you're lying to me."

I studied her carefully.

This could get tricky later on.

Did Leanna desire intimacy?

And if she did, would she get jealous or fearful of my multiple relationships?

"I want to protect you," I said. "But I think you know that sometimes you need to be protected from yourself, don't you?"

Leanna thought about it for a bit.

"So, you'd lie to me if you thought it would protect me...?"

I shook my head.

"If I thought your life was in danger, or if there were no other way to stop you from hurting yourself. But for nothing less."

She bit her lip, as she thought about my words for a while.

"If I... *inaudible*... what would you do?"

I tilted my head, as she spoke so softly, that I missed some of what she'd said.

"If you, what?"

"Hurt myself," she said, her gaze averted, and I pulled to a stop.

I studied her for a bit.

"Did you?"

She seemed hesitant... and maybe, somewhat embarrassed.

Then she reached down, and rolled up the hem of her cotton pants, and I gasped as the fresh scars came into sight.

There were four horizontal cuts made across her lower leg, and from the black scars there, I could tell that they were deep.

When did she do this?

And with what weapon?

"How did you do it?" I asked.

She shifted uncomfortably, then lifted her shirt a little, as she reached back and withdrew a little dagger, and I stared at it with wide eyed surprise.

"Emily had a dagger," she admitted.

She held the item out to me, and I took the thing, withdrawing the blade from its little sheath and examining it a little.

I shook my head in response.

"Why'd you keep it?"

She bit her lip, as she shifted uncomfortably.

"It made me feel safe," she admitted.

Her eyes flicked to it, and I handed the weapon back to her.

"The others won't like it if they find out, so you need to keep it hidden, okay?"

She nodded, but I kept my hand on hers as she tried to withdraw with the weapon, forcing her to meet my gaze.

"You need to promise me you won't use it on yourself again, either."

She nodded, but I wasn't sure I believed her.

I let out a sigh, as I cast a look upwards to the canopy.

Damn. Sighing dramatically was so much better when I had a sky to look up to.

I asked Leanna to sit, as I gestured to her leg to examine the damage.

The cuts had been deep.

Deeper than most self-harmers might have gone for a first-time cut; but that was the risk of using a weapon that could cut through anything for something like that.

I'd been sliced a few times already, and I knew that the cleanness of the cut often delayed the sensation of pain for a bit, as there was no tearing from friction with the blade to do the extra damage that really hurts.

The marks were quite dark, and the wounds probably deep.

No doubt, her self-healing helped her quite a bit, but how did she hide this?

Or was this just an indication of how little attention we paid to her...

I brought the foot to my lips, and I kissed each spot gently, and she studied me, blushing a little.

"Why'd you do it?" I asked.

She seemed a little embarrassed.

"I- I thought that maybe, this body was fake, or not mine... and maybe, if it didn't hurt, I would know."

"There were other ways we could have tested that," I chided, and she nodded.

"Emily said it was a good idea," she said, a little timidly, and I cursed the girl's name silently.

She knew about this, and chose to exploit it, huh? Manipulate her into doing what she wanted?

I mean, fuck me if I wasn't doing the same thing, but the difference was that I wanted to help her...

As I rolled down the pants to cover the scars, I thought about it a little.

The others probably wouldn't care about the self-harm as much as her having a weapon, but we'd have to hide both from them.

Maybe it was the way schizophrenics were represented in movies, but most people seemed to believe they were violent, when in reality, the greatest danger they usually posed was to themselves.

And a dagger that could cut through anything is dangerous in anyone's hands if they don't know what they're doing.

"Nate... do you think I've been making my own shadows all my life?"

She waved a hand, and the shadow creature danced between a pair of trees, disappearing with a gentle breeze.

"I'd wager you only developed that ability here. We didn't have cores back on earth," I said.

"But I always saw it. That same shadow."

I thought about it for a bit.

"Did you spend a lot of time looking for it? Thinking about it? Since we got here, I mean."

She nodded.

"Hmm. Maybe you developed that ability because of it," I said.

I was about to suggest that we get back started on our journey, when Leanna's hand went to her stomach, and I noticed a slight grimace on her face.

"What's wrong?"

"It's nothing," she said, but I quickly noted that her hands were shaking, and this time I heard a growling sound as her hand went instinctively to her stomach.

"Are you hungry?"

"No!" she quickly replied, and I tilted my head at her.

"Have some water," I offered her, and she again refused, but I could see her discomfort.

"You haven't been eating, have you..." I said. "Are you afraid of being poisoned?"

She rubbed her hands uncomfortably, looking away from me.

"You've seen me drink from this, haven't you?" I asked, holding up the waterskin. "And I filled it myself, from the stream by our last camp."

She eyed the thing, as I held it out.

Would she trust me?

In the last days before my mother had been institutionalized, she would ask me to sneak out of the house, and bring her food from somewhere else.

Of course, I made do with tricking her, since actually doing that was quite difficult for me at that age.

"Do you want me to drink first?" I asked, and she shook her head.

She took the skin, then took a tentative sip, and as if deciding that it tasted alright, she took a proper drink, before draining almost the rest of it in a single go.

You were thirsty, I thought.

"When was the last time you ate properly?" I asked.

She seemed uncomfortable again, and I took her hand, and brought it to my lips.

"Please... let me help you? I can't, if you hide these things..."

"Before... before Emily," she began, and I nodded.

"Did she get food for you?"

Leanna nodded, as I retrieved the little gourd that we carried.

I withdrew one of the meat strips, and took a bite, before offering it to Leanna.

She studied it for a bit.

"No-one prepared these packs for us; I got them myself. And this one is mine," I offered, as I recalled some of the reasonings we'd used to get my mother to eat.

She watched me closely, as I swallowed the bite I'd taken, before tentatively taking a strip and breaking off a piece, examining it a bit, before putting it, with some reluctance, into her mouth.

Her eyes teared up a little as she chewed, and she wiped away a tear, as she ate the rest of the piece, a bit hungrily.

I watched as she ate for a bit, and as she nodded, letting me know she was better, I gave her a hug.

"You did good," I said, holding her in my arms for a bit.

We stayed there for a while, until I figured we should probably head back.

Leanna was in no condition to go as far as our original campground in the formerly blighted grove, and I figured I needed to explain to the others what was going on anyway.

I mean, maybe their own fears would be assuaged if they understood her situation as well, making things better for everyone.

As I suggested heading back, however, Leanna tensed up.

"You really don't like it back there, huh?"

She shook her head.

"They don't want me there. I know it."

"Well, I want you there," I said, taking her hand, and she smiled a little. "We'll figure something out; I promise. I'll talk to the others, get them to give you your space a little. And whatever else you need to feel comfortable. Remember, no matter what's bothering you, come right to me, okay?"

She nodded, then fidgeted a little.

"Nate... can I stay with you? When we get back? I mean, like your room. And wherever you have to go?"

I bit my lip nervously.

"I, uh. I don't mind, but... I sleep with Cameron most nights," I explained.

"Oh... so, wait; do the Kobalt think you're really mates?"

I nodded.

"And the pregnancy?"

I nodded again, and she blushed.

"Did they really force you to?"

I shook my head.

"My exaggeration," I said, and she frowned a little.

"Wait, so you chose to have a baby?"

"Sort of... we really did do it to gain the Kobalt's trust. They offered us sanctuary, which we really need by the way. But we had to convince them that we were really interested in settling down. Hence, kids."

"Kids... wait, you're married to their princess too-"

Her hand went to her mouth.

"-d-did you?"

I shook my head, chuckling a little as I did.

"No. Not yet, anyway."

The notion seemed to leave her completely stunned, and I recalled Molly's assertion about Leanna's prejudices...

Maybe the girl wasn't wrong, but if Leanna's prejudices were rooted in her own struggle with fear of anything different or unknown, then maybe she could be helped.

"Does that bother you?" I asked, and she shook her head slowly.

"I- I just, can't believe- you chose to do go along with that?"

I nodded.

"Why?" she asked.

"Because we really needed somewhere to live. The whole group, I mean."

"F-for us? You did that... for everyone?"

Leanna seemed to have some trouble processing the whole thing, so I left her to herself for a while as we walked along.

"Wait, so what are you to them?" she asked finally. "Married to a princess... are you in line for the throne?"

"Well, it's complicated. I would have been king, I think... but they also see us as Gods, so maybe even more? I'm not sure, really..."

"But... Cameron is your mate, and the princess? Y-you're married to both of them?"

I nodded.

"A- and they're fine with that?"

I nodded again, chuckling a little.

"Um... do you think they'd let you, uh... take another wife? Or mate?"

"I'm pretty sure they'd let me do whatever I wanted to," I replied, and she seemed to go deep into thought.

"Would we have to... make a baby?"

"We?" I asked, and she suddenly blushed. "I'm sure I could keep you by my side without having to resort to that extreme a measure," I explained, and she nodded.

"The others would come after me too, huh? If we got married..."

"The other girls?" I asked, and she nodded.

"They're all in love with you, you know."

"Are they?" I answered, a little distractedly. "Do you think you're ready for some more running?"

She nodded, but just as we were about to set out, I saw some movement in the trees off to my right, and Leanna spun in the direction just then as well.

"Is that-?"

"Yup. Not in your head," I said.

"What do we do? Run?"

I shook my head, smiling at her as I did.

"I wanna hunt it. Will you help me?"

"H-help? What could I-?"

"Use your ability. Help me distract it and get the kill."

She bit her lip nervously, and I took her hands in mine as I brought us closer together.

"The company created those things... the same people who brought us here and left us for dead? The same people who stalked you, and made you think you were crazy."

A slightly determined look appeared on her face.

"The bad men," she said, and I nodded.

"Let's kill this thing, and stop them from controlling our lives through fear."

"O-Okay," she said, nodding, and I turned in the direction of the branch.

He was a long way up, as usual... but how would I get him to strike?

I took a look around, then recalled the little 'clearing' we'd passed a while back.

I mean, it wasn't really a clearing, since canopy trees covered the entire forest, but there were little spots where smaller trees hadn't grown under the main canopy, leading to spaces where there were only the trunks of the few larger trees that covered the sky for several hundred feet at a time.