Banished Pt. 20

I woke up to a dark room and a feeling of coldness that felt unfamiliar and unsettling, but as my eyes adjusted to the darkness, I noticed the silhouette of a woman sitting upon the window frame.

"Hnnh~. What time is it?" I asked, stretching tiredly as I sat up.

"I'm not sure," Cameron answered, standing up and moving tentatively to my side at the bed.

I scooted over, making room for her, but as she sat down, she made no effort to get into bed beside me.

"It's dark here," I noted, and she nodded.

"Stone walls. They don't have that glow dust thing that the grove trees have," she explained. "You wouldn't be able to see at all down the halls if not for the torches."

My mind instinctively went back to the assault we'd planned to make on this fort, but as my eyes rested on the darkened outline of Cameron's form, I dismissed the thought.

"How long has it been since the fight?" I asked.

"That was this morning," she answered.

"Any word from the tracking team?"

Cameron shook her head, and I noted that she seemed fairly despondent.

"We'll get him back," I said, reaching for her shoulder; but she recoiled at the touch, so I withdrew the hand.

Cameron let out a sigh, then took the hand and brought to her lap.

"He removed the effect of the hypnotic suggestion," she said, and I bit my lip nervously.

"Oh?"

She nodded.

"It doesn't change how I feel about you," she quickly clarified, and I nodded.

"But it did change something," I suggested, and she nodded in response.

"When my mom left, I felt cold and alone. She left me with a man I barely knew, who wasn't even my real father. It was... confusing. At first, I barely spoke to him. I mean, what was stopping this person from just throwing me out onto the streets? He owed me nothing."

She took a deep breath, putting a little pressure on the bridge of her nose, before continuing:

"So, one day, we talked... and it was kind of nice. Reassuring, really. He said that he was sure my mom would be back and that everything would be fine again. And for a while, it really felt like if everything was alright. I got to talking a bit more, and eventually, I felt like I had a real father. He would hug me, and hold me, and I'd feel so safe and protected in his arms that when he suggested that we sleep together, I felt kind of happy, because I always felt so scared and alone in my own cold, little room."

I sat upright, and scooted forward, moving to the edge of the bed so I could look into Cameron's shadowy face as she spoke.

"So, it never really occurred to me as anything strange, the way he touched me. I had no idea what appropriate or inappropriate meant. But as I started spending less and less time with him, he seemed to become more and more insistent that we spend time together. Being physically close. And by the time it turned into something I couldn't stand... I dunno, I felt like I was complicit? Like if I was the one who started this kind of relationship in the first place."

"He was grooming you..." I said, and she wiped away a tear, letting out a little laugh.

"I know that now, yeah; but at the time I was just a stupid little kid. He gaslighted me into thinking I'd begged him for that kind of closeness. Acted as if I was the one who really always wanted it and he was hesitant and resistant. There are people in my family who still I think I seduced him, or something like that," she said, letting out another bitter laugh, and I took her hand and gave it a squeeze, as she continued:

"You know, I thought this was all over. The last... what is it, three weeks? It was so nice, being with you. Feeling safe without my body constantly having knee-jerk reactions to being touched every single time, but I tried to lie down beside you today... I wanted your comfort, your warmth. I wanted to give those things to you as well. But every time I closed my eyes, I felt this... anxiety in my chest, and I would wake up in a panic."

"A natural reaction to trauma," I said, and she nodded, sniffling a little, and wiping away a tear.

"Yeah. It's just... I lost my son, Nate. Our son. I feel like if a part of me was ripped out, leaving this empty, gaping hole... and I can't lose this too..."

She began to cry, and as I offered my shoulder to her, she moved in, hugging me, and I caressed her back soothingly as I held her.

"Hypnotize me again," she said, her words slightly muffled as she spoke them into my chest. "I don't want to feel like this."

I bit my lip, as I studied her.

"I'm not sure I know how to," I said. "Maybe the princess can, but my suggestions so far have been a bit... simpler, in nature."

Part of me also wondered if it'd be better in the long run for us to work through this.

I mean, the mere fact that her PTSD resurfaced immediately after the effects of the suggestion had been removed indicated that the problem had never been resolved, didn't it?

And who knew how else this trauma might manifest itself in the future if left unresolved?

Cameron turned to face me, and took my hands into hers.

"Please, Nate. I don't want to feel this way right now. Please?" she begged, and I swallowed with some difficulty, then nodded.

I took a deep breath, then extending my threads to her core, I paused.

"Try imagining a pathway between us, between my core and yours," I said, and she nodded, and as the pathway began to form between us, I gave the suggestion some thought.

You feel safe, protected, and loved by my side. No memories of past wounds resurface. You do not associate my presence with that of anyone, or anything, that brings you discomfort or harm.

She shuddered a little as I finished the suggestion, and as I pulled her into my arms, she cried.

"Oh, thank God. I thought I lost this," she sobbed, and as I moved back on the bed, she finally crawled up beside me.

As I gazed into her core, however, I felt as if my suggestion had only been planted into the forefront of her consciousness, and I suspected that the effects would not last very long.

Maybe we would have to pay Miriam a little visit after all...

Cameron, however, was quickly off to sleep, and as I lay there, stroking her back soothingly and just enjoying the feel of her in my arms again, I quickly drifted off to sleep myself.

I woke up to the same darkness as before, however, and noting that Cameron, while asleep, was a little off to her own side, I decided to get up and stretch my muscles a bit.

Sleeping for as long as I did, I felt quite well rested and ready for another epic battle if need be, but as I headed out the door and stepped out of the room, I suddenly realized that I had no idea where I was.

Casey... where are you? I thought, reaching out to her with my desire to talk to her, and to my surprise, a door down the corridor opened up, and the shadow of a face poked out from the darkness.

"Nate?"

Her voice was a low whisper, and I quickly headed to the room.

She looked me up and down, then quickly ushered me in, wrapping her arms around me as soon as the door was shut.

"You're up. You're okay!" she said, as she held me tightly.

She didn't openly sob, but I heard a sniffle, and I could sense relief emanating from her.

"Told you. I had no intention of dying here."

"Fucking liar," she said, shoving me a little.

She led me over to the bed, but as she tried to pull me close, I resisted, keeping a little space between us.

I shot a reluctant look back at the door, and she bit her lip nervously.

"Sorry," she said, scooting a little way from me, and I nodded.

"Did the search team turn up anything?" I asked, and she shook her head.

"We picked up the trail at a waterfall some way west of Kleiner Hein, but it seems they followed the river south and out of the forest. Once they got outside, the trail went cold."

I let out a sigh.

I had more or less already accepted that I would never see my son again, but I knew it would take a much more concerted effort to convince Cameron that we had truly done all we could.

"How dangerous would it be to send a team into the towns?" I asked, and Casey frowned.

"Do you really believe they'll be able to track Ethan down?" she asked, but as I shook my head, her expression shifted a little.

"Uh, from what I've seen over the past few days, our fighters can handle most of the random otherworlders we might be likely to encounter. It's the unknown factors that trouble me, and the potential that our excursions might be tracked back into the forest before we're properly prepared to handle it."

I nodded.

"We need to secure a crossing to the outside before regular excursions become a thing," I said, and Casey nodded.

"How is Cameron taking it so far?" she asked, and I sighed.

"She's grieving for now; nothing more. But I'm pretty sure this is nothing more than the calm before the storm."

I sat in silence for a while, before speaking again.

"How were the others? Lucia?" I asked.

"Lucia's fine, I think. She was wounded, but nothing we couldn't treat, and aside from Francesca, that was probably the worst injury."

"Where is she now?" I asked.

"We set up a treatment area in the main hall below. Most of the group is asleep in makeshift beds down there," she explained, and I nodded.

I got up, stretching as I did, and Casey frowned.

"You're going back already?" she asked, and I nodded.

"The night is darker on this side of the forest," I noted, "and I don't want her to wake up alone. How soon do we leave?"

Casey frowned.

"We've moved all of our captives here, and the Accalians are settling in. But if even a single otherworlder left over from Ethan's squad is still around, they could take the fort and unleash an army of otherworlders on us from here."

"How many prisoners made it?" I asked.

"A little over twenty, I think," she replied, and I frowned.

"There's no way that taking that many otherworlders on right now is a good idea," I said, stretching again, and Casey nodded. "I think I'll sleep on it," I added, and she frowned, but as I headed for the door, she held onto my shirt for a second, resting her head against my back.

"I'm glad you made it," she said, and I turned, giving her a hug and a little kiss on the forehead, before turning and heading back down the corridor to my room.

Cameron stirred slightly as I entered, and she scooted over as I climbed back into bed.

"Sex visit, or duty visit?" she mumbled sleepily, and I chuckled.

"Duties," I said, and she looked up at me with a pouty look.

"You and Casey aren't calling it duties now, are you?"

I shook my head.

"I wanted to know how the search went," I said, and she let out a pained groan in response.

"Nate... can you hypnotize me into forgetting?" she asked, and I sighed.

"Forgetting what? The child, or everything?"

She turned to look at me, then sighed again.

"I don't wanna forget you," she said, and as I settled in, she moved to snuggle up against me.

"What do you think his name will be?" she asked, and I swallowed uncomfortably.

"Edwin," I answered, and she tilted her head a little.

"Ugh. No way. That's a way loser name," she said, but as she caught the awkward look on my face, she eased off of me. "No way. You named him?"

I nodded.

"He obviously has no obligation to listen to me," I explained, as Cameron stared at me in shock.

"How did that happen, though?" she asked, and I sighed.

"I... just said it. Before he vanished into that shadow thing."

She shook her head.

"Shadow thing? Wait... the man with him... Nizhal, was it?"

I nodded.

"He's a monstrosity. Like Leti."

Cameron shook her head.

"Leti's a monstrosity?"

I chuckled, as it dawned on me that she wasn't there for that reveal.

"Yup. She's Irileth," I said, and Cameron scoffed.

"Irileth? The Irileth? God, how did you guys survive that one?"

"She's on our side, more or less. Helped us train to come save you, even," I explained, and Cameron laughed.

"How did you convince Casey to let that happen?" Cameron asked, and I shrugged.

"I just didn't take no for an answer," I replied, and Cameron smirked.

"Oh. Sure," she said, eyeing me teasingly.

"What?"

"Don't 'what' me, buster. I know what 'convincing' Casey actually means."

Cameron snuggled up into the nook of my arm, and joined me in staring off into the darkness above us.

"Edwin, huh? Was that name significant to you?"

"Not really," I said, and Cameron looked over at me, her disbelief plastered on her face.

"What?"

I chuckled, a little nervously.

"Sorry. It just kind of... came to me?"

Cameron flicked me on the forehead, before slinking back into the nook of my arm.

"Not that Ethan has any reason to keep the name, I guess..." she said, sighing again. "You don't think he'll hurt him, do you?"

I shook my head.

"If anything, he'll give little Edwin a perfectly happy little childhood just to spite me," I said, and Cameron rubbed my arm comfortingly.

"I was wondering if you felt anything at all about this," she said, and I sighed.

"I do. I kind of wish I didn't, now that I do, but I do. I know it's not... what you're feeling, though. Not even close," I said, and Cameron shook her head.

"We lost our son, Nate... I don't think it matters which one of us feels worse about it."

Cameron gave my hand another squeeze, bringing it to her lips, but for a moment, a feeling came to me.

One of pain and... anger, but as I looked into Cameron's shadowy face and saw neither of those things reflected there, I realized for the first time what her mask looked like.

I held her, not knowing what to really do, but eventually sleep came, and when I woke up again, I found Cameron sitting beside me on the bed, staring off into space.

"Hey," I said, groaning a little. "How long did we sleep for?"

She shrugged.

"I don't know," she said. "These nights sure last for fucking ever though," she added with a sigh.

I got up, but as I rested a hand on her hip, she recoiled just a little, before relaxing under the touch.

She took my hand into hers and glanced at me over her shoulder, a little apologetically, but I shook my head.

"Sorry. I guess the suggestion didn't really take," I said, and she nodded.

"Guess we'll have to pay the princess a little visit after all," she replied.

I stretched my legs a little, before suggesting that we take a walk around the fort to see who else was up, and Cameron readily agreed.

Cameron also showed me to where I could relieve myself; a dark, smelly, stone room that really made me miss the niceties that our grove trees provided us with, then we headed down to the courtyard where some familiar faces were sitting around a fire.

"Well, well! Long live the king," Molly called, and I chuckled as the group rose to greet us.

There were a few log benches around the fire, with Leanna and Jordan on one side, and Molly, Evie and Francesca on the other.

"Don't forget my queen," I said, gesturing to Cameron, who promptly rolled her eyes.

"Oh please. Most of the women here probably see that position as vacant," she said.

Francesca shot me an uncomfortable look, and Molly and Evie did as well, but Cameron seemed oblivious to their responses as she quickly moved over to Jordan's side.

He hugged her for a moment, biting his lip, as she broke away.

"I'm sorry; we couldn't track them out of the forest," he began, but Cameron waved a hand dismissively.

"It's fine. We'll need to get more organized before we can go hunting superhuman enemies anyway," she said, letting out a groan as she eased down onto the log.

"Is there anything more comfortable that she can sit on?" I asked, and Cameron scoffed.

"Oh relax. I'm not the helpless, knocked up wench you need to 'protect' anymore," she said, waving a hand again, and as Jordan shot me a worried look, I swallowed with some difficulty.

Everyone settled back in, and I moved around the group to the empty bench adjacent to Cameron's.

"How have your anxieties been?" Cameron asked Leanna, and the girl twirled the loose end of her braids nervously.

"It's better when I'm around... familiar things," she said, and Cameron smiled.

"Like Jordan?" she teased, and the girl blushed.

"It-it's not like-"

"For the love of God, don't provoke her," Molly cut in. "I don't feel like being sliced to pieces by shadow blades tonight."

"What? I would never-!"

"She's just kidding," Jordan said, shooting Molly a disapproving look, and the girl shrugged, but as Evie shook her head at her, she sighed.

"It's just a joke," Molly said, raising a hand in surrender, before turning to Evie with a look that said, 'happy now?'

Evie screwed her face up a little, before getting up and moving to sit beside me.

"How is your neck?" she asked, and I rubbed the spot as if by reflex.

"It's fine," I replied. "How's Francesca doing?"

I glanced at the girl and she gave me a little smile.

Molly seemed to be speaking to her, but she seemed out of sorts still, just nodding along to the whatever was being said.

"She's a bit shaken up still, from that woman... Leona, was it?" Evie asked, and I nodded, noting that she'd dropped her voice to a whisper as she said the name.

"I think she needs a little break from the fighting," I suggested, and Evie nodded in agreement.

"I think you could all use a break," she said.

While we spoke, I spotted two figures coming over from the other side of the courtyard, from the direction of the crossing, and as they got closer to the light, I recognized Raul and Alva.

"Midnight rendezvous?" I asked, and Raul scoffed.

"Someone has to keep watch," he said. "Otherworlders might not be so much of a problem anymore, but Hans is still out there."

"I see," I replied.

Although truthfully, I was fairly certain that Hans would more likely be busy digesting his own memories than terrorizing us in the near future.

Speaking of Hans, though...

"How is Lucia doing?" I asked, and Evie frowned.

"Her wound wasn't that bad, and she heals quickly, especially for someone without an implant, but... she's barely eaten anything today, and she barely got out of bed all day."

I let out a sigh.

"Is she in the main hall?" I asked, and Evie nodded.

"Do you wanna go check on her?"

"Yeah," I said, but as we stood up and made for the hall, I noted Cameron's eyes flick in my direction with just a hint of a scowl.

"Gonna check on Lucia," I mouthed to her from across the fire, and she tilted her head at that.

It's not like you owe me an explanation or anything.

She shrugged as she spoke the answer into my mind, and I bit my lip, nodding as I turned and followed Evie into the fort.

"She just needs time," Evie began, and I nodded wordlessly, but my mind went automatically to Julie.

This was how things went between us as well, didn't it?

Passive aggressive jabs and snide remarks that eventually descended into outright malice.

I felt a tightness in my chest form at the thought that my relationship with Cameron would turn out to be anything like that.

"There," Evie said, directing me to the sleeping bag on the floor where Lucia was curled up.

I gave her a thankful nod, but as she turned to leave, I shot her a questioning look.

"Wouldn't want to give Cameron reason to be suspicious," she explained, and I bit my lip, nodding, as she turned and headed outside.

As I moved to join Lucia, however, I noted that the girl was awake.

She looked up for a moment as I crouched down, taking a seat beside her, before staring off into space again.

"Hey, kiddo," I said.

She grumbled a little in response, so I let out a sigh, before placing my hand over hers.

"I know. It doesn't feel like if we won right now, does it?" I commented.

Lucia gazed up into my eyes at that, before taking my hand into hers.