Baring It All

"But do they like proposition you? I mean do the guys want to have sex with you?"

"Let me show you." Betsy laughed again and went to her room bringing back some charcoal drawings of herself.

"Wow! They're beautiful." I was being honest.

"Yeah, sometimes a student will give me one they are either happy or not happy with- I choose not to ask!"

"I don't think I could do it, that's for sure!"

"Why not? You've got amazing curves!"

"You know I used to be 6 sizes bigger than this?"

"So? Even then you would have been a life artist's dream!"

Betsy got me thinking. I didn't need extra money per se, but I was also very careful about my spending. When Martin and Katrina were in town, they would stay with me and insist on paying board. They were due to stay with me for a few months as the orchestra recorded a new album.

On the weekends, Jeremiah would love to hike and before long Betsy and I were tagging along. This was a new hobby for me, and I really enjoyed it. Sometimes Jeremiah and I would hike alone but it was always as buddies and there was never any sexual overtone.

"Hey Bea" as Jeremiah called me when he wanted my attention, "One of my colleagues, Jack, is looking for a partner for an upcoming event. Are you free Friday week?"

I was nearing the end of first year and had not had sex since I had been back from America.

"Oh, I dunno!" I replied, "I'm sure there are much nicer looking girls he could find."

"Listen to yourself. You are a hot and sexy chick. You have curves, you had an amazing rack and a bum that needs to be held onto!"

"Um you know Betsy is my friend, don't you?" I said thinking Jeremiah was hitting on me.

"Bea!" he laughed, "I'm just stating facts as a guy who looks at women and likes women! If a guy turned you down because he didn't like the shape of your body then that is his loss and he would be a complete wanker!"

I agreed to go, and Betsy took me shopping for a dress. It was a new experience not shopping in a 'big girls' shop' and took a lot of convincing from Betsy that I belonged there. I settled on a black dress with a matching velvet wrap to hide my arms that made me self-conscious.

Jack was a sweetheart. He was kind and gentlemanly, but there was no spark between us. He had also just had his heart broken by his long-term girlfriend who refused his offer of marriage.

"I've been with Amy for the last four fucking years," he told me as he drowned another schooner of beer, "And then when I buy a fucking ring and ask her dad she tells me that she doesn't want to settle down and she thinks we need to see other fucking people. Turns out she had already been seeing a hairdresser colleague- apparently not all of them are fucking gay."

I had to laugh at Jack. I tried to talk of my tour last year and he told me he had been to Sydney once. He wasn't ugly, but he would never win any beauty contest. He obviously kept himself fit with work but had nondescript features.

"Jack, I'll be honest with you. I can't see us ever being an item, but I'm willing to take you home and screw your brains out if you like!" I had obviously been drinking too much red wine!

"Fuck! Really! I thought you were fucking out of my league! I mean you're fucking hot, you're beautiful!"

There was that word again. The night wasn't bad, and we both had had a bit too much to drink, but we both came before falling asleep. In the morning I sucked Jack to orgasm and in the shower together he returned the favour.

"Was I any good? Amy told me I was a dud root." Poor Jack looked dejected as we dressed.

"You," I said as I took his face in my hands and kissed him on the lips, "were an amazing, courteous lover and a really good pussy licker! Amy doesn't know what she was on about."

I may have laid it on a little thick, but I sensed it was what he wanted to hear. As Katrina had told me after I debriefed about my time with Nate, sexual prowess is more in the mind than in what you can do with your genitalia.

"You were pretty hot yourself. Fuck, the shape of your hips and your tits- they're fucking spectacular!"

I knew Jack was being honest. I doubted he would be able to lie to save himself. The thought of keeping him on as a fuck buddy was tempting, but I also suspected he would develop feelings stronger than my own, so I left it.

That evening, I stripped and went into Mum's old room which still had a full-length mirror. I had excess skin around my stomach, arms and thighs, but I could see a little of what Jack saw. I took to sleeping naked, appreciating the feel of the cotton sheets against my skin. If I was home alone, I would often not dress or throw a t-shirt on without a bra if I had an online tutorial.

"Bridget Dickson!" Betsy exclaimed down the phone after one tutorial, "You were not wearing a bra this morning and I could see the outline of your nips poking through your shirt!"

I went silent thinking I had gone too far.

"It was fucking sexy as and I think Professor Jackson liked it too- he kept calling on you for answers!"

Professor Jackson was an absolute silver fox, but I was never going to go anywhere near a lecturer, let alone a married one!

"They're looking for more models at the art school I model at and I'm willing to put your name forward."

"Oh, I dunno..."

"Bridget Fucking Dickson. You can wear a shirt with no bra on an online tutorial, Jack has sung your praises every day to Jeremiah since the fucking dinner. You need to start seeing your body as just that- a body."

I knew Betsy had a point.

"So, what sort of poses would they want?" I already knew the answer as I had searched the Internet weeks before.

"I'll head over and demonstrate-- fully clothed of course!"

Betsy came over and we opened a bottle of wine. She showed me some of the poses she liked doing and I offered my suggestions. I had put on a pair of jeans, but still no bra.

"Honey, I know I am your friend and all, but I also know you would be great at this."

After Christmas I contacted the art studio and went in to meet with Camilla, the manager.

"Bridget, I need you to understand there is nothing sexual about life drawing; it really is just an exploration of the muscles and lines of the body."

Camilla answered all my questions and I was surprised at the money they were offering.

"We've got a new class starting Monday week. Some folks have drawn before, some are brand new, but they understand the rules of the exercise."

A tour of the studio was offered, and I marvelled at the sketches on the wall. I could tell some of the ones that were Betsy, but so many were so anonymous that they could have been anyone. I stood for several minutes in front of a sketch of a man with an enormous belly.

"Ah, you like Bruce! He was one of the favourites of the artists before he moved away. He had no inhibitions about his body and has been happily married for over 30 years. One memorable day he even brought his wife along. There was nothing sexual about the session, just two people in tune with their bodies lying together or touching each other."

"You wouldn't expect me to..." I started before Camilla assured me that no, I would not be expected to pose with another person unless we both were comfortable.

For Christmas, Bridget and Jeremiah gave me a silk robe and I knew the intention was for me to wear it to art class. I had to convince myself repeatedly that it was just that-- an art class. Camilla had assured me that a lot of the students would be as nervous as me.

"Some of them possibly did some life drawing at school or college, but for some it is a new experience. I have ensured though that every student has some art experience and I have never had any bad experiences for any of the models that they have told me about."

I wondered how many students had had experiences they hadn't told Camilla about. Betsy tried to allay my fears and told me she spent the time trying to memorise course work. Headphones were out, Camilla had explained, but I had a series of acronyms I needed to remember and decided I would spend my time focussing on them.

Monday was a non-productive day for me. My courses had not yet started back, however I had a placement at a local hospital starting the following week.

"Ladies and gentlemen! Welcome to Life Drawing here at my studio, Camilla Creates!" Camilla went on to explain the rules as I stood to the side in my robe. "Tonight, we have a new model as well, Bea and I know she will give you a lot of inspiration. Bea, please come forward."

I did, trying not to look at the students in the class. I dropped my robe and stood for my first pose. I knew it would only be for a few minutes before Camilla had me change. In my mind I was running though the average range of blood pressures across the age groups. The three hours flew. Several breaks were taken, however after the first few poses, I simply fell into a groove and instead of focussing on coursework, I focussed on the sound of pencil or charcoal across paper. No student sought to look me in the eye, however I was intrigued by the concentration on most of their faces.

At the end of the session Camilla asked the students to leave the room and go and wash their hands. She took me from easel to easel showing me what students had created. I was amazed. There was some talent there. I laughed at one student who had tried to capture the asymmetry of my breasts and seemed to have spent most of the three hours focussing on that. Another had focussed a lot on the lines from my shoulder to my ankle.

"Students, if there are any pieces you want to hang on the walls or leave for Bea, please do, but please join me in thanking her, I'm sure you will agree she was an absolute natural and I am proud to have her as one of my models."

The class applauded and several students came to thank me briefly. One or two handed me a sketch which was lovely and several pinned pieces to the wall.

"That was so much fun!" I told Camilla after I had changed, and she was getting ready to lock the studio.

"You are the perfect life drawing model, my dear, and I look forward to a long association between you and my studio."

I had arranged a coffee date with Betsy the following morning and told her how much fun I had had the evening before.

"I told you so!"

"One of them focussed on my asymmetrical boobs all night- I suspect it was one of the guys!" I laughed.

"Yeah, but that's what was focussed on- the difference. You aren't some photoshopped model on the front of a magazine, but a real-life woman."

Betsy offered to introduce me to another couple of studios in town, but I declined. I liked Camilla and felt safe there. I only needed to model once a week anyway.

My placement started with an orientation day. We were told of the fire procedures and reminded about manual handling and how to protect our backs. One of the nurses told us about how important donor blood was and enforced the safe handling procedures of blood products. I was glad this was not the hospital Mum had worked at because the organ donor coordinator came to speak and if it had been the woman who coordinated the retrieval of Mum's organs I knew I would have collapsed into a puddle of tears. There were student nurses from several universities present and one student explained that she had received a donor heart when she was 16 which had inspired her to become a nurse. The years were out, and I knew she had not received Mum's heart, but it felt special knowing that organ donation had helped someone.

I went on the tour of the general medical ward I would be working on for the next couple of weeks and met some of the nursing staff. They all seemed lovely and were looking forward to having some students on the ward. Betsy and I were separated for this placement and she was at the hospital Mum had worked at, working in her ward.

That evening I was more relaxed for my class. I tried some different poses and again received praise from the students. The tit guy, as I liked to refer to him had spent time focussing on my tits and ass this week. I had to smile when he pinned a page to the board at the end of the class.

"Bridget," the nurse I was shadowing approached me the following morning, "Mrs Clarke needs a new insulin chart written up. Can you go and find her doctor and ask him to do it?"

I had no idea who any of the doctors were, but knocked on the doctor's room door and was asked to come in.

"Sorry, I don't know who any of you are, but I'm Bridget and I'm a mere nursing student, but Mrs Clarke in room 6 needs a new insulin chart."

"That would be my job!" A tall, young doctor replied. "Hi, I'm Ethan."

As he wrote the chart, he kept looking at me.

"Here you go!" He said handing it back, "I see your shirt, did you ever study at Griffith?"

"No, I've only ever been to this uni."

"I feel like we've met before."

"Well I used to work in a chicken shop."

"Yeah, probably. See you round and thanks for bringing the chart to me."

Ethan was charming. It didn't matter to him that I was just a second-year nursing student. He smiled and his blue eyes lit up. His build reminded me of Nate- tall and muscular, but his blonde curls and freckled nose gave him a boyish charm.

"Which chicken shop?" Ethan asked me as he recharted some medicines for a different patient later in the week.

"Um, the one at the roundabout as you are heading towards the beach." I said telling him the suburb.

"Nope. Don't think I've ever been out there. Do you hang out at The Roy?"

The Roy was an upmarket pub in town.

"Can't say I've been there either!" I replied.

"I'll work it out!" he replied, "I never forget a pretty face."

"Does Ethan flirt with all the nurses?" I asked my preceptor that afternoon.

"No, but if he gets a bee in his bonnet, he takes it all the way!" she replied.

He got me thinking and I could not picture where I might know him from.

"My brother's in a contemporary chamber orchestra and I'm often at the concerts." I offered Ethan on Monday morning.

"That could be it!" he replied, "Are they the one that does Four Seasons on Steroids?"

I laughed as I confirmed this information.

"Well at last I know."

Thinking that was the end of it I went about my day. I had already told my preceptor that I could not work late shifts on Mondays as I had a commitment. She was fine with this.

It was a great session again until the end. I had never paid close attention to the students in the class.

"I knew I had seen you before, Bridget!" My face went white as I looked up and saw Ethan.

"Everything ok, Bea?" Camilla asked walking over seeing my pale face.

"I was just telling Bea that I really appreciate her time. I love focussing on anatomy and she is an amazing specimen."

"Um, thanks," I muttered as Ethan walked away.

"Are you ok?" Camilla asked touching my arm, "You seem very pale."

"Um, yeah. He's one of the doctors I'm working with on my placement and it just seems rather weird."

"Tell me if he is inappropriate to you in any way and he will be cut from the class. I mean that, honey."

I thanked Camilla and we walked away.

Tuesday was a late shift for me which usually meant starting around 2pm and only having a few hours with all the doctors present. I was relieved to be placed at the other end of the ward away from the doctors' room.

"Damn!" Jane, the nurse I was working with exclaimed at 8pm, "They were asked to rechart Mr Ng's med chart as there is no more room and we need it done for 9pm med round. Can you ring Ward Call Bridget and explain the situation?"

I knew it was a good learning experience.

"Ward Call, it's Ethan!" the chirpy voice answered.

"Hi Dr, it's Bridget, the student nurse on General Medical. We have a patient, Mr Ng in room 20 with Sickle Cell Disease and his med chart has run out and the team forgot to rechart it this afternoon. He's on a lot of pain meds that need to be given regularly and the next lot is due in around an hour. He's still in a lot of pain and I don't want his meds to be given late so could you please swing by soon to rechart it?" I had tried to sound as professional as possible, using the template we had been taught in uni.

"Bea! Of course I will. I was hoping to see you anyway. You honestly are an amazing model you know."

"Thanks Dr Ethan, but will you be by soon?"

"That I will." And he hung up the phone.

"That was perfect, Bridget- a really good handover. I was so glad to see you use the template too."

I tried to smile at Jane, but I dreaded seeing Ethan. I knew Ward Call was always busy, but he seemed to come straight away.

"Bridget! If everyone told me what they wanted as succinctly as you did then my life would be that much easier!" Ethan praised me in front of Jane.

"She's a good one, Doc, isn't she!" Jane said as a statement, not a question.

"I think she's pretty amazing too!"

My cheeks were red, and I wished the ground would open and swallow me.

"You know Bridget," Jane told me after Ethan had left, "One of the most important things you can do is build rapport with the doctors- it makes everyone's life that much easier. Ethan is one of the good ones and you've charmed him, so whatever you're doing, keep it up!"

I did not dare tell Jane that Ethan stared at my naked body for three hours every Monday evening.

Late shifts were my pattern for the rest of the week and Ethan was not Ward Call again. I was heading for my dinner break on Friday when Ethan was leaving and he ran to catch up with me.

"Bea! Dinner break?"

"Yep." I tried to sound casual.

"Fancy some company?"

I looked at Ethan as we both entered the lift together and sighed.

"Honestly, I'm not sure. I'm here on placement for another week and there are 7 weeks left of Monday evenings. I feel pretty uncomfortable knowing a colleague, albeit a temporary one, stares at me for three hours naked once a week."

"Um Bea," Ethan offered as the lift door opened and we both exited, "I don't stare at you. I honestly am interested in anatomy and the way muscles move. You have a gorgeous body and it is a pleasure to draw."

"So, you aren't the tits and ass guy then?"

"No!" Ethan laughed, "But I have seen his work and smiled! He's pretty good don't you think?"

My stare did not appease him.

"I'm the arm and side dude. I'm fascinated by your arms, fingers and the curves down your side. I mean, I'm also a bloke and you have a pretty good rack!"

I did laugh at this. I had found a picnic table and we both sat down.

"I can't imagine you working in a fried chicken shop!"

"Yeah, well I was a lot bigger back then." I said as I tucked into my salad.

"I noticed a bit of skin, but honestly, you are a beautiful woman. I'm not sure if you are spoken for or not, but perhaps next Friday after you finish up here, we could go for a drink at The Roy?"

"Sorry Ethan, but I am. Sorry." I wasn't sure why I lied. Here was a gorgeous man who thought I was beautiful, and I was turning him down because he had seen me naked.

I did not dare tell Betsy of Ethan or his asking me on a date, but I told her I had an amazing placement. The hospital had offered me an internship that would lead to a permanent position when I graduated, but I was determined to head north to work in a more isolated area.

Ethan swapped out of the Monday class the following week and I told Camilla he had been a perfect gentleman at work.

"I think he was a little disappointed, but I did have to remind him that falling for a model was never going to end well.'' Camilla told me as she locked the door.

Betsy was more inquisitive of the students in her classes.

"There's this new dude that's joined midway through. He's a doctor and he's hot as!" she told me over lunch at uni one day.

"What makes him so hot and do I need to warn Jeremiah? I joked.