Bartending: The Bottle Trick

I've bartended for 10 years at various bars in the 80s and 90s. Being a bartender you flirt with everyone that enters the place to make tips. Sometimes things get wild. The story is true. Specific conversations are often artistic license when I can't remember but the events happened....

It was the end of the night. The doors had been locked for about 30 minutes. I had counted and dumped the money. Cleaned. Now I was stocking the bar. I went to the back bar to get liquor bottles for the day shift.

The back bar was used in the evenings during the dinner hours Thursday thru Sunday and for Sunday Brunch. The back room had about 20 tables, a back bar, and a sitting area with a sofa and fireplace. For some reason, the light switches for the back room were located across the room from the kitchen entrance. The bar was right next to the kitchen door. Since I went in that way, I decided to just rely on the illumination coming from the outside via windows and from the kitchen. (My eyes were good back then) Of course, being a bar with a ton of glassware, I moved slowly and carefully. By coincidence, I also moved quietly.

As I grabbed the bottles I needed, I sensed movement and noise coming from the sitting area. I froze in place. I focused my eyes, willing them to adjust to the darkness and let me see clearly. I listened intently. My hand wrapped around a bottle ready to club the intruder. I moved further behind the bar and squatted using it to hide as I scouted for the unknown burglar. Who was in the back room? Everyone had left? My eyes adjusted to see the figure was Sally, the waitress. She was bouncing up and down on the couch. Her blouse was unbuttoned and she was squeezing one breast. The couch hid the rest of her body. I heard her soft moaning. Oh shit, I had disturbed her liaison.

I moved back toward the kitchen slowly to leave the lovers to their moment. I was extra quiet so as not to interrupt. As I backed away, I could hear her moaning pick up in tempo and pace, I just lowered behind the bar further. I'd let her finish, I thought, then slip out. I didn't want to disturb them as she was climaxing. I watched as she squeezed her breast and her moans got louder. Then she exhaled heavily and suddenly threw herself backward on the couch. She disappeared from sight. Wow, interesting finish. I took the opportunity and moved stealthily toward the kitchen to make my daring escape. I knocked the bar tin but deftly grabbed it in mid-air with my ninja-like reflexes. I had expertly avoided the metal clanging to the ground. I was not smooth enough to catch the jigger, strainer, and other smaller bar tin. The metal jigger and small tin bounced melodiously across the floor. The strainer simply fell into the empty bar sink and rattled around. Needless to say, my stealthy exit was blown. I hid no longer. I just grabbed a bar rag and started wiping an imaginary spill off the bar top. Pretending as if nothing had happened.

Sally jumped up and looked around. She stood and walked around the couch toward the bar. "Is someone there?"

I guess the light from the kitchen wasn't shining on me. She was lit up completely. Her blouse was still open with her breasts hanging out. "Oh hey didn't know you were still here. It's Sko," I said, "just grabbing some bottles from the back bar restocking. Thought you left hours ago."

"No I was just... um... resting," she stammered as she adjusted her bra and buttoned her blouse. I guess she didn't realize I could see her pretty well.

"Oh, ok no worries. Sorry to wake you. I stumbled coming in." If she was going to pretend nothing was happening, so would I. I tried to slide out quickly and give her time to get back to whomever she was with.

"No, that's fine, keep working. I need to get up and get going anyway. Let me get the lights." She was adjusting her skirt as she walked over and turned on the lights in the room. They were dimmed down from dinner but still illuminated the room. She strolled up toward the bar with a beer bottle in her hand. Her blouse was still not buttoned properly but she was not exposed. Her skirt was hiked up a bit high but she was clothed. She tried to casually put the beer bottle on the bar. "I found this over there on the table by the couch."

I looked into her eyes and assessed her quickly. There was no indication she was drunk. "Look I know you are only twenty but, I don't mind if you have a beer or so after work. Just don't get drunk and drive. I'll finish up some stuff up front and grab the bottles later." I started to open the door.

"No, don't rush on my part, finish up here. Is it ok if I sit and talk to you while you prepare the bottles?"

"Uh... yeah sure... there's nothing else you need to get finished or back to?" I looked over her shoulder at the couch.

"No, I'm up now." She stared at me then turned around, "what are you looking at?"

"Nothing. Just thought I saw something. Must have been shadows."

Who the heck was on the couch? I thought. There was no way someone could have gone without me seeing them.

"So how long have you worked here?" she asked.

"Couple of years."

"Did you start off bartending?"

"Yeah, I barbacked a couple of places, then bartended here and there." I was staring at the couch as I talked, "When I started here I was a bartender. I bartended at a couple of places before this. I work some other places on nights I'm not here." Wow, she was really screwing with whoever was on the couch.

"Can I get one of those beers you were talking about?"

"Sure, but you haven't finished that one." I pointed toward the half-full beer bottle on the edge of the bar. "How many have you had?"

"Err... Uhm.." she stared at the bottle. "I wasn't drinking that... it was over there already."

"Ok," I grabbed the bottle, the glass was still cool to the touch, not warm like it should be if it's been sitting there all night. "Ok, still a little cool to the touch and has a little bit of head on it. Who's beer is this I said as I walked around the bar and toward the couch." I'm gonna have fun with this, I thought. Wanna play games? "You are saying this beer has been here for a couple of hours since the dining room closed and you haven't touched it. And there is no one else over here right?" I slowly walked toward the couch looking back at her. I waited for her to stop me. She didn't. I looked over the couch and no one was there. I walked around and no one was hiding behind it. I only saw a couple of bar towels laying on the floor. Surprised at seeing no one, I walked back to the bar.

"You ok?" she asked.

"Yeah, I... ah... I just thought... I just..." Maybe I was losing my mind. She was definitely riding someone. My mind pondered.

"How about that beer?" she repeated.

"Sure." I set the half beer on the bar top. The trashcans back here had been emptied and figured I throw it out upfront. I reached into the cooler and grabbed two beers. I need one now. "Here," I handed her a Miller while I grabbed a Yuengling. I took a swig. My mind replayed what I saw. I definitely saw her playing with her breast. She was bouncing up and down. Then the bulb lit. Oh, she was playing with herself.

"So just resting?" I said smiling. "rough night?"

"Yeah, waiting tables sucks and tires me out. I want to learn to bartend. Seems a lot more fun."

"I'm sure you get excited now and then back here," I said laughing in my mind at my joke.

"No, I just run around and get people stuff. I mean they are nice and all but I feel like their slave."

"That didn't get you excited tonight, turned on?" I said almost busting out laughing.

"No, " she said, then her eyes glared at me. "Oh no, how long have you been behind this bar?" Her face reddened.

"Not long, but long enough to know you weren't resting," I smiled. "Quite the opposite I would say. I actually thought you were riding on top of someone."

"No," she blurted out quickly, her eyes getting wide, "but now that I say that it almost seems worse. You... I... it's just..." I could see her mind trying to put words to her thoughts. Then the color drained from her face and she stared at me wide-eyed, "Oh god don't tell anyone. They'll laugh at me. Please Sko, don't say a word."

"Look no worries," I held my palms up, "we all have our moments. We all take care of ourselves at times it's perfectly natural. I'm sorry I disturbed you. I won't say a word to anyone." I mimicked locking my mouth and throwing the key, "Cross my heart," my fingers crossed over my chest.

"It's just I was so horny and I live in a small house with my mom and two younger brothers. I have no place to be alone. I didn't think you would be back here tonight."

"Just bad luck on your part. I actually decided to stock the bar and figured while I do it I'll stock both bars. I honestly only saw the last few minutes. I was actually trying to sneak out when you fell back."

"When I what?" she asked.

"Oh from my perspective it looked like you were riding on top of someone and fell backward at the end."

"Oh... a... yeah...a... " She looked down and grabbed her beer while taking a swig. Her eyes focused on the half-full beer bottle she had put down.

My eyes followed her eyes, "Ok, now I have to ask, what exactly were you doing?"

"Promise you won't tell a soul," she said, I nodded, mimicking locking my lips, "and promise you won't laugh."

"Listen, some things are funny. I can not promise that. But I promise I won't laugh at you, just if something funny happened," I said

"Well, I... " she kinda looked down and then swigged her beer again. "I'm not sure I wanna tell you."

"Well, now you have built up the suspense. Now I have to know. Otherwise, my mind will be making things up all night. Besides what more could there be? I saw you playing with yourself and I saw you fall."

"I didn't fall," she corrected, "I threw myself back."

"Huh?"

"My friend told me... that if you use a beer bottle inside while you masturbate," she pointed at the half beer on the bar. My eyes followed. "Then as you finish, you throw your hips back and the beer shoots into you. It feels like a man shooting his... um... load inside of you and it... um... heightens the feeling."

I stared dumbfounded. I looked back and forth from the long-neck bottle to her and then back to the bottle. I processed what she was saying. "I'm not laughing. Nor am I judging. That's a new, " I searched for a word, "umm...'technique' to me. For my own curiosity, how did you do this... uh ... bottle trick?"

"Well... I put the bottle... surrounded by bar towels..." she was stammering as she explained her method, "in between the couch cushions... I climbed on top... and slid down onto the bottle moving up and down... and I ya know rubbed myself.... then as I orgasmed I threw myself back, the beer sloshed into me...." Both of our eyes looked at the bottle on the bar.

My mind flashed back to seeing her on the couch. Then pictured the bottle and how it would stand between the cushions. I have to say the thought made my cock stiffen. "I see why here. This would have been impossible to attempt at home. Would not have been very covert and sounds messy."

"Yes, I would have certainly been caught by my mom or brothers." She said looking down into her beer bottle. "The beer just kinda spilled into me and then onto the towels."

"Ok, did it work? Did it heighten the moment? Did it feel like a man cumming inside you?"

"No it didn't, I mean the bottle did not feel bad, but did not heighten the moment," she said. Then she kinda shrugged. "It just made a mess. And ... um... actually and remember you promised not to tell anyone," she looked at me. I crossed my heart again. "To be honest with you I've never had a guy do that. So I guess I have nothing to compare it to."

"Ok," I was amazed at how personal this was getting. I pushed the boundaries, "never had a guy inside you or cum inside you?"

"Oh never had one finish inside me. Without a condom that is," she clarified. "Which is funny 'cause I'm on the pill," she kinda tilted her head and then took a drink. "I've been with guys before. Most of the time I think they are afraid to finish inside because of pregnancy." she paused and looked at me, "I can't believe I'm talking to you about this."

"Well, bartenders talk about all kinds of things. We are good listeners and get people to open up. So how often do you do it?" I swigged my beer.

"What have sex with guys? Um, I'm not telling you all that," she said.

"No, not that," I said, "I mean how often do you play with yourself with the bottle?"

"Oh, this was the first time, with the bottle that is. I've played with myself all of the time. I mean ahh.... I ummm.." Suddenly turning red again. "Ugh that sounds awful."

"Look there's nothing wrong with it. Like I said earlier we all do it. Like Cyndy Lauper sings: 'she bop, he bop, we bop, I bop, you bop," I sang.

"But in the back of a bar. It's embarrassing."

"Trust me this bar has seen crazier stuff," I said. Hell, I've done crazier stuff, I thought. "Look you had an itch, you scratched it. At the only place available. Nothing embarrassing. I saw you but it could have been your mom or brothers that would have totally sucked. "

"Yeah, I'd have never lived that down. My brothers would have told the world."

"Is this the first time here?"

She looked down into her bottle, "No, and you better not say a word to anyone." she replied.

"I have already promised my secrecy. Consider this confidentiality like a doctor/patient thing. Only with the bartender/patron." I smiled. "Look, had I been stealthier, I would have left you alone and never said a word. Just had the sexy image of you squeezing your breast in my head."

"Oh fuck you saw that." Her head turned away. "I'm so screwed..."

"It was sexy." I interrupted her, "Hell had I known you were alone I may have moved to watch from a better location. What I saw turned me on, it was sexy."

She was staring at me and I could tell her mind was thinking something as she drank from her bottle. "So seeing me turned you on?"

"Absolutely, I'm a man. Seeing even a glimpse of a girl half-naked in the throes of passion turns me on. Especially a sexy girl. Why do you think Playboy sells so many copies? For the articles?" I smiled.

She swigged her beer as the gears in her mind continued to turn, "So I'm thinking, you watched me playing with myself half naked." A devious smile spread across her face, "By fair turn shouldn't I get to watch you half naked playing with yourself."

I swigged my beer stalling as I formulated a reply. "My observation was accidental. I attempted to leave. Technically I owe no quid pro quo," I said. Her smile faded. "However," I continued, "talking about this with you has me horny as a devil. And so that you are comfortable that I will not tell anyone I think we could reach a deal."

"A deal?"

"You said the beer bottle trick heightens the feeling. I dunno about that. But I can tell you that watching someone playing with themselves while you are touching yourself certainly heightens the feeling. I know this from experience. Besides, I wanna see this bottle trick firsthand. I'll watch you and you watch me. Also, I think I have an idea of how to improve your trick."

"Improve?"

"Yeah, an old bar game called 'knock.' You pop the bottle and the fizz in the beer shoots the beer out. When you are about to orgasm, slide off the bottle, I'll knock the top, you slide back on and the bottle will spray out the contents. Might be worth a try. If you are interested." I looked at her and she nodded slowly. "Ok, let's get this going."

"Umm just like that you are ready."

"First off I've been turned on since I saw you half-dressed. Second, this conversation and the images in my head have done nothing to dissuade that. Third, I am confident that by the time I meet you over on that couch, I'll be more than ready."

I grabbed a few things and then made my way back over to the couch. As I walked up, Sally had stripped off her blouse and bra. She let down her brown hair so it hung around her shoulders. Her breasts were full with pointed nipples. The light was dim but illuminated her perfectly. She sat on the couch cross-legged, her skirt hiked up but still hiding her pubic area. I had slipped out of my shirt. I dropped my pants and boxers. I stepped out of them. As predicted I was at full staff.

I put some towels down and popped the cap on the bottle. I checked the rim to make sure it wasn't cracked then handed it to her. She positioned the towels and then placed the bottle in between the cushions. I stood in front of her naked and fully erect.

I grabbed some flavored lube from my backpack. I put some on my hand and started massaging my cock. My hand stroked from my balls to the tip then down again. She watched me. After a few strokes, I slid to the couch sitting in front of her. I put my legs on either side of her. She positioned herself over the bottle and hiked up her skirt. She had her pubes shaved in a landing strip. Her eyes stared at my hand sliding up and down my cock as she spat in her hand and wet the neck and mouth of the bottle. She rubbed her lips along the opening and neck. I could see her juices and spit coat the bottle.

When she felt it was ready she maneuvered the bottle against her opening. Slowly she lowered herself onto the glass. I watched as it slid inside. She exhaled and tilted her head back slightly. She slid up and down the neck slowly. Pre cum leaked out of the tip of my cock.

Out of habit, I took a swig from the bottle in my hand. I realized as I drank, I had grabbed the bottle she had used earlier. I could smell her on it. "Mmmm," I said as I licked the mouth and neck of the bottle in my hand, "You taste delicious." As I did this, I remembered something when we play 'knock' you have to wait till there are a few sips taken out or the bottle or the bottom can break from the pressure. "Oh shoot. Slide off. I forgot something." I leaned forward as I explained the need to empty the bottle a little. She slid off the bottle. I raised it to my mouth and toasted her. I took a nice long pull. Drinking about two or three swallows. I licked the rim then slid it back to its place. "I could get used to that taste on my beer bottle. It add good flavor." I put some flavored lube all over the neck. She smiled and lowered herself onto the bottle slowly again.

I went back to stroking my cock. She moved up and down. Stroking her clit with one hand and squeezing her breast with the other. Her eyes watched my hand moving up and down. My eyes watched her breasts bounce. I shifted my focus to the bottleneck disappearing and reappearing as she moved up and down. Her lips held onto the bottle as she moved up. They seemed to drag it back in when she lowered. She was moving faster. It was amazing to watch. Her entire body was moving in rhythm. I tried to match her pace with my hand. She rubbed her hand along her clit. Her speed picked up. Her head was slightly tilted back. Her eyes were half shut mouth slightly opened. I listened to her breathing increase. Her pace quickened.

"Remember to let me know when you are close," I reminded.

"I will," she replied. "Not long now."

I kept stroking but prepared my bottle. I also prepared some more lube on my hand to put on her bottle.

Her fingers danced around her clit rubbing and stroking. Her hand squeezed and pinched her nipples. I heard her breathing got heavier. The pace was quickening. "Almost there,'' she said. I was close too. I slowed so as not to miss her cue for me to act. Her breasts bounced and her hips rocked. Wow, what a show. I had to stop so I didn't cum when she needed me. Her lips grasped the bottle. Stretching and pulling it back in. Her face went flush and she bit at her lower lip. "Oh... oh ... now..." she slid off the bottle. I knocked the top of the bottle with my bottle. My hand slid down around covering the top with lube. I moved like a NASCAR pit crew.