Beanbag 01

Beanbag 01

To start things out, let me just say that they only call me Beanbag because way, way, way back in the day, my 'rents made me a "kid cave" in our small Den room and three small beanbag chairs were the best fit for that little room. And they weren't all that bad as far as gaming chairs go given our sizes at the time anyways. And secondly, everyone grew up normal and I took body sculpting classes and ahem, I think earned that A+, am I right? And I'll even take a 7.2 from you since I am still just a sheep in wolves clothing under all this anyways, so.

And thirdly, I mean, I was out to play by the rules a few Friday nights ago and slightly confront this guy, Jacob about his intentions with me, but since I had chosen to dress out of my other, other closet, my goth vampire closet, that night, I mean, well, half and half vampire dressed since I had to slightly content this guy, Jacob while he was at his work at the Sporting Goods store.

[The Sporting Goods store front doors swoosh, swoosh]

"Quick, somebody grab a couple of wooden tent stakes from the corner! Vampire alert!"

Ha, ha! That guy, Jacob is a real cut up, isn't he? I just said that I was half and half for Pete's sakes.

[Pete the Cashier starts to dart towards the camping tent section of the store]

"Tee he, stand down, Pete, this is just my friend, Beanbag, who just surprised me by even knowing where the Sporting Goods store is and, um, watch the front of the store for a few minutes, Pete."

Oh, this guy, Jacob is a take charge kind of guy then, hmm? I mean, he took my arm and basically dragged me towards the um, um, towards the other sports stuff area, so.

"What are you doing here, Countess Beanie?"

So, who knew, right? Those circular clothing racks provide a secret place in the middle.

"[Smooch smack] Jacob, I'm just making sure you have everything you need for the fishing tournament tomorrow and after that, I'm here to ask your permission for something, so?"

Which is exactly the same as slightly confronting him people! Exactly the same! However, even I will admit that is not exactly the same as knowing jack about what equipment is needed to fish a fishing tournament, but at least I knew the word equipment, right?

"Hey, who is hiding out in the center of the baseball pants circle rack? I have a security whistle and I'm not afraid to blow it, so?"

"Shush, Jack, it's me, Jacob, um, go away, Jack!"

Well, I still didn't know Jack, so.

"Anyways, Jacob, based on how I think you feel about me and based on how you made sure that I felt how you feel about me up against my belly last weekend when we embraced goodnight, I'm actually here to slightly confront you about that, which you can respond too in like three weeks because tonight, I need your permission for something, so?"

Guys, right? They always shove their tongue down your throat and then ask for permission later!

Oops, my bad, that was me in reverse!

"[Smooch] Jacob, I'm vampire asking your permission [smooch] to cross the threshold of your [smooch] bedroom door thingy tonight so [smooch] I can finish off my goth look [smooch] before I head out to hang out [smooch] on the Strip and if you must know [smooch], I planned for a quick change [smooch], but there will be about 3 minutes of a near naked vampire in your [smooch] bedroom pretty soon, so [smooch], do I have your warm and welcoming [smooch] permission to cross your threshold, yes or no, hmm?"

Well, Jacob passed out, but he ground against me the exact right number of times before he passed out to signal that I had his permission to switch out of my Lycra blended activewear under shorts and into my vampire fishnets in the comfort of his bedroom. I mean, I couldn't wear fishnets into a sporting goods store that sells fishing nets, right? I could end up hanging from the wall or something with a price tag on my (fabulous) legs.

Um, folks, did I say that correctly above when I said "he grounded against me" or should I have said that "he grinded up against me" the exact number of times before he passed out, hmm? Either way, I still learned more about his vampire killer wooden stake.

[Taps the wooden tent stakes by the cash register on the way out with black fingernail vampire finger]

"You won't be needing these wooden tent stakes, um, it was Pete, right? But you have a clean up over there in the circular rack of pants, so?"

"Bah, bah, bah, my neck is soft, bah, bah, bah and sweating, bah, bah, bah, um, and yeah, um, I'm Beanbag and you're Pete, right, I mean, I get off of work at 9, so?"

Well, if you've ever saw the movie Bit, you don't turn guys! Ever! But if you have seen that movie, then you know my hair halfway. Oh, wait, LOL, the regular hair of the lead character vampire Tranny, not the Enforcer vampire hair. Although, there could be a time for that, right?

[Sometimes waiting for a front door to open is exactly the same as using the reflective glass storm door as a mirror for one last facial prep check, except when you're a vampire because you don' have a reflection]

"Oh, Beanbag, I'm so glad that you're here so that I can have your undivided attention because I don't think it's been sinking into your head that I can ruin your rep with just click of my mouse, so?"

Um, no, no Sammy couldn't ruin my rep with one click of his mouse, even if one click was exactly the same as 100 clicks because he just doesn't understand how juicy gossip works. I mean, is it really a rep ruining rumor when he posts things like Jill and Dale had slept together after dating for eight months, hmm?

Besides, my rep works in reverse anyways.

"Sammy, your head is a clicking and clanking something, but it's not a mouse, so?"

"Well, what are you doing here then, huh, Beanbag because my laptop is on and running and I'm followed by tens of people who love it when I wreck a rep, so?"

[Starts the vampire toe tapping stance while waiting for authorization to cross the main threshold]

"Sammy, I'm roleplaying a vampire tonight, which means I need a personal and warm invite to cross over your threshold step thingy, so?"

"Oh, so, you won't slide into my DMs, but you want to slip slide into our place then, is that it, Beanbag because with one simple click, I mean, it will be Sam 1 and Vampire 0 on the ruined rep leaderboard!"

Um, folks, Sammy has a few issues, that is all.

[Patiently vampire toe tapping while still waiting for authorization to cross the threshold]

Oh, and I'm a vampire who needs boobs! I mean, standing there while vampire toe tapping with a frowny face while patiently waiting the wrecker of reps to invite me inside would have such a better effect if my arms were crossed just underneath a set of boobs, right? I so need my boobs to grow because that's what the program promised as a side effect! And yeah, yeah, yeah, I know it will be little more than just a little growth, but still, a set of crossed arms would prop them up!

"Ahem!"

[The wreaker of reps slightly bows his head, but with a terrible arm wave "enter" gesture]

"Oh, enter by all means, Countess Beanie Bag because this is just the evidence that I need to click my mouse one time and leave your rep in a ruined heap before you can say "bleep" because I already know that you were probably hoping to catch my roomie home alone so you bite his bone, so, enter vampire!"

Hm, if I were in that type of relationship with his roomie, Jacob, I mean, yeah, I would bite his bone if we were alone because sex is a part of relationships, but I'm not in that type of relationship with Jacob, yet, so, even if we were alone, I don't think I would be biting his bone.

Jacob may feel differently about that, but he's a regular guy. And I know that from a couple of times when we were almost alone because I felt his bone. And that is not a complaint.

[Carefully crosses over the threshold and peers around for signs of fire and whew, there was no vampire killing bursts of fire]

"Ah-hah! You're looking around for signs that Jacob is home and taking a nap so you can crawl under the covers with him, probably naked and sideways spoon sex him in the bed! I swear it, Beanbag, I so got your rep in my hands now, I got your rep in the bag, a one click away bag of beans!"

Um, folks, Sammy has a few issues, but damn, sideways spoon sex in the bed then? That almost actually sounded interesting and exciting! I mean, if and when there is an actual relationship established enough to warrant that, right? And no judgements please because nothing has even happened yet.

But what a mental vision!

Besides, why would Jacob ever want to hook up with little ole vampire me since my rep is about to be totally wrecked and ruined, right, tee he?

[Back to the vampire soft toe stepping into the living room while pondering how much better that pose would look with even the start of growth up top]

"[Photo snap] um, just a couple of photos for more evidence, that's all, Beanbag, so."

Hah, like I have ever turned my back on a photo op! Well, sometimes when they want the booty in the frame, I guess.

"Are you through gathering your evidence to wreck my rep yet, Sammy because believe it or not, I actually have a little bit of official business tonight."

"[Grumbles] well, were you going to peek into Jacob's bedroom and bend lift a leg backwards while doing that, huh, Beanbag?"

LOL, that evidence photo could go either way, right? And I mean that in reverse because Jacob could see it and get the wrong idea. I mean, I did it and all, but that's another story. I think since no matter what, Jacob is going to have to make the first move.

Well, the third move since we may or may not have been almost alone a couple of times as I just mentioned above.

"[Photo snap] oh, Beanbag, that's it, you just gave me the ammo that I need to drag your rep through the mud, briskly dry you off and then drag you back the other way through the same mud [photo snap], so, hah!"

Hm, at the Celebrity Mud Skin Care Salon on the north end of the Strip, absolutely! But through the mud on the side of their house where the rain gutters have separated from the house, um, nope!

"[Photo snap] what's this official business then, Beanbag and watch what you say and how you say it because I'm followed by tens of people and with just two clicks, I say, just two little clicks, I'll have your rep on it's knees and begging for mercy [photo snap]."

Didn't I already cover how my rep works in reverse anyways, folks? I mean, I'm playful as hell up to the line drawn in the mud and then I freeze up, so, how could that get any worse, hmm? And I already said that I would drop down to my knees for Jacob if that's what he wanted his little vampire to do.

I did say that, didn't I? I mean, during those couple of times, I may not have pushed back much for being scared, but I held still and took his heartbeat rate count and all, so, um, anyways.

"Sammy, I just stopped by to let Jacob know that the Sporting Goods store has a big sign in the front window about a fry fishing tournament tomorrow, Saturday, that's all, so?"

"Ah-hah! It's fly fishing, Beanbag, not fry fishing, but now, I'm going to fry your rep because you already know that the roomie works at the Sporting Goods store and he probably put the tournament sign up in the window himself, so, I mean, can you say "sizzle, fry sizzle, sizzle" as your rep floats gently down the Middleton River, huh [photo snap]?"

Folks, I already said that Sammy has issues, right? He's harmless, I think, but he has issues.

"[Photo snap] what's your next play then, Beanbag? I mean, I have more than enough evidence to plant your rep like planting a seedling in the garden, but I'll always take more to boost my blog popularity to at least twenty, so, just go ahead, Beanbag and give me another reason to trash your rep like a rash and let's start with the little bag that you brought into the house with you! [Photo snap]"

Oh, I covered my quick-change clothing plan already, right?

"I wasn't finished yet, Sammy, so shut it and listen to me! I may or may not have a quick change of leg coverings in this little bag, but I definitely have Jacob's permission to cross the threshold of his bedroom to change out a couple of things and since it's going to be a near naked vampire situation, it's a no peeking zone in there, so?"

"[Photo snap] OMFG, Beanbag, why don't you just wrap your rep in a bow for me and hand it to me because now, I'm going to find a piece of land and bury your rep in the sand [photo snap]!"

Oh, I live for the day when I see Mr. Issues with a shovel in his hands! That would be the worse hole in the ground ever!

[Weep, outgoing warning text]

"Vampire advising that near naked time in the Master's bedroom is approaching."

[Whoop, a WTF response]

"And while I'm at work! U suck, Beanbag!"

Oh, that's what vampires do, right? They suck (eventually because the time seemed right).

[Weep, outgoing permission text]

"Permission slip submitted for vampire style sideways spooning soon?"

[Whoop, a WTF response]

"Is permission same as me passing out, Beanbag? Again!"

Well, they both started with "p", so, sure.

"[Photo snap] that's right, Beanbag, just keep fly fishing sexting because [photo snap] I'm capturing all of this on film and now, I'm going to fish your ruined rep out of the Middleton River from under the Elm Street bridge, ring it out dry and toss it over my head like a bridal boutique at a wedding [photo snap] and if you haven't noticed, I've already twice said that I'm willing to dry you off, in case you want to take a shower, tee he [photo snap]."

Damn, Mr. Issues may have rep ruining issues, but he has a couple of nice sexual situation ideas! I mean, drying off from the shower, that might be fun with Jacob and that sideways spoon sex in the bed, I mean, I could see that in a couple of weeks, maybe and oh boy, did Jacob ever pick a bad Friday night to work, right?

I mean, I did say somewhere above in between the lines that Jacob can make a real move on me, right?

Oh, and huh then, because Mr. Issues captured a fair number of full-frontal photos of me too, even though as a roleplaying vampire, I won't even show up in the any of his rep ruining photos. But that didn't matter because I had permission to get near naked while changing out my Lycra shorts for my Friday night vampire fishnets and since my rep was already promised to be ruined, why not just start the process right there in front of the king of rep ruining himself.

[Unbuttons Denim shorts button and opens zipper]

"[Photo snap] aww, yeah, Countess Beanie Bag! Keep going because your virgin vampire rep is about to be as ruined as your pretty little vampire mouth is going to be when the roomie gets an eyeful of what I'm about to post [photo snap] with just one little click of my rep ruining mouse [photo snap]!"

[Is it really a big rep ruining deal when the Denim over shorts drop down and expose the under shorts? I mean, I was still wearing shorts, right?]

"[Photo snap] fuck! No wonder the roomie wants to stab you with his wooden stake! Well, at least until I post these rep ruining photos and ruin your rep in the eyes of tens of people, Beanbag, tens of people, I say, Beanbag, mwahahaha!"

I did mention that Sammy has a couple of issues, didn't I, folks?

"Sammy, I have Jacob's permission to cross the threshold of his bedroom so I can switch out these activewear shorts [dual finger points and twists] and although..."

[Photo snap, photo snap, photo snap]

"And although it may seem like a quick change out, it takes a minute to wiggle of these [finger points] activewear shorts and then it's a slow roll and pull of the fishnets up and then then is always the fiddling with them to get them straight, so, no peeking pervert!"

I mean, maybe I didn't ask vampire permission to close Jacob's bedroom door, but I didn't receive it either, so, I left Jacob's bedroom partially opened.

[Ahh, the old "wiggle out of Lycra blended activewear shorts" thing then, hmm? Well played, Countess Beanie Weenie Bag, well played.]

"[Photo snap] alright then, Beanbag, now I own your rep so hard that I can take it to the bank and make a deposit with it because most people already know you wear the undies [photo snap], but nobody knows that you wear a thong [photo snap] and I have it in my evidence file now [photo snap]."

Um, my thong selection is quite hefty. Well, it's about 33-33-33 based on bikini bottom styles, frilly boy shorts styles and thongs, so.

"Ahem, that's not exactly what I would call "no peeking" Sammy, so?"

Guys, right? No matter that they know I'm a sheep in wolves clothing, they still want to peek!

"[Photo snap] yeah, you're mine now, Beanbag because this is what I call wrecking a rep because now I can expose how much body surgery you have undergone [photo snap, photo snap], what did those butt bun implants set you back then, huh, Beanbag [photo snap]?"

"[Twists a little] you mean these, Sammy [points and finger pokes]? They came free with the thighs as a matched and attached set!"

[Huh, the rep ruining photographer seems a little wobbly on his feet now]

"[Photo snap] if I pass out, Beanbag, you do not have my vampire permission to delete any of my rep ruining evidence photos from my phone [photo snap of the almost bare matched set of booty buns]."

Guys, right? They always pass out, but claim a vampire free zone first!

[The roll up application of fishnets and stockings is universally pleasing]

"[Photo snap]"

[Continues with the rolling and the pulling and the fiddling and the straightening of the fishnets]

"[Photo snap] hah, you're purposely posing for me, Beanbag and that is spelled OMFG, your rep is so ruined now and if I pass out, you have my vampire permission to bring me back around fangs to lips, Beanbag [photo snap]!"

[It's also universal to prop one leg up on the bed at a time while all the final fiddling stuff is going on]

"So, Sammy, which of our reps will be ruined if you post any of those photos that you're taking of, you know, of a guy who started to live out of the other closet quite some time ago, hmm?"

[It's extremely universal to check the fit of the fishnets in the back in the nearest mirror, no matter how much tippy toeing or twisting is required and even when a vampire does not cast a reflection]

"[Photo snap] hah, I'm a guy and my rep will survive, especially when you look like that! Which, I'm this close to leaking out to my tens of followers to create havoc with you rep, Beanbag, mwahahaha!"

Damn, the idiot was probably right about that. But I wasn't worried.

[Eventually the Denim over shorts have to be pulled up]

"[Photo snap] hold, Beanbag [photo snap]!"

[But the button doesn't have to be buttoned right away, apparently]

"[Photo snap] Beanbag, let me be in the house when you sleep over with Jacob [photo snap]"

Well, snap because I just found out about sideways spooning sex and had no idea about house rules worked! Besides, I never actually said that was going to happen anyways, so.

"[Photo snap] and by the way, Beanbag, since I have your rep in the tip of my fingers [photo snap], such is the power of the thong that says I've saw your bare booty cheeks before anyone else [photo snap], so, take that to the rep repair shop!"

Well, snap again since Mr. Issues may have had a half of a point there.

"Sammy, this is not turning out how I expected, not at all."

"[Photo snap] ah-hah! Then I win, Beanbag and we're going to circle back to the beginning where we spoke of since we're alone, then you might well just as suck my bone like your rep depends on it because I've been posting rep ruining info and photos since you arrived and then you can forget all about Jacob! Do you [photo snap] remember that part, Beanbag, huh?"