Beanbag 02

Beanbag 02

"[Squawk, squeak] attention all casters, the Flyfishing tournament will cast off in about 30 minutes, so please make your way to the wooden stakes in the riverbanks that has your competitor number on it. Attention all spectators, please remember to stay behind the yellow tape "hooked in the ear" zone, thank you [squawk, squeak]"

So, hey there, again, it's me, your favorite beanbag chair, Beanbag and it's the next day after the last chapter left off and the morning of the Flyfishing tournament and just to recap the last chapter, all of the guys in my life have issues.

But the guy with the most issues, Sammy, the wrecker of reps, breaker of wrist cuffs and the last of his kind, did manage to blow up my vampy vampire vixen popularity with his rep trashing photos, so, he still has issues, but I'm not all that mad at him.

Anyways, I'm glad that you came back to support...

"[Squawk, squeak] attention all casters, the wooden stakes in the pebbly riverbanks with your competitor number on it does not double as a vampire stabbing skate. Besides, we have it from a good source that last night's vampy little vampire vixen has converted to a nun, thank you [squeak, squawk]"

OMG, in what world does it mean and since when are black long jeans and a black hoodie on a steamy hot morning along the Middleton River the next day known as nun wear, hmm?

Anyways, going forward, I would appreciate it if we could ignore and just drop the word vampy, but I welcome all comments back about if vixen is a good thing or a bad thing, okay folks, hmm? Wait, don't answer that. Yet.

And don't hate me for the next two things. For one, I mean, the golden crinkle French Fries vendor truck was there at the flyfishing fishing tournament and nobody can resist that and for two, well, I may or may not have let the wrecker of reps, breaker of wrist cuffs and the last of his kind know that I would be hanging out on the south side of river during the tournament, I mean, I mean, I mean, just in case, right?

[Yum, yum, yum, how do you keep this body when you love fries so much, yum, yum, yum]

"One large crinkle please. Oh, hey, I almost know you, don't I? I'm Kenny and I have a fishing net vendor tent set up here at flyfishing tournament, um, hey there because I almost know you, um, you're Countess Bean of Bag, right? I mean, we have a mutual friend, right, um, Wayne, Wayne Walker, I mean, you lost a challenge to Wayne that one time, am I right?"

[Creeper photo snap from behind the bushes]

Oh, this guy, this guy Kenny, has issues for saying even half of that because that's exactly the type of talk that will lead to a fight!

"Oh, I promise you, Kenny who I just barely know, that I did not lose any challenge to Wayne Walker that one time!"

[Stares at that guy Kenny and blinks eyes blankly while remembering that one time and then decides it was a tie, but a tie in Wayne's favor]

"Anyways, after I finish my crinkle fries, I mean, I'm in the market for a pair of those rubber bib overalls that the casters are all wearing, but I need it in a XXXXXXXXXXS size and a belt so I can belt them right here [circles the belly area that was a little too over exposed the night before] and then I can crisscross the shoulder straps over my neck [spins to let the vendor tent guy see where the crisscrossing would occur], so, is that a challenge that you can handle from your flyfishing tournament vendor tent, hmm?"

"Oh, challenge not accepted because there are no rubber bib overalls anywhere on the planet in your size, but I am challenging you to explain to me how you went from such a sexy little vampy vampire vixen last night, to a nun the next day and then managed to keep your rep intact at the same time, so, that's my first challenge back to you, Beanbag, so?"

See, folks? Just like in the first chapter, everybody that I encounter has issues! Hah, nun! Nun my vampy butt! All of the side men in my life have issues, the end.

"Kenny, shut it because that makes it sound like you have common "guy" issues! Anyways, maybe I was a little over exposed last night, but the outfit I'm wearing this morning hardly qualifies as nun wear! Also, is a vixen a good thing or a bad thing, hmm? Um, don't answer that, um, I'm just more covered up today to bring my rep back inline and that's it, so?"

[Kenny checks his phone, checks in on Chang, yep, the vampy vampire vixen from the night before still has plenty of popularity]

"Anyways, again, Kenny, listen..."

[Hold please! What was the challenge that you clearly lost to Wayne Walker that one time, huh? It's time to fess up, Countess Beanie Weenie Bag!]

Folks, I'm sorry, but even my scene narrator has issues. All guys in my life have issues.

[Attention readers! Beanbag fucked Wayne Walker that one time! Squawk, squeak]

OMFG, folks, I promise you that I did not fuck Wayne Walker that one time! I mean, we fooled around heavily and all, but it was all legit because here is what had happened.

Well, that can wait since it would be rude to that guy Kenny to pause now for a recollection of that one time about two years ago when Wayne Walker picked me up for a graduation party and challenged me on the spot to prove to him that I was 18 at the time because Wayne Walker said that someone under 18 would wear a leg garter belt on the left leg and that someone who was at least 18 and plus, would wear a leg garter belt on the right leg, the end.

Well, the end except for how Wayne Walker found out for himself that one time that I did indeed wear a leg garter belt on my right leg under my party dress that day, the end.

Well, the end except for Wayne Walker didn't think I had the leg garter belt up high enough on my thigh, which were just more fighting words and then we fought. And by the way, fighting is exactly the same as embracing, groping, kissing, humping, grinding, rolling around while playing "hide the garter belt" and then I sucked his dick off, so, what? I mean, everybody has a first, right?

[You fucked Wayne Walker!]

I did not. I just said that I only heat of the moment sucked his throbbing cock!

[Ah-hah! Wayne Walker came back the next day and fucked you then, Countess Bag of Beans!]

Oh, where was I with my story then, folks, before I had to take yet another break for some weirdo with issues, hmm? Oh, yeah, that guy Kenny who couldn't accommodate my belted rubber bib overalls.

[Creeper photo snap from behind the bushes]

"Anyways, Kenny and by the way, you're still "that guy" Kenny to me at this point, I mean, that was very forward of you too just now ask me if I kept a change of vampire clothing in my truck and then why would you even think up about rubbing a little camo river mud on my legs for effect, hmm? I mean, all this sounds like you have issues, Kenny, so?"

"[Squawk, squeak] casters, casting starts in 15 minutes at the sound of the blast horn [squawk, squeak]"

"Oh, I took both of those ideas from you, Beanbag because you just now said that you always have a change of clothing in your truck and then you said that daytime leg coverings can be tough to balance out sometimes and then you said that maybe I could rub a little bit of mud on your legs for the riverbank effect and then you said that we could have..."

"Ahem, that's all that I said, Kenny! But since "issues" are the standard around here, I suppose it's going to be an issue that you have to get back to your vendor tent to sell your fishing tournament stuff and it just so happens that I'll need a safe place to convert back into my vampy little vampire vixen outfit, without the vampy, from my nun wear, so, Kenny, what are overwhelming odds that you have a white nondescript, windowless, full size kidnapping cargo van parked in the parking lot, hmm?"

[Jingle, jingle, jingle goes the keyring, complete with a smirk]

OMG, guys with a white nondescript, windowless, full size kidnapping cargo van have issues!

"[Squawk, squeak] casters, casting starts in 5 minutes and it's our understanding that the nun is converting back into a vampy little vampire vixen, so, use the wooden competitor location stakes to protect yourselves, if push comes to shove and shove your wooden stake deep into that vampy little vixen's, oops [squawk, squeak]"

Issues! Everybody in my life still have issues! Even the tournament announcer idiot.

[Creeper photo snap from behind the bushes]

Also, SOB, is there a rule that says all parking lots should always have at least six white nondescript, windowless, full size kidnapping cargo vans in it, hmm? But I found it. I mean, I set off five other van alarms first, but I found the van that would probably be my last van ever.

[The bushes rustle like a creep with issues and a camera phone were stalking behind]

"[Photo snap] oh yeah, Beanbag, I got your rep again for sneaking into the nondescript van dressed as a nun and then exiting as everyone's favorite vampy little vampire vixen subject, so, come on, Countess Beanbag, smile for my rep ruining camera phone, again [photo snap] because you and I struck a creep shot deal last night!"

That idiot, Sammy, has real issues if he thinks that we struck a deal last night because he struck his head when he passed out.

[Quickly figures out that the dual side doors on a white nondescript, windowless, full size kidnapping cargo van make a little sitting area and provide a little privacy]

"Sammy, stop being an idiot with issues! My rep blew up positive from our stupid escapades last night, so, shut it!"

"[Photo snap] and what blows up, Beanbag, can blow right back down. Now confess and confess true, Beanbag or I'll ear hook your rep like at least five spectators will get ear hooked today..."

[Ouch! Medic! Flyfishing cast ear hook!]

"[Photo snap] tell me true, Beanbag, are you or are you not a virgin vampy vampire vixen because I know how to wreak havoc with a virgin rep and my nearly 108 followers are now dying to know the truth! Also, remember that I already posted that I was the first to see your nearly bare booty because of the thong you wearing last night, so, help me out with the truth in my favor, okay, Countess Beanie Weenie Bag [photo snap], so?"

I mean, flip through the pages of a dictionary until you come to the word "issues" and there should be a photo of my weirdo friend, Sammy.

"Sammy, that is none of your business and it's none of the business of your 108 followers who live in their mom's basements either! And by the way, Mr. Issues, our creeper deal never included a side kick creeper, so, who is that lurking behind the bushes with you, hmm, wrecker of reps, breaker of wrist cuffs, the absolute last of his kind, hmm?"

"[Photo snap] oh, this is perfect then, Beanbag, because I stayed up all night last night after I woke up from being passed out and vetted all of my new followers and I selected my side kick creeper for today as my way to put your rep under wraps! [Photo snap, photo snap] and why did you change so quickly out of your nun wear long jeans anyways, huh? That would have been great on digital."

Oh, that issue was between him and bush branches, who won the battle of getting caught up in the bush branches! I mean, I took my sweet time to change out my Denim in the plain view of the dual side doors of the white nondescript, windowless, full size kidnapping cargo van in a very "caught changing" situation, so, that guy, Sammy, still has issues.

"[Photo snap] mwahahaha, I am the wrecker of reps, the breaker of wrist cuffs and the last of my kind, mwahahaha [photo snap], emerge secret rep wrecking side kick weapon, emerge from bushes and trash talk this Tranny into submission! Just don't get a boner [photo snap]."

[Bush branches rustle, tumble, fall, stumble, get up, tumble back down, trot two steps, tuck and roll, stumble like you have issues!]

"[Wheeze, cough, huff] I mean, I mean, I mean..."

"OMFG, Rodger? Wheezing Rodger Rodgers from school? Rodger Rodgers from out homecoming float tissue paper flower making meetings in Darla's parent's garage?"

"[Wheeze, cough, huff] I mean, I mean, I mean..."

"[Surprise smooch, smack on the lips] oh, oh, wheezing Rodger Rodgers, if I may use a phrase from the wrecker of reps, the breaker of wrist cuffs and the last of his kind, OMG, this is just perfect then!"

"[Wheeze, cough, huff] I mean, I mean, I mean..."

"[Photo snap] this is not exactly rep ruining Tranny scolding trash talk [photo snap]"

"[Wheeze, cough, huff] I mean, I mean, I mean, Beanbag, we..."

"[Jumps up in surprise and engages in a pretty good vampy vampire vixen embrace] we just sized each other up and that's all, wheezing Rodger Rodgers because you remember that I wore a leg garter belt on my left leg at that time, right, wheezing Rodger Rodgers, hmm?"

"[Photo snap] oh, yeah, you two, let's get with the arguing about that [photo snap] because the best way to wreck a rep is to point out proper leg placement of a leg garter belt [photo snap]."

See, folks? Sammy has issues if he thinks still photographs properly call out an argument about what was proper while playing "stop bumping my legs and make more paper flowers" with wheezing Rodger Rodgers.

"[Photo snap] ah-hah! This is even more perfect now, Countess of the Bean Fields because now, not only am I going to wreak havoc with your seemingly virgin, yet vampy vampire vixen rep, ah-hah, now I get to trash your tech rep because count the lenses on my phone Countess of the Bean Booty! That's one, two, three and I'm going live streaming video in five, four, three, two..."

Oh, two things about that, folks. For one, in what world do I have a bean booty and for two, because I'm back into my roleplaying of a vampy little vampire vixen, I mean, I won't show up in any photos or videos and that's a known fact! Right?

"Lip smack me back, wheezing Rodger Rodgers, if you want our score from making paper tissue flowers days to be a tie!"

[Lip smack forward and wheeze lip smack back]

"Split my lips back, wheezing Rodger Rodgers, if you want our score from making paper tissues flowers days to be a tie in your favor!"

"[Photo snap] this is so perfect! But turn slightly sideways, Rodger, because my rep will be ruined if I post your vampire killer wooden stake [photo snap]."

[Lip splitting smooch forward and a sizable and wheezing lip splitting smooch back]

Guys, right? They always want the tie to be in their favor.

"[Wheeze, cough, huff] I mean, I mean, I mean..."

"[Presses finger to wheezing Rodger's lips] hush, we're tied in your favor and I knew before about your wooden vampire killer stake. Anyways [sits down between the open doors of the white nondescript, windowless, full size kidnapping cargo van], wheezing Rodger Rodgers, I need flyfishing tournament mud striped fishnets to cover my vampy legs, which do not end up in a bean shaped booty, ahem, so, if you wouldn't mind making a tight two finger peace sign, you can double trace crisscrossing mud stripes down my daylight bare legs between the hem of my shorts and the top of my high tops, so?"

Guys, right? They always want to play in the mud!

"[Photo snap] I'm going to pass out, Beanbag [photo snap], but this is just the photographic evidence that I need to out you as a one-of-a-kind sexy and vampy vampire vixen! Tighten up your fingers, Rodger [photo snap]."

Oh, I have no issues with being known as a one of kind sexy vampire vixen, but I thought we dropped the "vampy" somewhere above, didn't we?

"Don't you dare pass out, wrecker of reps, breaker of wrist cuffs and the only one of his kind, not at least until you get a couple of photos with the riverbank mud still a little damp and glistening! And more crisscrossing, wheezing Rodger Rodgers, more crisscrossing!"

"[Photo snap] this is just more and more perfect then, Countess Beanie with the Booty because you just gave me vampire permission to leak out rep trashing creep photos of you moaning while Rodger is swiping mud stripes across your vampire legs and while you both seem to be in ecstasy! Wait, what [photo snap], what's happening here?"

"(Moan, ah, aha) wheezing Rodger Rodgers, wheezing Rodger Rodgers, I'm so sorry that we met to soon in life (aha, aha, aha, this is leg playing like none before), crisscross my fishnet weave mud stripes like you mean it, wheezing Rodger Rodgers!"

"[Crisscrossing those mud stripes like a boss] (wheeze, aha, aha, aha, mud stripes, wheeze, aha, aha, vampire mud fishnets, wheeze, aha, aha, wait until the gang hears about this, wheeze, aha, aha, aha.)"

"[Photo snap] I mean, I mean, I mean, both of you stop enjoying this so much right now this instant! Vampy sexy vampire stuff is not rep ruining material [photo snap]."

"(Psst, there is a guy kneeling in between my legs, you idiot wrecker of reps, breaker of wrist cuff and hopefully the last of your kind with a camera! Psst!)"

"[Photo snap] oh, oh, OMG, Rodger, your rep is so under the bus now because [photo snap] your rep is going to be like squished bubblegum on the street [photo snap] under a bus tire. And tighten up your two mud tracing fingers, Rodger, because I need all of you in center frame [photo snap] and stop panting!"

"(Wheeze, aha, aha, aha, post, wheeze, aha, aha, aha, post, wheeze, aha, aha, post!)"

"(Psst, tee he, a man is kneeling between my legs, Sammy! And he's tickling me.)"

"[Photo snap] oh, (um????)"

"(Psst! OMFG, Sammy, a guy is between my legs and I'm now an official vampy vampire vixen Trap!)"

"[Photo snap] oh, oh, OMG, Rodger, this is all way to perfect now, even though I use that phrase a lot, because now, ah-hah, I own everybody's rep because you're manhandling and getting a big fat wooden vampire killer stake over a vampy vampire vixen that you know to have been born the other way [photo snap] and this is all too perfect and I'm going live feed again in four, three, two..."

[Huh, that was a quick leap up!]

"Time!"

I mean, maybe I was getting into a little bit, so, what? I cut it off in time, so.

Also, the massaging of the legs should be included in all relationships, the end.

[The wheezer struggles to stand]

"[Wheeze, cough, huff] but, but, but, Countess Vampy Vixen Vampire, I insist on wetting my finger and downward tracing threaded seams in the rear of your sexy and vampy vampire vixen mud fishnets, I mean, Moulin Rouge style and all (tee he), I mean, I mean, I mean, it's fishing day and all (tee he), so?"

Stupid people with issues! But just like it caught my attention in the last chapter, when Sammy, the original guy with issues, spoke of sideways spooning sex and then there were the two purple circle hickeys on my, ahem, nicely shaped booty cheeks, which I know was my dream, but it still counts since it was within the same weekend and now, Sir Wheezing Rodger Rodgers, vampire slayer, wants to finger trace my mud fishnet rear seam threads, which are always alluring, so, what could go wrong, hmm?

[The vampy vampire vixen Tranny Trap stands and turns around to allow the wheezing vampire slayer seamstress to apply the Moulin Rouge rear seams to the crisscrossed, two fingers, mud striped fishnets weaves.]

"[Photo snap] mwahahaha, I am the greatest wrecker of reps, breaker of wrist cuffs and the last of my kind, ever, mwahahaha [photo snap], but I'm seriously about to pass out!"

"(Wheeze, I can't believe this is happening, wheeze, aha, aha, aha and I'm not even close to passing out!)"

[The rear mud seams seem to be a little crooked and wavey though]

"Sir Wheezing Rodger Rodgers, slayer of the vampire community, master of his wooden vampire killer stake, do you think you could dab your fingers back into the mud and mud paint a leg garter on my right leg, hmm? I'll play back double if I get an invite to your next game night, so?"

[Plop down goes the wrecker of reps, the breaker of wrist cuffs and the last of his kind]