Becoming Raven, Forevermore Pt. 02

Jane broke the silence. "Well. I've done my job, I don't have to be here anymore. So I'm going to go." I looked up, Jane wasn't the worst of the teen bullies that had plagued Raven in the past but she didn't deserve to have her life messed up either. An awkward silence filled the room before Jane simply left. Emma, who was at worst an observer in the old times, was a bit more reluctant to leave but she too was antsy to get away from the situation. I told her it was alright and that she could go too if she wanted.

I followed them to a small living room with a pull out sofa that they'd clearly been using the night before. Jane had already removed her pyjamas and was wearing only a red lace thong. The sight of a beautiful woman wearing next to nothing would normally make my mind jump but the whole situation dulled it. I watched the two change and eventually make their way to the door. Jane took one last look at me "Good luck." was all she could muster before heading out. Emma again was hesitant, she flashed me a small apologetic smile and reminded me that I could message her if I needed anything. In the short term she'd be around to help.

As she left, I had a mini Eureka moment. I could contact my old phone via the Tinder match! Surely if I explained rationally I could make the Old Raven understand, I hadn't bullied her, I never knew her so it'd be wrong to do this to me. I inputted the passcode which I knew to be 1901. Edgar Allan Poe's birthday. Opened up and saw... nothing. I had been blocked. My small hope dashed. I collapsed back on the bed. Between frustrated tears and a complete inability to do anything I drifted in and out of sleep.

Waking up hours later, I would once again understand the struggles of being this heavy. Getting up was a chore. By instinct I made my way to the bathroom, removing the cotton grey underwear set I made my way into the shower.

God, it took forever. There was so much to clean, so many nooks and crannies of folded skin. I lathered and caressed my new body, intentionally avoiding any areas that might give me any funny ideas until last. I rubbed down my arms and thighs, not exactly careful or detailed focus, just a quick shower to try and clear my mind.

I rubbed my hands with Shampoo and went through my hair, it felt different. Not just because I pictured my old short hair shaved down but even from my memory of the old Raven. It felt longer? After finishing my hair I tried doing other parts quickly, my armpits, my new tits and of course my pussy. All three threatened to start my mental panic. My armpits felt gross, not only were they huge vessels collecting sweat but there was more hair now than in my previous body. I lathered double just to try and curtail the problem that I knew they'd be. I wiped over my tits. It's strange, they're sensitive but not in a sexy way. I thought that I'd go mad feeling them but it was like... knowing someone else could do a better job? Finally, the place that would reinforce who I would be and smash against my male ego. Investigating, I found so much bush. An unkempt jungle that I would traverse for the first time. At this point I could hardly contain myself. I kept going further and further with my fat little fingers, searching desperate for my own sopping wet pussy.

Waves and waves of pleasure drowned out all thoughts. I don't know how long I spent searching for an ultimate release that didn't come. After god knows how long passed, I relented. It was like being blue balled to the extreme. I turned off the water, reached for a towel and dried myself off. If washing was bad, drying was worse. As I was wiping the wet damp skin, I caught my reflection for the first time. I dropped the towel to the floor and took slow agonising steps to the full body mirror. It was so much worse than I anticipated. I looked worse than she did, I was fatter, lumpier. My hair which looked soft and relatively plain was this frizzy curly mess with uneven spots of colour. My chin or chins were so noticeable. My tits which seemed perky and full were now seen as these dangling masses that were flatter than I thought. My face was squished, my nose especially seemed completely different to when I saw it. A slight upturn at the end gave it a slight snout-like look.

Exhausted, I headed over to my new bedroom, giving a proper lookover for perhaps the first time. A plain black bed with various bright hot pink and purple cushions and duvet laid against a pitch black wall with white chalk half wiped scrawls of what I assume were once magic symbols. To the sides of the rooms a badly painted black set of drawers and to my relief a computer desk with an old laptop and finally a small TV stand with a small TV. At least there'd be something to do. Despite having memories and a phone, I'm pretty sure this person who I had become had no friends, no one to speak with and so at least being able to entertain myself online would help pass time.

I made my way to my new clothes, it was exactly what I expected, mainly dresses as nothing else would really fit. Dark tones, flat shoes. It was uninspiring. I gingerly headed to the drawers and thought about collecting a pair of purple panties and a simple grey bra. I held them in my hands, they were huge. I wasn't even sure if I should be putting them on, so I kept searching. Underneath the various styles my hand touched cold plastic. I knew exactly what it was but I still wasn't ready to confront everything, so I ignored it. A pang of guilt from ruffling through someone else's clothes kept hitting but I had to ignore that too. Gathering a few clothes that made a serviceable outfit, I already knew I couldn't stay indoors 24/7. Money I'd have to start work as a fucking cashier, I had two days before I had to properly engage with this new life. Raven was already a notoriously poor worker, on her last warning before being fired and I'd rather have less issues on my plate then also being broke and homeless.

So I placed my legs through the panties and pulled, strapped on a bra with surprising ease, I placed the dress over my frame and put on some basic Mary Janes. Grabbing my new keys from the bowl beside the door, I took a deep breath and headed off outside.

The afternoon sun was rough, it beat down on me, I used my arms to shield myself. I slowly but surely made my way downstairs, my new flat was situated above a set of takeout chains. I didn't want to look inside, I figured they probably knew me as a regular.

I began walking, I knew the area well enough... At least I did now. Trying to familiarise myself with moving this frame, the learning curve was slow. I probably looked stupid taking small steps. My face flushed red with pure embarrassment, if I had seen me I wouldn't be able to stop myself from laughing.

I walked until my legs ached and my lungs were on fire. My mind which had been desperately searched for meaning and answers came to the same conclusion as this body. Sit down, rest. I found a nearby bench. I looked at my phone... 17 minutes. I'd been walking for 17 minutes and I was this tired. Heavy breathing, gasping for air I looked around. I had accidentally made my way to the local park. I had a small element of panic, I didn't want to be here, I didn't want to be this public. I buried my head in my phone, trying to not pay attention to the outside world. I looked at my phone and a recent text from Emma, nothing major just "u k?". I thought about answering it but at the moment I had done nothing but have my mind dominated by this scenario whilst having absolutely zero idea how to deal with it.

After a few minutes of dawdling, gathering my thoughts and breath. I finally relented, the stares from passersbys, from joggers, kids playing games, I had enough of them all. I slowly raised myself, but even with my motivation I was still caught off guard from the laughter of a nearby group of lads playing footie with their shirts off. I felt so much shame, so much agony that I was forced to be a joke to them... I felt so much more than that. I stared blankly at them, I was upset at being laughed at... But also because they weren't laughing at me enough.

I shook my head which might have looked like the smallest act of defiance before walking home. It may have been less than 20 minutes on the way but it took me 30 this time, I had expended so much energy, hadn't eaten and all that was affecting me. As I arrived at my new home, I could almost die. The smells that hit me... They were agonising. I don't know why but I had to have all of it. I hobbled into the shop directly below my flat.

An older woman, maybe early 50's, with a similar frumpy weight profile looked at me. "Are you wanting the usual love?" I was taken aback for a second, "Erm yeah please" I said meekly. I sat on a nearby chair waiting. Finally looking back at my phone. I mustered up the courage to say something to Emma. "No. How the fuck am I supposed to do this?"

I stared at it, waiting for a response. Every now and then the three dots suggested Emma had a reply but it disappeared soon after. "Raven, it's ready." I looked up. A greasy burger bag was waiting for me. Without input my body unconditionally licked its lips. I got up with surprising alacrity. As I made my way to the counter, I quickly tapped the pay machine with my phone. I didn't realise how rude I must have seemed. I grabbed the food, paid silently and walked off without so much as a "Hello".

I waddled fast upstairs to my flat, made my way inside quickly and sat myself on my bed. The smell was intoxicating. From someone else's vantage point I must have looked like a starved beast. I attacked wildly, bite after bite, barely any time to chew. I finished at near record speed. There was a shiver down my spine. A wave of pleasure hit me like a truck. I don't know what came over me, it's like food was so intoxicating now. A simple greasy cheeseburger may as well have been a gourmet feast fit for a queen.

My body felt hot and warm. Was this some effect from the old Raven's magic? My mind quickly wandered, searching for other avenues of pleasure. I thought back to the guys playing football all sweaty and shirtless. Not just them playing but the idea that they'd stop, walk over to me and tell me exactly what they thought. That I was a fat lazy pig who just enjoyed a burger so much that my pussy was drooling just as much as my mouth. That I was nothing, would amount to nothing and the only value I had was at best a receptacle for their cum and piss. I'd sit meek and apologetic, knowing that it was true. They'd shove me to the ground, and grab at my dress, pulling and tearing, removing each piece of fabric til there was nothing left. Nothing left to separate my disgusting form from-

Oh my god. Was I seriously thinking about this? Where the hell did this come from?! That wasn't me! I took a mental step back. When did I reposition myself on the bed? Why am I on all fours? I exhaled, laid back down. Tears forming in my eyes once more at the state this magic has brought me to... Looking down at my form once again, I grab various parts of my own fat and begin almost kneading it and tossing it around. My dress has hiked itself up my body and my purple panties assumedly exposed though my stomach prevents me from confirming. My curiosity has finally triumphed over my sanity, heading over to the drawer, I rifle through the various pieces of underwear until I find. A purple vibrating wand.

Holding it in my hand, I gulp nervously. Am I ready for this? I may as well try right? Pulling my panties down past my legs I clamber onto the bed... Nerves keep hitting as I stare at it. It should feel good, it might even calm me down. I twist the dial at the bottom, a small hum as the motors kick into gear. As I slowly reach down, searching for myself, my mind seems all too willing to let this happen.

The sensation is so strange as I begin manoeuvring it around the outskirts, a sense of pleasure and longing. I can't believe how good this feels, it's like a slow build up. There's almost this emotional response that comes alongside, like not just an excitement or a release of endorphins. No I feel safe, wanted, I feel powerful. I begin going deeper but I can't quite reach, I instinctively get onto my front, propping myself up with my knees, my ass way up in the sky. Letting my stomach caress the bed so I can work my way around and try that position. This is way better, I can get so much further. I hear strange noises before coming to the conclusion that it's me. I'm breathing so heavily, so deeply. My low moans are picking up in volume. It's so slow yet so fast, I have no idea how long I've been in this position but I can feel it, ready to burst at any second.

Suddenly the door opens, Emma stands aghast. "Oh my god! The door was open- I heard noises- I'm so sorry". She shouts in panic before leaving. My entire build up, ruined in seconds. A pretty girl caught me masterbating and instead of shooting me over the edge, at the back of my mind all I could think was... Why wasn't it a guy? I feel sick. I quickly put on my used panties and pulled down my dress. I have so much shame but I feel it might be best to explain the situation or something?!

I head into the living room, my red face showing guilt, shame and tiredness from my activities. Emma looks at me as I come into the room, she looks down to her feet. I don't know what to say and neither does she. We both remain there silently until she breaks it. "I didn't mean to interrupt. I just thought I should talk rather than text. I didn't think you'd be ready for something like that."

Her words were like a dagger to me. Should I have held out more? Was I weird for investigating?! Most guys would at least attempt something like this right? I stammer on my words, I imagine what she saw and surmise that it wouldn't have been pretty.

"Don't worry too much. I've seen it all before. As part of Raven's torture to me. Because I was an observer I was forced to "observe" continually.". My blushing cheeks could set a new record for the most shade of red exhibited in a human. I was mortified.

Despite the silence of the evening, very little changed. Emma spoke at length about what she had to endure. How she became almost like a mute puppet forced to always be with Raven at her side to do nothing autonomously. Watching the names of her former friends be tarnished from Raven's magic. The old bullies who used to torture Raven all had their lives ruined one way or another. Promising sports careers ended from broken bones and breathing issues. Careers and studies became second place to cravings for Food, Sex or Drugs. Even Becky who wanted nothing but to become a mother, eventually got screwed out as Raven had her arrested somehow.

To know I had ended up in the same place as the people made me even more confused. I was at worst closest to Emma in terms of what I did to Raven. Emma confessed that she saw various people in clubs, or on the side of the street had received undue judgement from Raven. She'd further explain how random dog walkers would lose their pets, receive random fits of embarrassment from accidental wettings. I most likely fit into the 'because she could' category and not the 'he deserved it' one.

I think that's the part that chains me the most, if I could understand why I might be able to have a fraction of control over myself. But the idea that it was 'just because'. That part kills me. Emma and I talked a lot that night. She gave me a crash tour on being a woman. Which clothes to pair with what shoes, how to enhance my very limited make up skills. When it was past midnight and Emma was content that I was at the very least a little more prepared. She made a quick joke to remind me to lock my doors before she headed off.

It's been three weeks since my life changed. I've adjusted to a degree, my weeks at work has been exhausting. It's just been endless, mind numbing and completely dull. Emma has visited almost every day in the first few weeks to keep me calm and sane, but for this last she's been a bit more independent, she's been getting a lot of attention and I think she's really happy being noticed for the first time in a while. Meanwhile no one has so much as given me a second glance so I must be keeping up with the Raven facade. I wasn't a hugely sociable person so retaining that feeling of isolation and loneliness has been a solemn comfort to this change over. I don't know what I expected? Public uproar at how my life has completely changed. Yet save for 4 people, no one knows. And of those 4, only 2 care, me and Emma.

I've been using Raven's laptop the whole time, maybe it's the loneliness, maybe it's the words of encouragement from Emma to open up a little and try and meet new people but I've been on some online chat boards. I was going to create a proxy account, a fake version of who I was, use my old name, pretend to be the person I was who I should have been. But Emma stopped me, she said I should try and throw myself into it, at least in the short term to prepare for the worst case scenario. So here's my account, "Nevermore" with a series of random numbers.

I've also started exploring my body way more, since Emma caught me. At first the idea of using anything but my fingers on my pussy was out of the question, now my faithful companions; a plastic purple vibrator and flesh dildo, have been keeping me company at night.

Looking at my DMs is a harrowing tale of what women experience. With almost minimal post history, I've received tens of dick pics, random abuse and name calling. Emma says it's part of womanhood and that I should just delete it... but I just can't seem to be able to do it. It all sits there waiting for me to scan it at any given time. Emma said not to look crazy and don't post anything about Magic but instead to say something like you've got memory loss and are looking to make changes and friends.

It's a shame I've been unable to, once people take the extra second to see my profile, all they see is a fat girl trying to pull off a cute pose and then it's either no response or a crude pushaway. I hear a beep on my computer and once more I instinctively open it up, and as thought. 'Lol fk off u fat cunt'. I sigh. Another one for the folder. Immediately like the same response I've had for the last 2 weeks I look at the Magical Survey, the one that changed my life and preferences. I remember mostly the final pages, detailing how I would need to receive... Male attention, for lack of better words, within the week or face the ill-defined "Punishment".

I look over the text chain that me and Emma have had, she's not replied from my latest existential crisis I had two days ago and I haven't seen her in a while. In my head I completely understand her situation, she shouldn't hold any responsibility over my situation, yet she carries it with her. Meanwhile she's free for the first time in years and wants to enjoy it. I feel so selfish clinging onto her but without her, without Jane. The person I once was would truly be lost.

My last question to her was about my "cravings", see over the last few days especially I've been like a kettle never taken off the hob. I just keep getting hotter and hotter waiting to finally be done but I'm not. I'm becoming incredibly horny. I didn't want to admit it but after days of denial, I have come to the consensus that I need to be fucked. I just have no confidence to admit that to Emma or to anyone else. But I must. I can feel it more and more each day. Yesterday I attempted to play coy. I thought if I take some sexy selfies I might be able to hold some dignity but two problems occurred. One every time I took a second look at a photo I recoiled in disgust, as if my former male self was telling me to run. I know this body can't have any dignity. It's put on more weight, my hair has gotten greasier and curlier. My nose is tilting up daily and the pig jokes aren't even stifled by onlookers anymore.