Behind the Walls of Ivy

He shook his head in frustration. "What am I going to do?"

After he'd fruitlessly circled the same mental path for a while, a pang in Shale's stomach reminded him that he'd had nothing to eat since lunch. He glanced at his phone and was surprised to discover how late it had grown. Remembering that there was nothing he could fix quickly at home, he decided to allow himself the luxury of eating out. "Maybe I'll feel better if I'm around other people rather than being alone all the time," he thought.

He drove over to a pub that the students frequented and, once he had been seated, ordered a burger and fries. He normally tried to eat a healthy diet, but doing so seemed irrelevant in his current mood.

He was halfway through his dinner when his phone suddenly rang, startling him. He wondered hopefully if Sylvia might be calling, but the display indicated an unknown number. When he answered, at first he didn't recognize Mosa's voice, and when he realized who it was she was speaking so rapidly that he could scarcely make out a word she was saying.

"Mosa, Mosa, slow down! I can't understand you - what's happened?"

"It's Annika, Shale, she's hysterical. I've never seen her like this. You've got to come over right away. I don't know what to do!"

"What happened, Mosa? Why is she hysterical?" he asked urgently, simultaneously reaching into his wallet to pay for the meal.

"It's her fiancé," the young woman said frantically. "He dumped her! He called off the wedding. Annika is beside herself. Please come."

"Shit," he muttered under his breath. "Listen, Mosa, I'm at a pub just off campus so I can be there in just a few minutes. I'm leaving now - just hang tight."

Throwing a bill on the table he dashed out of the pub, ran to his car and hurried over to graduate student housing. When he got off the elevator and knocked on the door to the apartment, Mosa must have been standing right there because she opened it immediately.

Shale was shocked by Mosa's appearance. Her pretty face was twisted by fear, her eyes were red and tears streaked her cheeks. It was obvious that she was deeply upset, almost panic-stricken. He grabbed her shoulders to steady her.

"Where is Annika now?" he asked her, and she pointed down the hall to the closed bedroom door.

"She locked the door and won't let me in," Mosa said breathlessly.

"OK, before I go back there, tell me what happened," Shale said, trying to keep his voice as calm as possible.

"It was about a half-hour ago," Mosa explained. "He called her on the phone. That sonuvabitch told her that he'd found somebody else and the wedding was off! I heard Annika scream and I went running back there. She was sobbing hysterically. She said her life was over and she wanted to die!"

"Alright, let me go talk to her and try to calm her down." He let Mosa go and started to walk down the hall, but Mosa grabbed his arm.

"She's got a gun, Professor! I think she's going to kill herself!"

"Where did she get a gun?" he asked in dismay.

"She's had it for a long time," Mosa said. "Her father gave it to her for protection. Should I call the campus cops or 911?"

Shale's stomach lurched as he felt his adrenaline level jump, but he tried to maintain a calm demeanor. "No, don't do that. An official record of a suicide attempt could ruin her prospects for the future, and I don't want that to happen if I can help it. You just sit down over there out of the way and keep your cellphone handy, just in case."

Mosa's eyes widened as she nodded and backed away. When Shale neared the bedroom door he could hear Annika wailing and sobbing. Just to be safe, he stood to one side as he knocked on the door. At first, nothing happened, but when he knocked again - this time more loudly - Annika sobbed, "Go away - leave me alone!"

"Annika, it's me - Professor Stephens. It's Shale, Annika. Please let me in."

The sobbing subsided into whimpers, and he heard footsteps approach the door. There was a jiggling at the knob and then the footsteps moved away. Hearing nothing more, Shale cautiously tried the knob, and when it turned he slowly pushed the door open.

Annika was standing facing him on the other side of the bed. In her hand was an automatic pistol that she waved in his general direction. "Who else is out there?" she demanded.

"There's no one here but Mosa and me, Annika," he said soothingly. "I wish you'd put down that gun. You frightened poor Mosa half to death."

Her tears began to flow again. "No, I won't. My life is over; everything I've been living for is gone. I just want to die!" she said, waving the gun recklessly.

"Listen, Annika, you can't kill yourself. There are too many people who need you and care about you."

"Robert doesn't need me," she said, her voice growing shriller. "He's probably been cheating on me the whole time I've been at the university. I feel like such a fool."

"No," Shale said, trying to keep his voice firm, "what you are is lucky."

Her head jerked up at that. "How can you call me lucky?" she yelled angrily, and for a moment Shale thought she might fire at him.

"You're lucky," he went on quickly, "because you found out what sort of person Robert really is. You're lucky not to have married him and found out the truth later. Believe me, Annika, finding out later is a lot worse."

As he spoke to the distraught young woman, Shale carefully eyed the pistol she was clutching. He noticed that it had a slide-mounted safety, and although the way she kept waving it around made it hard to tell, he thought that the safety might be engaged. If so, he hoped that she was enough of a novice not to realize that, and not savvy enough to flip off the safety with her thumb.

Annika's crying grew louder. "My life is ruined; all my dreams are gone. I have nothing to live for now."

"No!" Shale said angrily, "that's not true and you know it." The young woman was startled by his tone, and Shale pressed on. "You have people who love and need you, Annika. You just can't abandon them. Your family needs you, Mosa needs you, I need you."

The distraught woman stood there staring at him. Shale hoped that his words might have penetrated her pain and misery, and he decided to take a chance. "I know you're hurting, Annika, but you don't want to shoot yourself, and I'm pretty sure you don't want to shoot me either. Now, give me that pistol so we can figure out what to do next."

With that he stepped cautiously around the bed toward his assistant, holding his hand out for the gun. She stared at him uncertainly and the pistol wavered. Then she let her hand fall to her side as she dissolved in another bout of tears. Shale quickly reached down and took the pistol from her unresisting grip. He set it aside on the dresser and then took the distraught young woman in his arms and held her tightly as she began sobbing again.

He looked over his shoulder and called for Mosa, who quickly appeared at the doorway, a frightened expression on her face. "I think she's going to be okay," he reassured her, and the South African quickly ran over and hugged the two of them.

After a moment, Shale tapped Mosa gently on the arm. "Didn't you tell me once you had trouble sleeping at times?" he asked. When Mosa nodded he went on, "Do you have any kind of sleep medication, a prescription?"

"I've got some Ambien in the medicine chest," she said.

"Bring me one and a glass of water," he ordered.

When Mosa returned, he took the pill and the glass and gave them to Annika. At first she hesitated, but when Shale insisted she took the pill. Once she'd done so, Shale picked her up and laid her on the bed. "Try to get some sleep, Annika," he said gently. "Things will look better in the morning, I promise you."

He kissed her on the forehead and then pulled the spread over her. Exhausted from her hysteria, the young woman closed her eyes and in a few minutes dropped off to sleep.

Shale led Mosa out of the room, remembering to retrieve the pistol. After he turned out the light and pulled the door closed behind him, he took a moment to examine the pistol. "Holy shit!" he exclaimed under his breath. "The damned safety was off the whole time!"

When they returned to the living room, Mosa was still shaken by what had happened. "Is she going to be alright?" she asked anxiously, her eyes still red and watery.

"I think so," Shale said. "Sleep is probably the best thing for her. She's just completely exhausted."

Mentally and emotionally exhausted by the ordeal, he sat down on the sofa and leaned back in the corner. As the adrenaline began to drain out of his system, he suddenly felt shaky, so he laid his head back to rest. A minute later he felt Mosa climb onto the couch. She lay down beside him and put her head on his chest like a small child frightened by a nightmare. "I was so scared," she said in a small voice, and Shale felt new tears wet his shirt.

He put his arm around her to comfort her. "I was too, Mosa," he admitted. Then he closed his eyes for a moment.

When he opened them again, the first thing he noticed was light shining in through a window. Startled, he pulled out his phone, and when he saw the time he realized that he had slept through the night. Carefully he eased Mosa off of him, trying not to wake her. Then he tiptoed back to Annika's bedroom. When he opened the door, he saw that she too was still sound asleep.

As he groggily walked back into the living room, a thought struck him and he quickly pulled out his phone again, this time to check his calendar. "Damn," he swore, "Annika's lab final is this morning!"

He went over to the couch and gently shook Mosa awake. "Mosa," he said quietly, "Annika's lab class is supposed to take the final today. She's still asleep and I don't want to wake her. I'll go over and administer the exam for her. Nobody but her students will know she wasn't there, and they won't care anyway."

She sat up on the couch and looked at him intently. "You know," she said quietly, "you're a pretty amazing guy. I don't know what would have happened if you hadn't come over here last night. Annika is really lucky to have you for a friend. Actually, I think we both are."

Shale was embarrassed. "Anybody else would have done the same thing," he said awkwardly. Then, seeing Mosa about to protest, he went on quickly, "Listen, I better get out of here. If I hurry I can just make it home in time to grab a quick shower before I have to be at the Geology lab. When Annika finally wakes up, see if you can get some food into her. Then send me a text and let me know how she's doing."

As he turned to leave, he remembered to pick up Annika's pistol. "I'll just take this with me - for safe-keeping," he told Mosa with a little smile.

Mosa followed him to the door and before he left she hugged him fiercely. "Thank you, Shale. Thank you for being our hero."

As he drove home, Shale felt good about what he'd done. But when he remembered everything that had happened he shook his head in dismay. "What was I thinking trying to take a loaded gun out of the hand of a hysterical woman?" he asked himself. "Sylvia's not going to believe what happened."

The instant he thought of Sylvia, all his marital troubles came flooding back to him. Then a thought popped into his head, and when he came to a stoplight he fished his phone out of his pocket and checked it. When he saw here was no record of any phone calls from Sylvia last night, his mood darkened further. "What the hell? I was out all night and she didn't even call to check on me! Did she not know I wasn't home or did she just not care?"

When he got home he quickly showered and changed clothes. Before he left for the university, however, he made a quick survey of their apartment. The bed hadn't been slept in and the kitchen was untouched. As best he could tell, Sylvia hadn't been there either. "Where in the hell was she last night," he asked himself, "and what was she doing?"

While he watched Annika's class laboring over the lab final, the same questions kept reverberating in his head, and his resentment grew. Perhaps there was an innocent explanation for his wife's absence, but he sure couldn't think of one.

When the test period was over and he'd collected all the exams, he returned to his office and decided to begin grading them immediately. Fortunately, most of the questions were multiple choice or fill-in-the-blank, so he felt the task wouldn't be too time-consuming.

He was halfway through the test papers when his phone signaled an incoming text from Mosa. "She's up. Still miserable but calmer. I think she'll be OK."

Shale typed out an acknowledgement and went back to the exams, much relieved that Annika's crisis appeared to have been averted. He had just finished grading the last exam when he heard a quiet tap on the door. Looking up he spotted Mosa's pretty face peeking around the doorframe. He quickly waved her in. "Has something happened?" he asked anxiously.

"No, I think Annika's still doing okay," she said. "I just wanted to come over and bring you a little thank-you gift." Shale started to protest, but Mosa pulled her hand from behind her back to display a sack of food. She laughed, "I figured you didn't have any time for breakfast, and you probably haven't had lunch either. I couldn't let you die of starvation, could I?"

Shale thanked her for her thoughtfulness and hungrily began to devour the sandwich she'd brought. While she ate with him, Mosa filled him in on Annika and her mood when she'd awakened. "It's going to take some time," she concluded, "but I think she'll heal. But you know what her biggest challenge is right now?"

When Shale looked concerned, Mosa got a big grin on her face. "The hardest thing for her is going to be facing you again. She's embarrassed to death about the way she acted and the fact that you saw her so completely out of control. She really thinks the world of you, and it's killing her that you saw her that way."

Shale was relieved that Annika was okay but dismayed to hear of her reaction. "That's silly, Mosa. Everybody needs a little help from their friends now and then. I'm just glad that you and I were around to help Annika when she needed it. Tell her she has no reason to feel ashamed."

Mosa got up to go back to the dorm and check on her roommate, but she paused at the door. "For what it's worth, you really are a hero in my book. I thought you were incredibly brave to walk in there and take that gun from Annika in her state of mind. And despite what you said, I don't think many people have a friend who would help the way you did. You're a pretty special guy."

Before Shale could think of what to say, she gave him her big grin and hurried out of his office. Shale shook his head. He didn't feel like a hero, but Mosa's words still gave him a warm feeling.

When he turned back to his desk, his good mood quickly dissipated. He might have finished grading the exams from Annika's lab course, but now he had all the exams from his own courses to do. Unlike the lab exam, many of the questions for his tests required essay-type answers that would take much more time to go over. He sighed and pulled the top blue book off the stack.

By the time he had finished grading the exams from the first of his courses, the light was fading through his office window and his stomach was rumbling again. "I might as well work on the rest of these at home. Surely I can find something I can eat there," he told himself. And, if he were honest, he also wanted to check to see if Sylvia had ever returned.

When he got back to their apartment, Sylvia wasn't home, although Shale saw signs that she'd been there earlier. The door to her closet had been left open, a towel tossed on the floor suggested that she'd taken a shower, and he found a load of laundry that had been run in the washing machine. All those things seemed suspicious to him but none was conclusive evidence of infidelity. He sighed in frustration and went to make himself a sandwich. Then he settled down to his grading.

Several hours later Shale was startled by the sound of a key in the lock to their front door, and he glanced up just in time to see Sylvia stride by the kitchen door on her way to the bedroom. When he went after her he found the bathroom door closed and heard the shower running. "Another shower?" he asked himself. That raised his blood pressure several notches and he stood there staring at the closed bathroom door in frustration. After waiting a few minutes he gave up and went back to his grading.

A short time later he glanced up to see Sylvia, dressed in her robe and pajamas, standing in the doorway. "Well, well," she said sarcastically, "I was wondering if you were ever going to come home. Who did you spend the night with last night?"

Caught off guard, Shale sputtered, "It wasn't like that. One of my students had a crisis and I had to help her."

"What did you do: rob her at gunpoint?" Sylvia asked, holding up Annika's pistol.

"No, of course not," Shale replied. "Her fiancé dumped her; she was going to commit suicide and..." He tailed off with, "It's a long story."

"Sure, Shale, I believe you," she said in a mocking voice as she gingerly deposited the pistol on the countertop.

Her tone sparked all the anger and resentment that had been building in Shale, and he abruptly stood up and pointed at her. "Never mind about me, where were you all night?"

"Oh," she said casually, "I was working late and fell asleep at my desk."

He stared at her incredulously. "You really expect me to believe that?"

"Believe whatever you want," she said nonchalantly, "that's what happened."

"I think you spent the night with Eric Solveig," Shale said hotly. "That's what I think happened."

She shook her head and heaved a theatrical sigh. "We've been through that already, Shale, and it's starting to get boring. Whatever makes you think such a thing?"

"Listen, Sylvia, you've got to admit that things have been strained between us. We hardly ever see one another, you stay out all night and you never even call to let me know where you are. We haven't made love in ages..."

"Now wait right there, mister. We made love just a few days ago, or don't you remember?"

"Well, okay, maybe, but it felt less like we were making love and more like you were throwing me a bone to keep me quiet," Shale said hotly.

Sylvia folded her arms across her chest and scowled at her husband. "Just listen to yourself, Shale. You say we never see each other, but you're the one who's wrapped up in university business all the time. You accuse me of not keeping in touch, but you could have tried to call me last night to tell me where you were. You say we never make love when I gave you the best blow job you've ever had only a couple of days ago!

"From where I sit, the problem is you, not me. You're merrily pursuing your little associate professor job and you don't really care what I want or need. I think you've got a lot of nerve making wild accusations for which you have no proof." She shook her head and sighed again. "Now I'm tired and I'm going to bed." With that she turned on her heel and stalked off to the bedroom, slamming the door behind her.

When he heard the lock click, Shale started to go after her, intending to kick down the door. But he stopped himself and stood there in the hallway in helpless anger. If Sylvia were to call the police and charge him with spousal abuse, his career would be over. Yet he knew that he hadn't been imagining the changes in Sylvia's attitude and that anyone would agree that her behavior was highly suspicious. But he also knew that she was right: he had no proof.

What's worse, he thought, she was almost daring him to do something about it. But what could he do? He had no time to follow her and there was no way he could afford to hire a private detective. And what if he did and found nothing? Would that prove she was innocent? He didn't believe that, but logic told him he at least had to consider the possibility.