Bending the Rules Pt. 03: Battle Test

"I'll do that."

He checked pockets on all the bodies, crinkling his nose at the smell. "Don't these things bathe?"

"They use oil; cook with it, clean with it, bathe with it. Still haven't found a formula that isn't highly flammable."

"Ohhhhh. So why didn't we hit them all that way?"

"Fire's a bit unpredictable. Bit expensive, too, MP-wise. I do a lot of work in the forest, so I don't slot any unless I've got a special purpose."

"Uh, right. Bad idea I guess. I'll have to be careful."

"Nothing bigger than Fire Hand, that's for sure. I didn't know the scroll had a critical immolation effect. Don't use scrolls much, myself."

"I'll be back in a bit. Jaheem, come with me."

"Right. We've got time for one more location today if there's no delays."

"Fantastic."

He went back to the temple, leaving Jaheem at the forest edge.

*****

"Here you go, Father," Nuru said, laying a few coins in the offering tray.

"My, your fortunes have changed, have they Nuru?"

"It's starting to come together," Nuru agreed.

"What's that I smell on you?"

"Goblin."

"Well done."

"They are now. Self-defense, though, you understand."

"As long as it's not brimstone, I guess," the priest said with a tight smile at the morbid pun.

Adana snickered in the back of Nuru's head.

/If only he knew./

Nuru resisted the impulse to reply over his shoulder.

"Right. Time to see what blessings I'm ready for."

He stepped up to the altar, and again his vision went white. He took a few Level Two skills and noted his significant stat bonuses. He pushed all of his elective permabuffs into CON to boost his stamina and HP.

"See you soon, Father."

"Tread carefully, my child. Live to fight another day."

"I'm on that, too."

*****

Nuru went back to the cave entrance, wandering just a little to fill in paths on his map. Though the spoils he carried were a small fortune for a Level Three, he wasn't worried about bandits with Jaheem watching out for him. He arrived just in time for Dayo to plunge the scythe into the last of the dead goblins and melt its flesh into a wispy nothingness.

"Any luck?" he asked.

"!Mutuwa Har Abada!"

The lantern now hanging from the middle of the scythe handle lit up purple, and then went dark.

"Flashy. Is that necessary?" Nuru said.

"Calling the spell name? Not really, but it's more fun that way. Also, I do it as a precaution; if there's any paladins watching, hopefully they won't think I'm casting a reanimation. Helps cut down on... misunderstandings."

"Does it happen often?"

"Often enough. Nuru, I've saved a bunch of time today, and you're Level Three now. How do you feel about doing something crazy?"

"Like what?"

"Like take on a re-ogre."

"A what ogre?

"Re-ogre. Ogre again. Reanimated."

"I'd be willing to watch, at least. I have to ask though, what's it called if it's a woman *and* reanimated? A she-re-ogre? Re-she-ogre?"

"Gender gets a bit muddy after death. That's part of why I'm... undecided, shall we say. 'Gaze long enough into the abyss, and the abyss gazes back into you.' I've had a lot of time to think about what it means to be alive. But, it's a re-ogre, not a she-ogre or a he-ogre or some prefix puzzle."

"You are still alive though, right?"

"Why wouldn't I be? Oh, because I'm not in either category. Yeah, I'm human, not re-human. Or re-valkyrie, if you like."

"Is that a thing?"

"They're usually called reavers, but that's technically accurate too."

"I see. And revenants?"

"Re-fighter just doesn't roll of the tongue as well, does it?"

"No, it doesn't. Thief?"

"Re-thief. Paladins tend to just call them 'recidivists'," she smirked.

"Soulsmith?"

"Lich."

"Oooh. This explains so much."

"Alright, I know where a re-ogre might be found. Do you mind if we're done with the questions for today? I'm a bit tired from all this talking."

"As long as it's on the table for tomorrow."

"We'll see," Dayo said.

"I suppose none of this is news to you," Nuru said towards his shoulder.

/Nope!/

Dayo looked up, then noticed he wasn't looking at her, then relaxed, but only a little.

"Anything I should know about a re-ogre?"

/Big. Strong. Not as smart or as clean as a live ogre. Possibly imbued with special permabuff, if they've had crystals surgically inserted. What am I, your librarian now?/

"Come on, you're getting a free show here. You could give me something for it."

/Pact's a pact. No renegotiating now, you said so yourself. Show's free. Advice isn't./

"What if I promise to get my MP back? A gentleman's agreement, shall we say?"

/We'll talk. If you live./

"Faithless bitch."

The succubus laughed suggestively, warming Nuru's face. /A faithless demon. You're funny./

Dayo turned and cast Silence. Nuru's vocal cords slacked, and refused to make noise when he tried to protest. She made an exaggerated sigh of relief. He stomped after her, working his jaw and waving his hands uselessly. She didn't release the spell until they reached the site.

*****

Dayo snapped her fingers. Nuru cleared his throat noisily, then stood attentively.

"We cool?" Dayo said.

"Yeah. No hard feelings, just being dramatic. Bard, you know."

"Good. So. Re-ogre. Don't get squished, we just need to get it down to 2% HP and I'll handle the rest."

"You ever do that Silence thing with Mesi?"

Dayo winked. "I ain't sayin' nothin'. Neither should you."

"I couldn't possibly."

Dayo snorted a laugh.

/Not if she Silenced you again/

"Thanks for getting the joke," Nuru said over his shoulder. "And murdering it."

/I'm young, I need the EXP/

Nuru palmed his face. "Right. Weaknesses?"

"Nothing you'd have," Dayo said.

"Don't be so sure," Nuru said.

"Well, what kind of demon are you working with?"

"Succubus."

"Well, I'll be twice-damned. She have Entrancement?"

Nuru tapped his shoulder twice.

/Sigh. Yes./

"You don't seem too busy over there. Doesn't seem unreasonable for me to borrow that."

/Fiiiiine./

Nuru nodded to Dayo, who tipped her hat and turned and led him to an oversize log cabin so big it probably qualified as a megamansion.

"Sense Enchantment for me, will you?" Nuru muttered to his shoulder.

/Fire suppression in the walls. Can't burn the place down. I don't sense anything else. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm have to go see a man about a penis./

Nuru grimaced. They walked out boldly, hearing no disturbance in the forest.

"What's all this?" Nuru asked, looking at the squares of dead vine nets laid out on the ground, between brown patches of grass.

"Best stay clear," Dayo said.

Nuru knelt and looked close, half as much to take his mind off the succubus's words as curiosity. There were some wooden spikes just poking out of the dirt where the open spaces were. He reached in and carefully brushed the dirt away. The spike widened the further down he went, and the dirt fell down into emptiness.

"Some kind of trap," Nuru said. "But who would fall for it?"

"An ogre," Dayo said, poking at the dirt with her staff. "They wouldn't see this, especially at night. Re-ogre probably built it to protect the house from anything big enough to challenge it. Doesn't consider smaller things a threat, maybe."

They continued forward carefully, but without incident. They stepped past giant tripwires and log drops. A pile of sharpened logs lay ominously next to the massive doorway.

"Can we just knock?" Nuru said.

"I doubt if you could hear a thing with your ear pressed to the back. But that crack looks big enough."

The door was not made with precision, and the door had torn up the dirt on the latch side deep enough to squeeze under. Nuru and Dayo did so, but Jaheem took a giant leap up onto the opposite side of the doorway and hopped through the opening above the hinge and dropped effortlessly down to the dirt floor.

"Show off," Nuru muttered.

Jaheem barked a laugh.

"Ssh," Dayo said.

"Can you scout quietly?" Nuru asked.

Jaheem gave a noncommittal grunt.

"Well, stick with us then, and keep your ears open."

Uuurgh grunt.

[Something big ahead, two hundred feet, as the eye sees]

They walked quietly forward from room to room, unable to see what was on the tables and shelves crammed wall to wall.

Retch.

[One hundred feet]

"Wait, have we...?" Nuru said.

"What?" Dayo said.

Then the re-ogre came around the corner. It stopped and just stared. The three stared back. It scratched its head.

"Naaaaaaaaaame," it said.

"My name is Nuru."

It shook its head, tapped its chest.

"Naaaaaaaame."

"Dayo, what is its name?"

"Crap, I don't know. I'm Dayo, what is your name?" She asked, curtsying.

"Noooo naaaaaaaame, INTRUDERRRRRR!" it bellowed.

"Jaheem!" Nuru called, but the lyena was already in motion.

"Shit!" Dayo screamed, scrambling under a table.

The lumbering giant stepped forward and hunched to reach after her, ignoring the suddent weight of the lyena on its back. Jaheem had bitten a giant mole and was tearing at it and digging in with all four paws. Nuru threw a snowball, hitting it in the face, then turned and went back the way they had come in, running for his life. He heard the sounds of tables being thrown about, deafening cries of increasing rage following him. He scrambled under the door and wondered if he was being a coward.

"Move!" Dayo yelled under the door at him.

He pulled himself up and stepped out of the way; Dayo got out scant moments before the door itself was thrown open, kicking up a shower of dirt. Nuru spat some of it out, then turned to look. There was room here, but not a lot.

"Jaheem! Get its attention!" He called.

The feliform dropped free of the re-ogre's back and leaped to clamp down on the flesh under the loincloth and swung by his jaw. The re-ogre's eyes widened a bit and it looked down, then reached for the lyena. He dropped free just in time and scampered away. Dayo gave it an arcane blast to the inside of the knee; it stumbled a little, but did not fall. It pulled an arm back to give a mighty backhand at the valkyrie, but Jaheem ran up its unprotected side and swiped at its face.

It howled loud enough to wake the dead, then turned its focus to the lyena. It swiped, it slammed its fists, its palms, its feet. It walked over to the log pile and grabbed one of them, lifted it like a spear or a staff.

"Nuru! Entrancement! NOW!" Dayo called out. "Or we're all dead!"

Nuru pulled at his demon's power through the pact. Nothing happened until he hit the re-ogre with another snowball, and it turned its eye just enough to catch his gaze- and then the world distorted. He felt the air between them grow close, and felt as if he had grown and the ogre had shrunk until they were the same size. It felt almost intimate, as if the whole world were shrinking away and there was just the two of them, man and ogre, locked in a contest of wills. Nuru stepped carefully backward, unsure of his footing. The re-ogre followed, attempting to take the initiative.

"Jaheem! Stand down!" Nuru called out as the feliform braced for another leaping attack.

Nuru felt that he could not hold its attention this way if it were hit in the face again. He visualized the edge of the field, holding firmly in his mind where the edge of the spike trap was. He gestured with a finger, urging the re-ogre closer, to follow. He pulled some magic allure from Adana, heard her curse in his head.

/I'm not made of mana wafers over here, asshole!/

He stepped backwards, feeling the border vine right where he remembered it. He stepped back and sideways, finding his footing on a cross-vine, slowly eased back, feet sinking between the stakes. He gestured again, and the re-ogre followed. Back he went, back, back, and then the re-ogre wouldn't come any closer.

"Wanna dance?" he said, gesturing with his arms.

The re-ogre reached to take him in a dance position, but refused to step out onto the net of vines. It whimpered loudly, not quite able to reach him.

"Come on buddy, you can do it. See? I'm doing it."

"Traaaaap," it said, in an agitated voice.

"No, no. Safe space. Look at me."

The ogre watched him carefully take another step; if the creature saw what he saw, it looked like he was just delicately stepping right on the stakes themselves, taking no hurt at all. It looked down, then back up at Nuru.

"Traaaaap!" it cried.

Dayo was gesturing at Jaheem, which Nuru could barely see. They hit the re-ogre with Heavy Arcane Blast on one leg and a lyena charge on the other, staggering it but not quite knocking it over. Its attention wavered, and the Entrancement spell slipped a bit.

"No, no no, look at me. Look at meeeee," Nuru said soothingly.

It didn't work; the ogre reached over for one of the logs in the pile. It pulled it up and swung wildly, whooshing over Nuru's head.

"Traap! Traaaap!" it chanted in time with the swings.

"Traaaap kill!"

It slammed the log down towards Nuru, shifting the lay of the vines and making grab one of the stakes just below the point to hold himself up so he wouldn't fall and impale on it. He used his free hand to gesture at the re-ogre, but the illusion of equal size was slipping away; it took aim again and swung down, striking the stakes just in front of Nuru. Frustrated, it batted at him horizontally again once, twice. On the second swing, Dayo and Jaheem hit the backs of both knees, and finally the ogre fell forward under the weight of its own momentum. Its knees crashed down into the stakes and it screamed in pain. It reached up for Jaheem, who was climbed up on its shoulders and swiping at its ears. Dayo braced the staff between the ogre's back and the ground, letting its weight sag onto it as it struggled to keep its balance. Nuru carefully pulled himself one hand at a time towards the edge of the trap as the vines shook violently under him with the shifting weight of the re-ogre. Then Dayo pulled the staff free, letting the ogre fall backwards, and gave it one last Greater Arcane Blast as it shifted forward, overcompensating for the feeling of falling, and ultimately overbalancing it in the forward direction. Nuru could just reach over and touch it as close as it had fallen to him, and used one of his Fire Hands on the giant's arm. His handprint darkened and briefly burst into flame, but the re-ogre just bent its elbow to scratch at the spot with one of the stakes, and it fizzled out. He went back to climbing towards the edge and finally pulled himself free.

"Now what?" Nuru said, running over to stand next to Dayo.

"I'm running on mana fumes here. Jaheem, I think it's up to you. Sun's going down, we need to finish this. Ghouls will be out soon, and vamps won't be far behind."

Indeed, the sun had been below the trees since they'd emerged, and now was turning the distant horizon a dark orange.

Jaheem ran up the backs of the re-ogre's legs, and went for the face once more. This time, the ogre could not defend itself as its hands were impaled on stakes, and the lyena mauled it viciously. It could, however, twist itself hard, trying to shake Jaheem off, and managed to do so. The lyena slipped off into the trap itself and yelped as it took some injury.

[Nuru! The IOU! Send me back! I'm trapped!]

Nuru released Jaheem, who disappeared.

"This is your moment, Dayo. Make it good," Nuru said.

"Are you crazy?" Dayo said. "We've failed. We've gotta get out of here."

Nuru pulled on Adana, casting Liquid Courage on Dayo.

"What- what are you-"

Nuru clapped the valkyrie on the shoulder. "You can do this. I believe in you!"

Dayo took a deep breath, looked with narrowed eyes at the stricken re-ogre shedding HP with every twitch.

"2%. It's gotta be 2%," Dayo said. "Fuck, I can't do math all of a sudden. Max of 25,000, what does that come to?"

"Five hundred. Two percent is five hundred on this guy."

"Alright. Six fifty... Six twenty-five..."

Dayo stabbed at the back of one of its knees.

"Five seventy-five... Five fifty-five..."

Dayo tried to time by pumping a fist up and down, almost lost the rhythm, and then it was time. The valkyrie leaped straight out, coming in to land on the re-ogre's back, but slipped and got a foot caught in the waistband of its loincloth. It shivered as Dayo thrashed, trying to get free, then gave up on that and summoned the scythe blade on the staff. It arced down and buried itself in the ogre's spine, planting firmly and giving a lever to pull upright with. Dayo waved and materialized the lantern onto the handle as well, just as the re-ogre's life ticked down towards zero.

"!Babba Rai Magudana!" the valkyrie yelled at the top of her lungs. "...You bastard!"

The re-ogre slowly deflated in a gout of steam. The lantern filled with a lavender glow as the thin film that was all that was left of the great beast settled into place on the nets; Dayo flopped sideways and one of the stakes drew a gash, used Shadow Walk, and landed several feet away, near the tree line.

"Ugh... what was I thinking?" Dayo moaned. "I do not have the DEX for that kind of maneuver. Fat lot of good it would have done me to get stuck out there."

"Hey, you did it! That's all that matters," Nuru gushed, rushing over.

Dayo waved him away, downed an HP potion.

"I'm good. Oof, that was some battle. Fuck! Mesi's gonna flip when she hears about this."

Dayo finished dusting off, and then gestured for him to follow, taking off at a run back towards town.

"You're gonna tell her? Even if she doesn't like it?"

"Nuru, believe it or not, Mesi and I aren't the most obvious couple. We've had some trials. Let me tell you, the thing that's kept us together this whole time is good communication. I'm not giving that up now."

"Well, that's up to you, then."

"I have to ask you though. Are you really that lucky, or did you actually remember exactly where the edge of the pit and all the spikes were without looking?"

"Eidetic Memory."

"Fuuuuck me. So when you saw Mesi and I yesterday...."

"Every. Glorious. Detail. Anytime, anywhere."

"Gods below. If I'd known that was going to be a memory forever, I'd have put makeup on."

"You would?"

"Nuru, I don't call myself a girl anymore because I don't want to put makeup on every single day just to be taken seriously, but I still like to look good for special occasions."

"I might let you have another opportunity," Nuru said.

Dayo looked back at him; he winked. They laughed as they ran through the brush, pushing their way through rather than looking for a way around.

*****

/Hey there, big boy, you feeling charitable? Because I've got a burning need/

"What's that?" Nuru said over his shoulder.

He was walking alone towards the temple now, ready to buy his fourth level.

/No, you're not? Oh, that's a shame. What if I get down on my knees and... beg?/

"Good heavens, what are you talking about?" Nuru muttered, standing up a little straighter.

/Well, that's too bad. I'm all worked up and nobody to satisfy me. I've heard about you, you big hunk. I think you've got exactly what I need./

"Hey, you didn't want me before, why did you change your mind?"

/Shut up, Nuru, I'm not talking to you. This is what I do, and I have quests to get done./

"Well can you do it quieter? I can't turn you off in my head."

/Nope. I'm an exhibitionist. I want you to hear every moment... Oh yeah? You like something you see? Why you're a very bad, very horny demon aren't you? It just so happens, I can help you with that. Dance for you? I should warn you, I get all hot and steamy and carried away. Alright, if you insist, you just sit down and get comfortable. There you go./

Nuru kept walking. It was getting harder to keep going in a straight line.

/I can feel you getting hard over there, Nuru. Hear something you like?/