Beneath the Ice Ch. 04

Alexei forced himself to leave Charlotte's bed some time in the middle of the night. Not because he wanted to. After the way she'd melted under his mouth and tongue, he'd wanted to stay and make her do it again and again. But they hadn't talked about him spending the night yet, and with Zoe two doors away, he didn't want to do anything to make Charlotte uncomfortable. Although, she had seemed pretty damn comfortable with his tongue inside her.

Stop. He swallowed hard and forced all thoughts of Charlotte out of his head. He did not need to be springing an erection moments before hitting the ice for practice.

So he had left her bed the night before, and returned in the morning as had become their usual routine. Zoe helped him with breakfast, Charlotte had blushed every time he'd looked at her, and a broad sensation of utter contentment had settled in the center of Alexei's chest before they'd both had to leave for work.

Now, as he glided out onto the ice, he wondered if he'd gone too far with Charlotte the night before. Not that she hadn't been willing or anything like that, but every time he promised they'd talk, they didn't just talk. It was her fault. She was far too delectable for her own good. For his own good as well.

"You all right, Alexei?" Tarik tapped his wide goalie stick against Alexei's shin pad as they stopped skating near one of the nets.

"Yeah." Alexei shrugged and blew out a breath. "You have a girlfriend, Tarik?"

Tarik snorted and shook his head, his black hair flopping over one eye. "Had one when I was in San Jose, but she didn't want to move to a winter city, so that was that."

Alexei frowned. "She broke up with you because of that?"

"So she said." Tarik shrugged. "Whatever. Now I'm free to hook up whenever and wherever I want."

Some guys on the team did seem to thrive on that sort of lifestyle. Alexei had never really been one of them, though he'd had his fair share of one-night stands over the years. Now, staring thirty in the face, he didn't want that. He wanted his two redheads and a lifetime of breakfasts and dinners and everything he'd been doing with Charlotte and Zoe for the past few weeks.

"You've been seeing someone, haven't you?" Tarik asked, dropping down to start stretching, his big goalie pads widening under his body.

"Yeah." Alexei nodded. "It's still new."

"Well, I hope it works out for you, man."

"Hope what works for who?" Olle skidded to a stop before them, sending ice sprinkling over Alexei's skates.

Alexei scowled and shook his foot in Olle's direction, making the other man snicker.

"Alexei was telling me about his woman. Or he was about to."

Olle nodded. "Joelle says she's great and that you would be lucky to have her."

Alexei knew that already. In fact, he'd forgotten all about they way they'd met and how he'd hated the noise at first. How could he hate what had brought the girls into his life?

"She said Zoe is the sweetest kid, too."

"Hold up." Tarik rose to his feet, his eyes wide. "She's a single mom?"

Alexei nodded. "Zoe is her daughter."

Tarik whistled. "Wow, man. Good on you if you can work it out. Not sure I'd want that kind of baggage in my life."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, what about the girl's dad? Isn't he in the picture? There's got to be some tension or jealousy that goes on there."

Alexei shook his head. "No. He's not around." He didn't know why. Another reason to really sit down for a talk with Charlotte. A real talk, not him ordering her to remain silent while he spent hours devouring her sweet--

No! Alexei gave his head a sharp shake and skated away from his teammates without another word. He needed to focus on skating and passing and scoring goals instead of Charlotte and the way she'd positively melted under his mouth.

Jesus, he was so hopeless.

After practice, Alexei agreed to go to Olle and Joelle's for lunch. He could use some advice and he knew Charlotte was still at work so there was no reason to rush home.

Joelle was happy to host him for the hour or so he spent with them, serving up an easy lunch of chicken salad and fresh fruit. They all sat and watched the snow falling as they drank coffee after and Alexei couldn't help worrying about Charlotte driving in the snow.

"She's lived here for years, Alexei." Joelle grinned when he confessed the reason for his worried expression. "I'm sure she can drive in all the weather Chicago gets."

"Leave him be." Olle leaned over to kiss his wife's head. "I worry the same about you."

"All right." Joelle patted his cheek and shoved him away. "Get off. I'm glad things are going so well with you and Charlotte, Alexei. She's wonderful."

Charlotte was perfect. So was Zoe. "I worry about her and Zoe all the time."

"That's normal." Joelle gave him a sympathetic look. "But I don't think you're really worried about them driving in snow."

Alexei blew out a breath and shook his head. "No. It's everything. And nothing." He rubbed one eyebrow and let out a light laugh. "I don't make any sense, do I?"

Olle was shaking his head but Joelle grinned. "Yes, you do. It's what happens when you start to care for someone. Or two someones, in your case."

"I want to do everything for them."

"I bet." Joelle nodded. "Are you worried that Charlotte wouldn't let you?"

He started to disagree but then nodded. "Yeah. Sort of. Charlotte has been on her own for a long time. I don't know how she'd react if I just started buying her things."

"Like what?" Olle leaned forward, a curious look on his face. "Like jewelry?"

"No." Alexei frowned. "Charlotte doesn't wear anything. Neither does Zoe. More like, if I were to pay for Zoe to play sports, or offer to buy clothes for them. Things like that."

Joelle's brow wrinkled as she listened. "I don't know, Alexei. Charlotte struck me as fairly reasonable and level-headed. I don't think she'd fly off the handle if you asked. She might not like it if you go over her head for anything."

Alexei nodded, his mind working along the same lines. "We haven't talked about it much."

"Well, it's still new, for both of you." Joelle smiled and reached over to pat his hand. "And dating a single mother is not the same as dating anyone else."

"Yes." Alexei scowled. "Tarik says there's too much baggage."

"Baggage? Is it complicated with Zoe's father or something?"

He shrugged. Again, he didn't know. He really needed to get his libido under control so he could have an adult conversation with Charlotte.

As if sensing the direction of his thoughts, Olle snorted and gave him a knowing smirk. "So talk to her, man."

"Yes, I know." He did know. The trouble was, every time he got Charlotte alone, talking was the last thing on his mind. But he was a grown man and he could figure it out.

"Oh, when you see her later, invite her and Zoe to Thanksgiving here." Joelle sipped her coffee. "If they don't already have somewhere else to go, that is."

"I don't think so." Alexei wasn't sure though. It was possible she had a date for that with her friends from the store, but he would ask, as Joelle suggested. He'd love to show up to something with Charlotte on his arm. Yes, he'd bring them for sure.

─────

Charlotte knew Alexei meant business when he arrived at their apartment that night. He didn't smile, even though he wasn't rude at all, but he didn't greet Charlotte with a kiss or touch of any kind. For a little while, Charlotte was afraid he was going to call everything off, but then she caught him looking at her a few times, and was reassured by the barely banked heat she saw in his dark eyes.

Eventually they were alone -- in a way-- washing dishes while Zoe played in her room, quiet for once.

"How was your day?" she asked.

Alexei took the frying pan from her hand and started to dry it. "It was all right. Practice went well. We have a new player from the minors."

"Really? Was someone injured?"

He nodded. "One of the defensemen. He'll be out a few weeks."

"Right." Charlotte scrubbed another pan before setting it in the rack on the counter. "And you had lunch with Olle and Joelle?"

"Yes." He turned to face her fully for a moment. "Before I forget, they have invited you and Zoe for Thanksgiving dinner."

"Oh." Charlotte blinked, her hands stopping in the water as she considered. She usually went to Sarah's, even though Sarah hadn't brought it up yet this year. "I suppose we could. Won't there be a lot of people there?"

"A few." Alexei nodded and started drying again. "But they have a large house."

"And you don't play that day?"

"No, but we have games the day before and after."

"Okay." Charlotte nodded. "Well, can I let you know? I think we will come but I want to talk to Sarah first. We usually spend Thanksgiving with them, if anyone."

"Sure."

They fell silent again as they worked, finishing the dishes. Zoe came out just as they finished up and asked for dessert.

"What would you like, zaya?" Alexei turned to the fridge and looked inside. "You have those cookies from yesterday still."

Zoe twisted her mouth to one side, considering and then nodded. "Yeah. Cookies are good. And milk?"

"Okay. And milk." Alexei ruffled her hair and poured her a cup of milk.

Charlotte watched the entire exchange, her chest swelling with emotion. Would she ever get used to this?

"Are you okay?" Alexei smiled as he sent Zoe off to the couch with her two cookies and cup of milk.

Charlotte didn't overthink it. She put her arms around him and pressed her face to his chest. "I'm more than okay."

His arms went around her, one warm hand circling in soothing rounds on her upper back. He pressed his mouth to her hair and inhaled, making Charlotte smile. They stayed that way for a while, until Zoe whined that they were ignoring her.

They all sat together on the couch and watched a few episodes of some animated show before Charlotte shuffled Zoe off to brush her teeth and change for bed. After Zoe was asleep, she rejoined Alexei on the couch, and he had his serious face on again.

"Can we talk?"

She grinned as she sat next to him with a nod. "Yes, of course. We can always talk." She loved talking to him as much as she loved 'talking' to him. From the look on his face now, he meant the former, which was fine.

"I know I was an ass before when I brought it up, but can I ask about Zoe's dad?"

Charlotte winced. "Ah, yeah. I guess. We can talk about it, if you want."

His mouth pressed into a thin line. "I'm sorry. Is it too much?"

"No." Charlotte blew out a breath and leaned back on the couch. "I get that you must be curious. Maybe even worried about having to deal with him. Am I right?"

He hesitated but nodded once.

"Well, he's not around. That should be obvious by now." Charlotte fell silent for a minute as she considered how to explain the origin of her daughter. "When I was in college, I dated a bit, went to a lot of parties, and had fun."

"Sure. Most college kids do the same."

She smiled and nodded. "Yeah, and I didn't get crazy. I was smart, always got rides with sober friends, never went anywhere alone, and even dating, it was more like a lot of group dates, always with lots of people around."

Shifting, Charlotte looked down her hands, plucking at a loose thread on her pants. "Well, at one party, I really hit it off with this guy. His name was Aidan. We talked for hours and then I went home with him. Or well, what I thought was his home."

Alexei's expression darkened and Charlotte realized how that must sound.

She grasped his hand and squeezed, smiling at him. "I don't mean he took me somewhere shady. He wasn't actually from the city. He was visiting and staying with a friend, and that's where we went."

"Okay." Alexei squeezed her hand back but remained silent, patient as he let her finish her story.

"So, we had some fun that night." Charlotte hated that her cheeks heated. "We used protection, I swear. Then, I left in the morning before he woke up. I didn't want to be the one to get kicked out, because we both knew what it was. I actually ran into his friend, the one whose place we were at, as I left. He was nice, didn't make fun or anything, just asked if I needed to borrow cab fare or call for a ride or anything."

"That is nice."

"It was." Charlotte shrugged. "I may have had my fun, I can't lie about that, but I was lucky that I never got taken advantage of, or never had any bad run-ins with real jerks or anything."

She fell silent as she considered. She had been lucky, even with all her well-meaning efforts to stay safe. "Well, a few weeks later, I missed my period, and--"

"And Zoe happened." Alexei smiled as he said her name and Charlotte couldn't help but smile with him.

Both their gazes strayed to the child's closed bedroom door.

"I wish I could say it was the easiest decision I made, to keep her." Charlotte sighed and shifted, wanting to get closer to Alexei but not sure if he was open to it at the moment. A second later, he tugged her into his arms, holding her head to his shoulder. She sighed again before continuing. "But I was only nineteen. I was halfway through my freshman year. Who would decide having a kid then was a good idea?"

"No one." Alexei's quiet voice rumbled under her cheek and she nodded. "And your family?"

"They weren't great. I told them over the phone and they said that we'd discuss it when I went home for the summer. By discuss it, they meant convince me to get rid of her."

"But you didn't want that." He didn't phrase it as a question.

"No. By the time I told them, I already knew. I was scared shitless but I knew I wanted to keep my child. No matter what." She paused and closed her eyes. "Turned out, no matter what included losing my parents, my sister, my college education, and my home."

Alexei muttered something in Russian before he pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "And this... Aidan? What did he have to say when you told him?"

"Well, that was the interesting part. I only knew his name, nothing about where he actually lived or what his number was. I went back to the apartment where his friend lived, and the guy remembered me. He gave me Aidan's number, thank goodness, and I called him right away."

"And?"

Charlotte rubbed her cheek on his shirt for a second, gathering her thoughts before continuing. "He was a bit of a jerk about it, said there was no way of knowing he was the actual father."

Alexei's hold tightened and he muttered some more, making Charlotte smile.

"To be fair, I was having a lot of fun that year. But, I knew it was him, because I hadn't gone out much around the same time and definitely hadn't hooked up with anyone else before or after for several weeks. Still, I understood where he was coming from.

"I used every bit of my savings to pay for a paternity test when the time came and then for a lawyer to draft an agreement in which Aidan agreed to give up all current and future parental rights. He didn't want to be a father and I didn't want him to be able to change his mind later, and disrupt Zoe's life."

Alexei was silent as he listened, his lips brushing over her hair now and then.

"My family was less understanding when I told them my decision about everything. They said without the father's child support, how was I expected to live? Because they weren't going to give me a dime. They refused to let me live with them and refused to pay for college any longer." She shrugged one shoulder. "That was their choice, but I can't lie, it hurt."

"Of course it did." Alexei sighed and squeezed his hold tighter for a second. "They're your family."

"Yeah. Old news now. I always let them know where I've been living, and make sure they have my number, if they ever decide to reach out, but other than a once yearly call at Christmas, I don't talk to them. It's just me and Zoe, and honestly, I wouldn't trade it for the world."

She sat up and looked into Alexei's eyes, sure that her own expression was fierce. "Sure, it's been hard. I had many days where I thought I'd made a huge mistake and ruined both mine and Zoe's life forever. I had to live in a women's shelter when I first came to Chicago after she was born, and it wasn't easy. None of it's been easy."

Alexei's eyes were soft as he watched her. He lifted one hand to run his fingers through her hair. "But you did it."

She nodded, her lower lip trembling. "I did. I still am. So if you've asked me about all this because you think I'm going to start asking for money or--"

Alexei cut her off, pressing his fingers to her lips, his dark brows drawing together in a fierce scowl. "I don't care if you ask for money or not. I didn't ask about your past because I think you have any expectations of me."

She frowned and he dropped his hand. "So why were you asking? To find out if you want to deal with me and my past at all?"

He shook his head and one corner of his mouth lifted. "I don't care about your past. I wanted to know for Zoe's sake, mostly, and if we'd be dealing with visits to her biological father in the future."

Charlotte swallowed hard and tried to think of something to say but she was stuck on his use of the word 'we'. And 'future'.

"There's nothing you could have told me that would make me not want you, Charlotte." He slid his hand around her neck and tugged her close enough that his next exhalation tickled her lips. "You or Zoe. I want to be with you."

Charlotte shivered, heat flooding her. "So. You're my boyfriend?"

He smiled then, those dimples popping out at last. "Yes, and you're my woman, and Zoe is my girl." He paused and tilted his head one way, his fingers flexing on the back of her neck. "If you want to be."

Honesty, Charlotte. Be honest and don't assume anything. Charlotte let out a shaky breath and nodded once. "Yes, Alexei. I would like that."

He kissed her then, light and quick. "Good. Now, when is Zoe's birthday?"

Charlotte let out a breathless laugh at the sudden change in subject. "December twelfth, she'll be four. And when is yours?"

"My birthday is in January." He leaned closer to her, lifting his eyebrows. "I'll be thirty."

She couldn't help it. A gasp of surprise escaped her. "You're thirty?"

"Almost. And you must be twenty-three?"

"Twenty-four." Charlotte swallowed as she considered their age difference. But if he didn't care, then she'd convince herself that she didn't care either. "But only just twenty-four. My birthday is in October."

"Missed it." Alexei pulled a face. "Next year, we'll do something special."

"Next year?"

He nodded. "But for Zoe's birthday, we'll plan something fun."

"I don't usually do much. Make her favorite dinner and cake."

"There are lots of teammates who have kids. We could have a proper party. And Zoe must have friends at daycare."

Charlotte nodded as she thought about it, reeling a little bit from all these sudden plans he was making. First Thanksgiving? Now Zoe's birthday? And hers, next year? She cleared her throat and pushed away from Alexei.

"Yeah. We, um, we could do that." She paced to the kitchen and opened the fridge, staring inside for a long minute before grabbing the jug of water. "A birthday party. Sure. Maybe a few kids. I can handle that."

"Charlotte?"

She turned to see Alexei standing at the end of the counter, a concerned expression on his face. "Would you like some water? I'm thirsty. Are you thirsty?" She turned away again, going to the cupboard with all her glasses.

There were quick footsteps behind her and then Alexei was reaching up, staying her hands as she reached for cups.

"Charlotte, what's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong. What could be wrong?" She let out a laugh that was borderline hysterical. "I mean, birthdays and Christmas and next year--" Another laugh and she shook her head, burying her face in her hands. "What could possibly be wrong with all that?"