Bertie Saves the Day

Bertie Saves the Day

By Alex Barton

Bertie Brewster knew for a fact that misfortune always came to him in threes. He would never forget the occasion when, as a young subaltern at the Battle of Amiens in August 1918, he waited in the pre-dawn for the signal to attack to come through and lit his pipe for a quick smoke to calm his nerves. He was just about to extinguish the match, mindful that an enemy sniper might have seen the flare, when a fellow officer requested a light which Bertie obliged. But then a passing squaddie asked for a light for his cigarette, took it and promptly slid lifeless to the floor of the trench, a red hole blossoming in his forehead.

While he would never claim that walking through the lingerie department of Selfridges department store ten years later counted as an equal misfortune, Bertie felt distinctly uneasy to be faced with a vast number of women's lacy undergarments, having taken a wrong turn on his way to the store's tearoom where he had arranged to meet his cousin, Lady Honoria Glossop. And his uneasiness was greatly increased by the fact that he was carrying a small dog under his coat.

Said canine, his mother's pedigree Pekinese, was thus hidden because his mother was suffering from an unfortunate cold and, solicitous of her welfare, Bertie had dropped in at the family home to enquire after her wellbeing. Pressed to walk Pixie Frou-Frou, a dog he loathed almost as much as he disliked its name, Bertie decided it would be unfair for the ladies engaged in shopping to be concerned that a curious canine was staring up their skirts so he bent and picked up said doggy bundle and hid it, a move Pixie Frou-Frou stoutly resisted.

It was, therefore, hardly surprising that The Law of Three exerted itself. The squirming dog suddenly burst forth and jumped from Bertie's arms to the store's carpet where it proceeded to entangle its lead in Bertie's legs, pitching him forward against the drawn curtain which covered the entrance to the women's changing cubicle. Unable to arrest his forward motion, Bertie's face was propelled between the cheeks of a naked young woman possessed of an extremely pretty, and extremely bare, backside.

Struggling to breathe, harassed by the yapping dog, aware an assistant might appear at any moment, Bertie had no choice but to open his mouth whereupon his tongue made contact with the young lady's sweet-smelling anus which, in better circumstances, would have delighted Bertie and given him a most respectable cockstand, large pricks being a notable attribute of the men in his family.

The young lady, whose breasts Bertie was able to note as he pitched forward, were both very large and hung down fetchingly, promptly straightened up and pushed his face from where it was lodged and, in a voice Bertie immediately recognized, said somewhat sharply, "Bertie, darling, you might at least have asked first..." and Bertram realized his nose and tongue had been pressed against the voluptuous derrière of his own dear cousin Honoria.

"So sorry, old thing," Bertie said, standing up and turning bright red with embarrassment at the same moment.

The stunningly beautiful and gorgeously nude Honoria reached for Pixie Frou-Frou's lead, yanked the dog back into the changing room, bent and picked it up thereby making her glorious breasts jiggle most prettily, her nipples standing out as impressive evidence of her not being indifferent to Bertie's presence, and thrust said canine into his arms.

"Bertie, go upstairs and secure a table for afternoon tea. Order a selection of iced fancies and a pot of Earl Grey and I shall be there as soon as I have dressed and paid for my purchases. Understood?"

"Of course, Honoria darling," Bertie said, suddenly uncomfortable because his prick was as hard as an iron bar yet trapped down his left trouser leg. His cousin really was the most strikingly pretty young woman he realized and he would have given a king's ransom to be able to suckle her pretty pink nipples hovering only a few inches from his open mouth.

However this was not the time for professing undying love, or at least rampant desire, and he went to do as instructed.

*

"That really was too funny," Honoria said with a laugh as she poured a second cup of tea for Bertie and herself, chose a particularly sugary iced fancy and slipped a sliver of the sponge under the table to a now perfectly-well-behaved Pixie Frou-Frou.

"And not really my fault," Bertie said, hoping his cousin's affection for him had not been damaged by his close encounter with her beautiful bottom.

"But you weren't exactly hating every second, were you?" Honoria said slyly, reaching her hand under the table and leaning forward so she could simultaneously demonstrate to Bertie her delight that he was still aroused from his encounter with her bare bottom and that, while she might have been buying underwear, she wasn't currently wearing any to conceal her beautiful breasts, their creamy-white slopes clearly visible down the neckline of her silk top, a most pleasing sight to Bertram in combination with his beautiful cousin's prick-caressing fingers.

"Now listen," Honoria said, not ceasing her caresses for a moment. "It is Mummy and Daddy's fortieth wedding anniversary this weekend so you're going to instruct Reeves to pack your bags, extract the Bentley from the garage, and pick me up on Friday afternoon. Does that sound like fun?"

Too well-mannered to say a resounding no when it came to spending an entire weekend with his uncle, a retired general, and his battle-axe of a wife, but too enamored of Honoria to say no, especially if there was a chance of he and Honoria sharing a bed and for her to caress his naked rather than clothed cock prior to his entering one or more of the orifices of her exquisite body, his preference being the one he had recently had his nose and tongue in close proximity to in the lingerie department, Bertie immediately agreed.

"Wonderful!" Honoria said, her skilled fingers bringing Bertie to a most delightful orgasm which he did his best to conceal by leaning across and kissing her so he could stifle his groan of ecstasy and not scandalize watching patrons who might well have reported back to his mother that her son had apparently emptied the contents of his balls into his trousers in the tearoom of Selfridges.

"Goodness old thing, that was nice," Bertie said as he sat back in his chair, a somewhat dazed expression on his face.

"The men's room is over there," Honoria said with a soft laugh and bent down to scoop up the miniature dog, having offered to return it to the care of Mrs. Brewster causing Bertie to sigh with barely suppressed longing as he watched her beautiful bottom bouncing as she exited, the perfectly coordinated movement of each cheek a miracle of feminine engineering that never failed to amaze him.

*

Bertie always enjoyed driving his 4.5-liter Bentley Le Mans roadster, especially with Honoria sitting next to him looking most fetching in a flying cap and a fur-lined pilot's jacket. Judging by the amount of cleavage she was displaying, Bertie suspected the jacket was all she was wearing on her top half, although naturally she kept her extremely large breasts concealed because Bertie's gentleman's gentleman, his valet by the name of Reeves, was sitting in the back, his bowler hat and white gloves laid across his lap.

Next to Reeves was a picnic hamper containing Bertie's and Honoria's lunch with a suitable rug on which to make themselves comfortable, while his and Honoria's valises, packed for whatever eventuality they might encounter during the weekend to come, from horse riding to playing badminton, shooting and fishing to the clothes worn to dinner, occupied the fold-down luggage area.

"I say, Honoria darling, are you feeling peckish?" Bertie asked over the throaty growl of the Bentley's powerful engine as he negotiated several sheep that had wandered into the road without injury to either them or the car.

"Ravenous..." Honoria said with an enthusiasm which surprised Bertie as he rarely felt excited by the thought of cold chicken and champagne, delicious though he knew both would be.

Spying a picturesque expanse of water off to their right, Bertie turned off the highway and bumped along a farm track until he could park in a small clearing by the water's edge, the afternoon sun dappling the placid surface. For a moment he wished there was a boat available so he might impress Honoria with his skill at rowing, something he wished to do because he found both her gorgeous figure and beautiful face extremely attractive, so much so that his unruly prick was, once again, threatening to burst from the confines of his trousers.

Reeves spread out the blanket and presented the food in order of courses, stopping only long enough to open the champagne before retiring to eat his own lunch sitting in the car, his back to the couple as testament to his discretion. Bertie and Honoria helped themselves to slices of chicken and foie gras, freshly baked rolls and butter, cheeses and fruit, both of them delighting in the sunshine and the bouquet and flavor of the excellent vintage champagne Reeves had selected.

"You know it's perfectly legal to marry your first cousin, don't you, Bertie?" Honoria said, helping herself to a chicken leg.

"I do," Bertie said, suddenly apprehensive by Honoria's use of the 'm' word which Bertie had spent his adulthood taking great care to avoid. "Queen Victoria and Prince Albert were first cousins. Why do you mention it?"

"Just that if we were married, you could ravish me with impunity," Honoria said, a mischievous twinkle in her eye.

"Was I planning to?" Bertie asked innocently.

"Well I rather hoped," Honoria said. "Especially after you were jolly close to inserting your tongue in my bumhole earlier this week, followed by your pleasure in my fingers caressing your penis in Selfridge's café. In certain countries such intimacy would be considered a declaration of intent..."

"Goodness, would it?" Bertie said, smiling at the sarcastic 'harrumph' noise Honoria made in response to his still pretending not to find her devastatingly attractive.

"Well, I sent word to Mama that you should have the bedroom adjacent to mine," Honoria said, lowering her voice to a seductive purr. "I have no intention of sleeping alone and I would have thought a thorough debauching of my helpless womanhood would be quite irresistible to a red-blooded male not interested in members of his own sex..."

"Well I'm definitely not that," Bertie said, casting a quick glance to check where Reeves was and gratified to see his valet's head was resting on the seat back so Reeves was presumably fast asleep.

"Honoria, darling," Bertie said in a voice thick with lust as he leant forward and kissed her at the same time as he slid his hand into the lapel of the flying jacket to find she was, indeed, delightfully bare beneath and that her heavy breast was warm and soft and filled his hand to perfection, "I had every intention of debauching you as you call it, I just wanted it to be seductive and romantic in a darkened bedroom rather than here in the open air, although, come to think of it, I'm not sure I want to wait until tonight, after all."

"I certainly don't," Honoria said and she unzipped the rest of her flying jacket, gently disengaging Bertie's hand so she could lie back and lift her legs in the air, her skirt falling back to reveal that she was not wearing any underwear and that the lips of her cunt were glistening wet with her arousal.

She reached down and used her fingers to spread open her labia to Bertie's fascinated gaze and he wasted no time at all in divesting himself of his trousers and inserting his prick in the extremely inviting orifice, proving to both of them exactly how well suited they were sexually as much as emotionally and intellectually. As Bertie began to thrust back and forth in his cousin's welcoming pussy, delighting in her blissful moans against his ear and her lips meeting his so their tongues could duel in rhythm with his thrusts, it occurred to Bertie that there were a great many worse fates than being married to the extremely beautiful and desirable Lady Honoria Glossop.

*

General Sir FitzAlan Glossop and Lady Constance made their poor opinion of Bertie obvious when Honoria greeted her parents and showed them who she had brought as her companion for the weekend but Bertie took care to take an interest in the general's belief that the relentless campaign for reparations being carried out by the western allies on their former enemy might one day result in Germany's determination to rearm.

Lady Constance he left to Honoria but was gratified to see he was favored with a smile after the two women had engaged in a tête-a-tete, reasoning that, while he might not be the brightest matchstick in the box, he was independently wealthy, extremely handsome, socially adept and possessed of a long, thick penis which he used with great skill as was evident from their lakeside fuck when he inundated Honoria's womb not once but three times before disengaging and avidly licking her cunt clean of his overflowing sperm which she found delightfully novel and most enjoyable. Bertie found it quite amusing to wonder what Lady Constance's reaction had been to being told about that.

The anniversary itself was the following day so at dinner there was only Honoria and her parents, Bertie and a Polish gentleman, Simeon Bartholdy, a virtuoso pianist who had consented to entertain them after dinner by playing the music of his countryman, Fryderyk Chopin, on the piano in the drawing room. Bertie could not be said to be a devotee of classical music but he enjoyed melodious sounds and there was the added pleasure of having Honoria sitting next to him on the chaise-longue, her fingers once again sliding into his lap to caress his prick the moment she judged her parent's attention sufficiently engaged in the various nocturnes, polonaises and mazurkas issuing forth from their Steinway.

At the conclusion of the recital, everyone bid everyone else a fond goodnight and sallied forth to bed, Bertie to find Reeves had laid out his nightclothes although he had no intention of using them. Unfortunately Honoria appeared long enough to kiss him warmly but apologize for having a rather bad headache and promised to make it up to him the following night which left Bertie with no recourse but to spurt his sperm into a handkerchief which he took care to secret in a drawer so that he might dispose of it rather than have Reeves discover that he had resorted to masturbation. After all, a fellow was expected to maintain his dignity with his valet, however conscientious, as Reeves frequently demonstrated.

The following day proved sunny and the general proposed a walk among the grounds with his daughter and her young man in order to allow Lady Constance to supervise the preparations for the evening's celebration. It was as the general, Honoria and Bertie, her arm through his in a gesture of apology for not being up to the prolonged bout of lovemaking planned for the previous night, that a footman came running across the lawn in a state of considerable agitation.

"General, sir, come quickly. The safe in the library has been opened, Lady Constance believes her diamond necklace stolen and the under-butler has been sexually attacked and left bound on his bed!"

"Good grief!" Sir FitzAlan exclaimed and ran as quickly as he could toward the house, closely followed by Bertie and Honoria.

The truth of the matter was obvious. The door of the wall safe secreted behind a painting of Sir FitzAlan on horseback was open, the contents missing. Honoria was seconded to attend to Lady Constance while Bertie followed upstairs to the room in the attic occupied by the under-butler. He was greatly shocked to find the young man naked on his bed, blindfolded with a gag in his mouth, his legs lifted back and secured with rope to his wrist. A trail of sperm oozed from the entrance to the 20-year-old's bottom as evidence that he had been buggered while tied up.

The general, who habitually carried a penknife in order to prune roses, cut the ropes, raised the blindfold and removed the gag, then proceeded to question the young man, confirming that he had, indeed, been overpowered and ravished. With great delicacy and tact the general examined the under-butler's anal sphincter and established there had been no damage and then examined the room, looking for any evidence of the intruder. He found it on the balcony where a rope had been tied leading to the lawns below, knots inserted at regular intervals to make it easier to climb.

"Shall I call the police, general?" Bertie asked, moving toward the door.

"No, Bertram, please do not."

"But - " Bertie started to say but the general held up a hand.

"There must be no scandal. If what has happened was only the theft of her Ladyship's necklace then I should have no hesitation in requesting the assistance of local constabulary but I will not risk the shame of society for having harbored a rapacious pederast in my home. I must go to comfort my wife and convince her to continue with the preparations for tonight. I would be grateful if you would ask your man Reeves to attend to this young man, find out what he can of the events and report back. And then join Honoria so that the two of you might make enquiries of the staff and an examination of the grounds to see if you can piece together what happened. Will you do that, Bertram?"

"You can count on me, sir," Bertie said and he went to fetch Reeves.

*

Despite hoping he and Honoria might be able to take a turn round the gardens, this time without her father present so he could lead her to one of the benches erected in secluded locations at various points in the hope she would sit astride his lap, squirming her wet pussy down onto his upraised prick, it appeared his cousin was too engaged in comforting her mother for lovemaking. That left Bertie to make his own enquiries following which he enjoyed a late afternoon cocktail on the balcony of his room prior to taking a bath and dressing for dinner and the celebrations.

"Did you find out anything useful, Reeves?" Bertie asked his valet who was brushing the shoulders of his master's dinner jacket.

"As a matter of fact I did, sir," Reeves said, replacing the jacket in the wardrobe and reaching into a drawer for Bertie's selection of collar studs and cufflinks to choose the ones he preferred.

"The young man who was assaulted goes by the name of Laurence. He has only been here a month but has become quite popular because he receives packages of continental foodstuffs from his mother in Warsaw which he shares with other members of the staff. I was myself fortunate enough to be given a slice of Mazurek, a traditional shortcake confection usually eaten at Easter, and I can attest to how excellent it was."

"Well, that Mazurek stuff aside, how is the chap faring, having been rogered against his will?"

"I'm not entirely sure it was against his will, sir." Reeves said, arching one of his eyebrows as he moved to refresh Bertie's cocktail. "I'm given to understand the young man enjoys spending time with the gardener's handsome male assistant and that both were once discovered making love, young Laurence taking the female role in being fucked per anum."

"Reeves, I'm beginning to see a pattern here," Bertie said, excitement in his voice. "The little grey cells are positively buzzing..."

"How so, sir?" Reeves asked, an impassive expression on his face.

"This Laurence chap, he's only been here a month you say?"