Best Friends

"Oh really? You deserve better? Fuck you! I deserve a wife and a best friend I can trust. Maybe someday I'll find them."

"Look Carey. I know I.."

"Bitch shut up and eat. You better make sure your fuck toy over there is coherent or he'll be missing in the morning."

I walked out of the room as she started sobbing. I looked at four sets of eyes looking at me and said one word. "Chow."

I could hear four sets of dog tags clinking on bone china as I went downstairs to eat my meal. I put the TV on The Weather Channel. Some guy in a rain coat was talking about the devastation Kate had wrought on the Keys and Northern Cuba.

They showed a satellite picture of a big white donut in the middle of the gulf. A colored cone on the next slide claimed there was 90% probability of it hitting the Texas coast. New Orleans' citizens were fleeing north as were the southern communities surrounding Houston.

Before I finished my meal and retrieved Jay's cell phone from the dinette and powered it up. I had seen him do his upside down "J" a million times to unlock the phone. I saw three phone calls between him and Lizzy on the day I flew out. I searched his texts and found nothing.

I did find four self-shots of Lizzy and her newly shaved pussy saved in his photo gallery. I wanted to throw his phone against a wall with all of the force I could muster, but decided I still had a need for it.

I powered Lizzy's phone up next and found nothing in her call directory or text messages. "So she wipes her phone clean, and he only wipes his texts." I perused her photo gallery. The new nudie shots weren't there. I took a perverse pleasure in watching her phone splinter into a hundred pieces as I flung it against the stone insert of the fireplace.

I finished eating and hurled the plate like a Frisbee into the glass front of Lizzy's curio cabinet. The explosion of sound was deafening in the silent house.

"What the fuck was that?" Lizzy yelled from the guestroom. She repeated herself three more times before she realized I wasn't answering.

I picked Jay's cell back up and looked through his aps. I saw Skype and I knew what I was going to do. I called Brandi from my phone and asked her if she had Skype. She told me she did because she and Jay Skyped quite often when she had to travel.

"Carey, you sound funny. What's going on?"

"Just get ready to Skype. I'll call you in a while."

I rung off and dialed up the Skype ap. Jay's username popped right up and his passwords were childishly easy. I only had to enter "peepee," "poopoo," and finally "boogers" before I was in.

I heard a phone ringing sound and then Brandi's puzzled face appeared on the screen. "Carey? Why do you have Jay's phone?"

"I'll let Jay explain dear," I said as I climbed the stairs. The dogs were still licking at their plates as I walked to the door.

"Oh Jay, there's someone who wants a word with you," I said as I turned the phone so that the front camera would capture Jay's predicament. Jay and Lizzy were both sitting on the bed eating their Alpo and looking none too happy. Lizzy was still half ass covered in the curtains and Jay was a mangled mess.

"Jay? What the fuck? Why are you naked? Why are you bleeding? Did you get robbed? Lizz...." There was a pause as realization set in on her. "YOU WHORE CHASING MOTHER FUCKER!!!!"

"Baby I can explain," he said. His mangled lip gave him a serious impediment.

"FUCK YOU! I don't want to see your cheating ass anymore," Brandi said as she started crying. I backed away from the bedroom and retreated to my bedroom.

"Brandi, I need you to listen to me for a minute," I told her.

"Why did they do this? Why?" she sobbed.

"I don't know but before I skedaddle tomorrow morning I will. Can you be calm and we can question them now? I have help so they are a captive audience."

I tucked Jay's phone into my shirt pocket and grabbed a chair which I carried into the guest room. Jay stood suddenly and Bubby snarled. Jay was quick to sit again. I set the chair so I was facing the two fuckbirds pulled out the phone and aimed it towards Jay.

"No Carey," said Brandi from the phone. "Turn the phone so I can look at you. I don't want to see those two."

I turned the phone and started. "Ok, so Jay...How long have you been fucking my wife?"

He didn't say anything. It was Lizzy who opened up first. "It started that time when you were out of town and the toilet broke. You called Jay and had him come over and help me. Well while we were cleaning up things just kind of happened."

"I understand. You were cleaning the wet tile and you slipped, and his cock flew up your cunt. Do I have it right?"

"No. It just happened. One minute we were cleaning the next we were kissing. I felt like a shit for weeks. I was so scared that you'd find out somehow. I was ashamed and excited at the same time. Jay had told me how much of a thrill fucking someone you aren't married to is."

"Oh he did?" asked Brandi from the phone. "Did you know this is the third time I he's experienced that thrill? Did you know every time he had begged me to come back? Moreover, he begged me never to tell you Carey."

"YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!" I yelled at Jay. "Do you have any fucking clue how many fights I've been in over the years because you got a thrill from taking another guy's girl? Did I tell you that after I beat Jerry May's ass to keep him off of you, Jerry and his five buddies jumped me at the fair dance that year?"

Jay hung his head and Lizzy looked astonished. I had never shared that part of my past with her. I was sure Jay had never told Brandi. I caught a look from Brandi that told me as much.

"Point me at Lizzy," Brandi commanded. I turned the phone around as she requested. "Bitch you are lucky I am not there to slap you around. You have one of the most darling men on the planet and you fuck him over with my gutter trash husband? Carey might forgive you," she paused and I saw a glimmer of light hit Lizzy's eye. Then Brandi continued, "But if I ever see you again it will be too fucking soon. Jay, we are done. Turn me off Carey, I'll call you."

I did as she asked. Lizzy was crying again. Then something dawned on me. Just as I was about to say it Brandi called me on Jay's phone.

"Sorry Carey, I just couldn't stand to see his ass anymore. You did a nice job on his face by the way."

"You called in time to hear another revelation," I told Brandi. I looked at the pair on the bed. "So. Did you promote me just to get me out of town more often?"

"No. The promotion was legit. Loren tabbed you for that job a long time ago. It just took us a while to finish the logistics."

"Did you come over here and fuck Lizzy every time I went out of town?"

Lizzy spoke up on this one, "No. This is only the fourth time we did this and you've been out of town several times."

"So you've fucked my best friend five fucking times and I didn't have a fucking clue."

"Four times," said Jay in a sheepish voice. "After the first time it's only been when both you and Brandi were out of town."

"So," I said trying to keep the frustration and anger out of my voice. "How many times have I had to go to some distant shit hole so you could come here and fuck my wife?"

"Two of your last three trips have been unnecessary. Even Loren was getting pissed, but I told him you were requesting the trips." He paused and looked me in the eye as he had so many times before; usually when he was kissing my ass to get me not to leave the job. "Look. It was only sex, nothing more and I'm so fucking sorry. I don't know how I'll ever..."

"Shut your weasel ass up," I yelled. If Brandi hadn't been on the phone it would have been a projectile flying at his face. "You're fucking dead to me. As far as I am concerned you two can go fuck, suck and fist each other until the end of time. I'm fucking done with both of you." I told Brandi I'd call her in a few and hung up.

I took the chair out of the room looked back. "You two can sleep here. I am dead ass tired and ready for bed."

"Can't we at least get our clothes?" Jay whined.

"You've made it this far without them so I don't suppose a few hours more will hurt."

Lizzy looked up as if to say something but I fixed her with a look. I pulled the broken door closed but it wouldnd't stay, so I used the front door's storm shutter and locks to seal the room. I didn't hear any protest but Lizzy asked "Is that really necessary?"

"Is any of this really necessary? I obviously can't trust you two and my dogs need a break. We'll have a discussion, just the two of us in the morning."

I went into my bedroom and just fell onto the bed. I soon had all four dogs gathered with me. I had just begun to doze when I remembered Brandi. I called her from Jay's phone.

"You OK?" I asked her.

"No. No I'm not. Are you?"

"Not at all," I said fighting back the emotion that was trying to pour out of me. "She was my world Brandi. She..she.."

"Shhh. I know Carey," she said as my sobs took over. "I've been prepared to catch him again. I didn't see this one either. But you had no clue so I am sure that it hasn't fully hit you just yet. What are you going to do now?"

"I'm leaving in the morning. I'm sure I'll end up in jail. I might just leave and let those two fend for themselves."

"You take care of you Carey. Call when you get a chance."

I hung up and willed myself to sleep. I slept fitfully but I did sleep. I awoke at some point in the night to hear the wind howling outside. I got up and went down stairs to watch TV. As I passed the guest room I heard something. I wasn't sure if it was Lizzy crying or the sound of them fucking. Frankly at that point I no longer gave a fuck.

It didn't matter. I was done with them both. I guessed that when it came time to divorce Brandi and I could be witnesses for each other to file for adultery. Maybe deals could be made that would keep my ass out of prison.

I flipped on the TV and a local news program was showing a peaceful sunny day. According to the voice over it was from Denver and Colorado was having wildfires. It seemed every time I saw news about Colorado either some idiot was shooting people or there was a major wild fire.

Then they cut to a scene on a beach. The waves were ferocious and you could see boats being thrown around. The voice over said that the footage was from Pensacola Florida, and the waves were being caused by cheating.

"Cheating?" I thought to myself. The lady on the TV said that TS Lizzy was tearing things up on the gulf coast. TS of course stands for Typical Slut. Everyone knows that. They cut to a picture of my wife displaying her shaved pussy. They said that she was bent on destroying men.

The weather guy with the pointer was Jay. He kept pointing to Lizzy's pussy and saying how hot and tight it was. "It was only sex, but look who the fool is," he said as it cut to a picture of me wearing a stupid fur coat in Alaska. The look on my face was pure stupidity.

They cut back to the studio to a laughing pair of anchor people. "What a boob!" said the female anchor as she was wiping tears from her eyes.

Her howling cohort said "Can you believe the moron didn't know? I think the next time he is out of town I'll go fuck her. I'll take her ass too." This brought fresh gales of laughter. As the anchors were doubling over holding their stomachs, Lizzy appeared on the screen.

"Hey baby, I just want you to know that it was only sex. I still want you. It's fun fucking around on a foooooooooooo..."

The long "o" sound just kept going. I realized the sound was coming from the TV. I had fallen asleep on the couch with Lucifer curled on my lap. Ginger and King lay on either side of me and Bubby had the easy chair to himself.

I blinked my eyes and saw the Emergency Alert symbol on the TV. The warning on the bottom said that a mandatory evacuation had been issued for certain areas. I watched as the list scrolled by alphabetically. I saw Keymah and Nassau on the list and knew Seabrook was going to be there.

I flipped to The Weather Channel and saw that Kate was 50 miles off of the coast and was taking almost an identical path to Ike. They predicted Kate would make landfall in four hours.

I knew that I had to get moving if I was going to get out alive. I quickly loaded the spare food supplies into my truck along with all of the dog food. I grabbed a duffel and threw a large amount of my clothes into it and threw it in the truck. I loaded Lucifer into his kennel and put it into my truck. We kept $5,000 in cash in a wall safe just in case we had to bug out; I left $100 in there.

Then I went upstairs to deal with the cheaters. They were both asleep. Lizzy was on the bed and had cum leaking out of her. I had to hand it to Jay, If I had taken a beating like that I am not sure I could have gotten it up. Jay was sleeping across the foot of the bed covered with the curtain Lizzy had been wrapped in last evening.

I knelt down and shook Lizzy awake.

"Lizzy listen. They have ordered our evacuation. You and fuck nuts over there are going to have to pull you shit together and get out of Dodge."

"Dodge? What? Where am I supposed to go? Please Carey I promise that I'll never fuck anyone again. Please let us stay together."

I chortled. "Not exactly what you should ask with fresh jizz running out of your fuck hole babe."

"That asshole fucked me while I was asleep!" She kicked Jay and he rolled off of the bed. "Damn it Carey I love you. I need you."

"Well you should have fucking thought of that before you spread for this douche bag. We're done. I can't even bear to look at you anymore."

"Well isn't that just great. First mistake I make and mister righteous can't handle it. Look babe; it was just sex. It was good sex. Not better than what we have but it was good."

"I'm no more righteous than the next guy," I said trying to keep my tone even. "But I do know what "forsaking all others" means. I do know that because I am lonely and on the road it isn't OK for me to go stick my cock into another woman's ass. You love me? You have a fucking strange ass way of showing it."

I could see the wheels turning. I didn't know what she was going to say next. Jay mumbled something and sat up.

"Carey, look I am damn sorry," Jay piped in. "Maybe she should let you go stick your cock in some girl's ass. She let me in hers."

Lizzy turned her head so fast I thought her neck would break. Then it dawned on me what he'd said.

"Oh. I see. Your fuck toy gets your ass. You never let me try it, nor did you ever shave your puss for me. Fuck you two I am out of here. Good luck I'll see you when Kate is passed." I turned for the door.

"I can't believe you are walking out on me because a little indiscretion. Boo hoo. He got to have my ass and you didn't. Waa. I had sex with him a few times. Did it hurt you? Did you even fucking notice? NO! The only problem here is you got your little male ego hurt. You're twice the man that Jay is Carey. Act like it."

"Fuck you!" I yelled. "You fucking know God damn good and well that if you had walked in here and found me fucking someone else you'd shit in Technicolor! And you," I said pointing at Jay. "How would you react if you walked in and caught me fucking Brandi?"

Hey. You wanna fuck Brandi? Go ahead, have at her. Once you've had her sad pathetic ass you'll see why I fu.." He didn't get to finish his statement before my fist connected with his head. He stumbled backwards and slumped in the corner.

"Oh macho man. You are a big tough guy. You hit a defenseless man just because he says something bad about his...You love her. Fucking admit it asshole! You love her but I am your property. You probably have already fucked her," Lizzy screeched.

"Lizzy you don't even know what the fuck you are talking about. You have no fucking clue what love means. Now I am leaving. I suggest you pricks do the same."

"You have to take me. I AM your wife. We will deal with this.."

"No you're not. My wife wouldn't fuck a classless piece of shit like him. You're just another whore that's passed through my life. We're done! There, I've dealt with it."

"He means nothing baby. I love you, not him," she whined.

"Let him go Lizzy," Jay piped in. "We don't need him. After this is all over you can soak him in the divorce and he'll pay for you to stay here and fuck me every day. He'll go to prison and his fucking mongrels will go to the pound!"

"Good luck with that." I said as I walked out of the room.

"Where am I supposed to go? Please take me with you. My car will never make it. You can't leave me here."

"Sorry, I only have room for my loyal companions. You have to deal with shit for brains over there. You ceased being my problem the moment you let him seduce you. But if you're wise, you'll head to your folks'. They'll be safe in Katy."

I called the dogs to me and headed down the stairs. I could hear Lizzy screaming at Jay trying to get him up and moving. By the time I was halfway downstairs the sound of the storm covered any sounds the fuckheads might be making.

I also noticed the heavy odor of gas in the house. I thought about warning the assholes upstairs no to turn on any lights, but figured they were grownups and could figure that out themselves. I had to get my dogs to safety.

The neighborhood was already a disaster area. Roofing materials and pool covers littered the street and large tree branches were strewn everywhere. I saw three houses that were on fire and a fourth that looked as if a bomb had gone off inside it.

The wind was really starting to scream as I got into the truck. I started out toward the freeway but there were three wrecks that had not been cleaned up so the feeders were impassible. I doubled back and headed into the teeth of the storm. I was afraid that I had waited too long. The wind blew the rain sideways and I was having a hard time holding the road. King whined from the back seat. I almost didn't see the large pecan tree falling into our path until it was too late.

* * * *

Next morning

The camera man stood at the ready as the make-up people primped the anchorman. "Can I get some sugar in my fucking coffee?" he asked a sad faced girl. She ran off of the set to do his bidding.

"I can't believe my grandmother's tree survived the storm," the blonde anchorwoman said to no one in particular.

"My orange trees got all fucked up," said the anchorman. "All of the debris around here is sure to keep the Mexicans.."

He was interrupted by a voice on from the booth, "OK we are live in 10, 9 .."

The voice stopped and a camera man held up five fingers and began counting down.

"I didn't even get my fucking...Good morning Dallas. I'm Rob Valentine and with me as always is the lovely Caroline Jennings."

"Sure was windy last night Rob."

"Yes it was Caroline. As you all know Hurricane Kate, or the remnants of the hurricane blew through town early this morning and is now wreaking havoc across Missouri and Arkansas. Caroline.."

"Yes Hurricane Kate is still going strong and spreading devastation across the southeast. For more we go to Skip McCallister in the Weather Center...Skip.."

The man in standing near the green screen suddenly looked fully awake. Moments before, he had appeared to be dozing.

"Thank you Rob, Caroline. Yes Kate is now back to tropical storm strength and she continues to weaken. But Kate packed a punch and was still pushing category one winds as she hit Dallas early this morning damaging trees and roofs. She was a category 4 storm last evening when she made land fall in Galveston and the southern parts of Houston still pushing 150 mile per hour winds. Danielle Bridge is now live in Houston."

The monitors all show a woman in a raincoat standing amongst piles of strewn lumber and fallen houses. "Thank you Skip. As you can see behind me the devastation is unspeakable. There are many areas right now that authorities will not allow anyone in to."