Betrayed Ch. 02

"I don't think that I can go back to the church, I feel that I have let them down in a big way."

"I don't expect you to go back without the way being cleared for you."

"What do you mean?"

"I will ask the church to allow me to make a statement admitting to allowing my anger to tarnish my reason, resulting in me making the decision to show the video without fully understanding the truth of the matter. This will give them the opportunity of deciding whether they are inclined to forgive you and allow you to continue. I think that it would be asking too much for them to let the situation to return to normal straight away, there may be some form of penance involved and you should accept that with great humility. Let's face it, your whole life depends on it."

"I suppose that you're right, but it will be hard."

"Now I'm prepared to do my bit but I need to be sure in my own mind that the incident on the video happened only once and that there are no other video's out there. Will you give that assurance?"

"It only happened once."

"And that you have not betrayed Mum with her or any other woman since then?"

"Yes, you have my assurance on that score."

"Good. Now, before I allow Mum to even think about going home with you I want your assurance that there will be no repetition of your assault on her. In return for that assurance she has agreed to not go ahead with having you charged you with assault."

"I promise never to lift a finger against her ever again."

"And to give your assurance to never again use emotional, or psychological, force against her."

"You have that assurance."

"Okay we have a starting point for negotiations. Let me make it perfectly clear that I will not be returning to live with you and Mum. You may come and visit me at my apartment after you have been accepted by the church as a pastor, and have shown Mum that you have mended your ways and are no longer a threat to her physical, emotional and psychological security. Do you understand and accept these conditions?"

"Yes."

"Good. Tomorrow I will contact the church and seek permission to speak to the congregation. I'll have to explain the reasons for my actions and probably give them an assurance that there will be no repetition. After I've spoken to them they will contact you and meet with you and outline the conditions under which you will be allowed to return. If I were you I wouldn't expect an easy ride, you'll have to earn their respect, just as you'll have to earn Mum's and my respect. Do you understand and accept these conditions?"

"Yes."

"Do you have any comments to make?"

"You have changed, I never expected to sit here and hear you speak in such a confident manner. There was a time, not that long ago, when this would have been unthinkable and, back then I wouldn't have let you speak to me in such a manner. But you have changed, and I now realise that I am also going to have to change, and I almost hate to admit it, but I might have to seek your advice on the changes that I'll have to make. I am proud of the woman that you've become despite me."

I met with the church Elders the next day and they gave permission for me to address the church. This left me just Friday and Saturday to prepare for it. It wasn't just what I was going to say that I needed to prepare, but a demonstration that involved Andrew would need some work. I left that up to him, I had to tell him what I was doing before he agreed to assist me and it took a little persuasion of the loving kind, actually it didn't take that persuasion, I just wanted to do it and he wasn't going to stop me.

I sat in the front row, where Father would normally have sat, while the opening concert took place followed by the video commercial that told all and sundry what the church had done in the past, was doing in the present, and planned to do in the future. As this drew to a close I rose from my seat and mounted the stage. I could hear the puzzled noises from the people in the auditorium. "Ladies and gentlemen, I have asked to be allowed to address you for a couple of reasons, not the least of which is that I was responsible for that video being broadcast on the screens last week. I apologise for the very nature of the video and my excuse is that I believed that I was justified in having it shown."

"You see I thought that two of the men that I thought that I could trust implicitly had betrayed that trust in a humiliating manner. I was angry, so angry in fact that I used that anger as justification for my actions. One man was my father and the other man I believed was my boss and a man well known in this church, Andrew Hudson." I pointed to the door at the back of the auditorium and Andrew walked in wheeling a wheelbarrow full of large stones that he emptied just in front of the stage. He mounted the stage and lifted a cut-out, courtesy of the store's Promotions Department, of my father and stood it in the centre of the stage. "I was so angry in fact that I forgot the teachings of Jesus and," I took the mike from its stand, stepped down from the stage and bent to pick up a stone, "and I cast the first stone." I threw the stone as hard as I could at the cut-out of my father, hitting it in the middle of his face, snapping its Styrofoam neck. His head fell to the floor bringing gasps from the audience. Andrew picked up his effigy and stood it up before running away from it as I hurled a stone at it, hitting him in the heart. "In my anger I metaphorically killed these two men."

I paused while this sunk in. "I have since learned the facts behind the video and I apologise unconditionally to the men involved. To my father, your Pastor, who has admitted that this was an indiscretion that happened before I was even born. He has repented that indiscretion and sought forgiveness from my Mum and from God. God we know has forgiven him, and my Mum likewise has forgiven him. To Andrew, the man I love, who, based on a momentary glance when I was very upset, I wrongly accused of participation in the making of this video. I have unreservedly apologised to him and he has accepted my apology."

"What I have learned from this is that we should not act without first getting the facts, and if we decide to act we must remember the teachings of Jesus. I invite any of you who is without sin to come forward and pick up a stone and throw it at me or one or both of these cut-outs." No-one took me up on the offer.

"For some little time now I have rebelled against some of the rules that my father has imposed on me, like what I should wear and how I should not have my hair cut. I rebelled to the extent that I moved out of home and have found my own apartment. I have also changed my appearance and, while I like how I now look, my father, because he thought that he was protecting me from the worldly body images that he thought are an abomination, got angry with me. We had words and I was humiliated by his reaction to the changes that I'd made. It was while I was still suffering from this humiliation that I first saw the video. I have never been so angry in my entire life and it was that anger that led to what you saw. I was wrong to let my anger spill over like that, to the point that I was incapable of rational thought. I was wrong to give in to the temptation to harm those that I thought had harmed me."

"My father and I have had a long discussion on these matters and he has conceded that, not withstanding my actions of last Sunday, my new look hasn't changed me as a person. He has agreed that I should keep this look." I struck a pose and moved my hands down my sides to display my new look. This brought a round of applause from the crowd. "He has also agreed that he should have had faith that I wouldn't change the way that I interact with other people, and I agreed that on this subject his teachings have taught me well. We are now getting on better than we have for a long time, although I'm not moving back home," I grabbed Andrew's hand. "I have a good reason for this decision." Another round of applause. "Before we leave the stage I'll invite my Mum to come up and say a few words."

Mum rose from her seat and, with head held high, stepped onto the stage. I handed her the mike.

"My friends, Ruth and I have had quite a few long discussions about what has transpired over the past few weeks and she has given me a new confidence in myself that I'd thought long dead. It is with this confidence that I am able to tell you about what has happened. Many years ago William was invited to attend a church conference. He was new to the ministry, it was before he came here, and relied on others to lead him in the right path. Unfortunately he was led astray and committed those acts that you witnessed last week. On his return home he confessed all to me and promised that it would never happen again. I accepted his confession and I am confident that he has kept his promise to me about a recurrence of the sins of the flesh of which he was guilty. On looking back I have come to realise that it was in that time of forgiveness that I conceived my beautiful daughter Ruth." More applause. "I have forgiven my husband and I ask that you forgive him as well. While I think that he truly repents his sins, I also think that there should be some sort of penalty, something like serving a probationary term as Associate Pastor before being restored to his role of Senior Pastor. If you agree to that proposal the church should begin immediately to seek out a suitable candidate."

"What about you, Ruth?" Someone in the front row shouted out. This brought on a chant of 'We want Ruth, we want Ruth.'

I stepped forward and held up my hand for silence. "While I'm flattered, I don't have the knowledge and skills to be a pastor, you will have to look elsewhere."

"I agree," Mum told them, "While I'm impressed at the change in Ruth, I agree that she is not ready for what you've proposed. Maybe in the future she might take that step, and if she does, I will support her whole heartedly." She put her arms around me and hugged me. "I am so proud of her." We left the stage and the service resumed.

The Elders contacted Father and several meetings were arranged to thrash out what would happen next. Mum went back home on the Tuesday and both of them had dinner with Andrew and I on Friday evening. After the meal, and as we sat around talking over cheese and coffee, Andrew asked father for permission to marry me. He had made no mention of his intentions and it caught me a little by surprise. "No way!" I cried.

"What do you mean no way, don't you want to marry me?"

"It's not that, you've really sprung it on me. I know that you want to marry me, I've known for a while, but the normal thing is to ask me first."

"We've been skirting the issue for days now and I got the impression that you were all for it, so I did what I did on impulse."

"Okay, you're forgiven, and I agree, I'll let you marry me."

We were all at church on Sunday and Father was right on his A game. "I have sinned! I have been led from the paths of righteousness by the temptations of the flesh! I am not proud of what I did those many years ago and for years I have lived in fear that my mistake would be discovered. Little did I know that the person who would bring this to your attention would be my own daughter. I fully understand why she did it and I deserved her wrath, for I have to admit I was very harsh when I admonished her for the change from what I perceived to be a pure young woman into a woman of the world. I was wrong to do that, not so much because she went against me in so doing, but because I didn't take into consideration her feelings. She has told me that for years she suffered the taunts and ridicule of the people of the world because of her appearance and I realise now that this is what has held her back from reaching her full potential as a woman. I was guilty of being over-protective, but that has changed and I am truly proud of the woman that she has become despite my best efforts."

"I too have been guilty of relying too heavily on those who I trusted. I was at a church conference and, as I was new to this church world I allowed myself to be led by those with more experience than me. It was one of those pastors who introduced me to that woman and encouraged me to forsake the vows that I made to my wife before God and succumb to the temptations of the flesh. I was not aware that this episode was being filmed and that film was to be release so that voyeuristic perverts around the world could witness my shame. I was wronged be someone I thought I could trust and was lured into the perfumed den of a harlot."

"From this I learned a lesson, and that was just how easy it is to yield to the temptations of the flesh. It took a stronger man than I was at the time to withstand the powers of temptation, so I learned that I should support those who repent of their sins of the flesh and help them to regain the paths of righteousness. I have done this on many occasions and the men and women that I have counselled have seen the error of their ways and returned to a blameless life."

"I am no better than any one of you, nor do I hold myself to be better than you. I am not a paragon of virtue, nor do I expect you to be one. All that I ask, all that God asks of me and you is that we try, sincerely try, to live the virtuous life that is favourable in his eyes."

"Knowing what you now know of me I do not expect you to say; 'He is human after all,' and all will be forgiven, and then we can all get on with our lives, our church lives, as if none of this happened. I fully expect to have to perform some form of penance before I am allowed to walk amongst you again as your Senior Pastor. I willingly submit myself to the will of the people. If it requires me to fall on my sword, then so be it. If it requires me to serve a time working with those less fortunate than you and I, the homeless and destitute of this city, then so be it."

"Ladies and gentlemen, my future is in your hands, and whatever I am required to do I will do with a fullness of heart. I bow my head before you and commit myself to my fate."

He stood with bowed head as the audience reacted, at first hesitantly and then enthusiastically. Mum mounted the stage and hugged him before leading him to his seat.

The church Elders reacted as he'd expected, his penance was to serve under another Pastor for a period of three months and, if his record remained unblemished, he would be welcomed back as their Senior Pastor. They even began to organise the re-ordination ceremony as if it was a foregone conclusion.

Andrew had to go home to his house that afternoon because Celia had rung and asked him to. She insisted that he go alone and that concerned me. We well along with the planning for our wedding, Father would officiate, and I had thoughts of something happening that would upset our plans.

He arrived home with a worried look on his face. I knew that something was very wrong and I hugged him. "What is it? What has happened?"

"I want you to ask your father where he spent Sunday night two weeks ago, and every night until your Mum returned home?"

"What do you mean?"

"If he tells you he spent those nights at home he's lying to you. He spent them with Celia. I didn't know about it until she told me all about it last night. They have been lovers on and off ever since that video was made and he ran to her when it looked like his life as he knew it was going down the gurgler. He checked his voice mail by phone so that he could answer calls and keep appointments, but he and Celia have been at it big time."

"You're sure of this, are you? I don't want to go running off and causing all sorts of problems unless I'm absolutely sure of the facts. Look what happened the last time."

"She has sworn out a Stat Dec (Statutory Declaration, same as Deposition) to that effect. It seems that now he's been forgiven by the church thanks to you, he doesn't want to slip up again, so he dumped her, and you of all people know what happens when a woman gets angry with a man. Hell hath no fury etc."

"Talk about being betrayed. I trusted him when he told me that it only happened the once, I believed him and told the church that, and they believed me. What do I do now?"