Better as a Memory

I don't know how many other guys have been there, but when your dream girl starts jerkin your gherkin you get happy too quick and its over quicker than it should be. The issue at the time was that I was really embarrassed about cumming so quickly so I didn't go any further. Looking back I can see how I could have just made out for a few minutes and then continued again when I got hard, but instead

I felt ashamed so I pretended to be asleep.

Closing my eyes I thought that I could make up for it tomorrow and that this was just the beginning. So I ended up learning some lessons that day, as she was pretty cold and standoffish. She wouldn't tell me what was wrong and I was too naïve to realize the issues that had occurred. I went back to school and we kept writing and emailing but the same closeness we had shared at the beach just wasn't there. I didn't know what I'd done wrong, and it would bother me for a while.

Over the next year we continued on as before. Writing, talking, hanging out a lot. The sun still rose and set with her. Even when something would happen that would frustrate me, I wouldn't say anything. Like the time I drove back home for her 21st birthday because she told me that no one was around to celebrate it, only to find out that she'd invited a bunch of people out that night. I probably should have said something, but instead I had two drinks with them and then drove back to school.

Marie continued to date different guys on and off. Of course I got to hear all about how wrong they were and how they didn't appreciate her. They didn't get her like I did. By this point I was starting to understand that there was a routine involved.

I had finally gotten to the point where I could go out with someone else and have a good time instead of obsessing about her. I hadn't really gathered much other experience, so some of the conversations with women were interesting. I learned that if a women is considered easy she can be easily overwhelmed if you treat her with kindness and respect. Holding doors, lending a hand, being polite throws people for a loop, especially when you don't ask for anything in return.

I also learned that if a woman asks you her name after you have just got your cock sucked for the first time in your life and you can't remember her name, the correct answer is that you can't even remember your own because it felt so good. She told me her name and then she told me she had a boyfriend so that stopped that fun.

But still, she had an amazing mouth that could put a Hoover to shame.

That summer I had to do two training activities, so I was busy most of the summer. I had to do some school training and then I got a chance to go on an overseas annual training with my Guard unit, which ended up being of the best trips I've even been on. I didn't get laid on either trip, but they provided a lifetime of great stories and I met some great friends.

After I got back we had planned to get together before I headed back to school, but Marie had called me at the last minute and told me that she had gotten called into work. I understood the work commitment, it happens, so I went out for a run instead, and who would I see at a stop light clearly not dressed to go to work? We weren't dating, but she wasn't dating the guy in the jeep either. It really hurt to know that she had blown me off to go hang out with another guy.

I did what any red-blooded American man would do. I hung out with friends in low places. Even though they were both into weed, they were very cool with me not joining them, though they did introduce me to one of the staples of bad decision making, jello shots. For the uninitiated, the right way to make jello shots is to put in a metric fuck ton (scientific measurement) of vodka in multiple different flavors of jello mix. Their plan was to go to a concert the next day and sell the jello shots in the parking lot. They weren't going in, they just wanted to make some money in addition to their side street chemist (aka drug dealing) enterprise.

So while I helped them make their jello shot product they had me taste them. Jello shots themselves do not have too much alcohol in them relatively speaking. The problem comes up when you are doing dozens of them in a sitting because you can't taste the alcohol. Cell phones were just starting to come out, so I'm already living on Planet Feeling Really Good and I'm about three shots from being on Planet Fucked so of course I make a call. And who do I decide to call?

That's right, I called Leigh. And why would I do that? Looking in my wayback machine I could see how it could be considered a shot towards Marie but that wasn't the case. Leigh, and even Sue, are two of the nicest and sweetest people that I've even known. They would do anything for anyone and they would have both made as fine of a wife to me as they are to their husbands these days. They are just generally very nice people. And as a bonus, they both have nice big boobs and there is nothing better for relaxing than playing with a nice girl's breasts.

So I've called her and she lives nearby, so we hang out together. I'm clearly on Planet Fucked at this point, so I'm not my normally reserved self, and I'm much more along the lines of a typical guy my age. I have blank spots of the night, but I do remember two distinct parts, one with Leigh sucking on my cock and the other her trying to ride me. But of course this would be another step in the evolution of my sexual education as I got to learn about whiskey dick. That's right boys and girls, I was too shitfaced to be able to get hard and no matter how hard anyone tried I wasn't going to be able to perform.

Leigh was nice about it to my face, but I got to learn another quick lesson about women. They talk. And when they share the same best friend, you know what it is going to happen. And where was I when Marie found out that I'd slept with Leigh? Or, attempted to? Yup, she found outa couple of days later when we're out together on our way to watch a movie.

I didn't sleep with Leigh to get back at Marie. I just enjoyed Leigh's company because she was fun to be around, but I knew she was looking to stay in our hometown to be with her family and that wasn't what I was looking for. That was actually the last time I talked with Leigh face to face. I've always been a very private person, so I've never told anyone whom I've slept with (except now to you fine people) because that wasn't anyone's business but the girl I was with and mine. I understand why Leigh told Sue and then why Sue told Marie, but it still pissed me off that my business was out there for the world to see. That Leigh gave an honest assessment of my awful performance never bothered me because it was true, just talking about it at all didn't sit right with me. Omerta is still a way of life for me.

At this point my readers (both of you, so thanks for being here) are in either one of two camps. One group is in the "oh my god, he's dead because she's going to kill him" group. This group likely includes people with limited experience and/or those who married their high school sweetheart. The other group consists of women who are honest with themselves and guys who realize that the Jack Nicholson line of how he writes women is true: "I think of a man and I take away reason and accountability."

What Padawan Joe learned from this incident is that women most desire you when you are desired by another woman. If another woman wants you then obviously there is something interesting about you that she just starts seeing for the first time. She didn't say this to me at the time as she seemed to want to collect her thoughts so she wrote to me as I went back to school. So while she told me how hurt she was because she had been starting to get feelings for me again, I could start to see that those feelings were directly related to what had happened, so while I felt bad, it wasn't as heartbreaking as it was beforehand. She also told me how Sue had asked Marie why is it that Marie didn't want me for herself but she got angry when someone else did?

We talked and wrote afterwards. Marie and Sue even came to visit me at school during a parents weekend. She would later say she was embarrassed because when she looked out of the window next to my bed she saw my parents looking back at her. She had no reason to be embarrassed as we hadn't done anything other than hangout. We didn't even kiss, we just had a nice time. She only wanted me as a friend and that is what we did.

I started to date more and it was an interesting learning experience. I had female "friends" at school. Sausage U didn't have many, but there were a few. A friend of mine introduced me to his girlfriend's roommate and we dated for a bit. Let's just call her MSR. It turned out that MSR was roommates with another friend of mine as well. MSR was super cute but saying she was easy would be a slight understatement. Maybe she got zapped by the Martian Slut Ray and that is what caused her to fuck another guy while we were on a date together at a party. Yup, she fucked another guy while on a date with me. I even knew the guy. I was talking with a friend of mine and when we were done with the chat I found out that I'd been locked out of the room and they were going to town.

He called me up afterwards an apologized saying that he didn't know I was with her. I told him it was cool and I bought him a beer. Why was it cool? Because I had learned something else from my friend who had hooked me up with MSR when he apologized for her behavior. Thankfully, I hadn't slept with her yet. It seemed that she had a little social disease that starts with H and ends with Erpes. I'll let you figure out which one. So I bought the other guy a beer the next time I saw him so he got a beer, laid and a venereal disease, I got a clean bill of health and she got to go fuck herself. Fair deal all around.

Two months from graduation and things went downhill for me quickly. I'd been involved in some stuff at school that the school didn't like and they had found out so they tried to kick me out, but I left on my own so it didn't show up in my records. Nothing illegal and the next school didn't care, but it was a big deal for Sausage so I was out. Telling my parents I'd shit away a $100,000 education could have been a really uncomfortable conversation, but my Uncle decided that was the perfect day to have a heart attack and die, so my parents were surprising cool with my issues once I told them that I had a plan for where I was going next, and I was already working with the school to get in. It would end up being fortuitous because my dad's National Guard unit got activated and deployed so I was able to be home with my mom while he was gone.

During this time I didn't see much of Marie. We'd hang out every now and then, but she was pretty busy with work, her own school and other stuff, and I was overloaded with classes so I could finish my degree by Christmas and with my own Guard unit's training there just wasn't much free time.

One of the time's that we did get together was when Sue, Marie and I went to visit some friends of mine at a nearby school. Drinking way too much we were pretending to be pirates and yelling "arrrh" to each other. Marie went for walk with a friend of mine who was the biggest womanizer that I know and I didn't take it well. In fact, I was pissed off and even threw a beer in their direction. That they were over 300 feet away and couldn't see me through the trees didn't make it better. I was not happy in the least and I was visibly pissed at her to the point where Sue was asking if I was ok.

I talked to my buddy afterwards and he told me what they had talked about. He'd tried to talk me up to her but he told me things that I already knew, she only wanted me as a friend. Even today I'm still embarrassed for how I acted that night. I realized that I was getting out of control and that I had to take better care of myself so I focused on getting school done with minimal distractions.

I was able to quickly get the credits I needed so I could get my commission and graduate. I spent very little time with her over those few months to the point where I didn't even invite her to the party. Yes, I was being childish. She found out about it and asked me about a month or two afterwards why I didn't invite her. I blatantly informed her that she had expressed repeatedly that she had no physical or emotional interests and that I was respecting her wishes and getting ready to leave next month. I wanted to let her focus on her own life and relationships. It wasn't fair to any of her boyfriends that she had a close friend who was as handsome as I am (my grandma tells me it all of the time so it must be true right?).

For all of you guys out there who were like me and couldn't see what was about to happen, let this be a teaching moment for you. One of the best ways to get a girl to like you as more than a friend after you've been friends for a while is to give her what she wants. She says she just wants to be friends then tell her you agree and then treat her like an actual friend and not your pseudo-girlfriend. She doesn't get anything special that you wouldn't give to another person. No flowers, no changing your schedule to fit their schedule. And then you get see if they were playing games or if they were serious. Either way, listen to what they say and then do your thing.

So Valentine's comes along and she is between boyfriends, with boyfriends, with Bigfoot, who knows. She subtly mentions that she doesn't have a date for the day but that she doesn't want to do the normal single girl "let's have a boycott Valentine's Day because we don't have a date" party. So I ask her to dinner just as a friend, being a nice guy because I know I'm on the road next month and gone. I go to her parents' house to pick her up (yup, finally got my license) and I'm hanging out with her parents for a bit while I wait for her to finish getting ready. Her parents love me. They would probably adopt me because I was always super polite to them without the Eddy Haskell insincerity. They were both pretty successful in their career fields without losing their down-home personalities.

The best way I can describe her coming downstairs is that it reminds me of thatShe's All That when Rachael Leigh Cook walks down the stairs. She looked gorgeous and I'm sure I looked like a guppy trying to breath looking at her. We got to a nice place where I'd made a reservation. It is out of the normal way so it is pretty empty even on Valentine's Day. We drank some wine and talked. It was the best conversation that we'd had in a long time. No stress on my part, just relaxing and enjoying time with her in the romantic candlelight. After dinner was over I drove her to her parents' house and then went home. Didn't even try to kiss her, just a "Thanks, had a nice time."

Later that night she sent me a text and told me how much she enjoyed the evening. She said how she would miss me when I was gone and asked when I was coming back to visit. I told her the truth, I wasn't planning on coming back and I would instead focus on my career. This of course made her a bit sad but she asked if I could come over the next night and watch a movie.

So the next night I rented the movieEmpire staring John Leguizamo. This is my proof that this is all real, as who actually remembers this crappy movie unless they have a story to go with it?

Her parents were watching TV in the living room so Marie and I went into the backroom to watch it on the smaller TV. The tinier room that is a bit secluded in the back of the house, perfect. The movie sucks, if I recall correctly there was some drug stuff in it, blah blah, who cares what's going on on the screen when the girl you've been dreaming of is riding up and down on your cock. In no way was this romantic other than two people who put this off as long as humanly possible, just needing to physically enjoy each other's body. This is still one of the best memories of my life, even if it does have the sound of Sid the Sloth fromIce Age to it.

I didn't stay the night, but I came over the next evening, but no fooling around since her parents had decided that they were going to take the back room. We thought we were slick the night before, but obviously not. It does go to show you that her parents did like me because I wasn't met with her dad's shotgun.

We did get together a few more times before I started my drive to my course. She was pretty broken up that I was going away, and while I would miss her, I'm just not an overly emotional person to begin with, so it wasn't as bothersome to me. Marie and Sue did take me out to dinner for some fake Italian food and they did get me a nice St. Christopher medal.

Marie and I hadn't really talked about if we were a couple or , so I was kind of confused. I knew I was going to be focused on work so I didn't really mind the ambiguity.

We said goodbye and I headed South. I was going to stop off and visit a pair of friends of mine and crash there for the evening. This was right at the same time that the Iraq War kicked off, so we watched on TV as they crossed the berm into Iraq and began the war. I ended up staying with a female friend of mine who was also dating a friend of mine who was currently crossing into the Iraq desert. She seemed to have her own special friend on the side who decided to stop by her apartment, not knowing that I was there when he stopped by for what was clearly a booty call. I teased her about it since I knew her boyfriend had previously done something similar and I turned down her kind advances despite her magnificent breasts that somehow magically defied gravity despite their size. I also got a chance to hang out with my womanizer buddy who was down there for his own school. While I got along well with both of them, they hated each other with a passion, which was funny because they had a lot in common with all of the extra fun they were having when their boyfriend and girlfriend weren't around.

There isn't much to say about the training. I'd done similar things before so it wasn't new. We got most of the weekends off which was great. Marie and I wrote and talked all of the time. Being gone had made a difference in how open she had become with me. We started having some serious discussions about what was going on with us and what our futures held. We talked about what she wanted out of life and what my life would be like for the next few years until my contract was up. When the end of the training is going to lead to a deployment you tend to move quicker than you normally would in most circumstances. This is a long tradition from the Civil War, to WWI, to WWII, Korea, Vietnam and today. Couples in the military move quicker because they aren't promised tomorrow so they try to make the best of today.

I bought the ring and I flew up to ask her father for his permission to ask for his daughter's hand. Yup, gotta ask her dad. I visited him at work but you could tell that he clearly knew what was going to happen as he couldn't have been nicer about it. I still smile when I'm home and I drive by the building where it happened even though he has long since retired. Just a great guy.

I proposed on a hill that overlooks the town. You can see for miles so the lights of the nearby city provided a romantic backdrop as I asked her to marry me while plagiarizing Act 5 ofHenry the V. I thought it sounded cool and I'm sure she wasn't paying attention to anything I said anyway.

I flew back down and continued training while she went back to her own work. I'd fly up every weekend to see her or she would fly down to see me. We set a date for later in the year when I would be done with some of my other training and she could finish off work. Since we wouldn't have time for a honeymoon we decided to take a four-day holiday down to Disney.